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the 20s and the 30s

L

Lemonade

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This is a question about whether guys (who are educated, socially adept and intelligent) become more stable, reliable and homebody-like when they enter their 30s. I know it's different for each guy, which is why i tried to narrow it down with the criteria. I would love to hear some of your own experiences regarding the differences between the two decades of your life.

See, I'm 22 and I don't know if i can look forward to having a family with another man in the same way that my parents have a family. They are totally selfless to their family and to each other, and it's not something I can imagine, with my experiences and at this stage in my life, that another gay man is capable of providing the level of output and committment.
 
First, I have no idea. But I'm 24, and I already have the desire for a very LTR. This business of hookups, etc...just doesn't do anything for me.
 
Can you, yourself imagine providing the level of output and commitment? If yes, then there must be someone out there with the same capabilities. And if you are of that type, then hopefully you will attract someone with the same values. It will take time, but eventually, luck might strike?
 
I think it depends a lot on how old someone is when they come out also. My last BF was 30, about to be 31 in a few days; when I met him, I was 19, and I just turned 20. Things went sour, and I still have no clue what went wrong, he just started getting really distant. He wasn't cheating, I know it for a fact, but he just told me he's not in love with me anymore one night. Then he said about a week later when he was visiting friends in Florida that they had gone to boy bar and he made out with a few guys and did I feel uncomfortable if he slept with someone. I'm sorry, but less than 2 weeks before this he said he was on a downswing with his bi-polar condition and didn't want sex from anyone, it wasn't just me. He claims he never did sleep with someone since I expressed I would be hurt if he did.

Me on the other hand, I just turned 20, came out 2 years ago to the month and it was my longest relationship, 5 months. He's the second guy that's been 10+ years older than me, the first was 28 when I was 18. I have found that in general, it's not an age factor, it's an "I don't want to settle down with someone because I just KNOW there is someone better out there." I gave my all in my last relationship, and after 2 months, he stopped giving his all. He tried to make me feel guilty about wanting to have sex when he didn't, even though he would wake me up and want to fuck when I had already said I didn't want to. Even then, using the excuse that I'm too hot for him to resist, so trying to make it my fault. After 3 months of this, I was broken, exhausted, cranky, vulnerable, and depressed. I had a breakdown after we broke up, and he even said I was just trying to get him to feel sorry for me.

I don't think there's too much correlation between age and maturity, at least in the gay world. I've actually found most older guys are more manipulative since they've been at it longer. They tend to be really nice to start out with until they know you've fallen for them, then it's on their terms when you hang out, their terms when you have sex, their terms where you go out on dates, then they make you feel guilty for being honest.

I'm not saying all older guys are emotionally abusive, but the ones that are, are considerably better at hiding it than most young 20 year olds. He started telling me he didn't want a husband, he didn't like being seen as a couple instead of an individual, all that crap that doesn't matter if you really do love someone.

I guess there really isn't an answer to your question, don't just seek out a certain age group in hopes they're more stable, you could pass up a lot of good people who would treat you the way you should be and who want the same things out of life as you, you might just have to work a little harder at the relationship. Have your boundaries of age if that's your thing, but still be open to some young guy and don't just write him off for the age.
 
Most people i've talked to say your 20s is 'the time of your life'. I just turned 20 at the end of the summer so im both excited and scared of what the next 10 years might bring.

I dont have any friends over the age of 25, so I cant comment on people in their 30s. I guess I agree that it depends on the person.
 
Of course gay men can settle down. Some continue to play the field for their entire lives, but that's a personal choice, not some sort of inner programming inherent in homosexuals. It's true of straight guys, as well, if you give it some thought.

A lot of this may depend on where you're getting your data from. How many gay guys do you know? Where did you meet them? The gay bars or clubs? The patrons there tend not to be homebodies - they're there specifically because they DO love going out and meeting new guys and possibly hooking up. But if you were to talk to, say, gay guys in a book club, you'd probably find quite a few more who had settled down.

As far as a timeline goes, I don't really think there is a specific one. Yes, in general, guys do the realization -> experimentation/fool around -> settle down stages. But some stay in one spot for decades, and other zoom right by that "fool around" period. I don't think there's any set time for anybody.

Lex
 
Your 30s are like your 20s but with more money and more experience.
 
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