the C word

[bxrbrfs]

I read back over my blog today and it all sounds a bit sordid. it's just one part of me, of my personality, of my life experiences. there are other parts of me I haven't talked about. I don't think about sex or guys every minute of the day. I'm just a regular guy who likes guys (and girls). I fantasize about other guys but I would never do anything with another guy right now. I am married and I will absolutely not have physical sexual contact with a guy. yes, I do look at porn (mostly amateur guys who voluntarily take pictures of themselves, real men not fake pornstars doing it for the money). yes, I have jerked off on cam. I'm sure a lot of people would consider this cheating - the C word - but I don't - I need it to keep my sanity. it's a justification that I don't know why I need to make, but I have received a hurtful message from someone who is not in a similar position to me and has no clue what it feels like, so I felt the need to make this post. and that's the last I'll ever talk about this subject because I have come to terms with my sexuality a long time ago, and accepted a lot of truths about myself, and I don't need to revisit that because I haven't changed that core part of me.