Chapter 864 - B
“Go ahead, but tell us everything and the truth this time. I think you left out a rather crucial thing last night, but we’ll see,” I told him. He looked at me like he knew I knew.
“After seeing you at the bank yesterday, it brought back great memories of our friendship together, Bryce. We were kind of inseparable there in junior high school. I idolized you, in case you didn’t know. For the longest time, I wasn’t sure why, but I felt this compelling urge to be near you and with you as much as I could. I hung on every word of appreciation you gave me. I lived to be near you. It was almost like a sickness. When we got to high school, it was even worse. Fuck, I might as well say it. I was seriously in love with you, and didn’t know why or what to do about it. My stepdad suspected I had this huge crush on you and stepped in to stop anything further from happening. He told me how I had to be manly and date girls and fuck them when I could. I didn’t have to form relationships with any of them. He told me just to fuck myself silly, and if I was feeling any strange feelings towards my friends, they would go away and I’d grow out of this phase and become normal. Hell, I wasn’t sure what the hell he was talking about when he talked about strange feelings. I had no idea he knew what I was thinking, as I never told a soul, Bryce, never. As we got a little older I realized that the feelings I felt for you were not normal and shouldn’t ever be revealed. So, in order to help myself to become normal, I dated all the skanks in school as you accused me of doing. That didn’t stop the feelings I had for you, and later led to the problems Mable accused me of having last night where I couldn’t get hard with her. I was so obsessed with you it was almost a nightmare,” Kirk confessed. Bryce was shaking his head.
“Why the hell didn’t you say something back then, Kirk? Why did you torture yourself like you did?” Bryce asked him, half upset and half caring. Kirk sobbed even more.
“I was afraid I’d lose you as a friend and be branded as a faggot in school. That would not have been good and my high school years would have been torturous. I just couldn’t,” he replied still very upset.
“Kirk, if you truly believed we were that close of friends, could you not believe I might have been sympathetic to your suffering? I would hope you would believe that I’m a caring person. I may not have developed a sexual relationship with you, but I would have kept your secret and we could have talked about it and worked through it like friends do helping friends,” Bryce told him, which made him cry even more for the missed opportunity. “I hate the fact you suffered like that. That’s horrible. So, you said that your stepfather beat you up last night, but what the hell brought that on now, as you and I haven’t been by ourselves anytime for years now. Why did he feel the need to beat you like he did?” Bryce asked. Kirk sighed a big sigh, making me think something big was about to be said that triggered his beating by his stepdad.
“Bryce, in order to suffer through the mental distress I was having, I made a diary of sorts that I wrote in making a ton of entries when I’d really feel depressed about the situation. I made up all kinds of sexual things we did together expressing the love we shared. It was all fiction, but it helped me cope. There was some pretty hot stuff in there, let me tell you. Reading that, you would have thought we were the most sexually active couple in town, but not the right kind. It was my therapy to cope with my feelings. I was just obsessed over you, there’s no doubt about it. Anyway when you guys called yesterday to invite me to have a beer with you last night, I was so excited that I remembered my fictional diary and dug it out of its long-term hiding spot and started reading a lot of my entries I made in high school. I have to admit, I had one hell of a vivid gay sexual imagination, and you and I had one hell of a hot love affair. Well, that was that. Where I made a huge mistake was I left that fictional diary on top of my desk in my bedroom when I went to meet you guys last night for a beer. You can only guess what happened next. My fucking horrible stepfather found it when he was looking for something in my room and became so enraged that he just couldn’t stop bitch slapping me last night after I got home. My mother was afraid he was going to kill me. He called me a no-good, worthless, fucking faggot, and that I didn’t deserve to live and kept on slapping and beating me. Mom had to finally stop him threatening to leave him if he didn’t stop. He didn’t want the possibility of losing his daughter, my half-sister so he finally let up. He told me that I was 18 and they had no more legal responsibility to support me anymore, so I needed to get the hell out of the house and never come back. I told him the diary was all fiction and you, Bryce, had no idea about any of the stuff, because it never happened. There was never anything between us but pure friendship. He said he could believe that you weren’t gay, but I had a problem that was never going to go away, so I needed to go away for good,” Kirk shared with us. Bryce and I looked at each other totally shocked.
“So, did he give you any time limit as to when to be gone?” Bryce asked him.
“He gave me a week if I could stay the hell out of his sight or he said he wasn’t sure what he might do if he saw me again. I don’t know what to do, Bryce. I really don’t have anywhere to go. What am I going to do?” Kirk asked sobbing heavily again with his head down in his hands. Bryce and I looked at each other.
“Sit here for a minute and let Bryce and I talk about this, Kirk. Let me see what we might be able to come up with,” I told him, then motioned for Bryce and I to go talk somewhere privately.
“Josh, what are you thinking? Kirk is pulling at those huge heart strings you have and it’s working. I don’t know if we can trust anything he has to say anymore. I can’t believe he was stupid enough to write that crazy sex shit down, and then leave it out where someone could find it. Does the idiot have a death wish or what?” Bryce asked, extremely concerned. I sighed.
“Hey, he is your friend, and at one time he was a very close friend,” I replied. “Everyone makes mistakes at times.”
“Yes, and at one time one hell of a male lover according to his writings. Good grief, I can’t believe he created this mess out of nothing. There was nothing sexual between us. Hell we couldn’t even have a conversation out of class or athletics. This is just bullshit, all of it,” Bryce said, somewhat very annoyed, but concerned.
“Bryce, I can understand and empathize with him to an extent. I accepted the fact I was gay my whole life. I had very close loving friends that understood we all loved each other as friends and lovers also, so I never had the sexual frustrations he’s gone through with no help from anyone. The guy has been living a lie during the most developmental times of his life. I feel for him as that had to be torture. First of all, who couldn’t love you for who you are? It was bound to happen. You didn’t know who you were either, but it didn’t bother you to the extremes it has him, Bryce. You made it through that period okay. He suffered terribly and didn’t have anyone to talk to. Now, some of that is his problem but I totally understand how horrible that must have been. Now that he’s come clean with everything and admits he can’t do this on my own, he’s been totally abandoned by his family for one. Do we really want to abandon him to and give up the possibility of helping him restore a respectable life? Could we be that cruel? Remember what I taught you about the brotherhood, although I might live to regret it. A friend in need is a friend in deed. We need to help our own, support them and lift them up to greater heights, give them a sense of belonging and appreciation. We need to be there for each other. Aren’t we kind of there with Kirk?” I asked Bryce. He had tears in his eyes.
“Oh, Josh, I don’t know. This is almost too much for me to comprehend. What are we supposed to do with him? What are you even thinking?” Bryce asked earnestly.
“Let’s take him to Uni with us. He can room with you since Roger is all but moved in with Troy. We can discuss this more on the plane back, but we have to help him out of his current, almost dangerous, situation. We can’t leave him here for his stepfather to possibly murder him, or worse yet, Kirk be so depressed over losing everything he might hurt himself. We can talk to him about options on the way home, but right now we need to get home and get him out of here,” I replied. Bryce grabbed me and hugged me. I could tell he wanted to kiss me in the worst way, but he didn’t want Kirk seeing that and getting the wrong idea.
“Okay. You know I trust you and love you too much to disagree with you. But, no way am I having sex with him if that’s what he has in mind. He needs to believe I’m straight and that hasn’t changed, well except for last night, and I’d never give that up,” Bryce replied. “He needs to behave himself, be honest with us and tow the line. He has to stay on his side of the room also, maybe even stay in a different room, whatever. How are we going to get his stuff?” Bryce asked. I told him we needed to talk to Kirk and see what our options were. If nothing else we’d just have to get him some clothes and personal items when we got back. “Josh, I love you so much for everything you’ve taught me in life. I don’t know if I could ever measure up to you as far as a the most loving person ever, but I’d sure love to,” he told me as we walked back to talk to Kirk.