The 45 year old virgin, seeking advice

[Rgab]

Ok, it took me decades to come to terms with my sexuality openly, I'm now out. I concurrently got myself into the best shape of my life I weigh 150ish lbs, got myself into a decent exercise routine where for the first time in my life I have actual impressive abs. I have only ever given oral sex, to maybe 5 people in total in my life. I have never had anal, I know I really really want to top someone, I do not want to be bottomed. Once I got myself into shape I did the full grooming package, so I am basically shaved head to toe completely, my face has been hydroplaned, eyebrows shaped, I even (shamefaced) had a full body spray tan.
The reason I give all this info is because now that I feel like I'm feeling good, and looking good, I took some flattering pics, full body, just chest, the dick pic and posted it to a message board that could filter hyper locally. Literally 30 minutes after posting my pic a 19 year old messaged me to meet up, wants a daddy to fuck him... I was so out of my element I immediately was sure it was a scam. If this guy looks a tiny bit like his profile pic it would be like all my Christmases came at once, 30 mins after my first post ... Somehow I got so spooked I just ignored the message and realized how out of my element I am. So I'm asking for advice here. How do I know of someone is a scammer? How do I know I won't be murdered?? I've never had sex, how am I gonna break it to that first hook up who's looking for a "daddy" to fuck him....
I'm so new at this, any advice is welcomed.

 

[TX-Beau]

Bottoms are not hard to find. Internet pics are not guarantees. You won't know until you show up if that's what you want. Showing up does not obligate you to do anything - if he's not doing it for you, politely excuse yourself and leave.

No one knows if you are being "scammed," not that I really know what you mean by that. Are you talking about rent boys or money is somehow involved? You pay attention and be careful, and you take your chances - everyone is in that same boat.

More importantly, be specific about what you want and what you expect - that includes context (host, no-host, PnP or not, etc.) and hygiene, don't imply or represent yourself as offering something you're not, and be safe. You're looking at a hook-up, not dating, it doesn't matter if he's interested in your stamp collection.

 

[Rgab]

Thanks for this thoughtful reply, when you reference hygiene can you please elaborate?

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok, it took me decades to come to terms with my sexuality openly, I'm now out. I concurrently got myself into the best shape of my life I weigh 150ish lbs, got myself into a decent exercise routine where for the first time in my life I have actual impressive abs.

Congratulations.

I have only ever given oral sex, to maybe 5 people in total in my life. I have never had anal, I know I really really want to top someone, I do not want to be bottomed. Once I got myself into shape I did the full grooming package, so I am basically shaved head to toe completely, my face has been hydroplaned, eyebrows shaped, I even (shamefaced) had a full body spray tan.

You might be overthinking some of this but something that you do need to think about is what you're looking for. The whole bottom/top thing is a little like putting the cart before the horse. It's more important to think about whether you're looking for a one-time hookup, a friends with benefits arrangement or whether you are looking to date guys.

Let's be clear about something: you don't have to do anything with a guy on your first time, unless you're comfortable. Meeting up with a guy can be just to talk, just to make out, just to blow each other or it can be for a night of whatever you both want. Just be honest about it so that no one is disappointed.

The important thing is to make sure you're clear in your head about whether you are looking for a friends with benefits, a fuckbuddy, a one-night stand or someone to date.

It might also be a good idea to meet a few gay friends (non-sexual) to have someone who knows the scene in your area. They can tell you where to go to meet guys, who is a slut, who is shady, who is a nice guy and who is a lousy lay. Good gay friends who are decent people is also a good way to meet other nice guys.

The reason I give all this info is because now that I feel like I'm feeling good, and looking good, I took some flattering pics, full body, just chest, the dick pic and posted it to a message board that could filter hyper locally. Literally 30 minutes after posting my pic a 19 year old messaged me to meet up, wants a daddy to fuck him... I was so out of my element I immediately was sure it was a scam.

The chances are good that you're not the only daddy this 19 year old propositioned. The fact that he's stating up front that he wants to get fucked is an indication that he's probably just looking for someone or anyone to get off with on a one-time hookup. Basically, he's looking for a dick and you happen to have one.

You may not be ready for the fast lane yet if you've just given a few blowjobs over the years.

If this guy looks a tiny bit like his profile pic it would be like all my Christmases came at once, 30 mins after my first post ... Somehow I got so spooked I just ignored the message and realized how out of my element I am. So I'm asking for advice here. How do I know of someone is a scammer? How do I know I won't be murdered?? I've never had sex, how am I gonna break it to that first hook up who's looking for a "daddy" to fuck him....
I'm so new at this, any advice is welcomed.

It's hard for a 19 year old to look bad. That's about when most guys have the best body that they will ever have.

Maybe you might want to start a little slower? Nothing is worse than having a guy show up at your house and finding out that they don't look anything like their pictures. You can always use the apps to chat with guys and then meetup for drinks or coffee somewhere to see if you feel comfortable with that person. If a guy doesn't want to have a drink and check you out, the odds are that he's just wanting a fuck-and-run. It's also a chance for you to eliminate the ax murderers. It's also a chance for a guy to bail out if he doesn't want to take on someone who is not very experienced.

How do you know whether a guy is a creep or a scammer? If they don't want to meet up in a public place, they're probably just looking for a no-strings attached (NSA) one-time encounter. Creeps also don't want to be in a public place. If a young guy sticks you for the drink or food bill, chances are that they are shady and they're looking for a sugar daddy. On the other hand, if the guy pays for his own drinks or meal, then he's more likely to not be scamming.

Once you get a little more experience, then taking on these NSA encounters might be easier?

 

[Rgab]

Congratulations.



You might be overthinking some of this but something that you do need to think about is what you're looking for. The whole bottom/top thing is a little like putting the cart before the horse. It's more important to think about whether you're looking for a one-time hookup, a friends with benefits arrangement or whether you are looking to date guys.

Let's be clear about something: you don't have to do anything with a guy on your first time, unless you're comfortable. Meeting up with a guy can be just to talk, just to make out, just to blow each other or it can be for a night of whatever you both want. Just be honest about it so that no one is disappointed.

The important thing is to make sure you're clear in your head about whether you are looking for a friends with benefits, a fuckbuddy, a one-night stand or someone to date.

It might also be a good idea to meet a few gay friends (non-sexual) to have someone who knows the scene in your area. They can tell you where to go to meet guys, who is a slut, who is shady, who is a nice guy and who is a lousy lay. Good gay friends who are decent people is also a good way to meet other nice guys.



The chances are good that you're not the only daddy this 19 year old propositioned. The fact that he's stating up front that he wants to get fucked is an indication that he's probably just looking for someone or anyone to get off with on a one-time hookup. Basically, he's looking for a dick and you happen to have one.

You may not be ready for the fast lane yet if you've just given a few blowjobs over the years.


It's hard for a 19 year old to look bad. That's about when most guys have the best body that they will ever have.

Maybe you might want to start a little slower? Nothing is worse than having a guy show up at your house and finding out that they don't look anything like their pictures. You can always use the apps to chat with guys and then meetup for drinks or coffee somewhere to see if you feel comfortable with that person. If a guy doesn't want to have a drink and check you out, the odds are that he's just wanting a fuck-and-run. It's also a chance for you to eliminate the ax murders. It's also a chance for a guy to bail out if he doesn't want to take on someone who is not very experienced.

How do you know whether a guy is a creep or a scammer? If they don't want to meet up in a public place, they're probably just looking for a no-strings attached (NSA) one-time encounter. Creeps also don't want to be in a public place. If a young guy sticks you for the drink or food bill, chances are they they are shady. On the other hand, if the guy pays for his own drinks or meal, then he's more likely to not be scamming.

Once you get a little more experience, then taking on these NSA encounters might be easier?

Wow thanks so much. The thing I'm realizing is that I'm a 45 year old trapped in a (horny) 20 year olds body and I'm trying (probably too) hard to make up for lost time...

 

[KaraBulut]

Wow thanks so much. The thing I'm realizing is that I'm a 45 year old trapped in a (horny) 20 year olds body and I'm trying (probably too) hard to make up for lost time...

It's same no matter what age you are. Most of us were like kids in a candy store when we first started having sex. Most of us had good encounters, bad encounters and a lot of in-between encounters before we found the person that we settled down with. Most of wish that someone told us that we are the person in charge and we don't have to do everything right out of the gate.

Also....not to be a wet blanket but if you're gonna be playing with the boys, you should also get immunized for hepatitis, meningitis, monkeypox (now known as mpox) and HPV, if you didn't get these shots when you were of school age.

 

[Rgab]

It's same no matter what age you are. Most of us were like kids in a candy store when we first started having sex. Most of us had good encounters, bad encounters and a lot of in-between encounters before we found the person that we settled down with. Most of wish that someone told us that we are the person in charge and we don't have to do everything right out of the gate.

Also....not to be a wet blanket but if you're gonna be playing with the boys, you should also get immunized for hepatitis, meningitis, monkeypox (now known as mpox) and HPV, if you didn't get these shots when you were of school age.

Ouch, I better brace myself for a Frank conversation with my GP. She's lovely so shouldn't be too hard.

 

[TX-Beau]

Thanks for this thoughtful reply, when you reference hygiene can you please elaborate?

Bottoms need to clean out. Unless you are a fetishist, that is not a pleasant discovery.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Bottoms need to clean out. Unless you are a fetishist, that is not a pleasant discovery.

But don't overdo it.

Also, there are phonies on hookup apps. One way of determining if your interest is one is to see whether he has several pictures of himself. Send him a pic you just took and ask him for the same.

If you decide to hook up, either invite him to yours or go there. Use a phone, and be sure to contact him shortly before you arrive, or have him contact you shortly before he arrives. I know a guy in Amsterdam who tells his dates -who he always receives in his house- to contact him an hour (or two) in advance before the date, If he doesn't hear from them he considers the date off and goes do something else or tries to arrange a new one.

I've stood a date up once accidentally, and I have been stood up by a guy who wasn't at his house but we had sex later. But my ex went to dates where no one was so many times he now does the same to other guys and goes watch in a corner who comes.

Also. Never go to websites proposed on dating apps.

Just be honest to the 19-year old.

 

[PrinceCory]

Be sure and report back here on your first hook up. You are not the only one who (probably) over thinks these situations. I'm not very trusting myself.

 

[MusicMan321]

Everyone is nervous of the first time of being with someone of the same sex so that's normal you just need to feel comfortable about yourself and see what other people will think of you so good luck