Straight talk...I mean gay talk

[thehayesman]

I haven't posted in a while. I have been dating around and coming out to more friends. My family knows but only my brother accepts my orientation, mainly because he is gay. This will be ironic later.

I just finished a relationship with a good guy. It only lasted a couple months but we were compatible and truly fell in love I believe. Well, I was his first relationship and being Catholic he still had not completely wrestled with how a gay relationship fits into his faith. Thus, he broke up with me as I might have predicted.

I am hurt right now because I truly loved him and saw a future. We had good times together, saw the fireworks downtown on the 4th and he wrote me a playlist of songs to think of him every day he was gone when he traveled out of the country to visit his home.

It was I who kept things "realistic" when he pushed to have me call him "boyfriend" and wanted to shower together with all that comes with it. I am willing to accept and respect his decision that this relationship was hurting his relationship with God. Its not so for me. I believed we sharpened each other and that he brought me closer to Christ.

I don't want to be angry. He still wants to be friends later, so he wrote. I would like that and I pray for him. God revealed I should after I got a few days through and could think of him with a little less pain.

This is a long post for me. The question in my mind and why I am writing here is this. Why is it so hard for people to talk about gay relationships? I need some comfort from friends and family now but even my brother who is gay is not really comfortable just talking openly about our relationship experiences. Friends support me but they shy away from discussing it. I think that gays and lesbians have a lot of trouble because they cannot share their joys and pains so freely as our straight friends. At least I do. I am strong enought to hold things in and processing them myself but suffering in silence is very lonely.


Does anyone else have the same experience? Thanks for being an outlet even though we are online so even here we are not risking as much as we say we are in being "open" and "out."

 

[TheSpanishHeart]

You know, I feel the same way.

I'm Catholic, and I have a boyfriend online. I know that the catholic/christian way is to not be gay, but I can't believe that. If I believed that then it would mean that I was essentially doomed since birth. I don't think I chose this lifestyle --- secretly eyeing guys. I don't know if it was upbringing or genetics. I think that it all happens for a reason. I think that if I'm gay, it's becuase God made me that way.

Even though my boyfriend and I had a little trouble recently (afterall, no relationship is perfect), I thank god that I have him every day, and I pray for him every day. Will the relationship last forever? Probably not, as it's long distance, but he's all I've got, and I love him.

People don't talk openly about being gay becuase it just hasn't made that transition from being a social taboo yet. For the longest time, talking openly about sex was a taboo, and was not ever spoken of, unless in private or perhaps by a professional. Look how that changed now! I can't even turn on the TV without picking up all kinds of sexual signals! It's not just em either, these are really obvious! The whole gay thing just hasn't emerged yet. One day it will be just as common to talk openly about being gay as it is to talk about sex. Society just insn't ready to handle that kind of "openness" yet.

 

[drhladnjak]

To thehayesman: It can be difficult to discuss these issues with straight people. Considering that you were raised in the same household and surrounding area, your brother's difficulty may stem from his own insecurities and discomfort about being gay and open about it. The solution is to make other gay or gay-friendly friends who are more comfortable with talking about such things. Unfortunately, I suspect that's hard to come by in most devoutly religious circles.

To TheSpanishHeart: Regarding your last paragraph, it really depends where you live. Where I live and work, it's not taboo and is very common for gay people to talk about their lives with friends and coworkers, regardless of their sexuality. Unfortunately, things are very different in many of the more conservative parts of this country (and world).

 

[MarioTwin]

I always feel the same way. I feel like I have NOBODY to talk to when I am having a problem in my relationship. Or if I am confused about something. I just dont see anyone of my friends that I would feel comfortable with sharing a conversation about the type of thing. I feel lonely because of it and just try and shut down the problem all togather (Yeah i know healthy right?).

 

[lucius]

The Church says that it isn't sinful to be gay, but that it is sinful to commit gay acts.

Kinda defeats the purpose of being gay....LOLz!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Why is it so hard for people to talk about gay relationships?

A lesbian friend sort of put it in perspective for me early on. She said, "When straight people talk about the people they're dating, other straight people take it in stride. When gay people talk about the people they're dating, straight people apparently can't help picturing them having gay sex." I don't know how true this is, but I've at least seen signs of it.

Lex

 

[conrad]

For what it may be worth to you, please understand that I know that things have changed in the world of our thinking on sex, but, just maybe the thoughts of an older person might stir some helpful discussion. Let me say that this "old" man is a very happy person who is still amazed at what a happy journey I have had into what I call "the fullness of my sexuality. I tell myself that it wasn't just luck, I think I may have done more than a few things right.
Yes, I grew up in an environment which was heavy on religion. My parents may have been conservative in their thinking but they were also very wise in that they did not attempt to micromanage the lives of their children. We were expected to become responsible persons. I soon discovered that I was free from the many do and don'ts that others smarted from. In so many ways I was different from my brothers and sisters, but I was constantly being reassured by my parents and later by my teachers that it was alright to be different. How different I was surprised even me.
When I had just turned fifteen, I began a friendship with the new guy in town and for two years we enjoyed the privacy we had at his home and in due course were bonded in friendship that became sexual. It all came as a surprise to both of us because this was a side of our sexuality which we had never considered before. We never stopped thinking of ourselves as anything but regular guys. Before I finally met the person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with, the dear lady who has been my wife for many years, I had four other long term (two years or more) relationships with two ladies and two gentlemen and all of them are still my dearest friends. I have never cheated on any partner. I don't think this was all just a matter of luck. In other areas of life I was somehow conditioned by home, school, and yes, the church to have an openness to the opportunities which most often came a surprises. Relationships, most of which never became sexual, are I think the thing that makes life worth living. No man (or woman) is an island...and it is as one moves out of self into relationship one becomes aware of one's true self. The sex was always a wonderful part of the relationships because it was prompted by the relationships and was a confirmation of the bonds that had already been created between us and seemed natural and right. And, that was true for the "gay' and the "straight" parts of my sexual journey.

 

[Lube]

Where I live and work, it's not taboo and is very common for gay people to talk about their lives with friends and coworkers, regardless of their sexuality.

Same here. Most people just don't care. But then I don't hang around with a lot of conservative people.

There are certainly many gay men who don't have a clue about what sacrifices and compromises you have to make in a real relationship. Find ones that do understand that. It certainly sounds like you do.

 

[thehayesman]

Thanks guys. I know things have changed alot, probably my own insecurities come in to play with my friends.

And Lube, you're right, I do.

~blessings

 

[Caeth]

I think the difficulty talking about relationships stems from your religious conservative upbringing and environment rather than being gay. I actually have the opposite experience- everyone finds it so easy to talk about relationships (and sex) that you know every little detail sometimes ha. And it sucks not to able to talk about it...so I guess it's great that you can at least post here.

It also doubly sucks that religion took away your boyfriend =/

 

[Txgoodoldboy]

Why is it so hard for people to talk about gay relationships?

Maybe, if you set up the conversation different. Start out by saying this is what is worrying you. And that is what you want to discuss. Be specific. Let them know that they will not be solving your problem, but you are looking for input and compassion. But don't beat a dead horse.