I have the same problem. I don't know how to fix it, but I've still managed to make the odd friend or two. Try networking: Make a few friends (someone you know at work, someone you meet at an event - doesn't matter so long as you like them) and then make a point to meet their friends. Hopefully you'll like a few of them, and can then meet
their friends. Some of the best friends I have I met through other friends.
Not only am I a fugly little bitch with the charm of a cardboard box, I am a complete failure in all aspects of life. I recently graduated with a useless liberal arts degree that I may as well use to wipe my ass with. As such, I have no prospect of getting a good job. Likewise, since my grades were poor I have no prospect of attending graduate school for an advanced degree that could actually be useful in the real world. I have no talent whatsoever, and everything I have attempted to do I have failed at. I am simply not good at anything... you couldn't find a person with fewer skills or talents than me. Essentially, I hate every aspect of my person and spend my days longing to be someone else.
First off, lots of people with liberal arts degrees find employent outside their major. Mind-blowing success may not be around the corner, but if you've recently graduated then you still have time to try a few times before branding yourself an irredeemable failure.
Second, I refer you back to the "self-image" thing.
All of this is enough to make me want slit my throat, but the real coup de grace is the fact that I am a fag.
See? You at least have one thing in your favor.
Its one thing to be ugly, stupid and talentless, but having an unnatural desire to plug another mans ass or choke on his dick is quite another. I have been hoping since age 13 that my homosexual feelings would subside, but at this point it appears that the disease is a chronic affliction.
If you're stuck with it, why not enjoy it? Certainly you're not going to have much in the way of fulfillng relationships without
some way of dealing with this...
I despise my orientation for reasons too numerous to fully enumerate. I gave up on religion a long time ago so faith has nothing to do with it.
I suspect that this is not the case. Lots of people I know who say they've given up religion stioll seem to feel obnligated tro stick to its moral rules out of habit.
The fact that homosexuality goes against all natural law and serves no evolutionary purpose leads me to believe that it is merely some tragic syndrome or disease.
See? "Natural law." Natural law's
can't be broken; that's what makes them natural laws. They're rules like "conservation of mass" and "equal and opposite reaction." Anything else presumes a Divine Plan within nature, and that's a religious argument.
Also, I don't think you proprerly understand "evolutionary purpose" not everything in nature serves an obvious evolutionary purpose. If same-sex behavior is an evolutionary disadvantage, it will eventually be "bred out." That doesn't mean it's any less "natural" for those who indulge in the meantime.
Some argue that since homosexuality is found across species it is somehow normal, but all this really proves is that many species are afflicted by the same disorder.
Or that it presents some unobserved advantage to the species/lineage as a whole.
So not only does this psychological disorder make me defective from an evolutionary standpoint,
Are you realy that concerned about your genetic contributions to the species?
I can never look forward to having children, which is really the only reason we are here in the first place.
Not quite so. Even from a strct evolutionary perepective, we are here to preserve and further the future generations of our genetic legacy. That does not require that evey member of the lieage produce offspring. In a more abstract, humanist sense, you're here to do whatever you like.
If I had children they would have to be of my blood. Since I could never love the unwanted fetal alcohol baby of some nasty tramp, adoption isn't really an option.
Well, I suppose everyone's better off if you don't adopt then.
So basically homosexuality has robed me of life's sole purpose and greatest joy.
I disagree. I think you have denied yuorself that joy. Even as a gay man you could experience at least some of the joys of children, were you willing to extend your paternal impulse beyond your own theoretical offspring. You could be a "favorite uncle," or even adopt. Hell, with the miracles of modern tchnology, you might even get kids of your own blood.
And since a truly long term relationship is usually out of the question without the commitment of children, I can only look forward to growing old and dying alone without either a partner or a family.
I don't know about that. I've seen long-term gay relationships. And even long-term platonic relationships. People stay together for reasons other than children.
Did I mention the fact that I am still in the closet and probably will not ever come out? If the few conservative, homophobic friends that I have ever discovered my secret, they would instantly boot me from their circle. If my extended family ever found out, they would disown me.
Well, here's a big problem right here. I'm not saying that you should come out, but it seems to me that on the "growing old and dying alone" topic, this is a more serious impediment than the lack of childbearing options. I can't speak to your relationship with your friends; only you can make that decision.
If my parents ever found out, they would be ashamed to say the least. My mother especially would have an emotional break down and probably kill herself or at the very least live her life saddened and remorseful.
If your mother would kill herself over your sexuality, then she needs counseling. I'm not saying that to be unkind; if she's that fragile then she may need some help.
Yeah so thats basically a very concise summation of my troubles. Essentially all of this boils down to the fact that I no longer have much will to carry on. It would be so much easier to just off myself than to continue living the way I am. I often feel like wrapping my car around a tree but I'm too much of a pussy to even do that. So here I am, in the twilight of my youth, with nothing to show for my years but bitterness and regret. I often look back and wonder what could have been had I been a different person.
Also, you may need counseling as well.
I have already tried several antidepressant medications to help me deal with my problems and none of them were too effective. And since psychotherapy is a crock, I'm basically out of options. Any advice on how to meet people, accept myself and live a happy life would be greatly appreciated.
The best advice I can give is this: Try to be less miserable.
Find some source of fulfillment or contentment at least in the short term. Try physical activity - a sport, running, sex, martial arts, weightlifting, anything that gets your blood flowing. Get more sunshine. Try to find things that make you want to get out of bed in the morning. Try new foods. Get a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Play a musical instrument. Play video games. Write a novel. You don't have to be great at it; you just have to enjoy it.
None of these things will miraculously make your life better. But you might find that you feel a little better about your life. Beyond that, you seem deeply depressed. As you don't seem to have had much luck with antidepressants and appear to have no faith in professional counseling, I'm rather stumped as to what else to say about it. Personally I'd say to see someone anyway - if you're feeling this miserable, what do you have to lose even if it
is all a crock?
