Taking Your Own Advice

[Swellegant]

I've been mooning about the house the last couple of days, depressed all to hell... partly because I got my meds off-balance, but mostly because of something that happened in my professional/financial life (I wrote about it in my blog, if you want all the gory details) that totally shot my ego full of great bleeding holes. And by "mooning," I mean that I have been crying on and off and generally feeling so sorry for myself that I can't bear my own gloomy company.

And this morning I was reflecting on something that I said (or rather wrote) to someone else on this board: "life is what you make it, not what happens to you." That took me up short, kind of shocked me even. I mean, here I am pissing and moaning about something that happened to me instead of making something with my life.

People have told me on a number of occasions that I give excellent advice on this board; and yet, my own life is a catastrophe. Does this mean I'm full of shit? Or that I'm just better at dealing with other people's problems? I often think that the matter of distance makes it so much easier to solve problems that are not one's own; but it doesn't seem very practical to advise people to do things that I myself have not done.

Do you find yourself doing this? Ignoring your own excellent advice? I wonder how common the practice really is... whenever I start thinking myself a freak, I often discover that there are thousands with the exact same problem.

In the meantime, I have to think now what to make of my life, since if I follow my own advice I can't just sit here waiting for something useful to happen to me.

What kind of life do I want, anyway? Hell if I know.

What kind of life do you want? What advice do you give yourself?

 

[jamie_01930]

I find this a tad amazing . I too just got done with a post about starting a more positve life.

Best of luck with yours.

 

[gsdx]

People have told me on a number of occasions that I give excellent advice on this board; and yet, my own life is a catastrophe. Does this mean I'm full of shit? Or that I'm just better at dealing with other people's problems?

It is always easier to deal with other people's problems. It is so easy to see the answers when you are looking at them objectively. It's a little more personal when the problems are your own, and any advice you can give yourself won't do squat for you unless someone else gives you the same advice. Then you'll listen to yourself.

You're not full of shit, my friend. You are human.

 

[Scrub]

I think we listen to advice from others rather then ourselves because we are always second guessing our own thoughts.

 

[antdak]

Welcome to Life!!

 

[NickCole]

I think it's the forest and tree thing.

Lost in a forest it's hard to find our way out; it's still not easy even if we've been lost there before. But if we're guided by someone in a helicopter who, from above, can see the edge of the forest then of course their advice will be valuable.

Anyway. Robert, I think you need a good cuddle. Come here ...

 

[Andreus]

life happens

people who know the most about life are the ones that greet it everyday and occasionally take chances. Sometimes they dont work out.

i think you cant have certain wisdom without certain pain. they seem to temper each other.

feelings are called feelings because they are meant to be felt. there are some parts of my life, some things that happened, that i will always cry about. I do it a few times a week, and i dont apologize. People just think im one of those overly emotional greeks and leave me to my tears, knowing that i will be joking and playing an hour later.

Sorrow has little to do with wisdom

in fact, I would say that it's wise to acnowledge your pain instead of stuffing it. you are a really good person, and you are in touch with yourself.

I celebrate you no matter what you are feeling and i want to thank you for sharing your real self with us here everyday. there are alot of phoney people in life and especially on the internet. you are not one of them. I don't expect perfection from people, just honesty and compassion. Never have i seen you avoid those things.

You inspire me.

HUGS

 

[Christopher123]

Do you find yourself doing this? Ignoring your own excellent advice?

All the time.

When I'm on the outside looking in, it's easy to say what I may or may not do. But when I'm faced with the situation myself, it gets a little more complicated and I tend to forget the advice I've given to someone else.

I don't always practice what I preach.

What kind of life do I want? The kind of life I think lots of people want - to exist peacefully.

 

[james1200]

robert, you give really, really good advice. if you think about it, even a lot of therapists that are very good at what they do have really messy personal lives but that doesn't mean they don't know what they're talking about. i hope things get better for you...

 

[mega]

Take my own advice! What? Do I look like a complete idiot?

It always seem to be easier to be objective about an another person's problems than your own. I give my best advice to people I see massively screwing up something I've already screwed up my self. Yes, there are times when I bang my head on the wall, thinking I already know this...

 

[Nonimus]

My advice would be, 'Cheer-up! He'll be home for good soon'.

 

[just_mills]

I just read your blog.
Sorry to hear about what happened.
Don't take it out on yourself though. It's their loss.
They dont "come across" as a good employer, to only have allowed you one day of work, to get to know you/see how god/bad you are, and what-not..

I hope you are feeling better today.
Think about the Future.. Don't dwell on bad things of the past

Chin up

 

[dolphwasser]

It is always easier to deal with other people's problems. It is so easy to see the answers when you are looking at them objectively. It's a little more personal when the problems are your own, and any advice you can give yourself won't do squat for you unless someone else gives you the same advice. Then you'll listen to yourself.

You're not full of shit, my friend. You are human.

EXCELLENT reply! I agree completely. Robert~Marlénè, It takes a LOT to get over the emotional effects of events that affect us personally versus viewing the same events that effect someone else. From what you describe, you have an extra load to try to overcome. Don't doubt yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. From your post, it seems like you know what you have to do - just give yourself some time to do it. You have your supporters here backing you up. Good luke - I wish you well.

 

[ComNavFdgPk]

Do as I say, not as I do!!!!

 

[TriBi]

robert, you give really, really good advice. if you think about it, even a lot of therapists that are very good at what they do have really messy personal lives but that doesn't mean they don't know what they're talking about. i hope things get better for you...

I couldn't have said it much better.

R~M, I always look out for your posts - and it seems almost incomprehensible in the face of the 'gems of wisdom' that you post that you should feel this way.

Believe in yourself - and please do take your own advice.

 

[james1200]

trust me tribi...it wasn't easy for me to be serious and nice to someone. but robert is just one of those guys that brings out the best in you.

 

[hotdog1846]

Robert, I read your blog. You've had a major personal rejection happen and it's normal that you'd be totally down-in-the-dumps about it.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. That's not always a bad thing; often it's a mark of someone who has high standards. When those who have high standards fail to live up to our own standards, we can be our own worst critics and can beat ourselves to death over it.

I say "we" because I have high standards for myself, and I've been exactly where I think you are.

In your case, I think you have high standards for self-determination and independence. You've defined clearly who Robert is and you stand by that definition and usually let the world's crap slide off like water off a duck's back. Well, now something's happened that's got under your skin (totally understandable) and now you're beating yourself up in several dimensions (that I can see, anyway) for letting it get to you.

Stop.

I won't try to answer your questions specifically, since I think they all tie into what I described above. You've had a big shock, your confidence is rattled, and what you're experiencing is normal. I'm confident in you.

Shit happens. Life IS somewhat determined by what happens to you. If you get hit by a car and end up paralyzed, you'll never become a world-class athlete. You may excel in other areas, though, and to that degree one CAN exercise some self-determination.

The difference is whether one becomes defined by their circumstances. If you're paralyzed, are you Paralysis, or are you a terrific guy who happens to be paralyzed?

I know you, and you're a terrific guy. And I'm just reminding you of what you already know.

Now c'mere, NickCole and I are gonna cuddle you for a while.