Stupid joke, good for a laugh

[looseliam]

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
What are you so happy about?" Asked the barman.
I'll tell you,"replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railroad tracks.
Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied
to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, in every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard.
Did you get a blow job too?"

"No...I Never found the head!"

 

[Nonimus]

A Newport girl steps into a taxi and asks the driver to take her up to Cardiff.

They get to Cardiff and the driver tell's her the fare is £17.50.

The Newport girl tell's him that she hasn't got any cash on her - but would he accept an 'alternative' payment and with that, lifts her mini-skirt.

To cut a long story short, the Taxi-driver says 'Have you got anything smaller?'

 

[Lefty]

as bad as the firtst one was...all is forgiven...nonimus's joke was great...i'm still chuckling.

 

[Oogleman]

Love the second one!

 

[dave_63]

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: red, green, orange and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find the old man staring everytime.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "Whats the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

 

[buzzj]

Good stories, all...!

 

[Dave_83]

HAHA. pretty funny guys. thanks for sharing

 

[Riverrick]

Yeah, I like them too!

Don't know any myself.

 

[kkojac]

Attractive Business signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."


In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."


On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels


On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."


At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."


On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."


On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"


At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."


On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."


In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."


On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."


At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."


On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"


At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."


Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."


In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be de-lighted."


In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."


In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."


At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."


And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"​

 

[looseliam]

^^ I like it.

 

[GoodbyeSobriety]

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: red, green, orange and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find the old man staring everytime.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "Whats the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Damn, I would have been dumbfounded if I were that kid... that's a pretty sharp tongue to compete with. Props to the old man.