Stupid mistake?

[ryansnakes]

Damn.. so I'm out to most of my friends, well practically all of them.
For some reason though, it's bugged me not being out at work, even though the thought of it was always a bit cringeworthy.

Problem is, I recently got stupidly drunk at a staff Xmas party and ended up confessing all to a co-worker. Although he appeared supportive at the time, I now sense that he's laughing about it behind my back, and possibly rumours are spreading etc.
Not sure whether I'm just being paranoid, or whether I'm right.

Either way, it's normally always been fine but this time I actually really regret it.
Is it not sensible to be "selectively out" to the people that know and trust you best?
I'm struggling to see any advantage of this situation I'm now in. I just feel really embarassed and slightly stupid and humiliated.

 

[palbert]

Chances are it is being voiced about. If it comes up I would admit it as if it should be no big deal - which it shouldn't be. There may be some blowback but right now you are projecting your own fears of blowback.

(Also, NEVER drink at company functions - a lesson learned long ago.)

Hope it works out.

And, WELCOME TO JUB!

 

[maxpowr9]

I actually found it easier to be out at work than out "socially" and I say that as a manager. I actually do my best as a manager to screen against homophobes, especially if they will work underneath me.

I honestly would not be too concerned over the issue. Again, most people already knew you were gay before you even came out to them.

 

[aaggii]

Why mix personal and professional life, I will never get. But what´s done is done and it´s probably just paranoia caused by something you did and regret now. Until you have some REAL evidence that people talk behind your back about it, don´t stress over it.

 

[Seasoned]

It's probably paranoia. I'd be more concerned about foolish drunk behavior in front of co-workers as opposed to being out. If there is laughter regarding you it's probably about being drunk.

 

[Chiboi115]

It's probably paranoia. I'd be more concerned about foolish drunk behavior in front of co-workers as opposed to being out. If there is laughter regarding you it's probably about being drunk.

LOL yeah tru dat. Yeah a couple of years ago at my workplace a new person had started right at December, so she comes to the holiday party, dresses very provocatively for a work function, gets hammered, and tries to turn one of the gay guys at the workplace straight. She still hasn't lived down her reputation.

But yeah taking the concept of being "selectively out" to a more macro-level I think it's a good long-range plan to steer the cruise ship of your life in a direction towards being more involved with people/situations in general where it is safe to be out. IE if your workplace is not gay friendly for example, build up career skills there that you can take to change careers to something that is gay-friendly and would take you somewhere else, etc.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi ryansnakes,

First of all, welcome to JUB and feel free to ask any question you like.

So you are out to your friends / family (etc.) and I assume you don't have a girlfriend/wife/kids. How long are you already working over there, and what's your age?

I tend to think that you should not take it for granted that anyone at your work still is convinced that you are 'straight & single, and still looking around for a nice girlfriend'. Hey man, how about your female co-workers? Are you really sure they will not yet have their ideas about your real interest (= males in stead of females). People / female-coworkers will think about this question (= why you don't have a wife/girlfriend, and why you don't seem to have interest in 'girls').

I would not bother too much that you have told your co-worker that you are gay. Why should he start laughing behind your back? Why not tell him that its not a secret that you are gay? Maybe this is a good opportunity to let people at your work know that you are gay? I mean, when its not a big deal for you that you are gay, why should it be a big deal for them? Any idea if there are homophobes at your job?

So I tend to advise you that you should not bother too much that right now at least some people at your job are aware that you are gay.

Good luck and feel free to react and/or to ask other questions.

 

[ryansnakes]

Thanks for all the advice. I've settled down since this night and become more comfortable with him (and the other colleague that was apparently there when I confessed all!) knowing. If people gossip about it I'm not really that bothered to be honest.
To the guy who talked about keeping professional and personal separate, I do that to an extent, but we all get on quite well in my team.

I wouldn't be bothered about most of them knowing except one guy who's politically quite right wing, and my boss who's a raving catholic (and has come out with homophobic comments in the past). Behind the religious fuelled, macho bravado though, he'd probably be fine with it too. He can be very understanding when he wants to be (behind the "show").

I don't have a wife/kids. People are often more shocked to hear that I've been with a partner for nearly 14 years (rather than my sexuality) as they've previously believed me to be single for such a long time.

I think this was a subconscious desire to try and out myself (fuelled by silly quantities of alcohol).
Thanks for all the comments though, appreciated.

 

[dereperez]

I'm glad you got it mentally settled, ryansnakes. Your reaction is natural: you fear being laughed at or ridiculed behind your back. But there is no evidence of it as of yet, so just hold your head up high and continue to go to work without any fear. Take it as a learning point. No more getting hammered at company functions.

 

[HunterM]

Well, the Genie is out (not the one in your pants). Own it. Don't be embarrassed for living your truth. They may whisper behind your back now. Over time, it's going to get old. And they'll just move on.