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The Day After Meetup...

pr8wlwn

pr8wlwn

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Hi this is Pr8, you may see me all the time on "JUB Naughty Bits" section but this is the first time I write on here. Well, here I go.

If you read my blog, you knew that I met one of my blog supporters in Oz and it turned out really well. We had a good long chat on everything in a pub and found that he was a "nice" person but no affection or what so ever at all (he's just not my type). But thing didn't turn sour the day after. Basically, he called me up around 11:00 pm and asked if he could come to my flat to have a chat 'cos he had an argument with his boyfriend, who had been with him for a year or so.

At first I didn't really want to 'cos it was getting a bit late but I just being nice and it won't harm to have a friendly chat, so I asked him to come over. Later, he turned up but he didn't "talked" as much as I expected, instead, he just kept telling me how much he liked me when we first met and we were somehow connected to each other, at the same time, he was trying all his best to hold my hands and hug me intimately?! I was thinking like, "Bloody hell... what the hell are you doing? We just met yesterday and you have a boyfriend outside!" I just didn't feel comfortable at all so I kept rejecting him (pushed him away), telling him I was not interested, and explained to him that "friends" didn't hug like "this" but he just didn't seem to understand the difference between "friends" and "lovers".

Well, he kept trying and I kept rejecting, after several rejections from me, I had enough of him and I asked politely if he could leave. At first, he was "sort of" refused and asked if he could stay overnight at my place?! Seriously, I just couldn't take his crap anymore so I said no to him. But he then asked if I would call the police if he was not leaving. I was kinda shocked (and scared) but at the same time, I didn't wanna make things turned ugly, so I just kept repeating myself and asked him to leave. Thank God, after lots of persuasion, he left at last! Before he got into the taxi, he told me how sad he was that I didn't treat him like a friend. To tel the truth, I didn't really give a damn and I just wanted him out of my flat!

When I look back, I just don't understand what he wants from me. I think I have trusted people too much and it seems he doesn't turn out as "nice" as I thought. At the same time, I also have doubts on the things that he told me during the meetup. I think from now on I will keep a distance from him, I mean just chat online but no more "meetup" and I just hope he will not stalk me =P I just need to be more careful next time.

So what do you guys think?
 
>>>Let him know by private message that if he truly wants to be friends, and only friends, you're willing to do that...

I wouldn't even go that far. Next time he contacts you, tell him this:

"Last time we met, I let you come over late at night, I let you pour out your troubles to me, and - most tellingly - I didn't call the cops. You, on the other hand, attempted to weasel your way into my home, fed me a sob story, continually tried to get physical with me, and then laid on a guilt trip when you didn't get what you want.

"As you left, you complained that I didn't treat you like a friend. Please think back on that night again, and tell me which of us was acting like a friend, and which one wasn't.

"Although I did not feel any physical attraction to you, I felt that possibly we could be friends. Judging by your behavior, apparently, you're unable to even do that. Thus, I really don't see any point in continuing this relationship at all."

Lex
 
I'd basically side with G-L on this one...

Tell him in unmistakable terms, you are not interested in him in any way.

You owe him no explanation. He has attempted to violate your trust and friendship. If he is not getting it, it is really his problem...

Move on and get yourself more decent friends...

SC
 
You treated him like a friend, and he treated you like a sexual escape with no considerationf or your physical space of comfort. You did fine, so fuck him.
 
He sounds like somebody that needs to be talk to some professional help. You did the right thing, pr8wlwn.
 
I just opened my email and received this:

"Sorry i hugged you so long tonight. i thought we are just very close friends, so that 's why i told you everything about me. i am sorry what i did, making you scare. I am ok , i come to you because i like you then i want to stay there with you. I am so sorry if that made you unhappy."

Should I just reply as what G-L said so? Or should I not bother to reply and block his email address from now on?
 
pr8wlwn said:
I just opened my email and received this:

"Sorry i hugged you so long tonight. i thought we are just very close friends, so that 's why i told you everything about me. i am sorry what i did, making you scare. I am ok , i come to you because i like you then i want to stay there with you. I am so sorry if that made you unhappy."

Should I just reply as what G-L said so? Or should I not bother to reply and block his email address from now on?
Click to expand...

Explain to him that you just want to be platonic friends with him and nothing more. Also that what he did crossed the line into your personal space which made you very uncomfortable, and that you don't want that to never happen again or your friendship with him is compromised. If he need somebody to talk to that is fine, but NOTHING MORE.
 
That'll depend. Is this somebody you want to maintain contact with? I get the feeling he isn't, but you don't want to be rude about the whole thing. If you wouldn't mind being a casual friend to him, feel free to say what KM suggests. If not, you can either tell him what I suggested, or just delete it and not respond (although expect him to keep contacting you for awhile).

Lex
 
I don't think I'd trust him to give him a second chance.

What is your gut feeling here? He sounds kind of unstable to me.
 
I agree with backing away. If you ever meet up again make sure it is in a public place.

By intruding on your home (and in a very rapid fashion!), he shows signs of being a stalker at worse, and a nuisance at best.
 
Pr8, Dude! :wave:

From what I've seen on this board, I can Totally understand someone wanting to get "close" to You! ..|

But this Guy? No Way!! [-X

I would say ... have NO regrets about stopping any further contact with Him! This is "Beyond" You being a "Nice Guy!" Just stop Him, NOW!! =;

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Once again, thank you very much for all your supports. Suddenly, I don't feel that "alone" anymore! I will do what I think it's right and don't you guys worry, I will be fine =)
 
The fact is that you're not friends and he has no right to suppose that he can impose on you with his problems.

But my take is that he pushed himself on you with a fake problem, in the hope and expectation that you would be too polite/awkward to show him the door...but you did. Good for you.

Is there any point in pretending that this can be salvaged into a friendship? My advice is to nip it in the bud. Break off contact and when he shows up on your front door, as I'm pretty sure he will (better be prepared for it anyways), be firm and don't let him in. You're not the solution to his problems.
 
Thanks 3nipples (where's your third nipple anyway). Last night he tried to message me through msn but I totally blank him out. I don't think he's the stalking type of person, but if he did turn up near my apartment, I will know what to do (he doesn't know my full address anyway).

I think I should get to know other gay people through social groups. I was planning to go for a Brisbane social group called XY, but my nerve comes back whenever I wanna put myself through it... it just take a lot of courage for me do meet other gay people... I will let you know what happen.
 
Hey, Pr8! :wave:

I know what you mean about being "unsure" about meeting new people in an unknown situation. Especially when you're venturing out, by yourself, on your own. Personally, I'm quite terrible at that, myself! #-o

But ... you're "new" in town, and XY sounds like a good opportunity to begin to see "what's out there". :cool:

Just go to check it out. No expectations. Merely an "adventure" in "people watching". And if there's no one there that you don't even want to talk to, no big deal. It's not like you're under any obligation or expectations. Being "new", you don't even have any "Rep" to uphold! "Clean Page"! You can "be" whoever/whatever You would like! You even get to be "The Judge"! It's not so much a question as to whether they like You, or not, as much as it is whether You like them! ..|

Good Luck with that ... (group)

And, or course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
pr8wlwn said:
Thanks 3nipples (where's your third nipple anyway). Last night he tried to message me through msn but I totally blank him out. I don't think he's the stalking type of person, but if he did turn up near my apartment, I will know what to do (he doesn't know my full address anyway).

I think I should get to know other gay people through social groups. I was planning to go for a Brisbane social group called XY, but my nerve comes back whenever I wanna put myself through it... it just take a lot of courage for me do meet other gay people... I will let you know what happen.
Click to expand...
Contact XY by email first and see if someone can meet you outside.

There appear to be a LOT of sports clubs as well. It's one of the best ways to connect to the local gay community: http://www.teambrisbane.com/sports.htm

As for your other question, it's in Brussels right now but will soon be returning to Bern ;)
 
3nipples said:
As for your other question, it's in Brussels right now but will soon be returning to Bern ;)
Click to expand...

Huh? :confused: Now I'm SO confused!! #-o ](*,) (group)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Oooh, good advice from Glexington and et al. I'm with the crowd; this guy seems hot to handle.

It's fouled up enough to have to go through a whole "coming out" process, without having to deal with other peoples' extreme stuff. Take care of yourself!
 
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