Teacher/student relationship

[Paws]

There were several teachers I had in high school with whom I'd enjoy hooking up with now.

Word.

______

 

[Adam2299]

it's not sweet though.........

i truly feel like the teacher is seriously taking advantage of my friend right now.

there's nothing "sweet" about it.

ugh.

 

[Croynan]

Ok, to answer some questions here...

First of all, the teacher is a very nice and genuine person, well-liked by everyone in our hometown. He won "teacher of the year" like 3 years in a row or something. My friend is also very smart and mature for his age. I don't know if personal qualities matter here, but I figured I would share...

Also, their relationship was NEVER sexual when he was a student, just fyi. But now he claims that they're only sleeping together, and nothing more...

The thing that bothers me is the fact that this teacher helped my friend overcome depression when he was suicidal and truly acted as a key mentor and saved his life. My friend, although he's doing better, is still not 100% over his depression, and I feel having a sexual relationship with a mentor (teacher or not) is only going to hurt him... As a fellow survival of depression, this really really scares me... ugh

They may just be sleeping together but there are a lot of emotions being played with here.

And if the said teacher is aware of the history of depression and potential suicidal thoughts he is really tampering with emotions by what he is doing now. How does this teacher think this young man is going to deal with issues if their "sexual relationship" goes sour? Is he capable of predicting how this young adult is going to hand the situation given his prior history????

The potential for a serious crises to develop here is unbelievable given this additional information. Regardless of how mature the young man may be he is still at a most vulnerable period in his age and with a history of depression sitting there in the background, one does not go around playing "fun and games" just to get your "rocks off."

Teacher of the Year or not what in the hell is he thinking about right now in allowing a situation such as this to develop. Maybe the teacher is the one who really needs some psychiatric care for allowing this situation to develop and more important for him to allow himself to get into such a relationship. Two consenting adults they may be legally, but what is taking place here goes beyond the bounds of COMMON SENSE and thought of the potential dangers that come about.

Is he prepared to pay the psychiatric bills if something goes wrong with this young man should this "relationship" sour and the young man has difficulty in coping with the situation.?

i may just be a local village idiot who happened to teach in the past, but nothing in any university classes i took in education indicated that such a situation as this is a meaningful and learning experience - i wonder what Socretes would say in this situation if he knew all the facts that are involved.



eM.

 

[NickCole]

Ok, to answer some questions here...

First of all, the teacher is a very nice and genuine person, well-liked by everyone in our hometown. He won "teacher of the year" like 3 years in a row or something. My friend is also very smart and mature for his age. I don't know if personal qualities matter here, but I figured I would share...

Also, their relationship was NEVER sexual when he was a student, just fyi. But now he claims that they're only sleeping together, and nothing more...

The thing that bothers me is the fact that this teacher helped my friend overcome depression when he was suicidal and truly acted as a key mentor and saved his life. My friend, although he's doing better, is still not 100% over his depression, and I feel having a sexual relationship with a mentor (teacher or not) is only going to hurt him... As a fellow survival of depression, this really really scares me... ugh

I have a question that's maybe best answered by one of the two educators who've already posted to this thread, but if anyone knows, I'm curious: does having a sexual relationship with a mentor necessarily hurt someone? Of course it could be hurtful but is it possible for it to be okay, that a sexual element could ultimately add positively to the experience, the relationship?

 

[Adam2299]

yea, thanks for that insight Rick. I never thought about it like that. Hmm I'll have to think about this more... and of course I'll feel like a dumbass if they fall in love and get married... ha.

 

[Nonimus]

Sometimes God just holds out a dildo instead of a shepherd's staff - not that there's anything wrong with the shepherd or his staff. Unless maybe he's a German Shepherd. In which case you just have to "follow orders and do as you are told!)

WTF? Anyway - moving swiftly on...

It is possible that this young guy suddenly 'bloomed' - I know several guys that I went to school with who were dawky, goofy, spots n greasy hair and then suddenly 'BANG' - they're drop dead fucking gorge!

It is very possible that these two guys are happy, and if you don't mind me saying it Adam2299 - you sound a little bit jealous.

 

[Lostlover]

I think there's something fundamentally wrong there.

You could view that mentoring as paedophillic grooming and then taking advantage afterwards.

I find it strange the parents haven't twigged and complaining already...

I have to agree 100%

You just know that teacher had designs on that student when he was a minor. You just know.

 

[Nonimus]

Well if he did have attractions to this guy when he was a minor that makes him a paedophille - but yet he waits until the guy is 20 before commencing a sexual relationship?

That don't add up.

 

[Lostlover]

Actually, it adds up just well.

Wait later until the student becomes an adult and keep your job or screw the child, risk going to jail and lose your job.

I mean really, the teacher just found him sexually attractive when he became an adult? I don't think so.

 

[Nonimus]

You don't know that - i prefer to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, after all they're two consenting adults doing what two consenting adults choose to do.

 

[just_mills]

Innit, man! ^
I could type some things regarding this Thread, but it doesn't seem like there's much point.
Seems half of you have made up your mind, before knowing the full-facts anyhow..
N' SHIT.

 

[Adam2299]

Just fyi to who ever said I'm jealous, perhaps it does seem that way, but that's far from the truth. I just really love my friends a lot and go to great lengths to make sure they're ok... and the fact that he's depressed really hits home with me b/c I know what he's going through. That's all.

 

[irish1]

Yuch.

Stay the mentor, don't become the lover.

Regardless of the age of consent, I think that this is taking advantage.

 

[Croynan]

I have a question that's maybe best answered by one of the two educators who've already posted to this thread, but if anyone knows, I'm curious: does having a sexual relationship with a mentor necessarily hurt someone? Of course it could be hurtful but is it possible for it to be okay, that a sexual element could ultimately add positively to the experience, the relationship?

I am not trying to be rude or anything like that, but basically you are asking someone and or anyone to predict the future about their so called "relationship." And if you know of anyone, even a good psychiatrist that would be willing to do so, i sure would be interested in hearing about that.

Apply the question to yourself as a matter of fact - would you be prepared to do that?

What I think people are ignoring and or not wanting to see is the potential for a lot of harm and or damage to occur to both of these individuals. I don't care if they are two consenting adults.

All that younger consenting has to do - is turn against the teacher if their relationship does not go the way he wants and or expects it to - is then turn around and say there were sexual relationships with this teacher when he was in his class for four years.

That teacher is going to have a rough time trying to deal with charges such as those. Suppose this young adult stands his ground being interviewed or even possibly a trial - do you realize where that puts this teacher? I am not saying this is going to happen - what i am saying is that there is a risk and potential for something as serious as this to occur.

And the teacher by not realizing and or not thinking and or not wishing to think in this direction, is i believe showing a tremendous lack in judgment for his own well being and the young adult's just as well.

Look at the cases that are going on with the priest now across the country. What if some of those were not issues of pedophilia - what if they were similar situations such as this - my guess is some of those cases are and have been proven to be similar to situations such as is being described in this scenario. I doubt whether we will ever know or not.

But, pardon the language, fuck the issue that they are both consenting adults - look at the fucking and potential risks involved here - one word against the word of another and that is all it would take for this thing to potentially explode in everyone's face.

Why run the risk of anything near a situation such as this. If fucking someone is that important to you that you or anyone is willing to run such potential risks of some sort of an incident - then stop wearing condoms - you might just as well do that with the next person you so badly need to fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, is all that seems to be being looked at here and not THE POTENTIAL RISKS INVOLVED IN THIS SITUATION and that is not making assumptions - that is stating possibilities, over which NONE OF US HAVE ANY CONTROL THAT I AM AWARE OF.


you have my permission to have this posting removed if anyone one of you feels that this posting is out of line and or misleading. if anyone finds if offensive in anyway, then the same applies. if you feel i am being dis-respectful to anyone and or tampering with the "facts?" as they are know to us at this time, then the same applies - have this posting removed immediately.

eM.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Well, I'm not sure I could ever start a relationship with someone whom I once mentored with such an age gap, but there have a been a few of my students who are only a handful of years younger than I am whom I could see myself involved with.

With ana ge-gap like that, though, it wouldn't feel right to me. Call it arrogant, but I'd feel a lot more paternal with a 20 year difference and that would seem like a violation.

Having said all that, it's all legal and they are no longer at the same institution - can't fault it, exactly.

-d-

 

[NickCole]

[/color][/b]

I am not trying to be rude or anything like that, but basically you are asking someone and or anyone to predict the future about their so called "relationship." And if you know of anyone, even a good psychiatrist that would be willing to do so, i sure would be interested in hearing about that.

Actually I asked you and other long-term educators because I thought maybe you'd know of specific instances of these relationships -- and how they turned out.

Here's the one I know about first-hand: My favorite aunt was married with a son. Her marriage was going very badly and she decided to return to school. She was in her late 20s and fell in love with a female professor who was 20 years older, had been a mentor while my aunt figured out some difficult things in her life, and also happened to fall in love with my aunt. My aunt divorced her husband and moved in with her older mentor/lover. Today, 40 years later, they're still together.

What I think people are ignoring and or not wanting to see is the potential for a lot of harm and or damage to occur to both of these individuals. I don't care if they are two consenting adults.

All that younger consenting has to do - is turn against the teacher if their relationship does not go the way he wants and or expects it to - is then turn around and say there were sexual relationships with this teacher when he was in his class for four years.

That teacher is going to have a rough time trying to deal with charges such as those. Suppose this young adult stands his ground being interviewed or even possibly a trial - do you realize where that puts this teacher? I am not saying this is going to happen - what i am saying is that there is a risk and potential for something as serious as this to occur.

Of course you raise a valid and important point.

And maybe I'm just too much of a romantic and risk-taker, but if I fell in love with someone and he said he fell in love with me, I'm not sure I could resist diving into a relationship. Being in love with someone in love with me is so wonderful that I ignore what others say I ought to be careful of. Probably a very good thing I'm not a teacher, huh?!

 

[Eagle653]

In answer to the question does a relationship between a mentor/mentee or teacher/student HAVE to turn our disasterous, the answer is no. However, psychologically, the relationship necessarily changes. Sometimes it can change in a good direction, or at least another beneficial direction--sometimes it can head south and be diasasterous.

Most professions have ethical guidelines prohibiting (especially sexual) relationships between the professional and their charges, e.g., doctors-patients; lawyers-clients; psychologists-clients; teachers-students. This is done for a lot of obvious reasons, but primarily because these relationships are, by nature, imbalanced in terms of power and because the psychological changes that occur with sex impede the professional roles and "work" that needs to be done by the professional on behalf of the client.

Once that formal relationship ends (no longer a student or client), then most professional groups relax their concern about such relationships, but both sides need to be aware of residual power issues that may remain.

 

[Adam2299]

In case anyone cares (which I have no idea if they do or not,) BUT...

my friend just called me literally crying about how this so called "mentor" aka, his TEACHER, has told him that he doesn't want a relationship with him; only wants a "sexual" thing with him.... UGH..... I knew my instincts were right....

So I've been on the phone w/ my friend all night trying to make him feel better... blah.

whatever. fuck older men who think they can take advantage of young guys. seriously, fuck them.

that is all.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

In case anyone cares (which I have no idea if they do or not,) BUT...

my friend just called me literally crying about how this so called "mentor" aka, his TEACHER, has told him that he doesn't want a relationship with him; only wants a "sexual" thing with him.... UGH..... I knew my instincts were right....

So I've been on the phone w/ my friend all night trying to make him feel better... blah.

whatever. fuck older men who think they can take advantage of young guys. seriously, fuck them.

that is all.

Oh man I'm sorry to hear that. I've been blown off by a lot of older guys, and I've been usually used for sex, but that is totally wrong. I hope your friend feels better it might take a while. Not all older men are like this but it's sad that it happened to your friend.

 

[cocktales]

First of all, I do NOT care what age difference is involved in a romance; it does NOT matter (if they are of legal age)....

But.........

Also being a former educator, this situation just makes the hair on the back of my neck rise up in ire!!

The very first rule in secondary or any education course is NEVER, NEVER get romantically involved with your students or get in a position where it even gives a hint of inpropriety!

OK, sure the student may NOW be of age; but this teacher used his position as a teacher to gain the confidence of a student while he was teaching said student and then looks like took advantage of that position and started a relationship with the student....

I truly want to declare this relationship "none-of-my-business"; but due to the bad odor that eminates from this former student/teacher relationship; I canNOT give my blessing to this romance....

Teachers who use their influence over students to gain a sexual advantage, are just morally doing the wrong thing! End of rant!