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Tell him?

Themastercorey

Themastercorey

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Ok I have this problem for quite some time now but I really feel I should ask here. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ok here's my problem:

I have a major crush on my dutch teacher. He had been my teacher for like 3 years now and I never gotten to tell him how I feel. But now he moved to the other part of my school and I hardly ever see him. And if I do see him I totally black out. I didn't even spoke to him this year.

He's is so nice. He's so handsome and always cute and funny. He's getting a little gray hair next to his ears. He has such a lovely smile and is always in such a good mood. He has hot black hair because he's half spanish. oh god I could talk about him for hours. I would post pictures (that my mate took with a mobilephone) but I'm afraid that they will end up all over the gay community and I don't want to do that to him.

Damn while I'm typing this I feel such a love for him. Especially with this smooth Guns n Roses music I have one. But there are just a few things that make it harder to tell him. He's married and has a few kids. Besides I'm so shy. I'm scared that I'll black out and stotter or pass out, in other words make a complete fool out of myself.

He does have a school email and I know what the adress is but it feels so un personal to send an email. Plus he might think it's some kind of joke or some sneaky teacher reads his mails behind his back. And if I send a mail I won't get an instant reaction.

Crap I'm just so afraid about telling him. But I'm stuck with this feeling. Should I really tell him? I mean it kinda feels useless too. Like I said before, he has a wife and kids. No way he's gonna screw all that just for me.

Please give me some good suggestions. And please not something like " don't be such wimp, just tell ". Please try to think of what you would do when your were in my shoes.

I hope to get some help,

thnx in advance!
 
You'll jeopardize his career, he's married, with kids and (presumably) straight..
..not a good prospect for anything good coming out this situation.
 
Some things we yearn for cannot be ours and an unrequited love can be the sweetest of all.

Do not tell him.
 
let me get one thing straigh:

I just wan't to tell him to light my hart. I do not expect more from him then to listen to me. I don't want him to ruin his career and family live for me. I understand a sexual relationship isn't possible.
 
As you say, you just want to "light your heart", but have you thought of the way he might respond? It could get pretty ugly, you never know how he might react or it could just end up being really awkward. Just follow your heart and do what you think would be the best, but think it properly through before doing anything hasty;)
 
You are playing with a loaded gun here ... IF you don't expect or want anything back from him ; then what is the use of telling him ? Get over him the best you can and find someone that you can actually enjoy a relationship with ..
 
Be a secret admirer. Write him a letter that tells him why you think he is such a great guy. Tell him about how wonderful you think he is. Tell him you understand that there will be no relationship. Tell him about the impact he has made on your life. Write it all down. Take some time with it and make sure you get the words just right. wait a day or so. edit it. make sure it is just right. put some serious thought into it. send it with a rose. or a hundred roses. you won't be there for his reaction. you know what his reaction will be. It will make him feel loved and cherished and it will make an impact that he will remember forever (or a really long time, whichever comes first.) You have to give up the notion that he will recognize that he received it from you. you need this to be secret. for his sake. if you love him you want what is best for him. dont stalk him. lol. no, seriously, dont stalk him. dont do anything to put his career or family in jeopardy. but let him know that somebody loves him truly and deeply. make sure that you get the letter right and hold that moment in your heart for the rest of your years knowing that you gave this man the kindest gift possible. Love.
 
^^I don't think a letter like that is a kind gift at all. I think it's unkind and intrusive.

I say keep this to yourself. Let it be a bittersweet fuel that motivates your creativity, your passion, your productivity. Use it as a positive force within yourself.

No good will come from telling this nice man who's married with children what you feel for him.

Some things are best left unsaid.
 
What do you want to do this for? What outcome are you expecting from telling him? Why would he want to know any of this this?
 
Yes, that is the trouble with men, not only today but also in the past. Men seem to be scared to death of honest-to-goodness love for another man, a love that does not include sexual relations. That is sad.

I want to tell you it can be great. It is possible for two men to be so in with one another that they both know that, absent the constraints of present commitments they would be in bed together. I know!!! When it comes to sex there are those of us who know, sometimes though bitter experience, that it has to be one at a time.

So to Themastercorey I would say: do be a friend to the fellow and he may come to be your friend as well. There a men in the world who can hold their heads up high because they have learned that to have friends you must be a friend and to be a man you have to be eager to realize the fullness of all that you are. You strike me as a kind person who many others might like to know. Don't be shy, the first move toward friendship is to be friendly and that is an act of kindness we can afford to have a lot of.

Peace!
 
Thnx for the good advices and comments!

I think I'll just step forward and have a friendly talk with the next time I see him. Just talk about good old times. Maybe I can reconsider if I'll tell him or not afterwards. Btw sending some kind of loveletter sounds like a lovely thing to do but I think he'll be wondering who the hell had sended it to him and I'll be wondering what he might have thought of it. It just won't slove things.
 
conrad said:
Men seem to be scared to death of honest-to-goodness love for another man, a love that does not include sexual relations. That is sad.

I want to tell you it can be great. It is possible for two men to be so in with one another that they both know that, absent the constraints of present commitments they would be in bed together. I know!!! When it comes to sex there are those of us who know, sometimes though bitter experience, that it has to be one at a time.
Click to expand...
I don't know that it has to be one at a time but I agree whole heartedly with the rest of this.

I've been in love with many men, some have been my bf, some have been a friend and we've been sexual and some we've not been sexual. Depends on the circumstances. Sometimes it's worked out perfectly and sometimes being sexual or not being sexual has been a regret. For me, personally, I almost always regret what I don't do a lot more than what I do.

I have a friend, we've been in love with one another from the day we met 20 years ago. We had a love affair, sexually, when we first met but not been sexual since. He's married now with a child, I've been with my partner for 14 years. This friend and I are close close friends and after all these years I think it's safe to say we always will be. I think being in love with a friend is spectacular.

Gay men can be in love with a man and incorporate those feelings into a friendship much more easily than straight men can. Gay men of my generation seemed to be more open to that kind of relationship than the 20-something generation today, and maybe 30-somethings of today. I'm not sure where that fear came from but it's sad, a big loss for them.

But to the subject of this thread, I think a gay man telling his straight teacher who's married with children that he's in love with him is potentially harmful and I don't see what's to be gained. Forge a friendship with him, sure. And if there's a connection, if a bond develops between the two, the friendship deepens and the feeling of being in love continues, THEN tell him. But I don't see what good will come from confessing these feelings now. And to be brutally frank, being in love with someone one barely knows is usually more fantasy about what the smitten thinks the man is than the reality of who he is.
 
It's a crush, let it pass. Seriously.

Anything you do will be a sort of creeper move to him. And I don't know how old you are, but because you have a teacher/student relationship he might freak out even more.
 
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