telling the parents?

[ssean18]

so i guess you could say im half out.. or maybe a third.

i came out to one of my friends about 3 months ago, him being gay also and he was obviously cool with it so then i built up the courage to tell some more friends.. so all up about 6 people know.. none of which had any idea except for the first guy i told.. i think the fact we would always got to the gay club together gave it away. lol.

anyway as ive said ive told about 6 people and there is prolly another 6 people i want to tell (everyone else can work it out for themselves or hear it through the grapevine.. i dont plan on coming out to the world).. but i dont want to tell them untill ive told my parents cuz i dont want my parents finding out from anyone but me cuz a few people im yet to tell, there parents are friends with mine or they know someone who knows my folks etc etc.. i prolly sound paranoid but oh well.

so yeah i want to tell them but its so fricken hard.

i dont want to make a big deal out of it because it isnt a big deal.. its just words really. how did eveyone else tell there folks. did u just blurt it out 'im gay' or sit them down and say you needed to talk to them. i just dont want to have to sit down and have a discussion about it with them. im quite close with them but not close enought that i would sit down and have a deep and meaningful with them or ask them for advice or anything like that..

i think they would be cool with it.. well after a while at least. i dont think they know. im pretty straight acting (tho its not an act - just me) but i guess i am a lil gay in some respects. they know i have gay friends and i even told them i go to the beat (a gay club is brisbane) when they asked what clubs i go to.. funny thing was my mum said that she use to go there when she was younger. haha.. i think my dad may take some time gettin use to it.. hes kinda a blokey bloke and ive heard him talking about gays and that he dosnt like them but some time if im watching will and grace he'll watch it too and he thinks its hilarious so i dnt know.

so yeah i think ive rambled on enough..

look forward to reading what you have to say!

 

[boy0boy]

same situation.. half told but worried about telling some more since it will be easier to get back to parents and i wouldnt want them to find out like that...

so I guess I'll take a seat next to you and see what advice we can get, ha!

 

[ssean18]

haha thanks.. you can keep me company.. lol

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Ssean,

Mate - from one Aussie to another....

Congrats on wanting to take this step... on wanting to be open and honest. Its a pretty big give away to the type of guy you are... your morals and your values. To want to share what seems like a huge secret with your family is a brave and courageous thing to do. You should feel proud of how far you've come and what it says about you.

Mate, its a pretty safe bet that at least your mum knows... the Beat is what it is and while str8 guys hang there as well it would have at least raised some questions for her.

And the reality is, the thing you dont want to do is probably the best way to do it. Face to face... with the openness honesty and respect that you've shown here. You'd be surprised how many parents would give their right arm to have an opportunity to have a real and sincere discussion with their kids... let alone about something that determines part of their path and happiness in life.

There will be questions... and there may be a little shock but the thing with your parents is this - they see you. They know the real you... And more than anything they will want you to be happy. Our parents quite often seem incapable of being able to understand what we are going through...and yet they nearly always seem to overcome the obstacles for one reason...love.


Treat your parents the way you would want your best friend or son to treat you - with love kindness and honesty. Talk to them. Actually really talk to them. About your fears, about your life and what this might mean, about your happiness. More than anything they'll want to understand and know that you are okay. They want to know that you are ready and able to deal with whatever this might mean for you. They want to know that you are comfortable with yourself.

And from your post here mate...you're more than okay. You're more than ready. You owe it to yourself and them to do this, so you can move on and be all you can be... be the son...and friend... that they will love no matter what. Because you will always be you. The son with the sense of humour, the ability to love and care, the son with the mates and friends they know. The son with the morals and values they help teach you - the son they are proud of.

 

[Yorkeys Knob]

Hey ssean, mate well I read your thread earlier, and then when I got back, Tallguy had more or less stolen my thunder. I can only reinforce that which Tallguy has already said, just remember, your their son, and it's going to freak them out, but they love you, and will always love you no matter what.
I went through hell before coming to my parents, damn back in the days when being gay meant, just having a happy persona, but mate they surprised me, and said as long as I was happy, followed my true self and was happy with the person I finally decided too settle down with, then they had no problems at all.
Mate, you don;t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, it's just that at a moment like this, it feels like you are.
Good Luck Mate, you have my thoughts

 

[Justice Smith]

Hey another 19 year old Brisbanite who's been to the beat and is thinking about coming out in September.

I did it on the first or second, I think...

I kinda just asked what they wanted from me in my life and when they said they wanted me to have a good career, I took it from there and asked what would they think if there was something about me that I didn't choose and I couldn't change.

I was just using the conversation to gauge their reactions and opinions and then after they asked me what I meant I said "like if I was gay"

I got like fifteen seconds of () before they assumed I was joking.

To be fair, I have made jokes about impregnating a girl and having to go to jail for spitting on a police officer...So it was a bit of the old "boy cries wolf" schtick.

Then there was denial "You just haven't met the right girl"
"Have you seen a doctor about it"

A few seconds of Anger and I decided to leave them alone for a little while.

About 5 hours later my Mom had reached the acceptance stage, my dad said straight away that he loved me no matter what.

Before I came out, I spent a few weeks trying to be a better family person, no arguments etc... just enjoying what I had in case I lost it all.

Anyway, when you're ready you will know, believe me...sometimes you just have to take a leap even if you know you'll break your legs when you hit the ground.

The way you write leads me to believe that you're as ready as I was when I came out, just make sure you're comfortable enough with yourself before you tell them.

And without directly saying it let them know that you're not doing it in spite of them, make it known that it really isn't a choice.

All the best of luck, if you want to talk on Msn or something just send me a PM.

 

[ssean18]

hey guys...

cheers for replies!

tallguy.. thanks i know your right. if im gunna do it im gunna have to sit them down and do it properly and not blurt it out then stay at a friends place a few days like i had planned. im not sure why but i just dont like opening up to my parents, maybe that will be different once im out, i dont know. im still not sure if my mum knows. maybe. a friend of mine said that mothers always know, wether they want to believe it or not. but yeah thanks again mate.

yorkeys knob.. thats awesome your parents were so cool about it. i know mine will be.. just take time i guess.

justice.. damn.. another brissy guy. i sent you a pm with my msn addy. and you've been to the beat. haha. its so trashy but i like it. im there most sat nights. infact i was there last night til 4am. lol. anyway i know exactly what you mean by trying to be a perfect son and family member, ive been doing it all week and its killing me. well, almost. i really hope they just accept it and not question it. i know they will be be shocked. im pretty sure dad thinks i have a girlfriend so im sure the shock factor will be there.

well thanks again guys. ill keep you updated. but it wont be for a while yet.

oh and sorry for the spelling etc.. im too hungover for punctuation (lol) but just wanted to reply and say thanks!