The Battle Between Straight and Bisexual

[dividing08ourselves]

My thoughts contradict my actions, and vice-versa.

I've had thoughts and fantasies about males - from vanilla to kinky for about a year and a half now, though I can't muster up enough courage to do any of it in real life.
I met a couple guys within the first six months of when my thoughts started, and actually had an amazing and hot time with a guy my age. The others were older (30's and up), disobeyed my limits that were clearly set beforehand, and violated my personal space (and limits), then blamed it on me afterward claiming I should have known better. Since then, I have not met up with anyone - not even as friends.
Though I've deleted my accounts on various dating sites, trying to convince myself this is all not true (my homosexual urges), I keep finding myself venturing back to the same sites multiple times. I have accounts on almost every gay hookup site that exists, and I do get messages, though I keep finding myself leading people on quite often, or blocking them/stop talking to them without notifying them.

I don't know what I want, where my life will lead me, but I want to know if any of you have any suggestions or advice for me? All I want to do is to not be afraid of everyone, and be a strong person about this. I know this may take time, but all I find myself doing is getting into situations that I end up just abandoning in the end. Every time I think maybe this will be the one time where I'll meet up with them, but it always falls through.

 

[gogol2009]

Well maybe ur not the 1 night stand/ bj in the bathroom kinda guy. I mean maybe w women but w a man ur basically a virgin. Is it possible you want something more "special" you never mentioned if you had feelings for men or just a physical attraction.

 

[red1979]

You have to ask yourself what do you really want. As gogol said, maybe you just want an actual relationship before you do anything physical.
Maybe it's more than that, maybe you don't really want to have sex with men. Contrary to popular opinion, it's possible to be attracted to men without being homosexual or bisexual. Since both of those words have the word sex in them they are based on what kind of physical relationships you desire to have. If you only want to have a physical relationship with women then you are heterosexual, regardless of the fantasies you have in your head. I know people will call bullshit on me, but it's true.

 

[dividing08ourselves]

Is it possible you want something more "special" you never mentioned if you had feelings for men or just a physical attraction.

I have had feelings for males before, and had the physical attraction aspect too. Though for example, looking at a cock, I don't get turned on at all. I think I used to, but maybe because of the bad experiences I don't? Not sure on that one.

 

[ThreeCrows]

Hi, Dividing - you don't mention it in your original post, but do you/have you had heterosexual relationships? (sexual or romantic) For me, that would be a big piece of a puzzle before I could ever give a suggestion.

And if someone as you say "disobeyed(violated) your limits" when you've explained what you are willing to do beforehand, they are the one that was wrong - not you.

 

[Pfizer101]

Hey there, been having the same kind of isues basically since my late teens. At almost 31 I am coming to terms with the fact that I am more likely to be gay and live the rest of my life as a gay man.

Let me tell yoiu though it's not been the most pleasant experience reaching that realisation for a number of reasons.

 

[dividing08ourselves]

do you/have you had heterosexual relationships? (sexual or romantic)

Yes, I've had one heterosexual relationship - both sexual and romantic. Wasn't a problem one bit, and the amount of relationships I've had doesn't correlate *at all* with my sexuality. I just have trouble finding girls

 

[dividing08ourselves]

Let me tell yoiu though it's not been the most pleasant experience reaching that realisation for a number of reasons.

Doesn't make me so excited, but I don't know what lays in front of me either. My journey could be totally different than yours, or quite similar. We'll just have to see

 

[MarkMySpoT]

sorry to hear about your bad experiences. it is good that you are talking about it and hopefully from others' advice, you'll be able to overcome your fears.
i kinda know how u feel. i am pretty inexperienced when it comes to sex. the last two guys that i had sex with were asses. in both situations, they both said that they were vers and we agreed that we would both get to top n bottom. i was stupid enough to belive them and bottomed first. with the first guy, the first time he said he could not because he was going to see family and did not want to be walking awkwardly. so i thought ok. the second time we had sex, he even brought the lube but said he could not bottom because he had to go to his parents house that day. the second guy was worse. after he got off, i started making my move for my turn to top, low and behold he kept moving his ass away from me, would not let me get my hands on it. after a few minutes, stopped everything and asked him what was up. his response, i am only a top. he admitted to lying about being vers, and pretty much said it was my fault for believing him.
in both cases the first couple of months i blamed myself for how things went down. i soo stopped having sex with them after it happened. i also was soo not into having casual sex. nehow it took me a little while, but future wise i now know that i need to stand up for myself more, and lay it out that i won't bottom first. so i am down for my next casual fling when it happens. let us just hope i stick to my guns.
sorry so long, i hope i understood the context
as for labels... they suck and in time you will sooo know who u are.

 

[clicker]

You have to ask yourself what do you really want. As gogol said, maybe you just want an actual relationship before you do anything physical.
Maybe it's more than that, maybe you don't really want to have sex with men. Contrary to popular opinion, it's possible to be attracted to men without being homosexual or bisexual. Since both of those words have the word sex in them they are based on what kind of physical relationships you desire to have. If you only want to have a physical relationship with women then you are heterosexual, regardless of the fantasies you have in your head. I know people will call bullshit on me, but it's true.

How can you be attracted to men and not be homo or bi?!

 

[firsttimeagain]

Well, straight or bisexual has always been a mystery for me. Not really sure about labels. I have always been straight in my relationships and love women and have had amazing heterosexual relationships over the years. But, way before any of that, at a very young age I was always curious. So much so that as far back as I can remember when getting a hard on as a kid, I always thought about wanting to play with another cock. All of my masturbation time has been dominated by my desire for sucking cock and eating cum. That has never happened in real life, but all of my fantasies just seem very natural and the desire is real. Even during happy times in heterosexual relationships I still fantasized about cocks. It has always been about cocks in my mind. I’ve never acted on it and never even had a situation that was close in real life. I have suppressed it since a very young boy. I’ve always thought, what if? My fantasies have always been very vivid and I want it deeply. But, I could never have a one night stand. All of this has been in my mind forever. I have not been in any relationship sexual or otherwise for about three years now. In this time I have truly started considering much more sexual than I ever thought was possible. In watching videos, all gay with no desire to watch heterosexual videos, I used to skip to only the oral stuff I wanted. Of course, in passing, I would see the other stuff that I never considered. Well, that has changed over time and the more I see everything anal and kissing and caressing etc. the more I find myself wanting it all. It really turns me on now and makes me crazy horny just thinking about it. Heterosexual videos or thoughts just do not make me horny and is no interest to me anymore. Again, I could not have a one night stand and for the most part I am not really attracted to men besides doing guy things and hanging out. I’m not sure if there is a relationship out there. I’ve never met anyone that I would consider on that level. More lately, I have wondered about joining eharmony or similar sites just to see if there are others out there that are like me. Over the past number of years I really don’t see myself in another heterosexual relationship. I really think I want a full committed relationship with another man. A close trusting, monogamous, loving and caring relationship to enjoy each other’s company in a respectful way. I am straight in all I do and do not want to change the way I conduct my everyday life. I do not want to come out to the world, only to the one I want to spend time and share all with. Publicly, just friends, but relationship wise and intimately, all-in. I can’t believe I am saying this, but it’s true. It’s been a long time coming and I really don’t think I’m heterosexual or bisexual. I truly think I’m secretly gay and there is nothing else that I want more than to share it with a normal passionate loving caring man that wants the same thing. No feminine or gay acting or flaunting to the world. Im not like that at all. A true commitment on all levels in a clean relationship to enjoy all the possibilities we can imagine. A true lasting friendship with a deep physical and emotional bond. I want a man in my life that feels like I do. I’m not sure that is possible. I’m picky in what I want on every level physically and emotionally. Does that exist? Can that exist? I’m not sure how to approach it, but I’m finally realizing that this is real and not just a fantasy in my mind anymore. I want it more than ever and have never experienced anything other than fantasies and a strong desire. I have come to terms with it and look forward to seeing if I can meet the right man to share with in a long term relationship. I’m not heterosexual anymore or bisexual. I am gay, with no experience. I’m OK with that as it has taken a long time to finally admit it to myself. I guess I’ve been running from it or suppressing it. It’s been a long time coming and I am patient to find the right man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated…

 

[HornyHippy420]

Yes, I've had one heterosexual relationship - both sexual and romantic. Wasn't a problem one bit, and the amount of relationships I've had doesn't correlate *at all* with my sexuality. I just have trouble finding girls

I got into swinging with my gf 25 years ago. I wanted to suck a dick. I did it and liked it!! I tried a lot of things I regretted later, but that was not one of them!! After we broke up, I had a gf, but kept being with men occasionally. Don’t get hung up on labels. If you’re uncomfortable trying men, don’t do it. If you ever get a chance, and are curious, try it once. If you don’t like it, don’t do it again. For me, the prospect of not knowing outweighed taking that chance. I haven’t been with a guy in 15 years and miss it. I’m happily married now and am reluctant to cheat on my wife. I only want men for sex. I can rim them and suck their dicks, but don’t like kissing them. Go figure!!