Suicide...

[RileyBishop]

so I didn't really know where else to post this so I figured maybe there is someone here who knows what im going through..

so im 22 and my boyfriend of 3 years (hes 30) had told me he was seeing someone else back in spetember. turns out he had taken his now boyfriend (18) with him on his trip to Disney that I couldent go on because I couldent get off work back in august, and when he got home he told me he was seeing someone else...

obviously I was devastated but he was my best friend so I didn't want to lose him all togeather so I pushed through it and stayed close like nothing happened, then he and his new boyfriend moved in togeather up my street, and he has been a shitty friend ever since, we have still hungout as friends but he hasn't told his new boyfriend that we have still been in contact. as a matter of fact his new boyfriend deleted me off his facebook and blocked my number in his phone.


anyway now we are here in june, my heart is still completely broken, hes being a terrible friend and I cant believe he has treated me the way he has even though after everything I have been supportive. hes alienated himself from all of our friends because of how hes treated me and if I end our friendship once and for all he will only have his new boyfriend. plus as bad as hes treated me I don't want to lose him from my life.. I love the guy.

but iv honestly lost all will to live, all I do is cry and im upset at night because now im all alone and I really have no idea what to do. I would just off myself but I don't want to hurt my mother. I really truly just don't want to be around anymore. im never happy, and I just cant stand feeling the way I feel. I have no idea what to do and I really don't think anyone really gets how im feeling ...

the situation is more complicated then what I have put here but that's the cliff notes version..

does anyone have any advice on what I should do?? I feel like im going crazy...


thanks

 

[KaraBulut]

anyway now we are here in june, my heart is still completely broken, hes being a terrible friend and I cant believe he has treated me the way he has even though after everything I have been supportive. hes alienated himself from all of our friends because of how hes treated me and if I end our friendship once and for all he will only have his new boyfriend. plus as bad as hes treated me I don't want to lose him from my life.. I love the guy.

Friend? What kind of friend lies? What kind of friend goes behind your back and does something like this? What kind of friend returns from a trip that you couldn't attend because you were working and breaks the news that he took someone else.. and that "someone else" is your replacement?

The irony of the whole situation is that you, at 22, are acting like the adult and your 30-year-old ex-boyfriend is acting like a selfish child.

Sometimes when you're hoping for a different outcome, emotion clouds your judgment. If one of your friends came to you with this story, you would tell them, "This guy is toxic and he has an obsession with barely-legal boys. For your own good, get this guy out of your life and move on to better things. You deserve better than this."

And that advice would be good advice.

Here's the bottom line for you: You have to make a choice here. If you want to put your life together and move on to better things (really- it can only get better), then you need to rid yourself of your addiction to this toxic guy. You should get to get angry at him- not at yourself. Because you're hanging on to hopes that you can still have a relationship with this guy, you're not allowing yourself to see the situation clearly. You need to gather your friends around you. You need to see a therapist and work through the anger and the depression so that you get on with your life.

 

[Gentleheart]

I wasn't sure exactly how to respond to this, but I'll just say...baby, this guy is NOT WORTH taking your own life over. Period.

Sometimes, people treat us really shitty and do horrible things to us in life. It is not always your fault. You can't control what other people do or feel...you can only control your own actions/reactions and feelings.

It's okay to feel down about tough times, but don't sit and wallow in it for too long. Allow yourself to "grieve" (whatever it may be you feel you need to grieve), then wake up one day...look in the mirror and tell yourself that it's time to move on.

Don't let someone make you feel less than, directly or indirectly.

You can and will get through this.

btw, a lot of people are treated like crap because they allow people to treat them that way, instead of putting their foot down and saying enough is enough.

Aren't you tired of letting your ex make your unhappy? He is NOT your friend. He's not worth wasting tears, heartache, or pain on...

Please stay strong, and don't let this be the be all end all. You have a lot of life left to experience. Learn from this and move on. PLEASE.

PM me if you need to talk further.

 

[Telstra]

22 is too young.
Just wait until you are 60 and then think about it then.

 

[Georgiadude]

un returned love is one of the worst feelings in the world. I've been there and it takes some time to get over. This guy is a total scumbag. He is not your friend. Lord knows how many other guys he's cheated with while you were working. Cut this loser out of your life. I understand depression. I understand not wanting to be alone and having someone to talk to but this guy isn't worth the dirt under your shoes. Your self esteem is in the toilet. You have other friends. Lean on them. Get some help but most important is to tell this guy to fuck off. You'll find someone that will treat you like you want and deserve to be treated.

Steven.

 

[RileyBishop]

thanks you guys for your responses.... I mean its just so hard, everytime I walk up my street I worry about seeing his car or running into him at the grocery store... I mean this guy was my best friend and the only person iv ever told that I loved. so much has changed in a year its un believeable... there isn't a day I don't think about him. hes the first and the last person I think about. that sounds stupid and crazy I know but I just don't know how im supposed to let all that go. I feel like if I stop fighting for him that if he never comes back that its my fault.. that I didn't do everything I could.

 

[Benvolio]

The best way to get over an old boy friend is to get a new boyfriend. There are lots of beautiful guys out there and they want to meet you. And when your old friend sees you with someone else he will realize what he missed. So, get out and mix where ever the young gays are. Introduce yourself and invite them out.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

thanks you guys for your responses.... I mean its just so hard, everytime I walk up my street I worry about seeing his car or running into him at the grocery store... I mean this guy was my best friend and the only person iv ever told that I loved. so much has changed in a year its un believeable... there isn't a day I don't think about him. hes the first and the last person I think about. that sounds stupid and crazy I know but I just don't know how im supposed to let all that go. I feel like if I stop fighting for him that if he never comes back that its my fault.. that I didn't do everything I could.

Riley -

You sound like a really nice guy and a total sweetheart, and as such, I have to tell you that YOU deserve BETTER than this jerk. You deserve someone who's going to really see all those great qualities you have to offer in a relationship, and return them as they should be. I know what happened to you hurts - I've been there more times than I'd like. Unfortunately some people are jerks. With time and experience you'll learn how to weed out those types. In the mean time, don't waste your time pining away for this A-Hole who is just going to do the same thing to his current BF. Don't allow yourself to be a door mat for the likes of these types of parasites. No matter what you do, he's never going to appreciate you. He's a self centered, cheating, lying, loser who will never feel sympathy or remorse.

 

[RaKroma]

You have friends and he won't without you. That means you are a likable person who must have lot to offer to have friends around?... Why bury yourself into negativity over one guy? You don't think he'll dump that 18 year old someday for a newer young guy? You need to get yourself together and live life; you will have more boyfriends. At 22 it's too early to give up over some guy. Friendships and relationships come and go. Let go of him and you'll be happier with time. You're not happy be cause you won't move on.

 

[RileyBishop]

just really sucks to have someone to go from being your best friend to not caring about your friendship at all.... all I want are answers and ill never get them. and I feel crazy, like I really do. im supposed to just be able to move on and get over it and its not fair that he gets to be happy and moved on with someone else and im still here by myself

 

[Gentleheart]

just really sucks to have someone to go from being your best friend to not caring about your friendship at all.... all I want are answers and ill never get them. and I feel crazy, like I really do. im supposed to just be able to move on and get over it and its not fair that he gets to be happy and moved on with someone else and im still here by myself

Just let yourself deal and heal. Give it some time. You won't always hurt about this.

Also: I can assure you that the less time you spend thinking about him and what he's doing now, the better off you'll be. It won't be easy--but start training yourself to do that NOW. Find some healthy distractions. Just stop giving "it" so much of your time.

You will get through this.

 

[RileyBishop]

what if its not. how does somones heart heal after this much pain. I just want my old life back

 

[RaKroma]

what if its not. how does somones heart heal after this much pain. I just want my old life back

What if is a hypothetical. What if you will have a better life in the future? We can't control all events in our lives. You can spend your time dwelling on the past or move on to to a better future. And like it was said, at your age, you haven't lived life yet to dwell on the past. That day will come when you will look back and regret how much time you wasted thinking of your ex.

 

[JockTalk]

Oy vey, we've all experienced this kind of heartache. Yes, you love him but you have to love yourself even more. He's made his choice to move on without you and you will have to do the same. This will take time and it's going to stink. I won't kid you there. My advice? Be your own best friend and take care of yourself. Another man will come along who truly wants to be with you and the experience will be AMAZING but you have to be strong enough to be around when he does!

 

[AlmondMilk]

That's one thing I didn't like about dating. When things get sour, you think what if things DO change? And you wait. I know I did when I dated. You tried ignoring everything in the past, but things just worsened. But you know what? Nothing is your fault. He was a complete jerk. He could've made more of an effort for the relationship. He could've at least told you before the Disney trip about his concerns or something. If he treated you like this, he'll most likely treat his new boyfriend the same way. It'll hurt if you run into him in the supermarket or somewhere else in public. But you know what? All you can do is hold your head up high. If he strikes up a conversation, respond. Smile and excuse yourself. Just don't let him enter your personal life. There are plenty of people out there who are and will be worth your time.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

what if its not. how does somones heart heal after this much pain. I just want my old life back

Seriously? Knowing everything you do about him now, and you want that back? The lies, cheating, manipulation, deceit, games?

I get wanting the Disney princess fantasy. I get being lonely. I even get jumping into a relationship out of despair hoping against all odds it remotely resembles something intimate and loving... What I don't get is choosing the abuse over self preservation. Knowing what you do now, you should be dancing he's gone and you survived as well as you did.

Hope the next one is better, but don't pine for him. He doesn't deserve it, or you.

 

[RileyBishop]

its so hard to express how awful I feel. were talking a year later almost. things are so complicated, and they are coming to an end. so they have been togeather not even a year and they are moving away to a different province togeather. on one hand, I know this is the best thing for me. ill never see him, I can have a chance to move on. on the other hand hes leaving, like really leaving. he gets to be happy with his new boyfriend and a new life and ill never see him again. his new boyfriend made him delete me out of his phone and facebook. and this was months ago, like 3 months after they started dating. I feel like hes just erased me out of his life for this kid. which I kindof understand. but I wish he fought for our friendship. I don't miss him as a boyfriend, he cant be trusted, bur I do miss my best friend. more then I can actually express. it hurts that hes throwing our friendship away, I could never do that to someone I cared so much about.... this year has been the hardest Iv ever gone through, im shocked iv made it this far. its been one thing after another after another after another. its actually messed up how crazy its been and it hasn't stopped. it would have been so much easier with him there to help. and it hasn't stopped yet. im just hoping that things get better soon... its going to be crazy to think that this may be the last time I see him ever.

thank you guys so much for saying what you have said, I do take it to heart, sometimes its hard to believe someone has gone through what you have gone through and felt what you felt. I mean it 100% when I say my heart is broken. its dramatic but its like a death, its comforting to know some of you know how I feel and have come out on the other side of it. thank you so much

 

[RileyBishop]

there are still days, more often then not that I feel like none of this is worth it. worth the effort or the pain. but there are good ones too. its a nice change. trying really hard not to be jaded though, I used to love, love. now im kindof scared of it.

 

[medic1]

I used to be where you are now, though i took it several steps further. I decided after losing my first partner that life really was not worth all the heartache. I had actually planned my end of life, from writing long apologetic letters to my friends, to arranging all my personal affairs, and sitting there with the "means" lying on the table.
If it was not for a friend arriving, i know i would have indeed slipped that needle into a vein. I never imagined myself being in love again.
Though never underestimate "fate" and the curve-ball's that life can throw at you. Now, that friend is my partner and through him, and my friends i started to enjoy this life again. The simplest of joys, made me smile once more. Time can heal, if you allow it to. Regards. Adam.

 

[ScottishBiTeen]

I can only offer these words: It will get better. Trust me, it will. The pain will fade with time. There are many other young guys out there that are willing to share their love with you, if you are willing to let them do so. You can't write yourself off just because of one selfish guy, who will most likely do the same thing to his current boyfriend. You're too young to be doing that now.