the closet: how many valid reasons?

[runner]

I choose not to define myself based SOLELY on my sexuality

I think you said it all right here. Also being married with children -- and I did discover the joys of homosexuality after I was married with children -- makes it not my decision only.

 

[Paws]

I'm not going to come out and talk freely about my sexuality unless I have enough good gay friends that I can count on and a stable job where my homosexuality would be accepted or shrugged off, instead of another reason to mock me.

 

[dpnice]

That my sexuality is none of your (or anyone else's business)
Religion can play a very big part in not coming out!
so you won't be executed by terrorists
so your parents don't freak out,
or your grandmother doesn't write you out of her will,
or you don't get fired.
being in real physical danger.
personal preference, also known as free will or freedom of choice.
young and living at home and financiallly dependent on your parents and they might kick you out.
I was married with children -- makes it not my decision only.

Well there are the so-called valid reasons stated so far. We all are capable of understanding people's choices in the way they live their homosexuality and many of us may even be sympathetic and supportive of your choice to remain "in the closet". But living such a secret is not compatible with emotional and social development.

You make your own choices and I have no right to refuse you this choice but at the same time you cannot refuse me the right to believe that it is wrong and extremely nefast for you and for society as a whole.

Until every single homosexual accepts his homosexuality as natural and no different to that of every heterosexual then never will we all be treated as equals in the human race.

 

[Soilwork]

Meh..

There are some people in the closet who say things like "I won't come out because it's nobody's business who I'm sleeping with".

This is a stupid excuse.

First... just becasue you tell people you're gay doesn't mean you have to tell people who you're sleeping with; Gay isn't someting you do it's something you are.

Second... straight people flaunt their sexuality all the time. They wear rings to flaunt that they're married. They constantly blather on about having girlfriends and boyfriends. Hey, when they get married, they wear ridiculous outfits and parade down the streets in tacky floats fashioned out of cars covered with "JUST MARRIED" signs and streamers. They keep pictures of their families on their desks. Why should gay people be any different?


I really do think coming out is a personal choice, but I think that not coming out is a bad one... but still yours to make.

I get so fed up with people who whine about how they can't come out because people would be mean to them or the people in their towns think being gay isn't "macho". (If you're living in a town where peopel use the word "macho", you have biggest problems than your secret sexual orientaton).

I dont only get few up with men in the closet. I get fed up with anyone who lives half a life or doesnt' live life on their own terms. This is your only life. This is all you get.

Nobobdy else will do your looking back with regret for you once you turn 75.

It's sad, but that's the way it goes.

If you still dont' want to come out, it's your decision, but I think it's a very sad life you've chosen to live.

 

[Roland00]

Living in a country such as Saudia Arabia or Iran where there is a very good chance you would be put to death, and at the very least jailed.

Given the oppurtunity if I were born in such a country I would flee if I could.

 

[kurtwild]

well i think nobody should be afraid to be gay or in general the way he wants to be.
i mean we do have only one short life,the only thing we can do ,is live it the best we can.

 

[lapafrax]

I think it's a personal thing.

Is it bad to live in the closet all your life? You're not necessarily hurting anyone else. You might feel like a fraud, but shit as long as you're willing to live with the consequences of such an act, knock yourself out.

 

[herenthere]

Being "out" is one of the many privileges I have living in the Unites States.
I'm out to my family, but when I go home to TelAviv, I crawl so far in the closet, nobody can find me...No choice...zero tollerance for homosexuality!!

 

[slobone]

You know, my Dad once told me, 'Son, if you ever get kidnapped and held hostage by a terrorist militia in Iraq - whatever you do - don't tell them you're gay!'

Well it was either a terrorist group or my grandmother - I forgot, i came out so long ago...

Actually, it was an interesting story -- the guy who was kidnapped was a civilian who was working with a Christian group (presumably not organized by Jerry Fallwell). The fact that he was released suggests to me that a ransom was paid somewhere along the line.

It was in this month's Out magazine, if I can find it I'll post it.

 

[slobone]

It was in this month's Out magazine, if I can find it I'll post it.

Here it is. They put James Loney & Dan Hunt on their list of 100 notable people for 2006:

When James Loney was kidnapped in November 2005 during his third trip to Iraq as a member of the Christian Peacemaker Teams, his partner, Dan Hunt, was forced to go back into the closet to protect him. 'On the day that James disappeared, I had to disappear too,' Hunt said in a statement after Loney was rescued and brought back to their Canada home in March. After they were reunited, Hunt asked his partner if he was ready to come out to the press. Loney responded, 'No more prisons. We've suffered enough.'

Funny, I said the same thing after watching Liza on Larry King.

 

[slobone]

i havent told anyone yet but if someone asks me ill say yes i am

That used to be my position, but everybody was too tactful to ask. Except one guy who turned out to be a raging homophobe.

So I decided I had to be more proactive. Now I tell everybody that looks like they're going to be a friend, as soon as possible. Strangers and acquaintances I don't bother with, unless I need to tell them to explain something else.

The more people you tell, the easier it gets. The first one is the hardest.

 

[Soilwork]

I dont give a shit what anyone thinks of me being gay.. but i do care about my career. Im not going to sacrifice my career just so i can openly be gay!

Im not hiding behind the closet.. im merely not screaming "yoo hoo darling, im gay dont you know!" to my employer... its none of their fucking business who or where i stick my cock into.

Well, there's different levels of out, aren't there?

Nobody says you have to go to work and describe your sex life in detail, but when you're out with your mates, it's a different story.

When you refuse to have a boyfriend or have gay friends or identify as gay anywhere but on JUB because someone might know.... you're being lame.

(in my own personal oopinion)

 

[slobone]

Tell me how being out of the closet is different from being in the closet? You're still the same person in or out, are you to tell me that I'm like a butter fly? that I'm in a cocoon? and the only way any one will every appreciate me is if I become butterfly?! the way I see it is you just change one skin for another, you're still have a caterpillar whether you become a butterfly or not, no matter what you do to the outside you're still be the same on the inside. If other people have a problem with me being a caterpillar, that's their problem not mine. I my decision affects other people is not my concern, my concern is how I'm gonna live my life. Note how I used ( MY LIFE ) and it is just the my life not yours the activists or any one else's.

I don't even agree you're still the same person. I can only speak for myself, but everything changed when I decided to be out. I don't have to watch what I say to people, I can share so much more with my friends and family, AND -- best of all -- all of a sudden I'm finding all these other gay guys who I didn't know about.

You tell a female friend, and she says "oh, do you know so and so? He's gay." Well I did know him, but I had no idea.

Or even guys start coming up to you and dropping big hints. I've had a few nice experiences out of that.

When you're in, none of that happens.

Nobody's saying that you HAVE to come out -- that it's your moral or political duty -- but believe me, it makes life so much easier.

 

[slobone]

Are you kidding? Straight people flaunt their sexuality! Women even wear special rings to say "I'm being fucked on a regular basis."

Straight guys keep pictures of the wife and kiddies on their desk. And since when is one of them shy about telling you he had a date the night before and what base he got to?

Gay people are models of discretion by comparison. If you whisper, "I'm gay" to your best friend, that means you're out of the closet. That's a big deal in our world.

 

[sb]

Sorry thats bollocks. How about career progression for one.

I dont give a shit what anyone thinks of me being gay.. but i do care about my career. Im not going to sacrifice my career just so i can openly be gay!

Im not hiding behind the closet.. im merely not screaming "yoo hoo darling, im gay dont you know!" to my employer... its none of their fucking business who or where i stick my cock into.

Im not ashamed of being gay, im not lying about being gay... i most certainly do like myself, i just want my career to develop and grow along with my pay checks... if you want to be a martyer to the 'cause' go ahead.... in the meanwhile.. i want to break the £30,000 ($60,000USD) mark this next 12 months.

Will you add a wife and some kids to your life so that your company can feel all warm and fuzzy about promoting a nice honest family man?

Your career will develop yadda yadda if you are good at it. Who you stick your cock into doesn't really come into it. All those companies trying to sell us all that expensive stuff wouldn't really bother with us if we didn't make the cash.

I love how you imply that if you are out at work you must have done it in the campest way possible. I doubt there is a person on Earth who came out by saying 'yoo hoo darling Im gay'.

I often spend more time at work than I do with my friends and I'm not going to demean myself by trying to give the impression I'm something I'm not. I am hardly being a martyr and I haven't missed out on any opportunities because of it and I am probably making a little more than many others in the same position as me.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah, see, it's funny.

One of my brothers assumed that everyone in the Fratmen office knew I was gay before I started here. Which is totally innaccurate. I worked here for about three weeks before it came up.

But it was just casual. I was talking about how my ex-BF was about to move to LA, and one of the guys here said, "Oh, I thought you were straight. Neat, you're our only gay guy".

That was about it. I didn't FLAUNT my sexuality so much as just not hide it.

 

[Theyoungman]

When you called me a "Queer" I got pissed off. I'm not queer, so get your act straight...

I'm a man with emotional, physical, and sexual preferences for other men over women...

 

[Soilwork]

When you called me a "Queer" I got pissed off. I'm not queer, so get your act straight...

I'm a man with emotional, physical, and sexual preferences for other men over women...

Um.. "queer" is just another term that gay peopple have taken back.

It no longer means "Nasty freak". It means "Person who isn't heterosexual".

I'm not to fond of it either, but it's nothing to get too upset about.

 

[Christopher123]

I don't have to say shit to nobody.

The people I care about know. People that are close to me. People that matter. People I need and want to know who I am.

Everyone else can kiss my backside. It ain't none of their f'in business.

 

[doctorsun]

I believe there's a big difference between choosing not to tell people because you feel it isn't anyone's business and outright denying it because it's no one's business. I agree with the former...I don't go around telling people that I'm gay. However, if the topic comes up, I'm not going to lie. Yes, I'm gay and I'm proud of it and if you really want to know, I'm not ashamed to tell you about it.