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Telling Dad

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PaolinoC

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Hey! So I've just recently joined. I've been following the site for a bit and I figured "why not get help from the experts?" From what I've seen, the community here is kind and I enjoy the site, so I signed myself up. I was wondering if you guys could help me out? I'm on the verge of coming out. My closest friends all know (8 in total) and I've almost got my "base" to start building my open life upon. Problem is, small towns circulate info fast. I can't be openly gay at my school without my whole family finding out probably by the end of the day. (It doesn't help that my little brother is in high school too.) Essentially though, I just want to tell my dad next. My house isn't the best place to tell him (too... audible,) and I was wondering if any of you had any tips or advice to help me along? I'd really appreciate it! :)
 
Welcome to JUB.

Congrats on coming out and telling your family. I know it's not easy. I've been there. To talk with your dad privately how about going for a walk together. Ive read where some guys have had the talk in a public place, like a quiet restaurant. That helped keep things civil because their parent didn't want to make a scene. You could wait until the two of you had the house to yourselves but that's not always an easy thing with siblings running around. I think going for a drive or a walk together will give you the chance to have a private conversation.

My dad wasn't thrilled with the news but he told me he loved me regardless of who I am and he didn't treat me any differently. He died in September and I miss him so much. He was an amazing dad.

Good luck with things. Let us know how it goes.

Steven.
 
Welcome. It's nice to have you here. Do you and your dad share yard work or shopping or going to movies, etc? I also like the idea of a walk or a hike. Is there any place appropriate that you'd be alone and by yourselves? "Dad, I'd like some alone time with you. Can we take a drive,? might be too anticipatory. Planning a small event like a walk or hike would be more about the event rather than the talk.

I think it's great that you want to do this. I'm wishing you the best possible outcome.
 
I'd say a pub or something... As said above, it will definitely help avoid there becoming a big scene. Go for beers & wings or something - something you know your dad enjoys. He'll think it's a nice gesture, and will be in a good mood, which hopefully will help.
 
I took my parents out for dinner - mostly because I knew my Mom would not have a fit in public.
 
Out of curiosity, how do you think he's going to take the news? That often determines where the best time and place to tell him should be.
 
All of your suggestions were quite helpful, but (and I hate to make a waste of a thread) I came out to him before I read any of them. We took a drive to the city for some shopping today, and it was actually really fun. On the way home (a long drive) I fought myself trying to find the words. I just said "Dad... Do you want to talk?" He said sure, but I was so nervous and sick... So he started teasing me to lighten the mood. I told him, and he was so supportive, and then I started crying, and then he started crying, and my dad's a BIG guy! He even suggested I visit the hot young Russians he's starting a job for... I'm so happy I can talk to him now. Thanks so much everyone for the support! I'm beyond exhausted.
 
You should be careful about coming out when you are still in school and living at home. If you encounter hostility, you cannot get away from it. At school, you are forced to be close to the people who may bully you. Same at home. Wait until you are out of school and could move out of the house if you need to.
 
Benvolio said:
You should be careful about coming out when you are still in school and living at home. If you encounter hostility, you cannot get away from it. At school, you are forced to be close to the people who may bully you. Same at home. Wait until you are out of school and could move out of the house if you need to.
Click to expand...

Read my second post. :)
 
hi PaolinoC,

First of all, welcome to JUB.

Great to hear that your dad reacted very well when you told him you are gay. I think you did it on a very good way. Congratulated.

Maybe he already had some 'clues', or he has gay friends (or something like that). Well, now he has a gay son, and it seems to me that your dad is an open-minded and good guy.

So right now you are -more or less- ready to start your life as an open gay. No hiding anymore. I would like to wish you all the best, and feel free to ask any question.

Best wishes & take care.
 
Thanks for the update. Glad things worked out. Kinda hoped the going for a ride would work, even though you did it before reading my post. lol I'd be willing to bet he had a clue that you are gay. He sounds like a great dad. I wish everyones coming out would be like yours.

Congrats.

Steven.
 
Thanks again for all your congratulations! As for your assumptions: yes, he had guessed. Like his later-to-come-out friend from high school, he sees a great number of girls find me very personable. He did, however, always think that he "was wrong about me." It also probably helped considering that my half-brother is also gay! He said "I know I'm an a**hole, but I don't mean what I say (in reference to his homophobic remarks). I would never think lesser of you just for being gay." I love my dad. I'm glad things are better now, and I do appreciate all the advice. I know who to ask if I need any more help! :)
 
Also oddly enough, he knew, and I knew that he knew, but he didn't know that I knew that he knew about me. :p
 
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