The gays don't like me.

[someguy121]

I don't know which category this belongs, but anyways.......

-I am afraid of talking to gay people.
-I am physically attracted to men.
-I find it easier to talk to women (although I don't plan on sleeping with them).
-I don't have a lot of gay friends (and when I meet gay people they ask if I'm gay. wtf).
-I am 24 and I fear that I will be a virgin all my life (maybe having sex with a girl will turn me straight? doubt it).
-Gay people are probably not attracted to me (I'm childishly adorably cute, which I find is only a desirable relationship for friendship and nothing more).
-I'm not attracted to gay black people although I am black.
-I am feel I am the only one with these problems, although some people may relate to one or two of these, but not all.
-What can I do to not be lonely for the rest of my life? Close friends aren't enough for me, I want a true true companion to share deep feelings with. I've never felt this (mutually), but I desire to know the gay people I've met a little better, but I never see them outside of the club.
-Sometimes I wish I were a little more flamboyant and girly to attract gays, because that seems to stick out.
-Advice? Kind words? Similar personal stories? That would be helpful. Thanks.

 

[hotatlboi]

-I don't have a lot of gay friends (and when I meet gay people they ask if I'm gay. wtf).

So do you answer them honestly? Why do say wtf? If you're not willing to have a conversation with them because you are afraid then how do you expect anything to develop?

-Gay people are probably not attracted to me (I'm childishly adorably cute, which I find is only a desirable relationship for friendship and nothing more).

You must have been misinformed on this lol. Cuteness is definitely not in short demand.

Sometimes I wish I were a little more flamboyant and girly to attract gays, because that seems to stick out.

Plenty of guys are attracted to masculine men. I am one.

Personally I think you should just try to have a little more confidence in yourself and see if you can get over your fears of talking to people. I would be willing to bet people would be interested in you.

 

[threetimes]

dun take this the wrong way, but you need to be comfortable with who you are before people are comfortable being with you. a couple of things that you say shows that you are NOT very comfortable being gay.

 

[Horschallen]

Try counseling?

 

[G-Lexington]

Amethyst hit on the main problem, I think. You certainly appear to be gay, and yet you continue to call us "the gays". Shouldn't the thread title be "OTHER gays don't like me"?

Since you have at least a few gay friends, and go to gay clubs, I'd say the first thing to do is work on your state of mind. Go by the "gay section" of town - the shops, the boutiques, the restaurants. Look for couples. What do you see? Yep, believe it or not, it isn't just the hot "femmy" gays who hook up. Masculine-acting gay guys, plain-looking gay guys, even ugly gay guys. They meet people, they hook up, they have sex, they get into relationships.

So can you.

Now think about some of the stuff you said in your post. You say that you sometimes wish you were a bit "femmier", so guys would notice you. But then you seem a bit peeved when other gay guys ask if you're gay. In short, you don't "act gay", but you take offense when someone asks if you are. So how are they supposed to know, exactly? You're not going to get chosen if nobody knows you're on the market. That's part of the whole "coming out" thing - letting people know you're interested in guys, and interested in perhaps dating/hooking up with guys.

So first step first. Come out. Not to your friends or family (even if you already have), but to you. You're gay. BFD. Work on accepting that. Stare in the mirror every morning, and say "I'm gay" until you can say it without flinching. Until it's no big deal. Because, frankly, it ain't.

Next step, get yourself a guy. This one may take a bit longer, and it really shouldn't be started until you finish the step above. So let's see how that goes first.

You can do this. A lot of us here have.

Lex

 

[jackry]

Dude relax. I know from wince you post. I'm more comfortable around str8 guys and get confused by the gay world. You'll get it.

 

[vetterx021]

Try living your life more positively. Your post is filled with I don't likes and I'm not attracted tos. Start focusing on the positive: Figure out what you like, what you're attracted to, and what you want... then go after it.

One thing that always helps me when I'm in a rut is trying a new activity. This year I've tried everything from boxing, to racquetball, to concerts featuring music I don't normally listen to, all of which have been fun, refreshing, and opportunities to make new friends. Finding new hobbies won't automatically lead you to ~the one, but they can be a start.

And sorry, I couldn't help but notice one thing: You're looking for someone you can "share deep feelings with," but you say you see most of your gay friends at the club? You might want to try looking someplace else. Most club environments aren't very conducive to longterm relationships.

 

[bluepheonix]

I agree with the above, stop thinking in terms of 'the gays', think of it as an adjective not a noun.

 

[-Ready-]

I don't know which category this belongs, but anyways.......

-I am afraid of talking to gay people.
-I am physically attracted to men.
-I find it easier to talk to women (although I don't plan on sleeping with them).
-I don't have a lot of gay friends (and when I meet gay people they ask if I'm gay. wtf).
-I am 24 and I fear that I will be a virgin all my life (maybe having sex with a girl will turn me straight? doubt it).
-Gay people are probably not attracted to me (I'm childishly adorably cute, which I find is only a desirable relationship for friendship and nothing more).
-I'm not attracted to gay black people although I am black.
-I am feel I am the only one with these problems, although some people may relate to one or two of these, but not all.
-What can I do to not be lonely for the rest of my life? Close friends aren't enough for me, I want a true true companion to share deep feelings with. I've never felt this (mutually), but I desire to know the gay people I've met a little better, but I never see them outside of the club.
-Sometimes I wish I were a little more flamboyant and girly to attract gays, because that seems to stick out.
-Advice? Kind words? Similar personal stories? That would be helpful. Thanks.

I can relate to all of those issues, except I'm 19. I have a probably taking to other gays and it's definitely easier talking to women. I definitely prefer white gay men, even though I'm black and I'm not once ounce of flamboyrant so ppl prob don't think I'm gay (although I try to switch around guys I think are gay to get there attention) yeah your not alone.

 

[neoachilles]

Call me cuckoo, but I don't think my gay cousins (shout out!) are too crazy about being referred to as "the gays". Just throwing that out there. Also, unless, you actually do have a certain fondness for the vajayjay, I suggest you not refer to yourself as "bisexual." There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay--it's who you are, own it. Love it. As for you not being comfortable around other gay men, don't worry, they don't bite...unless you want them to--but that's neither here nor there. I personally love my gay friends, they're a hoot and a half, and loyal as all get-out. Look, you just need to immerse yourself in a little gay culture, like some of the other posters suggested. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it will be for you to be around your brethren...and sistren (oh, yeah, throwing the lesbians some love), and the easier it will be for you to make more and deeper connections.

p.s. You don't have to be an over-the-top queen to gain attention. As long as you're cute, and put out, you'll be fine.

 

[someguy121]

Thanks for your responses. A couple things:

1. Sorry about "the gays," I didn't think it was offensive at the time. I think I say it like that because I don't feel welcomed or accepted. Most of the gay people I've met make me feel like an outsider.

2. I realize that I'm gay and nothing about that is going to change, but the only thing keeping me from accepting myself is fitting into the gay community. It feels quite lonely because I'm tired of hanging out with people who I can't have relationships with.

That's about it, maybe that clears up some things....

 

[asian87]

You will meet a potential lover. Just wait and look around. One day he will come to you when you don't expect it to happen.