Taking the passive aproach...

[joseranulfo]

Starting with this post.

When I first registered to JUB almost a month ago, I did it with the username jose6295, and created this thread:

/forum/showthread.php?t=307832
(sorry, can't post url's yet)

I'm been thinking on coming out for a few weeks now, but I don't really want to do the whole "announcement" thing. I don't really know why, I know that if I were straight, there would be no need to do declare my heterosexuality, so why do it in this case. I simply decided to go on with my life as normal as posible, but without the whole "hiding my gay self". Thats why I created this new account, with the same username and avatar I use everywhere else in the web, forums, e-mails, etc. as the first step of this process.

This is the catch, tough, I live with and work for my mother (family bussines). I am sure that as soon as one of my siblings finds out about me, either by my blog which my youngest sister reads on rare ocassions and on which I will post something about this, (sooner rather than later), or trough some facebook updates as I begin talking to some of my friends about this, my mother will be the next one to know within the following two minutes, and the rest of my family following shortly. (yeah, mine is a very communicative and almost stereotipical latino family).

As far as I know no one in my family would be really surprised, (26 yo, 0 girlfriends, someone would have to be suspicius by now), and I really don't fear their reactions, my mother will find out one of these days but I don't really know if I should just tell her that I'm gay tomorrow morning and be done with the whole family, or just keep on with my life as if there is no big deal and wait for her to receive the news secondhand by one of my sisters eventually.

What would you do?, Any advice?

 

[lostnfound]

If your mom and family already have suspicions about you being gay (as you've stated) AND they are open-minded and accepting of gays, then you should just come out to them, especially if it's obvious.

Some parents are clueless, others are in denial about having an adult son being single all these years.

If the door is open, then walk through it.

 

[Smitho]

I think you should tell them. They deserve to hear it from you and you can get it out in the open. You can then also answer questions face to face. i think for a mother, especially a close one as you say, you work together, to find this out second hand is just not right.

 

[rareboy]

Just bring your boyfriend home to meet them.

Behave like it is the most normal thing in the world.

They'll probably figure it out.

 

[joseranulfo]

Oh well, I just told her.

During the night I tough that this whole passive thing might work for my friends, (they are not many), but as smitho said, my mother deserve to find out from me. Maybe this was my way to avoid a sitdown and serius discussion.

Anyway, I woke up, dressed for work, and waited for her to go out of her room, she started telling me that we needed to go shoping for groceryes and don't forget to pickup my grandfather from my uncles house in the evening. I briefly doubted and tought of waiting for my grandpa to leave, but as he is coming to go with my mother in a ten day visit to my brother and sister in Chiapas at the end of the week, this was the moment to do it now or wait for her arrival next month. So called for her at the table, and a moment after she sat down I said:

-I wanna tell you, and maybe might not come as a surprise to you but... I'm gay
*awkward ten second silent, her gaze shifted to the table.
-Since when, did someone abuse you or...
-I know since I was a small child, I know I liked boys since I was ten or so, but I just never told anyone. I've always been gay
*silence, this time longer, she avoided my stare, the whole time, maybe forty seconds passed before she said
-Well, I don't like your decision but...
I cut her out
- It is not a decision, It's just who I am, Because I'm just telling you now doesn't mean that I've made a sudden decision, or that something changed me, the only thing different is that I'm a grown man now, to keep hiding this it's just inmature and dishonest, that's why I'm telling you at this moment.
*more silence, I didn't mind she seemed to be processing, but when she kept looking at the table for more than a minute I started to get nervous again, finally after she woke up of the table while telling me,
-Well, what do you want me to say, you are still my son, it's not like this changes anything.

And the day's been going kind of normal, I mean, just having shorts talks about work.

and after a few minutes, I left her and now I'm here writing about this.

Well, She just asked me why I told her now, Was I with somebody?, I told her that I am not, but that I sure wanted to. That maybe I would try a little web project (will post more on that later) and that she would eventually find out. Told me that she would not tell my brothers, I would have to take care of that and to be careful because "those" people have a hard time in life.

I told her that I would and that I didn't have planned to make an announcemt to my brothers but that they would eventually find out, I'll just sign up for some local gay groups on facebook or something.

It was actually more easy than I would have imagined, and while I know that i'm wrong by doing so, can't avoid feeling a little guilty, as if i'ts my fault that she has to go through this.

I'll post more later.

 

[joseranulfo]

I know my family, so...

I just called one of my older sisters on the phone, the one closest to my mother, I just told her that I just came out to my mother.
Well, you know, not a big surprise for her, just gave me her support and I asked her to talk to my mother, she surely would need her support more than me right now.

Let's see how all this plays out.

 

[soiram]

Sounds like things turned out alright. Your mum's reaction is pretty normal. The "Those people have a difficult life" has been one of the main arguments I've heard from my mother/sister too. And it is kind of true. But it just goes to show that your mother is just worried for your well being and that you get the best quality of life possible! It is good that your sister can help her through this process, it is certainly not easy for her.

But it is important that you don't carry any guild over this. It is definitely not your fault (it is actually no one's fault) that you are gay. It might be a bit awkward at the beginning but I think in the long-run you'll be glad you came out to your mother!

 

[rareboy]

Phew.

Now it should get easier after the intial shock and fireworks are over.