Suddenly decided to come out?

[JoeyLj]

Hi everyone

I'm 20, in the past couple of days I've been busy planning how I'm gonna come out- something which last week I NEVER would have considered

There's something that's triggered it- my female flatmate asked me why I never talked about my ex-girlfriends and stuff, and said one time we should sit down and tell each other about our past to get to know each other better and stuff.

So when she said that I was like 'shit i'm gonna have to make up a string of girlfriends and make it sound convincing shitt'. But then I thought, why not just tell her i'm into guys? it would be a heck of a lot easier.

Also I think she asked why I never talked about my sexlife because she can tell I'm gay and is trying to out me. She also told me the first time she met me she thought I was gay, but now she thinks it was just cos I was shy at first. I thought a good way to tell her would be just to say "You know your first impression of me? Well.. it was kind of right''. Do you guys think thats a good idea?

Also, I've moved to a new city, I've got a heap of new friends- I'm thinking of telling them too, I was planning on just slipping it into the conversation- like if someone asks if I have a girlfriend I'll just say no girls arent really my thing.

Anyway, does everyone think I should just tell them or wait till i feel more ready?

(However, my friends back home, cos we're really close but I've been lying to them all this time, I really dont think I could manage to come out to them... or my family..)

 

[crowboy]

Welcome to JUB.

I know some of what you are going through.
I only came out 2 weeks ago after previously thinking I never would.

Your friend sounds like she is letting you know that she suspects and that you can be honest with her. Still I only write that from what you have written. Does that sound right to you?

I would love to have a close friend to help me in my coming out. I have only told my parents, brother and one co worker so far (details in a thread and blogs here). I would love to have a friend I could confide in and tell them how I feel, and with luck help me get out and meet a nice guy. For now I'm just muddling through on my own and doing my best. There is JUB of course, which I have found very helpful and supportive. Stick around, read other threads and keep posting.

Ask yourself "If I tell my friend, how will she react?" If you think she will be OK with it consider doing it. It sounds like an opportunity, however only you know her or the situation you are in. What ever you do I wish you well. Just know that you are not alone in all this.

 

[Seasoned]

No one can tell you what to do, but from my perspective I think you ought to be out to someone. You have the perfect opportunity. Let these new friends know who you are.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB. Congrats on your first post.

This is sooooo like girls- the very passive-aggressive questioning style.

Honesty is the best policy but know that if you tell her, then she's going to tell others. There won't be any turning back.

But that might be just the thing that's needed here.

 

[gameboy 11]

Welcome to JUB. Congrats on your first post.

This is sooooo like girls- the very passive-aggressive questioning style.

Honesty is the best policy but know that if you tell her, then she's going to tell others. There won't be any turning back.

But that might be just the thing that's needed here.

I agree. Tell her first and don't worry if others find out. There's gotta be a point in your life when you come out and this should be it! The more people you tell, the easier it should be. Then you might be brave enough to tell the family. There's no use in hiding yourself all of your life. It'd make you miserable.

 

[JoeyLj]

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice, well I told her, she said she didn't give a shit and for her it was as if I'd told her that I like ice-cream or that I like peas. She was really understanding and said she wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't want her to. I told her that if someone asked or if it came up in conversation then she can if she wants to.

We laughed because although she thought I was gay when we first met she changed her mind afterwards and thought I was straight.

I'm now thinking of telling my mates at home by email (I live in France at the minute they live in UK). Thing is -
1. they're mostly guys and straight so I dont know if they will take the news as well
2. I feel bad that I've been lying to them all this time

However I do think they know already, it's funny cos they keep trying to make me like football and stuff (they're well meaning of course) and also they're really protective over me, like one time this girl asked me if I was gay in front of a bunch of people and they were like 'you can't ask someone that its really fucking rude' and getting a bit angry towards her, and also when they buy new clothes i'm always the first person they ask if they look good or not (dont know why they have better dress sense than me!'

thanks for all your responses x

 

[KaraBulut]

There's a time and place for everything.

You know your friends better than any of us do. And you can anticipate their response better than we can.

But with close friends, I believe that it is always more respectful to tell them in person. If they're not close friends, then an email, facebook/myspace sexuality answer or phone call are all fine.

 

[JoeyLj]

They are close friends but at the moment we live in separate countries so it would be kind of hard? I dont think Ill see them again till next june

 

[trikky]

joey

I think the fact that your friends are so protective is a sign that they probably suspect but it's clearly ok with them. If you think now is the right time for you could you not make a trip back to uk before June to meet up with them. If they are close then it is better that they hear it from you than third hand from someone who heard that doesn't even know you as well as they do.