The closet is suffocating

[ralphdib]

I've recently come to accept that I'm gay. I come from a conservative country (let's not name it shall we ) and the gay scene is pretty much off here. I'm more of a straight-acting gay if there is even such a thing. I just feel attracted to men in a number of ways. I've hinted my best friend recently and he has connected the dots that I might be gay. When he asked about me being gay I kinda denied it. He was somewhat, if not all, supportive of the idea even though I lied to him that I'm not gay. He was more like I should make out with a girl just to make sure. I switched the topic of the conversation. I'm also a virgin and haven't made out with anyone in my life.

So the thing is I want to tell him but I'm afraid of the outcome. I didn't think he would be as calm with it as he was but I know that he will insist on me to get on with a girl. I can't come out to my family because they don't understand it. Every night is just a torture. I can't tell anyone how I feel and the people around me clearly won't understand it. I have in my own ways tried to confirm my fear by bringing out random gay topics just to see their reaction and what their opinions are. It's not that they'll kill someone It's just they won't support the idea, won't like it and most likely cut me off.

When I think about the future I feel depressed. I can't be with someone I might love or even get a chance of finding someone to love. I can't come out. I would just love to cuddle, hug, kiss someone so hard but.. I get suffocated in the closet!

 

[Seasoned]

The closet is so suffocating that it can lead to death, usually by suicide. No one here wants that to happen to you. Your first task is to research the internet for any on-country support there may be for you. The next step is to get support from gay countrymen who have left your country and live openly. Please do both of these things as a beginning. You need support from people who understand your situation.

Welcome and I wish you the very, very best in life.

 

[Georgiadude]

Welcome to jub

I hid in the closet for many years and regret every minute of it. It's your life and only you can live it. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Not your family, not your friends, YOU! if that means you have to move then so be it. I know that's easy to say but trust me you can't hide your entire life. You'll end up lonely and sad. That's not much of a life. These forums are filled with guys that tried to be someone they aren't. Especially this one. Don't start your adult life setting yourself up for a lifetime of regrets. I understand its scary and you probably can't imagine doing it but remember its your life and you owe it to yourself to be happy.

Btw the "try being with a girl just to be sure" is one of the dumbest ideas I've heard and we hear it a lot here. You just said you've accepted that you're gay. Your gay. You know who you're attracted to and who you aren't if you were attracted to females you'd know it. Your not and all the experimenting in the world isn't going to change that. It's just going to confuse you and make it even that much more difficult for your family/friends to accept who you are.

There isn't a law that says you have to come out now. You sound young. Save up so you don't have to depend on your family. Get on your feet and then do what you need to do to be happy. Not anyone else YOU

Steven

 

[ralphdib]

Thank you Steven and Seasoned!! I came out to my friend much more properly. I explained to him how I feel. He has started to understand things and has accepted me for who I am. He was very cool with it thank god. He didn't repeat the girl thing this time around. I'm 23 years old and still trying to sort things out

 

[water90]

Word of advice, don't use the term 'straight-acting'. Maybe say masculine or not effeminate. I find the term straight acting very off-putting. One is not very straight acting when they have a cock in their mouth.

People who love you will understand and they will come to terms with your sexuality just like you did. Some may not. But take it slow - try and find female friends too, I find they're easier to talk to in regards to this issue a bit more than straight males.

I wish the best for your future, there are a lot of online support but nothing beats talking to someone in front of you.

I find, once you do come out when you are comfortable, then there are endless possibilities. You meet new people, do things you love and find that someone so don't feel depressed, it's only the beginning of something great.

 

[Georgiadude]

You're welcome. I'm glad I could help in some way. Feel free to pm me if you want. We can talk more

Congrats on coming out to your friend. I'm sure it was scarey but felt good at the same time

Steven

 

[ralphdib]

Thanks reone and water90!
@water90 I do have female friends but I am not that close to them. I usually don't discuss my private life with them, except for 2 or maybe 3 people. And sorry if the term straight-acting was incorrect

Thanks again Steven. I'm feeling much better now. I met him again. Explaining things to him was fun and scary, true. He took interest in what I might be looking for. He is even trying to find someone for me.

@reone yup. Baby steps. At least now I feel comfortable around someone close. I wish I could tell my mom but I think it's better to wait.

 

[gameboy 11]

"The closet is suffocating."

Yes it is. I hope you find your way ALL THE WAY OUT of it soon enough. There is no sanity on the inside of it. You've got to express yourself as you are. It's the only way that will be healthy. Telling your friend the truth is a great start. Good luck with it all!