Telling my Bro

[yankee]

First I would come out to him, then worry about moving in or not.

 

[Therobbyshow]

Like JW said...I don't think the living closer to the U is worth being
in a possible hostile household because of a homophobe.
If you are set on moving out, tell him first and see how he reacts.
And even if he says it's ok, I would ask my parents if it would be ok
to move back in if your brother "changes" his mind about being fine
with it. Gotta have a backup plan.

 

[Yves]

The ideal scenario is to feel comfortable in your new home and avoid a homophobic housemate. What about your other brother? How supportive is he? Have you guys talked about your homophobic brother?
Are there any options as John W suggested? Friends?
I agree with yankee if there are no other options. First come out to him and then see if it´s a safe environment to move in. I prefer eye to eye contact to e-mail or msn unless geographical considerations.

 

[M4P]

I was informed by my sister that my mother spilled the beans to my brother while I was away on a trip. I immediately called my brother when I got home. It had to be the best conversation we ever had. He always knew and told me he loved me and would always be there for me. It was not the reaction I expected.

 

[mega]

Come out to your bro. Find somewhere else to live. You are in a university town, go to the campus community boards and find a place to live. Your bro may be ok with your being gay, but you said you don't get along anyway. If you move in with him you're going to be unhappy, that is no way to live.

 

[jft245]

My other bro is very supportive and accepting. I can be me with him. He seems to think that my bro won't care one way or the other.

May be the best way to handle it would be to have your brother that you have told be there with you. He might be able to bring something to the discussion that could help convince your other brother to at least accept you for what you are and not make you an outcast from his life. Even though you said you were afraid of this brother as a child, the fact that you are worriying about this points out that you do want him in your life.

 

[runner]

Move closer to Uni - but get your own house/apartment with some friends who are like minded. That's my advice.

That would be my advice too. I'd forget that brother.

 

[confusedboy23]

I wouldn't do it online. The phone would have been the next best option if you cannot do it in person. He needs to know it and if everyone else in your family has accepted you and have been supportive, I think he might too. Perhaps, get your mum or dad or even your other bro to help you out a bit. Maybe get them to talk to your bro before you speak to him. Good luck.

 

[Soilwork]

if you want advice from someone who's only close with his gay brother, I'd say that the best way to win the respect of anyone is to live life on your own terms with no appologies.

You go be who you are and what you are and let him worry about his reaction.

BUT.. please remember that there's a difference between immersing someone and holding them under. Respect him too.. allow him time to adjust to the news and allow him time to sort his own feelings out.

You're both grown men, now, and you should approach it like that.

 

[3nipples]

It's probably not all his fault if you don't have a good relationship with your brother.

Here is an opportunity to open up to him and for both of you to re-examine your relationship. He's not the kid he was 10 years ago or 20, but sometimes your interaction with someone becomes ingrained and needs a kick start to change. He may well surprise you.

Since you both don't get along, you have very little to lose, but potentially a huge amount to gain.

 

[Riverrick]

It seems the consensus in your family is that he will ultimately be ok with it. The day was going to come anyhow when you were going to want to come out to him. So now seems like a good time.

I love the parent's comments about coming out to him ("Why?"). That's so common. Like they just expected you to hide it from him the rest of your life.

If its difficult for you to come out to him, do it however you want. At least it will be done.
Good Luck! We'll be here waiting if you want to tell us about it.

 

[screwnutty]

I love the parent's comments about coming out to him ("Why?"). That's so common. Like they just expected you to hide it from him the rest of your life.

I think Antares parents (well at least his mom for sure!) are still in the Denial/It's just a phase he's going through stage. Either ways Good luck to you Mark on Sunday! i'll be checking your blog in between battles to see how things are going. (this line makes more sense if you read the thread entitled...what are you doing this weekend!)

 

[Yves]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I just read your blog and I´m very happy for you. This is an amazing step in the right direction. Well done!!! Lack of understanding is not the same as hate and you guys finally had the opportunity to talk.




3nipples had great insight and his post is applicable to many of us in similar situations. This is such a great forum.

......Here is an opportunity to open up to him and for both of you to re-examine your relationship. He's not the kid he was 10 years ago or 20, but sometimes your interaction with someone becomes ingrained and needs a kick start to change. He may well surprise you.
Since you both don't get along, you have very little to lose, but potentially a huge amount to gain.

 

[luvthissite]

don't tell him online. Best to do it face to face. go out somewhere that you can talk or even at home alone. tell him that his support means a lot. tell him and then tell him you will leave him alone to think about it. tell him if he then wants to talk more about it, if he has any questions/concerns, you would be glad to answer.

then, after a couple days, ask him how he is doing. then, bring up the moving out thing. tell him you want to move out, and live with the guys. however, you only want to do this if he can be tolerable to your lifestyle, tell him if cannot accept the lifestyle, you would understand, but he must be tolerable or it wont work out and you would be better off living with some other non-family members by uni. or at home. let him know that you want to meet other people like yourself, and hopefully one day find someone that you love and can share your feelings with. you need to explain to him soon what to expect if you live together by uni. because you do not want to have problems after you move out. you can probably move back if things dont work out, but it is best to get all these things worked out now.

overall, just let him know that his support really means a lot to you and that if the roles were reversed and he was gay, you would support him and understand his lifestyle. you can also tell him that god made you this way, and all you want to do is be happy just like he wants.

when you are almost done talking to him, give him a kiss on the lips, touch his crotch and tell him that you love him (I AM JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!! )

good luck.