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Suddenly attractive?

Gomaki

Gomaki

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It's getting pretty weird. I never really drew in guys or girls that much. But suddenly I'm getting cruised all the fucking time now. I'm not out or have ever even done anything with a guy.

Now suddenly on facebook all these guys are cruising me, it's really weird. They are just randoms, not even people who know people I know. It's really kind of unnerving. Because I know all they are looking for is some action.

I don't feel good about it. I guess I'm not used to it. I guess I'm a good looking guy, but it makes me feel kind of objectified (?). When I go to out to a bar or club (straight bars and clubs), I seem to be able to attract the one gay/bi/slightlybicurious guy there.

Maybe I'm just reserved, but I wish there was some sort of sign I could give to say I'm not interested in being cruised for sex. Like I tell these guys I'm not up for it, and they blow off. I really wouldn't mind if people were talking to me to be friends, but it never seems to be like that.

I know it might sound stupid, because some people would love this shit, but not me.
 
Gomaki said:
It's getting pretty weird. I never really drew in guys or girls that much. But suddenly I'm getting cruised all the fucking time now. I'm not out or have ever even done anything with a guy.

Now suddenly on facebook all these guys are cruising me, it's really weird. They are just randoms, not even people who know people I know. It's really kind of unnerving. Because I know all they are looking for is some action.

I don't feel good about it. I guess I'm not used to it. I guess I'm a good looking guy, but it makes me feel kind of objectified (?). When I go to out to a bar or club (straight bars and clubs), I seem to be able to attract the one gay/bi/slightlybicurious guy there.

Maybe I'm just reserved, but I wish there was some sort of sign I could give to say I'm not interested in being cruised for sex. Like I tell these guys I'm not up for it, and they blow off. I really wouldn't mind if people were talking to me to be friends, but it never seems to be like that.

I know it might sound stupid, because some people would love this shit, but not me.
Click to expand...

Excluding the Facebook idea, I personally understand your situation. I seem to have similar, if not the same, issues myself.
 
Here's something: Set your status to either looking for: Friends or just put nothing at all there. Other than that, just ignore them or dismiss their friend requests.
 
Facebook: "Looking for friends" or "Partnered".
Out and about: wear a ring.

Lex
 
>>>That does not stop some people.

True. But if people hit on you, you can simply point to the ring. That's blatant sign language for "I'm taken, and I'm not looking".

Lex
 
Right, and beyond telling people, what else could you hope to do? People will hit on you no amtter what, even telling them you're taken might not mean anything. If doing what's already possible to do isn't enough for you, then your only solution would be to lock yourself in your house and wear a frock to conceal yourself.
 
i made the strange experience that whenever i am partnered and just smile at a guy in the club, he immediately starts to flirt with me.
but when i am solo and looking for someone it's way harder to get attention. or is it just me trying to hard then ;) ?
 
I have the same experience lately. It's really strange. I've been going out to the clubs, etc, for about 5 months now, and as of the past few weeks, everywhere I go I'm getting hit on like crazy.... went to a party last night with a guy I was slightly interested in, and so far 3 of his friends have tried to get on me. I don't find myself that attractive at all, there must be something in the water or something lately haha.
 
Well, I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one.
Looks like people are pretty promiscuous. And not in a good way :(
 
Don't worry Gomaki, you are not alone. That's seems to be all the attention I have seem to gotten lately is being cruised. At first it was flattering now, I am flat out annoyed by being cruised. I just try to make friends with people and they act like I'm speaking another language, but if I just stand there I get hit on all the damn time. I makes me want to become antisocial and introverted all over again. People are so shallow these days.
 
Well, I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one.
Looks like people are pretty promiscuous. And not in a good way
Click to expand...

Oh please. So you're not promiscuous but others are and not in a 'good' way.

What gives you the right to judge people who enjoy sex for the sake of sex as somehow inferior? Get over it kitten.

In my lifetime, I met more interesting people and made a lot of friends by sharing a good fuck and then some time with them. It just kills me hearing about the antisocial obsessives culling through the herd until they find the one and only perfect mate.

Here's an idea. Stop wasting your life with Facebook. If you don't like guys coming onto you, avoid all contact with them. Join the Mormon church or something.

There are countless numbers of gay guys that are trying to figure out how to get noticed and hook-up and you just want to be a monk.
 
Man, don't get pissed. You can do what you want.

I just don't want to get used for sex, and then dumped. And that seems to be what most guys seem to be after.

And please, quality versus quantity.
 
You might consider taking your face off Face-book for a start.

You need to think about your reasons for going out or for wanting to meet people. You describe yourself as bisexual - this suggests you see a sexual interaction with another man somewhere in your future. For some men quick sexual gratification is a priority and they are upfront in admitting it.This doesn't mean anything bad about men who approach you, or anything bad about you if you politely decline.

I daresay that when you go out the majority of men in the club do not approach you for sex. If you want to decrease the incidence of unwanted attention you could give some thought to the reputation and the clientele of the venues you are attending.
 
If it's bothering you so much that guys are interested in hooking up with you, which you don't agree with, to the point that you're freaking out, then take yourself off facebook. Or at least take your picture down. No one's forcing you to advertise yourself visually on facebook. If you just want it for your school friends, etc., why would they need a profile pic of you?

These guys are cruising you, thinking that you might want the same thing. If you don't, then just tell them so and they'll be on their way. It's not like they're asking you to have sex and then suckering you into considering you for a relationship only to tell you that they only wanted sex. If they're cruising you, as you say, then they're looking and advertising for no-strings sex. And if you know that's what it is, and it's not your cup of tea, then let it be known and deal with it. You might even go so far as to write in your interests "Not meaningless sex".
 
I dunno, maybe it's just I'm not used to it at all so it feels weird and foreign. Like I said, it's like I'm suddenly attractive, and just randomly started attracting guys all over the place. I really don't mean to be a prude about it... maybe just I'm not used to it?

I mean, I'm not really up for random encounters, but I guess as time goes by I'll know how to better deal with it. Because for a while, I've been like "WTF" in my head.
 
All that's happening is that you're crossing that invisible line from boy to man and have become sexually attractive. Others are noticing.

I've noticed the same thing that Corny pointed out, about becoming more attractive to others when I'm with a partner (or hint: when others think I'm with a partner ;).
 
Just say thanks, but no thanks.

I like it when HOT guys look at me...its a confidence boost when you are down/look like you have had a fight with a lawnmower and lost...on that particular day :D
 
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