Taking a liking to my friend of 6 years

[jeffhardylover8472]

Hi guys. Long time no see.

So about 6 years ago, I started meeting up with a guy I met online. I was enjoying every bit of it too. Then I met my ex and moved away, but I’ll save that for another discussion.

Anyway, after I moved away, I made quite a few trips back home and each time I met up with my old flame. I never realized how much I actually missed him.

I just recently moved back home and I’ve seen him quite frequently since I’ve been back. Despite that my last relationship ended badly, I kinda have the feeling that I may be ready for another one and I may have my eyes set on him.

Him and I were talking the other night and he mentioned that with his line of work (he works in healthcare as a nurse), he’s got a busy schedule and feels he wouldn’t have time for another relationship for him, despite once stating he may want me as a boyfriend at some point.

Of course, that’s not gonna stop me from spending my usual time with him. Should I tell him I’m possibly open for one despite this?

 

[MusicMan321]

Hello there it depends on how you feel and if you both have feelings towards each other see how it goes

 

[SeaCore]

It doesn't sound like it'd be too risky for you to tell him. He expressed an attraction/interest in you and continued the friendship. So if the answer is 'no' it doesn't sound like it should have a strong impact on the dynamic you both have now.

For most people I'd be more likely to suggest waiting because the pandemic adds further complications to starting relationships but it looks like you're in Australia so those problems don't really apply since the pandemic is under control there, as I understand it anyways.

What are your expectations in a relationship? I trust this guy's word that work is keeping him very busy. So if you need a lot of interaction it might be better to hold off.

And if the answer is 'no' you've absolutely got to be okay with this guy either pursuing or having sex with other people because you're not in a relationship even if there's a strong possibility for one.

Is there any reason you think you shouldn't confess your feelings?

 

[jeffhardylover8472]

I’m not really sure. We seem to get along pretty good besides just the sex (in my opinion anyway). Like I stated too, he has hit me up every time I visited home, so to me, that kinda says something. Unless I’m wrong...

 

[KaraBulut]

...Despite that my last relationship ended badly, I kinda have the feeling that I may be ready for another one and I may have my eyes set on him...

Him and I were talking the other night and he mentioned that with his line of work (he works in healthcare as a nurse), he’s got a busy schedule and feels he wouldn’t have time for another relationship for him, despite once stating he may want me as a boyfriend at some point.

Of course, that’s not gonna stop me from spending my usual time with him. Should I tell him I’m possibly open for one despite this?

I’m not really sure. We seem to get along pretty good besides just the sex (in my opinion anyway). Like I stated too, he has hit me up every time I visited home, so to me, that kinda says something. Unless I’m wrong...

I read through what you've written and I was left with a few questions:

1. It sounds like you had a rough breakup with your ex. Are you ready for another relationship or do you feel like there's something about this guy that would make you say, "I didn't think I was ready for another relationship, but this guy makes me think that I am"?
2. Is what you have with this guy just a fuckbuddy thing or is it more of a dating thing?
3. When say you "may be ready for a relationship", are you saying you want a "monogamish" commitment where you are dating exclusively? Or is it something else?

It's fine to have a fuckbuddy. It's fine to have friends with whom you also have a great sexual connection. It's fine... as long as both parties are on the same page about things like feelings and monogamy.

I don't think the two of you are on the same page.

You need to talk with him about what you both want. Ask him to clarify whether he's saying "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I'm not ready for a relationship with you." I don't mean this to be cruel but that's kind of where the uncertainty is, isn't it?

On one hand, he might have been honest about being busy and not wanting to set unrealistic expectations. On the other hand, he's sent mixed messages by saying that he might want to be your boyfriend but then saying he's too busy to be in a relationship.

It just seems that you both need to get on the same page about whether you're a) fuckbuddies, b) whether you're dating but not exclusive/monogamous or c) whether you're dating but able to see other people.

If you have that talk and you're both okay with what the other is looking for, then it's all okay. If you have the talk and you want different things, then you have a decision to make about whether you want to find someone else who wants what you want.

Hi guys. Long time no see.

Welcome back. We did notice that you were away for a while.