Tacky or No?: Texting Another Guy During a Date

[bripatrick]

So my roommate came home and was a bit flustered and anxious. I asked him what was up, and he said he just got back from a coffee date with this guy he's been seeing. They've been dating for about a month, have NOT talked about being exclusive...just been seeing each other, going to dinner/movies/coffee, fooled around a bit I guess.

When they were out to coffee, this dude had his iPad along, and at one point my roommate asked if he could see it and mess around on it because he'd never used one before. So, he hands it over, and roomie clicks the facebook app to log in, but when he clicks it, it already has this guy automatically signed in.

Apparently the page was already opened up to his private messages, and the first thing that caught his eye was that this guy had just messaged another guy about five minutes prior saying that he found his really attractive and wanted to know if they could go out some time.

Like I said, neither party has directly said they wanted this to be exclusive, and they were always free to date other guys. I even brought up to my roommate that he's hooked up with another guy and has been talking to a few others in this time. But what we both agreed on was that dating or asking another guy on a date is not wrong, but doing it WHILE ON A DATE is pretty friggin' tacky.

So, agree or disagree? Ever done it or caught the guy you were with do it? Should he even bring it up to this guy...and if so, how does he even do it without looking like a crazy person. I've seen this soap opera too many times, where A confronts B about compromising e-mails, texts, etc. and B counters back saying they had no right snooping in the first place.

Thoughts?

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

cooor see this same topic few times posty

guys is guys guess

what females do with out um

hope all work it our end

 

[Críostóir]

Yeah, End of Date. Probably End of Dating, unless the guy makes a sincere and eloquent apology, and does something fairly spectacular to make amends.

Which he probably won't. Too much like work.

 

[bripatrick]

I just think it's a big red flag about this guy's character. My roomie, up until this point, has really digged him, and because of that isn't sure if this is a deal breaker. For me personally, I'd peace out, but he's conflicted about it. Partially because he likes him, and partially because they haven't "committed." To me, that doesn't mean a thing...even if they decided they were going to be in an open relationship, you still don't facebook/text other guys about hooking up while you're on a date with another man.

This guy is really attractive, has a great job, great place, car, nice to talk to, blah blah blah. But he definitely has a past. He's a recovering drug addict, apparently was a prostitute for a few years to support his habit, and got HIV along the way. He's pulled his life back together, but this kind of acted as a crack in his armor, in my opinion. I don't think he's as "redeemed from his old ways" as much as he puts on that he is.

Ugh, I just don't want to see my roomie get hurt by some douche again.

 

[bripatrick]

Very, very tacky. If I got a text while on a date, I'd very quickly look at it, and only answer it if it was a matter of life or death.

That being said, it's painfully obvious that if someone has an extremely "personal" (for lack of a better term) device, like a tablet or mobile, they're going to be logged into all of their accounts. It was rather underhanded and sneaky for your roommate to even be booting up the Facebook app. It sounds like he was snooping, and it seems he got what he was looking for. I know that if I asked to look at someone's tablet or mobile, I wouldn't try and log myself into my own Facebook account.

Believe me, I immediately interrogated him about this. He has a history of snooping when it comes to boyfriends. His last one was totally cheating on him 8 times over, and when he started suspecting it, he looked through his phone and found a bunch of texts, found facebook message threads, etc. etc. So I knew that he is willing to do that, as much of an invasion of privacy that it is.

So I asked him why he was looking through this guy's stuff, and he said he flat out asked this guy if he could check his facebook and he said "yeah." So, according to roomie, there was no intent to snoop at all, and he couldn't help seeing this message when he opened it up. First words he saw was "you're so hot...we should go out some time" and he couldn't just not see it.

 

[HunterM]

I don't think it's tacky at all...coz he was texting me

 

[DJ1990]

Nothing is tacky. Nothing is normal.
God is bipolar.

 

[gingentleman]

People so often have no idea how to behave properly in public anymore! "Tacky" is an understatement!

 

[benners]

Tacky, and in a big-red-flag kind of way.

Not committing is one thing, but scamming on other potential dates while you're on a date is pretty terrible.

That would be like asking the waiter what he had going on after things were wrapping up with the date at your table.

 

[healingduck]

Texting ANYONE on a date is rude. If you are just hanging out with someone I think its ok....unless they actually start talking on the phone....One of my friends does this and it is really annoying.

 

[Callum]

Taking a phone on a date is rude - never mind the texting bit. An iPad is just absurd.

End of prospective relationship...

 

[arpeggi]

I might look at my cell phone if it goes off on a date. But I would probably apologize. I most certainly would not start texting or calling or answer a call unless it somehow involved the person I was on the date with or was an emergency.

I've had instances where I would text while on a date, but I've known the person and I'm sharing the information with him at the same time, otherwise it just seems like a secret conversation and you're avoiding your date.

Most people, however, seem to have no level of rude cell phone usage they aren't willing to cross. It always seems there's something more important going on there than there is face to face. I get a bit tired of feeling like I'm interrupting a person's text when I speak to them.

 

[Paws]

If I understand it right, it was five minutes before the date with your roommate.

On the few dates I had, the guys picked up phone calls and I didn't care.

 

[G-Lexington]

Texting ANYBODY during a date is tacky, unless it's...oh, I don't know. Some sort of work emergency, asking where the Jenkins file is or something? Something that can be handled with a five-word text. Other than that, the focus should be on the person in your personal presence.

Lex

 

[Sam Blum]

This is a little bit like eaves-dropping, isn't it? We never find out anything good whilst doing it.

That said, it does hurt when you find the interest you have in a guy is less than completely reciprocated. I think Criostoir is right - time to move on.

 

[mbamike]

Exclusive or not. Texting someone else WHILE ON A DATE is pretty friggin' tacky.

 

[Nomenclature]

Constantly looking down at your cell phone while you should be paying attention to something else seems like something only a little teenager should do. Grow the fuck up and text later. I'm not saying you shouldn't text, i'm just saying that it's not that fucking important to text message while you're driving, are on a date etc.