Stuck in the closet :-(

[G-Lexington]

I've got MSN, which is Yahoo-compatible, but not AOL, I don't think. Send me a private message (click on my name to the left, and pick "private message") if you've got either of those, and you don't mind talking to a guy in his 30s.

Lex

 

[luminum]

I'm rarely on AIM, but you can find my screen name on my userpage if you ever want to talk.

 

[drhladnjak]

Keep in mind that coming out is not an all or nothing endeavor. Perhaps it's time for you to come out to your parents and some close friends, while publicly staying in the closet. Lots of pro-athletes have done this in the past with fair success.

 

[screwnutty]

Hey Sk8!

I think you made a smart move by joining JUB before you did anything. There's tons of guys on here and alot of them well not pro like yourself are still in the same situation as you. Talk to them or post your thoughts about gay stuff in threads. Don't worry if it's been asked before or if it sounds stupid. That's what where here for...to support each other.

As for your sponsors....their your sponsors and you know them best! If you think they will drop you then I won't not risk doing it. You stand a chance to lose too much from fans, merchandise to royalties too. As for those skating events...well there just like a red neck barn raising. Those people are not to kindly to folks who are different. Hell, I think you'd find more love from a bible thumper!

 

[Ninja108]

I'm here if you ever want to talk. And remember, come out when you feel when it's right for you, not what anyone else says. And remember..you aren't alone.. you have all of us here to talk to

 

[NickCole]

I hope you find some comfort through IMing and "talking" with other gay men on the Internet, but you are settling for so little when you could have a full life. It's not 1907, it's 2007 and there are a lot of out gay men living life on their terms and making a good living at the same time. Maybe you'll continue to chose to live in the closet, but being out is not as impossible an option as you seem to think.

You're essentially accepting a support group situation when you could be in actual relationships.

Obviously it's your life and you're the one who'll live with the results of your decisions. But you've chosen which information to post about yourself and asked for advice so here's mine.

It's probably time you ended your professional relationship with your parents. It isn't healthy to begin with and at this point it's damaging your ability to grow up and own your own life. You ought to hire professional management, and if your parents need financial assistance and you're in a position to provide it, by all means do that. But frankly even that is off -- at the ages you and your parents are, parents support children not the other way around. They should be your parents, not your management, not your bosses, not your employees, not your financial responsibility unless they're incompetent which it sounds like they're not. I'm not saying they don't care about you or that they shouldn't be involved in your career or life, I'm saying the set-up is unhealthy for you and for your relationship with your parents and others. Your parents should be your parents and your management team should be working for you on your terms.

Secondly, while your income may drop if you come out of the closet, it's a mistake to look at that as a one-dimensional situation. There's a lot involved in a successful life and a certain level of income is only one element. There's a lot I don't know about your life, or your business, and you may have perfectly good reasons for remaining in the closet so you can pursue certain ambitions. But just as a rule of thumb --I've been around a while and seen how people's choices play out-- generally speaking it's a mistake to make life altering decisions based on money once we're able to take care of our essentials.

You are 18 years old and you say you're a successful skater. You ought to be exploring genuine relationships, excited at the threshold of the rest of your life. Hiding in a closet is not an exciting or happy place to be. Placing value on income is smart if you have a marketable talent, especially if youth is an inherent element of your marketability, but place value on your self-esteem and your Self as well. Owning ourself, living an authentic life, is worth a lot more than most people seem to think.

If I were you I'd read books written by gay athletes who came out. See what it (not only coming out but also their other struggles that probably are somewhat similar to yours) was like for them, how they dealt with it all and what results came from which choices. I haven't read it but Greg Louganis' Breaking the Surface comes immediately to mind.

Good luck.

 

[stormofswords921]

There is this weird thing that goes on in society. when people introduce me it's like they say "this is......he's gay." it's like being gay is all we are. i hear the same thing when people are talking about other minorities. "i met this kewl guy last nite, he's black". what is up with that? when u introduce a white str8 dude u don't go "this is bob, he's a white str8 dude". I want to say "hi I am....I am smart, funny, 22, loving life, and o by the way, I'm gay".
u are an amazing, dynamic, successful individual who just so happens to like other men. if anyone(friend or family) discovers you are gay, ur not suddenly going to become a horrible shitty skater, in fact it might better ur skills cuz ur not constantly subconsciously thinking about gayness and coming out of the closet.
i like the pointers about starting small, telling some close friend or maybe even a distant 3rd cousin who barely knows u. but also keep in mind the coming out process is distinct and unique for everyone, just read all the stories here.
one funny idea, u could invite a bunch of Jubber's to one of ur events on the down low and we can just cheer for all the skaters since we don't know who u are, ya know? might be fun to have a bunch of gay groupie's. could be like a mini pride parade at every skating event. just to show the world that gay people can be involved in skating too and have fun. i sure would like to go, i see tons of hotties on ESPN doing skating and biking and other extreme things. that way even though u aren't "out" you can still have a support group and u can know deep down there are people who really know you and love the skater and the queer.

 

[BiGuy8705]

I was in the exact same situation you were 3 months ago... well minus the whole pro-skater thing... so maybe not so much alike, but you know, lol. Basically I denied the fact I was gay to myself until Jan 1 of this year, when I made the new years resolution to be happy. I made a few select gay friends that completley respect the fact that I'm in the closet, and that led to actually meeting my first boyfriend, who is completely awesome. He's in the exact same situation as me as far as being totally in the closet... and we pretty much have a very special relationship that nobody else knows about, with the exception of the mutual friend that introduced us.

Basically, getting out there and admitting to myself that I was into dudes was the best thing I could have done... I'm 1000x happier now than I ever have been, and feel like I'm completely moving in the right direction.... all while remaining completely closeted.

Some say it's not good to stay in the closet, but for both my bf and I it is not our time to come out yet, maybe one day, but until then nobody needs to know!!

Your first post hints that you're starting to get sick of living two separate lives, but really I think it's just because you haven't opened up a lot of options in your "other life". Have you ever been to a gay club? I can guarantee that 99% of people that go to those clubs don't watch skating events, and if by the off chance someone happens to recognize you, they're there for the same reason you are!! I really don't think they'd go running to the papers with "I saw xxxx at a gay club!". If that's too much pressure right now there are many other ways to meet guys.

I added you to my AIM buddy list, I'll drop you an IM if I see you online.

 

[Soilwork]

I think Biguy hits it on the head.

You don't have to do this all at once. It can be in stages and on your own time table.

Yes, Jasun (that's me) can be a bit brow-beating about coming out but even *I* waited until I was 18 to launch it on the world (and I would have waited a lot longer had my parents not been told by my sister).

I think you've made the only step you need to make for now... come here.. chat with us.. make some on-line friends and don't worry about what step comes next.

You'll know when you need to make it.

 

[Thatguyouknow]

Hey man,

Lot's of good advice to be found here - it's good for you to have at least registered here. Like soilwork said above, coming to JUB was a good first step.

You know my AIM, and i'm always up to chat. Just thought i'd pop in the thread and say hi.

 

[chobbs]

aww buddy don't be sad! you know we're here for you! i just noticed that you had put the "sad" icon in your first post, .

and like thatguyouknow said, there is lots of good advice in these posts for you. good luck tonight haha

 

[Boogerqueesha]

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158064



But yeah... he only did it AFTER he stopped playing... *shrugs**

 

[skaterboi]

Hey,

I really wouldnt worry too much, you're involved in one of the best alternative sports out there, with some of the most open minded people. You being gay isnt going to make a huge difference, and their will be other gay skaters out there.
Just take it slow, find a friend you can confide in and let them inside, even one friend knowing is enough to take the weight off your shoulders and to make you feel better about yourself. Ive only got two friends who know and life feels so much easier as I have people who I actually know who I can now talk to about any of my issues.

 

[Blueboy369]

Bump!
I hope everything is going well for you these days. We'd love an update.

 

[mikesurf]

Hey man.. the thing that sucks is that your 18 and youre like probably goin nuts wanting to at least be with a dude etc. A dude can only look at pics and JO to them so much lol

Anyway bro, at 18 youll think that no one will understand, you cant tell anyone, etc etc. Its like that dude from the BackStreet boys or whatever group. He didnt and couldnt come out until years after the group hit its peak. When he did it wasnt a big deal but of course to be rational about it he was in a boy band, girls went crazy, etc etc. How could he during his prime come out.

My advice man is that although you are feeling what you are feeling, even though you are famous or whatever, your situation is not unique. I knew I was into guys in HS, I played college baseball, and i was going nuts wanting to be with a dude and all that but I knew that it wasnt the time. You sorta get through it and as you get older, you sorta figure it out.

Alot of guys will say be true to yourself, come out etc etc. I sorta say unless you are going completely batty, youll survive being in the closet. Make your money, enjoy your life, and the sex thing will work itself out.

With that said bro also dont ignore it or make believe it doesnt exist because it will make ya feel worse. Accept that ya dig guys, check out dudes online, go on chat lines, etc etc. I guarantee man that every year youll feel better about it and come to the realization of whats right for you.

In your industry bro, and I know a little something about it because i come from like a surfing community, etc. I agree that you will be hurt career wise if you come out now.. Just the way it is man. you have girls all over your shit, you have a clothes line, etc etc. You have to be careful to carve out a rep now, and as ya get older youll be able to withstand it if you want to come out. But also I remember one of my first times with a dude was with another surfer who I used to see at my break all the time. So trust me man you are not alone in what your feeling.

What about the relationship with your agent? Most agents will give you good advice because frankly you make them money, usually you have agood relationship with your agent, and they will keep anything you want secret. That may be an option.

In any event man like I said at 18 it will work itself out as you move ahead in life, age career. Dont ignore, but at 18 man dont let it consume your life. And keep coming to places like this, most of the dudes in here are pretty cool and good to bounce ideas off of.

 

[954dude]

You're strong enough to reveal this to those close to you. You're capable of being openly gay. Bottom line, this is your business, no one else is in your shoes.

Don't be stuck in the closet. The longer you are, the more you'll regret it later.

 

[Lube]

I hope you find some comfort through IMing and "talking" with other gay men on the Internet, but you are settling for so little when you could have a full life. It's not 1907, it's 2007 and there are a lot of out gay men living life on their terms and making a good living at the same time. Maybe you'll continue to chose to live in the closet, but being out is not as impossible an option as you seem to think.

You're essentially accepting a support group situation when you could be in actual relationships.

Obviously it's your life and you're the one who'll live with the results of your decisions. But you've chosen which information to post about yourself and asked for advice so here's mine.

It's probably time you ended your professional relationship with your parents. It isn't healthy to begin with and at this point it's damaging your ability to grow up and own your own life. You ought to hire professional management, and if your parents need financial assistance and you're in a position to provide it, by all means do that. But frankly even that is off -- at the ages you and your parents are, parents support children not the other way around. They should be your parents, not your management, not your bosses, not your employees, not your financial responsibility unless they're incompetent which it sounds like they're not. I'm not saying they don't care about you or that they shouldn't be involved in your career or life, I'm saying the set-up is unhealthy for you and for your relationship with your parents and others. Your parents should be your parents and your management team should be working for you on your terms.

Secondly, while your income may drop if you come out of the closet, it's a mistake to look at that as a one-dimensional situation. There's a lot involved in a successful life and a certain level of income is only one element. There's a lot I don't know about your life, or your business, and you may have perfectly good reasons for remaining in the closet so you can pursue certain ambitions. But just as a rule of thumb --I've been around a while and seen how people's choices play out-- generally speaking it's a mistake to make life altering decisions based on money once we're able to take care of our essentials.

You are 18 years old and you say you're a successful skater. You ought to be exploring genuine relationships, excited at the threshold of the rest of your life. Hiding in a closet is not an exciting or happy place to be. Placing value on income is smart if you have a marketable talent, especially if youth is an inherent element of your marketability, but place value on your self-esteem and your Self as well. Owning ourself, living an authentic life, is worth a lot more than most people seem to think.

If I were you I'd read books written by gay athletes who came out. See what it (not only coming out but also their other struggles that probably are somewhat similar to yours) was like for them, how they dealt with it all and what results came from which choices. I haven't read it but Greg Louganis' Breaking the Surface comes immediately to mind.

Good luck.

What he said.