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the broken-hearted part... :(

S

SBlove

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Hey guys... I've been here for a while but never actually post anything because my English is not really good but this time, i really don't know how to handle this...
this is going to be a long post

I like this guy, let's just call him 'A' here, since this last 2-3 months or so. I met him first at my first semester in college (now I'm in my 5th). i never had any feelings for him before. TBH, i kinda hated him at the first place because he's kind of guy whose always want to be #1 in class and to cut it short, we've been in the same class for about 3 semesters now but only in this semester i can say that I'm attracted to this guy.

he's kind of a loner so he doesn't talk much and literally ignoring people he's not really close with but somehow, he opened up to me, he talked about his problems and stuff and so did i. I told him everything ,except the fact that I'm gay, because i felt comfortable being with him. We often had lunch together, He even asked me out for dinner occasionally, he texted me if he's not going to class or just to ask what's going on in class today.

There's one time in class, he asked me if i'm gay or not but i pretend i didn't hear anything and one day, here's when the confusion starts, out of nowhere, he told me that he loves me. i was like :eek: good thing my phone rang after he told me that, but before i pick up the phone, i told him i love him too.

i was so confused, my friends (who knows that im gay) told me to ask him if he's serious or not. so i asked him and his answer is "just feeling gay at the moment, LOL ;) "

...

and life goes on with it because i didn't want to lose a friend. we still went for lunch or dinner together, talking about assignments and stuff but it's not over yet. On our final weeks, we spent so much time together doing assignments. I slept over at his place, in his bed, together with him beside me but no sex whatsoever in case you're wondering. Now, here is where i did a really stupid thing. He was in bed beside me, i think he was about to sleep. I couldn't handle this feeling any longer. My hands were sweating as i told him that "I'm in love with you". #-o

He freaked out, awkward silence, and he finally said that he need to go to the bathroom. I stand still in his room, calling my friend, telling her about what i just did and i felt like an idiot.

Since then, he always tried to let everybody knows that he's straight, he likes boobs, he loves pussy, etc when I'm around him. he bragged about it all the time while i was with him, in any occasion and it hurts me. He never tell it straight to my face, but to anyone around me. That was about 5 days before i had to go back to my hometown and him to his hometown because we're on our semester break.

Now I'm devastated, i wanted to call him and beg him to forget those stupid thing i said to him but i have no balls for it. he didn't reply my messages. I really still want to be his friend because he made my feel like i can be myself around him but i can't stand it if he has to act like a jerk like that every time.

I really don't know what to do now. I know it's my fault because i get the wrong signals from him but i don't want to lose a good friend like him. My friends want me to stay away from him because they know it hurts me. I just have to share this to someone because nobody here in my hometown knows that I'm gay. :( :confused:
 
Thanks for sharing your story. I think your friends might be right about you staying away from him, because every time you think of him it hurts you so the only way to stop hurting is to stop thinking about him and trying to hang out with him. Its probably the only way for you to heal from that kind of hurt.

About him joking about the whole "Just feeling gay at the moment" it makes me believe that he might be bisexual but he's probably struggling with that and uncertain of his feelings. Another example that might come across as him being bisexual is that he lets you sleep in bed beside him, I remember I use to do that with friends but it was only because I didn't want to sleep on his floor, and plus I was already curious.

It just doesn't sound right that he plays this straight card with you yet he lets you sleep with him in bed.

I think you're doing a good job with letting it all out because that's the first step to making you feel better cause you released all these feelings out in the open and just give it time, things might change with you and him, but if you want to keep your friendship with him I think its best to put aside those feelings you have for him. (Love)
 
Don't hurt yourself. Listen to your friends. Only this guy himself knows what his issues are. As you get more comfortable with being out you'll have more opportunities to meet guys. You are being teased right now. The excitement might be fun, but it's not healthy for your emotions. Take good care of yourself.
 
I certainly cannot call myself qualified to answer such questions, but here's my slant on it.

Once you admit to yourself that you are gay, things change. Trust me, it took me 45 years of my life (wasted) to come up with the balls to do it. And THEN it was a last resort with suicide as the second option. So what have I learned? What I learned is that I am now OK with myself, and my feelings. But I know more than ever that admitting those feelings can be a painful and long process. You told your friend. Leave it at that. HE has to come to grips with himself. It does sound like he may be bi, or curious.

Now that we came out, we sort of want everyone we meet to be just like us. Well, it's not reality. I had a friend that did a LOT with me, short of being sexual, and he's straight. Now married. Some people you just can never figure out. But It hurt me a loong time as I wanted him so much.

Don't waste your time and feelings too long. Let things happen, or not. He knows what you told him. Let it go at that and see what happens. We cannot, how ever we may want to, force things.

Hope this helps a little, I know it's tough. Hang in there, you have a whole life to live yet.
 
OK. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic or callous here, but really what did you expect. Well, I know what you expected. You got into a friendship with this guy whom you didn’t tell you were gay, he did some ambiguous things, and you thought that gave you free reign to indulge in this infatuation of yours. So you worked yourself up to tell him you love him, all the while relying on those ambiguous things, that in your head you interpreted as him being not only gay but interested. Then reality kicked you in the groin.

I know you want us to tell you he’s definitely gay and you should pursue him and make him realize it.

But, I can’t. This question comes up in here so often it’s got to be the most popular topic. What do all these threads start with? Deception. You became friends with this guy under false pretenses. He thought you were one thing, you were hiding from him that you were another. No matter what’s going on in his head I’m sure he didn’t appreciate getting hit with you being gay, and you having undying love for him all out of the blue. ESPECIALLY if he’s in the closet. Which you don’t know is the case, and can only speculate about.

It doesn’t matter if he’s gay, straight, bi, or into farm animals. Obviously he’s not happy or comfortable with your declaration. SO, move on, get out of the closet – really you have no business pursuing relationships if you can’t even be honest to other people about who you are; find some men who you can build friendships and relationships with that have an honest foundation. If you continue to hide, and by extension, pursue those you THINK are hiding, you’ll be posting this question in here for the rest of your life.
 
TX-Beau said:
But, I can’t. This question comes up in here so often it’s got to be the most popular topic. What do all these threads start with? Deception.
Click to expand...

^^^Because it bears repeating.


SBlove said:
Now I'm devastated, i wanted to call him and beg him to forget those stupid thing i said to him but i have no balls for it. he didn't reply my messages. I really still want to be his friend because he made my feel like i can be myself around him but i can't stand it if he has to act like a jerk like that every time.
Click to expand...

You feel it. You said it.

Now own it. Deal with it.


The problem is that he let you get close. He was honest with you.

But you weren't honest with him. Instead, you spent time with him. You slept in his bed. And you got emotionally involved. And you never told him you were gay.

Because you weren't honest, he's left thinking that you were just his friend because you wanted to have sex with him. And, even if he were gay or bisexual (and there's no evidence that he is), he's not ready for an involvement with a guy.


So, what can you do? At the moment, nothing.

He's going to have to work through this on his own. He needs the space to do that.

If there's a time in the future where he's ready to talk, you can clear the air and undo all the lies. And maybe you can get back to being friends.

Until then, give him space.
 
Maybe the guy is bi curious, but if he is he is definately closeted and still dealing with his issues, and the last thing he is going to want is you telling your friends about him and you (outing him) which is why he makes such a big deal about how much he likes girls now. I think you scared this guy off by telling him you love him and talking too much to your friends about him. If you are out to your friends that's fine but if he isn't out and likely only curious then you should respect that.
I think that many curious or closeted guys are fine doing stuff with guys as long as they don't have to face their issues which they are probably denying to themselves. I think you need to forget this guy and move on man. Good luck.
 
thanks for the response, you guys :)

i guess it's a good thing that he and i live in different cities. at least i don't have to see him around for a while. It hurts but i need this kind of experience. I'm glad i can share it here with you guys :)
 
He's still your friend, he just needs space and time to digest what you told him. Don't pressure him and message him 100 times. If you must, send one message telling him that you needed to get things out in the open becuase keeping them inside was too difficult and needed to tell him in order to move on. Tell him you will not act on your feelings. Tell him you like hanging out and hope you can remain friends. Then tell him anytime he wants to hang out or study to contact you and until then you look forward to hearing from him. Then stop trying to contact him. If he is a real friend, he will look past what you said to him. Otherwise you really know its time to move on. good luck. Keep yourself busy.
 
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