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Summer Fun Trip with Best Friend I Have Feelings For

J

jm12480

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A while back, I wrote that I had fallen in love with my best friend. To date, nothing intimate has occurred between us, other than extremely deep love for each other as people, though my feelings go deeper than his at this point. I firmly believe he's clueless as to how I truly feel.

A month ago, he told me he really needed a vacation. I said "me too, how fun would it be to go somewhere?". Well, no sooner had I said this, than he had found an incredible deal on an all-inclusive week in the Dominican Republic, and we made plans to go. I've never been over seas and never taken a trip like this in my life. But at age 30, I figure it's time to live a little.

I guess my question is...do gay best friends who are only friends go on fancy trips like this? There are so many questions swirling around my mind of what could happen between us on a trip like this - perhaps this will be where romance blossoms between us. I even joked with him the other day that I was too busy to go and that he should ask someone else. He replied, "Nope - you're the only person I will go on this trip with."

I plan on enjoying myself no matter what happens. We get along so well as people and love each other's company immensely. But with my underlying deep love for him, it's all very confusing to know what to expect. Perhaps the best thing to do is enjoy it for what it is and hope for more, even if I know it may never happen. Perhaps our true feelings will come out while we're heavily intoxicated with tropical drinks and walking together on the beach at sunset?? LOL

Advice? Thoughts? Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?
 
Advice? drink mineral water
Thoughts? I'm as jealous as all hell
Similar situation? Once, yes...
 
"Nope - you're the only person I will go on this trip with.", this does seem rather flirty, although he can also just be enjoying being a tease since you are such good friends as well, thinking that nothing will result from it, but pure fun. I don't know how your dynamic is. I do enjoy flirting with people that I am not really interested in, because I feel there is no risk of flirting with them. (They could just read it as friendliness)

I wouldn't go in with expectations at all- & I think if he was interested he wouldn't start off with a big trip- I think, he would just start becoming more close more then just friendly, he might want to stay over the night because he's tired, he might want to watch movies together all night with you- He'd try to transition your friendship to a relationship, he might even put out feelers like what would you think if we were a couple).

Be flirty if you'd like just be careful it can make the trip awkward and uncomfortable if you push the limits to far and he's not on the same page- & You wont know until you get their what will unfold, so don't worry so much, don't create this fantasy, because you'll be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Take each moment as it comes, and don't worry so much. It can end up being much better then your sex dream, or just an normal vacation, only time will tell.
 
Don't get drunker than he is (castoono has the right idea). If you are going to make a move on him, do it at the end of the vacation, so if he turns you down, you only have the awkward flight home and not an entire vacation left.

I will be in a similar situation in a couple months. A friend is taking me on a vacation for my birthday and has suggested getting liquored up at a club for my actual b-day, but we always fool around when we're drunk....
 
While on vacation, get him to go to a busy crowded bar with you. If the bar plays loud music, it is even better! When the bar is loud, you have to lean in closer to carry on a conversation ;) After he had a few drinks, you could lean in and be flirty.
 
I would suggest not drinking too much and just letting things go wherever they will. Try not to build things up too much.

Good luck!
 
we have done vacations w/str8t friends and it was no problems, but then again we were not looking to hook up.

I would value the freindship more than trying to get in his pants.

If there are clues he is open to it then maybe, but I think after a few drinks people let loose and are more open to it. So you'll need to feel it out b4 and during the time there.

it could be fun and then it could back fire in the end and ruin a good friendship..
 
Please understand (and perhaps I should have communicated this better, so I take the blame!) that the purpose of this trip is not to hook up or take advantage or anything. 5 days alone in a tropical paradise with someone whom you care deeply about and have surpressed feelings for is, at the very least, a tricky thing. We will have a fabulous time no matter what and are both looking forward to this. And I don't really drink that much, thank god. Total lightweight here. LOL
 
There's no reason not to go because you're hung up with the guy. It would be insulting to back out now because of your feelings.

You are going to over-romanticize this vacation though. It's up to you to decide if you want to make something out of it. It's easier since he is also gay, but harder because it sounds like you love him when he may just want to hookup on a great vacation.
 
So you are both gay and you have romantic feelings for him that are not recprocated. It may not come across as such but please know that I'm attempting to be a good best friend. What is the payoff for you having the excitement of suspense over where this relationship will go? Does it keep you safe from the fear of dating or meeting people? Have you not told him how you feel for fear of being shot down and losing the suspense? You'd still have a gay friend, just not a potential partner. Do neither of you date or cruise guys together?

I'm worried that you are not taking the necessary risks towards finding long-term happiness. Pining away like this could be detrimental to you, especially if he finds a bf.

I'd use the trip to tell him once you get back that he is exactly the type of guy you are looking for.

Good luck. Perhaps there'll be romance in the tropical air.
 
soreknees said:
So you are both gay and you have romantic feelings for him that are not recprocated. It may not come across as such but please know that I'm attempting to be a good best friend. What is the payoff for you having the excitement of suspense over where this relationship will go? Does it keep you safe from the fear of dating or meeting people? Have you not told him how you feel for fear of being shot down and losing the suspense? You'd still have a gay friend, just not a potential partner. Do neither of you date or cruise guys together?

I'm worried that you are not taking the necessary risks towards finding long-term happiness. Pining away like this could be detrimental to you, especially if he finds a bf.

I'd use the trip to tell him once you get back that he is exactly the type of guy you are looking for.

Good luck. Perhaps there'll be romance in the tropical air.
Click to expand...

Good questions, soreknees. I don't really date. I don't do hookups. It's been very hard for me to meet guys in my life, because, yes, I am very scared of rejection (though it's all I've ever been met with, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now!). My feelings for this guy haven't stopped me from meeting other guys, but even if I wanted to, I'm currently in a place (physically) where there aren't many gay men, or at least they're all hiding. LOL - if I ever met someone who swept my heart away or I had feelings for, of course I'd try to go after them. But at this point in my life, the person who has swept my heart away is completely clueless that they've done so. Or, he knows, and he's just protecting me from hurting me down the road if that ever comes out. I have not told him how I feel directly, for fear of losing his friendship, making things awkward, or yes, being potentially turned down. I see the guys he chases after, and they don't look anything close to me - I'm everything he wants in a guy EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY - I'm just not what he wants physically, and as we all know, that's the kiss of death with gay men. If you ain't hot, then keep on moving. We do not cruise guys together, although every guy he goes out with he tells me about, and always wants my opinion on who he's dating, what I think, etc...which of course is killing me. Yet he chose to go on this trip with me...so I dunno.

I'm a very strong person emotionally, and know what probably lies ahead. The truth will eventually come out, whether on this trip or not, or at some point, and we will both have to deal with it. I would hope that, if it is rejection I'm met with, he'll be strong enough to want to keep our friendship, which at the end of the day is much more important. I just wish I could have that wonderful fairy tale discovery of falling in love with your best friend who means so much to you. And who knows what the universe has in store? Things work in mysterious ways, and stranger things have happened. This trip is bonding/friendship time, and we plan on having fun, and we're both VERY excited about it. I'm trying to look at it with no expectations, other than fun and enjoyment of each other's company, which is what we both enjoy the most.
 
I'm sorry to hear you aren't having luck with guys and that you think you're friend isn't into you.

I have some questions.

jm12480 said:
Good questions, soreknees. I don't really date. I don't do hookups. It's been very hard for me to meet guys in my life, because, yes, I am very scared of rejection (though it's all I've ever been met with, so you'd think I'd be used to it by now!). My feelings for this guy haven't stopped me from meeting other guys, but even if I wanted to, I'm currently in a place (physically) where there aren't many gay men, or at least they're all hiding. LOL - if I ever met someone who swept my heart away or I had feelings for, of course I'd try to go after them.
Click to expand...

Can you explain to me how you get rejected if you don't date and don't do hookups?

It would help me to understand you better.

jm12480 said:
But at this point in my life, the person who has swept my heart away is completely clueless that they've done so. Or, he knows, and he's just protecting me from hurting me down the road if that ever comes out. I have not told him how I feel directly, for fear of losing his friendship, making things awkward, or yes, being potentially turned down. I see the guys he chases after, and they don't look anything close to me - I'm everything he wants in a guy EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY - I'm just not what he wants physically, and as we all know, that's the kiss of death with gay men. If you ain't hot, then keep on moving.
Click to expand...

Are there things you can do to make yourself more attractive?
 
altlover85 said:
I'm sorry to hear you aren't having luck with guys and that you think you're friend isn't into you.

I have some questions.



Can you explain to me how you get rejected if you don't date and don't do hookups?

It would help me to understand you better.



Are there things you can do to make yourself more attractive?
Click to expand...

All good questions, since you don't know me! I have pursued many guys before. Whenever it comes to dating, the common response is either a flat-out "no", or "let's just be friends." I'm on many of those lovely, classy dating websites (choose one...) and I tend to have thoughtful, well-written honest profiles with a picture, and I never get any hellos, or if I say hello to someone, I'm met with either silence, or being blocked (which, btw guys - unless someone is stalking you, blocking is completely childish. LOL - you don't need to block someone from saying "hello!").

I have hooked up before, though if I told you how long it had been, you'd wonder if I was a nun in a convent. But I need emotional connection with someone to get hard. I'm a very passionate partner between the sheets, and the few guys I've been with didn't have any complaints - but they didn't want anything else. They wanted sex and that's it. And when I wanted to pursue a little more, like going on a date outside of the bedroom, the door was shut in my face. And it's been really hard to deal with that over the years.

Could I do things to make myself more attractive? Sure? Maybe? I'm admittedly overweight, though not hideous or of a size that would be looked at as obese. I work out and have a gym membership. I'm constantly active with my career and am always dropping pounds. I got blessed with bad genes an have always struggled with weight, but I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I am constantly working on it. But without surgery, I will never look like a Chelsea twink or an Abercrombie model. I am also losing my hair in the top of my head. But what can I really do about that? LOL - that's just genetics. I dress well, take pride in how I look while knowing and accepting my body type. But I also know the role of "being hot" in this society. Hot is something I doubt is achievable for me. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Someone will eventually think I'm hot. I'm very realistic and you can say "Well if you don't think you're hot, no one else will." True, to a point. But there's a difference between truth and disillusionment.

So that's me. I'm a great guy with much to offer, and know my time will come. My friend and I get along so well, and I know that, at a very deep and quiet level, he does love and care about me in a deep way. Perhaps one day it will grow into more - and maybe it never will. Only time and fate will tell - I just have to listen to my heart and hope it leads me in the right direction!!
 
It sounds like you've got a healthy view on things. I think you'll find the right guy, it just might take some time.

Have you ever heard of www.meetup.com? Sometimes you can find groups that are based around your interests and you may find someone that you could date through that.
 
you make a move during the trip, your relationship might be changed from good to ..
 
I have been blessed to have a best gay friend for life. I was born on Good Friday, he on Easter Sunday - and were placed in cribs next to each other at the same hospital. We have been through life's best and worst together, which included many years with each of us working on opposite sides of the country. In fact, he took my avatar picture on a recent trip to Palm Springs.

Unlike you the thought never occurred to us to be anything BUT best friends. Some have asked why we have never hooked up, but my birthday card I am preparing to mail states " to my brother" I might note that as a bodybuilder and participant in several Gay Games he is a magnet on the internet to guys all over the world. I get to rate his guys!

My point: Currently I am dating my right hand. But I would never give up the true friendship I have for eight seconds of semen. It changes everything, especially if (like you) emotional sex is more important than casual sex.

My advice: If you have not had sex before the trip, then put it out of your mind during the trip. Rate the guys at the resort together, and neither should feel the loser if one doesn't return to the room for a night. Only after you return should you ask the important question with a smile on your face: "Hey that trip was a blast, we get along great. Do you think that, um, maybe we could ever be a couple? Or is best friends more important?
 
^ I agree with mpdan. ..|

Before I was out, I was in love with my best-friend. He knew that I was gay years before I did.

It didn't keep him from going on camping trips, and long road trips together. There isn't a lot that we don't do together.

We even lived together for five years, and everyone thought we were a Gay couple, and he didn't mind.

My best-friend and I even discussed having a "relationship" together, but decided that we couldn't give each other what we needed, what with him being straight an all.

In the 35 years that we've been friends, he's more family to me now than members of my own family.

Cars have come and gone, careers, relationships, friends, and lovers, but our friendship has remained through it all.

I wouldn't trade any of that for one night in the sack with him. Did I mention that he's still hot after all of these years?

It sounds like your friend has given you a wonderful gift already, his love and friendship. It also sounds like the two of you know each other better than any two lovers could.

I'd celebrate that, and if the discussion comes up about your feelings for him, reassure him that your friendship with him is paramount. Then let him decide whether or not he want's to share his feeling for you on the subject. My best-friend gave me that choice once, we could either be friends or nothing. I chose the former, and haven't regretted one moment since making that decision.

Good luck! (*8*)
 
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