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Stuck in a Straight Rut

T

thedaredevil

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Just want some advice on what to do next...:cry: :cry: :cry:

I sorta came out in my early twenties. What I meant was that I was doing the gay thing, going to the gay bars and dating the gay men. Everything was cool. I am now in my early thirties and I feel like I went back into the closet. As I climbed higher and higher on the corporate ladder (Senior Management in a big corporation), I think I slipped back into the closet slowly over time due to what I am not sure? Maybe, being found out... but I never really cared before. Most of my friends that were gay moved away after university. My best female friend moved away for business. I still have some good gay friends but we do not get together as often as I like. Anyways, I used to be very comfortable with my sexuality but recently, I have been stuck in a rut. I am not sure how to get out of it. I know... I know... It is partially my fault. I should pick my ass up and try to meet new people. I guess it is too hard to just meet people for friendship or more. Usually, they want to jump your bones or something. I am a pretty decent guy who works out 4-5 times aweek, 5 sessions aweek of Karate, and hanging out with my buddies on my days off which takes up most of my free time to meet someone new on top of my 45 hrs work week. I like to travel so I get to meet new and interesting people but not from my home town.

So any good advices???

p.s. Thanks! but I am not looking for any sarcastic advices...

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#1
Most of life's little miracles are self-engineered.

#2
Draw a clear line between your business persona and your private persona. Hang out with your buddies from work 1-2 days a week and not more. Chewing on the good, ole' stories is only so much worth. There are other things you want to do, too.

#3
Start dating again. You have got to do all the footwork, too. All the nine yards. Being cute and smart and even good-looking is all fine. Unless you take some initiative, no one really qualified is going to come knocking at your door.

#4
Never take your work and career into your dating. For the starters, a good line is always, 'Yeah, I work and it pays the bills'.

#5
Pray for your proper bit of good luck, too.

SC
 
Try doing something that doesn't totally focus on sex or relationships like joining a club (sports oriented is good) with a gay or gay-friendly membership or doing volunteer work with an organization focusing on AIDS/HIV, gay community or gay youth.
 
If you're in Senior Management you must have developed 'transferable skills' - in your position I would start researching gay-friendly companies with the goal of shifting sideways into employment with a company where homosexuality was valued rather than ignored.

The other angle on this is that if you're working 45 hours a week then your work/leisure balance is out of whack. Look for ways to work smarter so that you can reduce in-office time. Could you, for example, work 4 ten-hour days and have a 3-day weekend which would give you the chance to stay overnight out of town?

It's usual in one's early-thirties either to initiate a major change in direction (new relationship/new job/new country etc) or to entrench and consolidate in your current position accepting that this is the way it'll be from now on.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
 
You've been out once already, so it sounds like you don't have any problem with guilt/shame issues. I think at this point you just have to re-motivate yourself.

As for work, the best thing in the long run is to come out, but if you can't bring yourself to do that, there are plenty of ways to meet guys discreetly.

You say you have gay friends -- why not let them know you'd like to be fixed up? Or at least be invited to their parties.

And in nearly every city there's at least one bar where you're not going to bump anybody who isn't there for the same purpose.
 
I can't believe you are senior management and yet don't have the necessary analytical skills to solve a straightforward problem like this? You have identified a solution: now send out a memo and get the worker bees to make it happen for you.
 
I just want to thank you all for the sound advices. It seems like Slobone hit a spot. Maybe, I really need to re-motivate myself into taking more of an active role in my life. I need to take action and see where it will lead me. I do meet some new people ocassionally but I am never motivated enough to go out with them. The last realtionship took alot out of me and I have since healed and gotten past that. What I need is someone who can share my life's long dreams and enjoy my company in bed too. I am good at managing people just not my personal life. It is easy to do when it is not your life. Anyways, I will definitely take all the good advices to heart and hope for the best.

I got one more question???

I am 30'ish, 5' 9", 150 lbs, in excellent karate shape, loves sports ( Tennis, Basketball, Rollerblading and the Great Outdoors), likes to laugh at myself and others, wicked sense of humor, well educated, crazy about sex and very much a dog lover. p.s. kick ass poker player!

Please tell me there is still hope for me...

Are there any similar guys into the same thing in Vancouver, Canada???

(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:
 
thedaredevil said:
I just want to thank you all for the sound advices. It seems like Slobone hit a spot. Maybe, I really need to re-motivate myself into taking more of an active role in my life. I need to take action and see where it will lead me. I do meet some new people ocassionally but I am never motivated enough to go out with them. The last realtionship took alot out of me and I have since healed and gotten past that. What I need is someone who can share my life's long dreams and enjoy my company in bed too. I am good at managing people just not my personal life. It is easy to do when it is not your life. Anyways, I will definitely take all the good advices to heart and hope for the best.

I got one more question???

I am 30'ish, 5' 9", 150 lbs, in excellent karate shape, loves sports ( Tennis, Basketball, Rollerblading and the Great Outdoors), likes to laugh at myself and others, wicked sense of humor, well educated, crazy about sex and very much a dog lover. p.s. kick ass poker player!

Please tell me there is still hope for me...

Are there any similar guys into the same thing in Vancouver, Canada???

(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:
Click to expand...

Nope, dude. I know for sure, you are THE ONLY ONE.
















K, I was jus' kiddin':p :p :p :p :p :p


Go and get them tiger. You are not sufficiently motivated? Gee, you'll be alone tonight in your bed.

SC
 
Is there a gay Karate Club in your city?

Not a bad place to start.
 
thedaredevil said:


I am 30'ish, 5' 9", 150 lbs, in excellent karate shape, loves sports ( Tennis, Basketball, Rollerblading and the Great Outdoors), likes to laugh at myself and others, wicked sense of humor, well educated, crazy about sex and very much a dog lover. p.s. kick ass poker player!

Please tell me there is still hope for me...

Are there any similar guys into the same thing in Vancouver, Canada???
Click to expand...

JUB has a meet people forum now:

G rated:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=85

X rated:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
 
thedaredevil said:
I just want to thank you all for the sound advices. It seems like Slobone hit a spot. Maybe, I really need to re-motivate myself into taking more of an active role in my life. I need to take action and see where it will lead me. I do meet some new people ocassionally but I am never motivated enough to go out with them. The last realtionship took alot out of me and I have since healed and gotten past that. What I need is someone who can share my life's long dreams and enjoy my company in bed too. I am good at managing people just not my personal life. It is easy to do when it is not your life. Anyways, I will definitely take all the good advices to heart and hope for the best.

I got one more question???

I am 30'ish, 5' 9", 150 lbs, in excellent karate shape, loves sports ( Tennis, Basketball, Rollerblading and the Great Outdoors), likes to laugh at myself and others, wicked sense of humor, well educated, crazy about sex and very much a dog lover. p.s. kick ass poker player!

Please tell me there is still hope for me...

Are there any similar guys into the same thing in Vancouver, Canada???

(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:(!) :gogirl: (!) :gogirl:
Click to expand...


Are you new to Vancouver?

works out 4-5 times aweek, 5 sessions aweek of Karate, you should have met many ppl able to become friends. Based on your description, you are a dating material. Perhaps if you don't aim too high of your potential partners, you can meet plenty of gay friends.
 
Thanks for the many suggestions...

Sadly to say, Vancouver unlike other cities does not have a big enough gay population to have a gay Karate club which is a big negative. Imagine hot hunky boys who can do martial arts. But, we do have a gay tennis league which can be interesting. Anyways, I think I must make the effort to go out and meet people before I become a hermit in the closet. Expand my worldly sense of being. LOL

Cheers and thanks!!!

:=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D::=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D: :=D:
 
There IS a great gay hockey league and a great gay baseball league.

I know there's a gay bowling league and I think even a gay wresting club in Vancouver.

Grab a copy of Xtra West and see what you can find in there.
 
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