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Taking breaks?

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NYClover54

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How do you feel about relationships taking breaks from each other? My boyfriend wants us to have a break from each other for a couple of weeks to a month. We won't have sex with anybody else but my worry is that he will lose interest as time passes. I think he still loves me but we go to the same college and we see each other almost everyday which is a problem.
 
I don't believe in breaks, personally, but maybe they work for others. I think that if there is a problem, it can be fixed only with communication, not the opposite.

But if you are going through with it AND he loses interest in just a few weeks, then the relationship is already over, so that fear of yours is either pointless, or not the point.
 
I agree with Rollyo85, to a degree. I thinking "taking a break" is sort of like saying "there is a problem here and I'd rather walk away from it than attempt to fix it." If there is an issue, you should try to talk to him candidly. Have a heart-to-heart and decide to either stay together or to break things off. If you really love one another, you will both make a concentrated effort to work things out.

On the other hand maybe breaks can work, but in most cases I've seen "breaks" end badly because the two people would rather ignore the issues than fix them which leads to worse things that end up putting even more stress on the relationship. You can't love someone and want to ignore the problems that are between you. To me, that says you don't care.

However, I think this is more of my personal feelings, rather than what most people think.

Good luck, NYClover. I hope you find the best way to handle this. I wish you the best. :)
 
Well time apart can be healthy but if you are thinking of "hooking up" or playing the field then ...no. Sometimes people need their space and you can work on projects alone. Maybe it's a function of living situation or jobs. I have been in a small apartment with a former bf and we both faced periods of unemployment so were pretty much hanging out. It did get stifling after a while and I actually took a mini-holiday on my own. But we were both needing it and fully understood the motivations. And it only lasted a week...that was enough time. The lack of sex sure wasn't a problem and neither of us even thought of taking advantage of the time apart in that way. I sincerely hope that's the case with you - that this has nothing to do with sex.

If it does then you know the answer and have seen it in many discussions about open relationships.
 
You should talk. Sometimes a request to "take a break" is just another way of saying "I'm over it" without really saying. Some people just don't know how to break it off so they ease out of it by wanting to take a break. "Taking a break" can also be a form of avoiding something. As I said, you should talk.
 
The thing is if someone is set on taking a break then the only alternative is breaking up.

I'd try to find out why he wishes to take a break.

Breaks can be helpful in some specific cases. Being apart can allow the questioning partner to determine how they feel about their partner or how they feel about being in a relationship.

Some people worry when the newness "spark" is gone and they question whether or not they're in love.

Sometimes people want to know if it's love or expediency that keeps them with their partner.

As someone who's been in a gay relationship with the same person for almost thirty years I can tell you we've been through most relationship issues and most of life's big issues. We've taken a break or two and we're still standing.

If you have to lock the doors to save a relationship I'd say instead of a home you have a prison.

If you take the break and he comes back, I'd insist on couple's therapy. A break is a break and ought not become a revolving door.
 
sometimes you have to just take a step back from whatever routine you are in and figure out if that's the path in life you want to go down or not. Things in life, pressures, can be overwhelming sometimes.

The old adage comes into play here ' if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was..."

See, the thing about relationships is that each person needs to be invested fully into it. If one isn't, then it won't work. You need to let him figure out what he needs and if you are what he needs/wants. There's no magic fix/cure. You've done your part...shown him who you are and what he's getting. It's up to him to figure out if you are a fit for him.
 
No breaks.

I've had BF's attempt this in the past, and it was usually cause they wanted to justify sleeping with someone else, and if that didn't work out they wanted the option to come back, or they just didn't have the balls to say it was over.

If they can't stick through it through the good and the bad times, they should just go.

We're either "ON", or "OFF". Pick ONE. Don't fall into that grey area of "I think we're together?", sitting home alone wondering what he's doing while he's out replacing you with someone else.
 
NYClover54 said:
How do you feel about relationships taking breaks from each other? My boyfriend wants us to have a break from each other for a couple of weeks to a month. We won't have sex with anybody else but my worry is that he will lose interest as time passes. I think he still loves me but we go to the same college and we see each other almost everyday which is a problem.
Click to expand...

Why is it a problem to see your boyfriend almost everyday? Is that why you're taking a break? Was it a "we spend too much time together and I'm getting tired of you" type of deal? If so, break up with him. Boyfriends are supposed to love every minute with you. Go find someone who will appreciate your company :)
 
It is so Ross and Rachel.

It means that you are breaking up.

So just do it.
 
It doesn't necessarily mean that, but it means that there is a problem. And I still urge you to actually communicate and talk about a solution, rather than splitting, which will most likely not be temporary.
 
Honest to God...once the 'Let's take a break' speech is given, I have never seen a relationship ever get back on track even if the couple tries to talk things out.

It is a sign that one party is looking for the exits and even when things get patched over....in the long term, the prospects are really bad for the success of the pairing. No matter what, that little doubt is right there and the other person is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes in a few months.....sometimes a few years.

So while it may sound cold, cold, cold....I think that it is like a valuable piece of Meissen porcelain that has broken. You can glue it back together,,,even making the joint almost invisible...and the piece will still be pretty...but you'll always know that the crack is ther.
 
Well calling it "taking a break" is probably the most negative about it because it kinda sounds like breaking up and then seeing if you wanna get back together or not.

If you have been fighting a lot then some time a part to cool off and have some time to think about it might not be such a bad thing.

Just make sure you don't take it too far...

 
That's iffy. If you're in a serious relationship, you should be able to sit down, talk, and try to get on the same page. If you go on a break, I believe things will simply crumble from that point.
 
"Taking a break" is always a euphemism that your relationship is about to end. It's just an easier way to move both parties to the point of breaking up without the immediate shock of it being over. I have never heard of a "break" saving a relationship in my lifetime.
 
^^^This. I've never known any relationship that has taken a "break" that didn't end in simply being broken up.
 
Well I know people where it did work. When you're young you get on each others nerves a lot and a break from time to time could be a good thing. We love each other and we don't want to break up.
 
^ Sounds like you didn't need our advice then if you already knew people who were experts on the matter. Take care.
 
Since you only have 8 posts since joining, I read them. Most of them have been about your troubles with your bf...mostly him being unhappy with you. He wants out, dude.
 
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