The Bisexual Handicap

[BlondeCanadian]

Yes, dear?


I actually changed my stated orientation specifically because of yet another bi-bashing thread. For all practical purposes, it makes perfect sense for me to identify as gay (I'll explain in a li'l bit), but I felt the need to express my solidarity more openly.

I've always been somewhat physically attracted to people across genders (including trans people), but I'm much more physically and emotionally attracted to men, on average. I don't really see myself in a relationship with a woman, so it was always easier to identify as gay.

But I see so many people on JUB arguing that it's dangerous to date a bi guy because he'll eventually settle down with a woman. In my case, that's definitely a load of horseshit--if anything, women would be wise to avoid dating me, because I'll almost certainly end up with a guy.

I've known other JUBbers who have gone in the other direction--they're technically bi, but they decide to identify as gay because they don't see themselves settling down with a woman. I can understand that, but I've decided that as long as there's going to be bi-bashing on these boards, I'm going to be as visible as possible. I've started posting int he straight and bi guys forum, I changed my listed orientation, and I've started asking people to show me their titties.

Oh, wait...

Anyhoo, to make a long story longer, I definitely DON'T think JUB has become more bi-friendly. I'm not sure why we're seeing more openly bi guys, but I wonder how many of them are going to leave after a few months because they're tired of the bi-bashing.

I am sorry I do not really understand, I don't think I have seen very much bi bashing on here?... maybe once in a blue moon... I just want to say that I have those same concerns about dating a bisexual (that they will settle down with a woman) but I do not actually think it is based in reality and would try to work past my own insecurities if the opportunity presented itself. Because that is what it would be, my own insecurity because I think that while I love myself as who I am, life would be alot easier if I was straight and if I could just choose to be so I probably would. I think this is where the security with bisexuals in relationships stem from...

Not trying to cause drama and not saying that my concerns are the same as everyone else

 

[Semirhage666]

LOL at people acting like Bisexual attraction to people of both genders outside a relationship is the same as gay/straight attraction to people of one gender outside a relationship.

Let's say you like pizza, but not burgers, and you "fall in love with" and "marry" a pizza place, and subsequently are not allowed to eat at any other pizza place, nor any burger place at all. Well, that's not really an issue, since you never wanted to eat at any burger place in the first place, and since this place has your favorite pizza, there's not much temptation to go to any other pizza places.

But then let's say you like pizza AND burgers, and you also "fall in love with" and "marry" a pizza place, and also are subsequently not allowed to eat at any other pizza place, nor any burger place at all. Just like in the above situation, you're probably not going to feel that tempted to find other pizza. However, now you're facing a lifetime of having given up burgers forever. It's pretty likely that at SOMETIME later in your life, you'll be like "Fuck, I'd really like a burger right now.

That's OBVIOUSLY an entirely different level of temptation, right there. So while it's very judgey and stupid to go so far as to assume that ALL bisexuals WILL be cheaters, at the same time, it's just as ridiculous to insinuate that there's NO difference whatsoever between the extra-relationship temptations that exist between gays/straights and bis.

 

[figjam]

One thing I have learned here is that there isn't much difference between gays and straights in their view of faithfulness and monogamy. The majority of both gays and heterosexuals want and expect an exclusive relationship when they finally settle on "the one." Having more than one partner, whether regular or occasional is, for most, a no-no, even a betrayal.

How then do we bisexuals fit into this picture? Is it OK to have just two partners, one of each sex, or do we deny our bisexuality and pick either a male or a female partner? Or do we forsake any hope of finding "the one" and live a life of playing the field, settling for random hookups, some less random than others perhaps, but none with lasting commitment?

Are there any bisexual JUBbers who are in a committed but open relationship, where all parties concerned are cool with the three-way situation?

I have ridden the "gay online forum Bi's are evil" merry-go-round a couple of times and I am running out of quarters. One thing that keeps amazing me is the fact that some (some) gay people are so upset with/at bisexual people that they portray the same intollerance than some straight people do towards ay people.

Then we need to ask (every few weeks or so) - "Who are these multi-sexual freaks who do not fit our structured framework of people not fitting in with the societal norm? lol.

 

[AllMan]

LOL at people acting like Bisexual attraction to people of both genders outside a relationship is the same as gay/straight attraction to people of one gender outside a relationship.

Let's say you like pizza, but not burgers, and you "fall in love with" and "marry" a pizza place, and subsequently are not allowed to eat at any other pizza place, nor any burger place at all. Well, that's not really an issue, since you never wanted to eat at any burger place in the first place, and since this place has your favorite pizza, there's not much temptation to go to any other pizza places.

But then let's say you like pizza AND burgers, and you also "fall in love with" and "marry" a pizza place, and also are subsequently not allowed to eat at any other pizza place, nor any burger place at all. Just like in the above situation, you're probably not going to feel that tempted to find other pizza. However, now you're facing a lifetime of having given up burgers forever. It's pretty likely that at SOMETIME later in your life, you'll be like "Fuck, I'd really like a burger right now.

That's OBVIOUSLY an entirely different level of temptation, right there. So while it's very judgey and stupid to go so far as to assume that ALL bisexuals WILL be cheaters, at the same time, it's just as ridiculous to insinuate that there's NO difference whatsoever between the extra-relationship temptations that exist between gays/straights and bis.

Huh???? That's probably the most ridiculous thing I have read in a long time. I can't believe your thought process is actually that neanderthal. Refer to my earlier post:

Why is it that gays (and some straights) cannot grasp the fact that just because I like both men and women, doesn't mean I HAVE TO have BOTH at the same time, or I will cheat on my gf with a guy, or vice-versa? My example has always been: ok so I like Ford trucks and Chevy trucks...does that mean I can, or have to, drive them both simultaneously?

I, and other bisexuals, can manage one relationship at a time---contrary to popular belief. When I am with a woman, I have no desire to be with a man, or any other woman for that matter. And when I am with a man, I don't think about women, or any other man. Monogamy is monogamy...no matter how you put it. Bisexuality just gives us more options; just like if a gay guy likes dudes who are white and also likes dudes who are black (or if he likes skinny nerds but also like athletic jocks or overweight bears)---just because you happen to like both, does that mean you will [have the temptation to] cheat with both at the same time? No!!! It just means that you are open to dating whichever one if the opportunity presents itself. So why can't you, and others, apply that same logic to us (bisexuals)??????

I don't know if it is...it's pretty ridiculous to compare male and female attraction to pizzas and burgers. Sex is sex. Love is love.

One thing that keeps amazing me is the fact that some (some) gay people are so upset with/at bisexual people that they portray the same intollerance than some straight people do towards ay people.

Exactly!!! Like I said before:

It's a shame because gay people, of all people, are the ones who discriminate on bisexuals the most---yet they are the very same ones who whine and cry for their "rights" when people discriminate on their sexuality.

 

[mikey3000]

I can't speak for anyone else on Team Annoyed Bisexuals, but for me the problem was the implication that we CAN'T be monogamous. I have no problem with negotiated non-monogamy.

It's not for me, because I get hateful and jealous. I guess I'm just not as evolved as all the happy polyamorous folk. But I admire people who can make it work.

I do notice that it's kind of messy in practice, though.

As a bisexual in a negotiated non-monogamous relationship (we call it monogamish), I have one woman (my wife) and one guy. After 24 years and one serious medical condition which caused early menopause and a loss of interest for sex in her, we negotiated that I can have a male friend. She actually chose him form me, and they just adore eachother too. But one benefit we discovered is her attraction to man on man action. No, she doesn't join in, but just knowing what we do together has improved her libido some and has improved our sex life at home. And to those who think that bisexuals have wild sex lives, between my two partners, I have sex maybe 15-20 times a year. But it really isn't about the sex. For me it's more about the close emotional relationships.

 

[Rex]

I'm so sick of this bisexual crap. I'm happy being bisexual. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it anymore. Is it hard? Yes, but life is hard. You have to play with the cards you were dealt.

 

[pat grimshaw]

…I'm happy being bisexual. …You have to play with the cards you were dealt.

That last sentence sounds a bit passive. Don't you choose who you're sleeping with?

 

[EJMichaels]

LOL at people acting like Bisexual attraction to people of both genders outside a relationship is the same as gay/straight attraction to people of one gender outside a relationship....

That's OBVIOUSLY an entirely different level of temptation, right there. So while it's very judgey and stupid to go so far as to assume that ALL bisexuals WILL be cheaters, at the same time, it's just as ridiculous to insinuate that there's NO difference whatsoever between the extra-relationship temptations that exist between gays/straights and bis.

The difference is small, when it exists. And the pizza-burger analogy wasn't necessary. It's not that we don't understand - we (T.A.B. and others) don't agree. The ones wanting BOTH (not the majority, btw) can find a satisfying open relationship (or whatever), just like "monosexuals" who want variety. The ones happy with EITHER can be satisfied with one person, just like anyone else can be satisfied with one person. If some bisexuals are more likely to have more than one sex partner, it doesn't have to mean that bisexuality requires both sexes (or misses the one we don't have). It could mean we're more open and comfortable with various forms of sexual expression and would do so even if all the partners were of the same sex.