Hey, thank you everyone for the comments. I apologize for the weak writing in the last chapter. The long break I took made me lose on the tone I wanted to set in the story. I hope you guys like where the story is going.
CHAPTER 9:
There is great tragedy in death. I had always heard that sentence tossed around in a few conversations, but only now I knew what it actually meant. It is the eradication of a person's invincibility; it is a tragedy when a person is left truly vulnerable that he is reduced into a body even more lifeless than a corpse. It is at this point that a person actually starts to crave death; because having felt this, he knows how painful life can tend to be.
But even then, I did not die.
I was reminded of that moment just now as the darkness peered into my room as the light slowly slipped further and further down from the ceiling. Alex was still standing there, not making a move; his eyes locked on me. I could feel the shrilling glare pierce my body as I waited for him to reply to my earlier statement.
"I know she is. I am glad she is," something had changed in his tone.
He wasted no time in turning around and leaving the room; leaving me alone to ponder over my thoughts.
I had just pushed Alex away. I don't know why but something inside me screamed and I just had to do it. I guess that is why I gave him an inkling that I liked Elena, and broke my idealization of having him. I don't even know whether what he felt was the thing I thought it was. Maybe he pitied me and my horrible past and I was just the scared animal desperate to be fed in front of his eyes.
I slowly started to become more anxious as I realized the power our conversation carried between us. It was hard to understand whether I had made the right decision. I think it was my mind's way of self-preservation. I just didn't anticipate my thoughts to be so out of control that I would change the way someone felt about me.
I got up from my bed as I knew the more I laid down, the more I would think about the same thing. It was completely dark by now and I chose not to turn on the lighting in my room. Carefully I paced through my room, trying to get these thoughts out of my head. How could I have started to grieve over something that was a faint possibility, and probably never could have been.
I needed an escape from my thoughts. So far my only haven was spending time with Alex and Elena but it was apparent that at this moment it would only make matters worse. I kicked around to find my bagpack in the darkness and immediately unzipped and emptied the contents onto the bed. I found a thin orange container with my name on it and a few pills inside it. I took out two and swallowed them, hoping that I would find some alleviation in the medicine but unfortunately I did not feel much of a change. I don't know what came over me and I took two more of the pills and lied back down on the bed and slowly closed my eyes in the calm of the dark surrounding me.
Suddenly there was a bright light shining outside my window and I failed to make sense of it. I stumbled out of bed and staggered along the corridor and down the staircase. Just then Elena brushed past me as she ran towards the front door. I could see Alex sitting in his car and slowly reversing out of the driveway. The headlights shone through the open door and directly into my eyes.
This was just as I remembered it. I slowly walked out of the house; limping even though I had no more injuries. This did not look like Alex and Elena's house anymore. It was all different and of a place I had tried so hard to forget. I felt numb to the bone and I did not feel any emotions. In just a minute I was in the middle of the road, walking towards the moon and disregarding every other object around me.
A blinding light shone into my eyes and I fell onto my knees. I was expecting darkness just like I remembered this scenario but my wait was to no avail. I was looking directly into the light and my numbness finally broke. A face emerged from the light, and it was not something I wanted to see. My body ached and I could not believe I was experiencing this again.
CHAPTER 9:
There is great tragedy in death. I had always heard that sentence tossed around in a few conversations, but only now I knew what it actually meant. It is the eradication of a person's invincibility; it is a tragedy when a person is left truly vulnerable that he is reduced into a body even more lifeless than a corpse. It is at this point that a person actually starts to crave death; because having felt this, he knows how painful life can tend to be.
But even then, I did not die.
I was reminded of that moment just now as the darkness peered into my room as the light slowly slipped further and further down from the ceiling. Alex was still standing there, not making a move; his eyes locked on me. I could feel the shrilling glare pierce my body as I waited for him to reply to my earlier statement.
"I know she is. I am glad she is," something had changed in his tone.
He wasted no time in turning around and leaving the room; leaving me alone to ponder over my thoughts.
I had just pushed Alex away. I don't know why but something inside me screamed and I just had to do it. I guess that is why I gave him an inkling that I liked Elena, and broke my idealization of having him. I don't even know whether what he felt was the thing I thought it was. Maybe he pitied me and my horrible past and I was just the scared animal desperate to be fed in front of his eyes.
I slowly started to become more anxious as I realized the power our conversation carried between us. It was hard to understand whether I had made the right decision. I think it was my mind's way of self-preservation. I just didn't anticipate my thoughts to be so out of control that I would change the way someone felt about me.
I got up from my bed as I knew the more I laid down, the more I would think about the same thing. It was completely dark by now and I chose not to turn on the lighting in my room. Carefully I paced through my room, trying to get these thoughts out of my head. How could I have started to grieve over something that was a faint possibility, and probably never could have been.
I needed an escape from my thoughts. So far my only haven was spending time with Alex and Elena but it was apparent that at this moment it would only make matters worse. I kicked around to find my bagpack in the darkness and immediately unzipped and emptied the contents onto the bed. I found a thin orange container with my name on it and a few pills inside it. I took out two and swallowed them, hoping that I would find some alleviation in the medicine but unfortunately I did not feel much of a change. I don't know what came over me and I took two more of the pills and lied back down on the bed and slowly closed my eyes in the calm of the dark surrounding me.
Suddenly there was a bright light shining outside my window and I failed to make sense of it. I stumbled out of bed and staggered along the corridor and down the staircase. Just then Elena brushed past me as she ran towards the front door. I could see Alex sitting in his car and slowly reversing out of the driveway. The headlights shone through the open door and directly into my eyes.
This was just as I remembered it. I slowly walked out of the house; limping even though I had no more injuries. This did not look like Alex and Elena's house anymore. It was all different and of a place I had tried so hard to forget. I felt numb to the bone and I did not feel any emotions. In just a minute I was in the middle of the road, walking towards the moon and disregarding every other object around me.
A blinding light shone into my eyes and I fell onto my knees. I was expecting darkness just like I remembered this scenario but my wait was to no avail. I was looking directly into the light and my numbness finally broke. A face emerged from the light, and it was not something I wanted to see. My body ached and I could not believe I was experiencing this again.
