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The Lights in Room 42

“Well, that’s when you say, “Let m consult with my coven.’”

“Consult with my coven?”

“Yes! When somebody comes up to you and ask you for some shit you don’t just say yes. Sometimes you might say no. You say, let me consult with my coven. And sometimes the coven might be your friends, and sometimes the coven might just be you sitting around in a chair thinking about if you want to do something or not, but the coven is the time you need to think of an answer.”

“That’s actually brilliant,” Swann said.

“Of course it is” his cousin Meech was saying. “You know all those people who are always asking you to do shit you don’t want to do? Some people are always like that. It’s never something you want to do, and instead of getting stuck in an answer you just say—or you think to yourself—let me consult with my coven.”

“Like Dana.” Latiese said.

“Oh, that worthless bitch!” Tanya said. “Always asking for some crazy shit. And she never thinks, damn I shouldn’t ask that. And she never ever prepares! It’s just like—”

“When she bought that damn dog, knowing she was going on vacation, and she didn’t train it so nobody wanted to keep it.”

“And then she didn’t get off her fat ass to call an animal place to keep it, and at the last minute she wanted you to drive across town, damn near to Beverly to feed it everyday.”

“But at first,” Meech remembered, “she wanted me to sit in her nasty house. She was like, stay there, it will be clean, could you please stay there and keep that damn poodle company?”

“That’s a definite,” Tanya declared, “consult with your coven.”

Meech Portis was one of Uncle Don’s daughters, and Tanya, Latiese and Alesia were various cousins, descendants of Jean and Leona. They, along with Dewey, Nelson, Tolliver, their wives, and assortment of children as well as Miss Lou, Jason the Jew, Don himself, and Pam, made up the Thanksgiving household at Birches. Of course, Rose and Deborah were here now, they’d come down last night on the Metra, and Chris had picked them up along with Swann and Doug.

“Get out now, get out!” Pam was busy swatting people from Don’s kitchen.

“Nobody in here but me—and sometimes Doug or sometimes Swann.”

But the boys both knew never both of them at the same time.

Earlier that morning, with the exception of Pam, they had all gone to Mass at Saint Elizabeth’s, even Jason the Jew. Again, this was a time when Chris understood the world Swann had come from, a very old and very sober Black congregation in a church of brass lanterns against ivory walls and transcepts painted with murals of saints and angels, the old stations of the Cross, brass gated grottoes where saints stood over a tray of votives in red glasses burning at their feet. There, in delicate glazed plaster was Saint Elizabeth holding young Saint John and across from her was Saint Anne with young Mary, two cousins, ancient Madonnas with their late in life children. And here was the enormous high altar, nothing like the plain carpeted floor of Saint Joan of Arc in Benton whose altar was a space like a stage at the bottom of an amphiteatre. Here, the marble rails about the altar had never been removed. Here the silk veiled altar where the priest stood was just before the older altar with its elaborate tabernacle. On either side of it presided Mary and Joseph in marble, and after communion, while the old organ warbled, and the house of God was still smelling of incense, you passed, on its high plinth, arms outstretched, the great marble Christ. This did not seem to be a church that had ever known a tambourine or a folk guitar. There was nothing breezy about these terrazzo floors in which you could see yourself. Long after the priests in their robes had chanted: “Let us proclaim the mystery or faith,” Chris Navarro could not but be sure that something had happened here, that even now heaven was touching earth and something was happening. Previously something like morality tinged with guilt had been Chris’s idea of religion, of Catholicism, but here it was the notion of magic, of a palpable transforming power, a force a life that hummed through the pillars and floors into the lives and doings of the entire Portis family.



“I can still taste that marcaroni,” Tanya said.

“That’s cause it’s in your teeth.”

“Shut up, Doug.”

“There’s more of it in the kitchen,” Pam said. “There’s more of everything. Make sure you take some before you leave.”

“Who wants to read cards?” Meech rubbed her hands together.

“Not me,” said Deborah. “That’s like asking the Devil into your life.”

“Deborah, it is not like asking the Devil into your life. Daddy, may I?”

Donald nodded and his daughter took the Tarot cards from the table under the bay window. She shuffled a while and then held them out to Deborah.

“Pick one.”

“I will not.”

“Come on.”

“Mom, it’s not the Devil,” Doug said, wearily.

“Are you gon take a card?”

“After you,” Doug said.

“Alright,” Deborah said heavily. “Well, let me pick.”

She shuffled herself for a little bit and pulled out a card, afraid to turn up the face, and when she did, she frowned.

Doug raised an eyebrow and then took it from her.

“Well, shit,” he said, “it’s the Devil.

“My turn.”

While his mother frowned, Doug pulled his out and then handed the cards to Swann.

“I got Eight of Cups,” Swann said. “That’s… a journey?”

Donald nodded.

“Well, we are leaving in the morning,” Chris said.

The last few days of break would be spent with his folks or by themselves. And Swann said, “Douglass, you never said what your card was.”

“The Fool!” Doug turned it over. “I’m going on a journey too, but apparently it’s a fool’s one.”

“This is so entertaining,” Rose said in her posh voice, as she came into the living room with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. “You know what would be great, Meech? If you came up to Evanston and stayed with me for a few days. We could arrange something like this for my reading group? You and me together, how’s that sound?”

Latiese looked up at her cousin for a moment, took a long breath and said, “Let me consult with my coven.”
 
Well this has turned into an eventful Thanksgiving to say the least. It is fascinating hearing the back story of the families. Sad to but interesting nonetheless. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
 
Well this has turned into an eventful Thanksgiving to say the least. It is fascinating hearing the back story of the families. Sad to but interesting nonetheless. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
Well, I've clearly been caught up in something ,because not only have I not read this response, I haven't posted.
 
Jill had surprised Swann by emailing him and saying how much she missed him. When he said he was in Benton, she had said, “Let me check something,” and then a moment later said, “What if on Sunday I drive up there and we can go back to school togther?”

He wanted to see Jill, but he had missed Chris and looked forward to their last two hours together on the ride back to Aiguebelle that took Chris hours out of his own trip back to school. It would have been selfish on every level to tell Jill no.

Sunday afternoon Jill arrived at the large house in Benton, and a half hour later they wre driving off and she was saying, “I just don’t understand you.”

“What?

“I broke up with Jim.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. I mean I am, but I’m not. But, like, I was twisted in knots about breaking up with someone who is kind of not that great, and every time I turn around, you’ve got some hot guy hanging off your shoulder.”

“Chris was hardly hanging off my shoulder. He’s way the hell too tall to hang off my shoulder for one thing.”

“But he is hot.”

“He went to high school with us. We’re old old friends.”

“And I saw the way he hugged you. I need that kind of friend.”

Swann forgot how much he missed his friend. He had been in the world of Chris and in the world of the Birches for the last week and now he was returning the world he lived in most of the time.

“I’m exhausted!” Jill cried. “We should pick up dinner at Rally’s and then go to bed.”

“I can’t disagree.”

Swann was suddenly aware of how sleepy he was, Sunday sleepy he called it.

“I think I would usually be in bed this time of day.”

They got back to campus before five, and parking in front of Dwenger Hall, they climbed out of the car. But, just then, Sal Goode came down the stairs in jeans and a snug tee shirt, grinning at them, and when Swann put his bags down, Sal scooped up two, winked at him and ran up the staircase and back into the dorm.

“See, what I’m saying?” said Jill.

“I’m sure he’ll be glad to pick up your bags.”

“Whatever.”

“Well, then, I’m sure that when I come back, I’ll be glad to go back with you to Justin Hall and brings your bags up with you.”

Swann took his last bag, hefted it and said, “I’ll be right back.”

When he’d gotten to the third floor, Sal was leaned against the door, arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his face and something playful in his green eyes. Sal had nice arms. They were hard not to notice, the arms, the eyes, the wavy hair, the side smile.

“I would have dropped them in your room, but—”

“It’s locked.”

“It is indeed locked.”

“Well, thanks. I mean, thank you.”

“It’s what friends do,” Sal shrugged as Swann opened the door. He didn’t move much out of the way, and he’d always thought Sal smelled like a twenty year old, like Axe body wash, or maybe Old Spice. But he smelled like something else, like something gentle, and it upset Swann that this was all his mind could come up with. He put his bag on the floor and as Sal brought the other bags in, he said, “Jill is waiting, or else I’d stay. I mean, I’ll be back in a while. We’re probably going to eat. You didn’t ask all that, but we are. And, it seems like I’m babbling.”

Sal slid his thumbs into side pockets, cocking his head and grinning.

“Yeah,” he said, “it really does seem like you are.”

“Did you have a good break?”

Sal shrugged.

“It was okay.”

Swann nodded.

` “Joe around?”

“Joe is very much asleep. I was watching a bad movie when I saw you all pulling in.”

Swann nodded and said, “Well, thank you. You know. For everything.”

He moved closer to the door so that Sal knew to leave, and then he said, “That thing… you know, at Chris’s house. That thing that that night…”

“Um, when we kissed?” Sal said, baldly.

“Uh, yes. I… Should I apologize.”

“Yes,” Sal said, earnestly, clasping his hands.

“You should absolutely apologize for breaking it off.”

“My God!”

Sal laughed at him. He shook his head.

“Swann Portis, I don’t think you’r as virginal as that! We slept side by side that night, and there were four bedrooms. I was sure you were going to drag me into one of them,”

“Oh?”

“And I only had on a pair of boxer briefs, and actually, I don’t think I’m bad looking.”

“I really can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“I’m not really sure if I am either. But, I’m pretty sure if we’d kept the kiss up, if you’d asked me to go into one of those rooms with you, like, for real be with you, I would have done it.”

“Well,” Swann said, feeling very unSwannlike, a little flustered, “that’s… a missed chance I guess. I have to…”

“See Jill?”

“Yeah.”

Absurdly, Swann bowed and went down the hall.

“Swann!” Sal called. He was leaning against his own door, head ducked, scratching his neck, and that’s how Swann knew what he was about to say next was no joke.

“Yes?”

“There isn’t really such thing as a missed chance. I’m always here.”

He looked at Swann, and he looked very serious now.

“I’m right across the hall.”
 
Great to get back to this story! Swann is sure having a busy time being pulled in all directions. I am hoping he does sleep with Sal. It seems like something they both really want. Excellent writing and I look forward to more soon!
 
Great to get back to this story! Swann is sure having a busy time being pulled in all directions. I am hoping he does sleep with Sal. It seems like something they both really want. Excellent writing and I look forward to more soon!
Oh, my friend, I hope for so much too. You will just have to wait and see. But soon all.... or some... will be revealed.
 
TONIGHT, WE END ONE CHAPTER AND LAUNCH RIGHT INTO ANOTHER



He didn’t say a word to Jill as they went back to her place. He was thinking about Chris the other night, when they’d discussed Sal’s kiss.
“What are you going to do when you go back?” he asked, sincerely.
“Whaddo you mean? I mean, we’re together,” Swann said.
“We’re together right now,” Chris said. “Hell, we’re always together. You know that. But, what are you going to do about Sal?”
They had been on the beach the day after Thanksgiving, right before heading out, and Chris was skipping rocks and it was barely six a.m. on Lake Michigan. The sky was heavy with darkness and way across the lake, a gold line rose on the horizon.
“You know what?” Chris said.
“What?”
“I give Pete Flapalotapuss a hard time, but you wanna know something? He made you happy. He made you happy when I couldn’t, and he was around when I wasn’t, so I don’t care. No, I do care. I care that he was there for you, and in reality I would tip my hat to him everyday. If I wore a hat. He’s a good guy. He’s your friend. He loves you, and I respect that.”
“Thank you?”
“And you’re not going to get this level of honesty out of me for a long time, so take it.”
“I’m taking it, Christopher.”
“Sal…. He’s a really good guy. He’s aces, and he’s across the hall from you and I’m going to be two and a half hours away in Lafayette. I… I want to promise you everything. I want to give you everything.”
“Chris—”
“No, listen. I do. I want you to have everything, but I can’t give that to you now, so, if you feel something for Sal–and I know he feels something to you–don’t stop it because of some misguided since of loyalty to me.”
Swann didn’t speak for a moment. A little gull sailed down with the grace of a paper plate and began tottering along the wet sand.
“Do you not love me?” Swann said.
“Goddamnit, it’s because I love you. Fuck, Swann, I can’t believe you don’t know how much I love you! But if someone else loves you too, if you love someone else, I’m not going to stop it. I’m not going to make it a competition. I love you. I’m always here. Plain and simple.”


Over dinner, he spaced out. One moment he and Jill were eating burgers on the floor of her dorm room, and the next minute he was in bed with Chris on one side and Sal on the other, both of them looking down at him, smiling, stroking his shoulder.


Chapter Fourteen














Swann snored himself awake,
blinking on a beanbag in the corner of Jill’s room. She was passed out on her bed, and he shook his head, sat up, put on his shoes and coat, searching for a piece of paper to scribble a goodbye note, then then headed home. On his walk from Justin to Dwengr Hall he thought of knocking on Sal and Joe’s door and having a conversation with Sal about everything whatever everything was. But Sal had never been much of a talker. He was talking more than ever recently, and whenever Swann thought of Sal he thought of his slightly olive skin, of his sideways smile and wavy hair, and then he completely forgot what he would say to him. He only knew that he wanted to talk to him. He wanted to be near him.

When he pressed his ear to the door, ready to knock, he left his ear there for only a moment before pulling away and feeling foolish. They were having sex, it was as simple as that. They had moved the bed so it hit the wall near the window, but it was hitting it, and hitting it a lot, and they were both making sounds, but he wasn’t sure who was going what. He decided he didn’t want to know when suddenly he heard what must have been Joe saying, “Sal. Sal, Goddamn. Harder, Harder all right. Stay like that. Oh, God…”

Behind that door, Sal, the boy he liked, the boy he was thinking about, was fucking Joe Stanley, the other boy he was, in all fairness, kind of thinking about too.

But he heard his phone ringing and went to open his unlocked door, thinking it was Jill, but it was Doug.

“Hey, cuz.”

“You won’t believe it, but I’m at Deborah’s house.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” he said. “Firstly, it’s not a bad house, and secondly we’re sort of having as close to a heart to heart as a black mother and a black son get.”

“Well, I’m thrilled, I thought I was going to have a heart to heart too.”

“With Sal? I’d say I’m confused about the situation, but I’m not.”

“He came down and got my bags when I got back here.”

“That’s just sweet.”

“And then we thought we were going to have a serious discussion and… I don’t know. I’m feeling romantic and stupid about him, and then–”

“Oh, God!” Swann heard from across the hall

“What? And then, what Swann?”

“I get back here, and he’s fucking Joe Stanley. In fact, I think I just heard him come.”

“Well, he was always fucking Joe Stanley,” Doug said. “and I’m pretty sure you were fucking Chris Navarro this morning.”

“I know. I know that logically, but it fucks me up…. romantically.”

“And if I’m not wrong, you were with Pete before that. Like, you were seeing Pete, and Chris knew about it. And you’ll see him again, and if you do anything with Salvador Goode, it’s not like you’re finished with Chris."

“On paper I know this, and it’s not like I didn’t think he and Joe would… Look, it’s like I said, logically I know that we still need to talk, but romantically…”

“Romance is bullshit, You’re all tied to other people. Get off of romance. Get back to logic, go talk to the dude, and work something out.”
 
That was a well done portion! Swann’s love life is complicated as always. I hope things work out with Sal but who knows. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
 
That was a well done portion! Swann’s love life is complicated as always. I hope things work out with Sal but who knows. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
Yes, I wondered about giving him this complicated love life, but I like it, and you're right. Who knows where it will go?
 
TONIGHT, MAX MILLER ADDS AN EXTRA LAYER OF COMPLICATION. HAPPY WEEKEND
Swann knew his cousin was right. He should work something out, and when he next looked up a number and picked up the phone, he also knew he should work out something better than what he was doing, but he called anyway.

“Hello? Max? It’s Swann. Yes. Yes! Did you have a good holiday? Well, yes, I just got back into town tonight? I was wondering if…. Yes. Yes. Tomorrow night? Tomorrow night would be great.”







Swann answered the email more because he was irritated with seeing his mother than anything else. On an other wise great vacation, he needed distraction not from Doug or Chris, but from Rose and a little bit from Deborah.



Hello, Swann, I hope this finds you well. I enjoyed out last encounter and look forward to deepening our relationship. May you and your family experience the peace of Thanksgiving. Hope to see you soon,



Max





Swann was beyond making fun of how Max spoke. He felt like he understood the man. It would have been vain to say something like he “saw into him”, but he did think he understood him, and what if his words were a little lofty, almost a little silly? What if? He wasn’t awful. He wasn’t Rose and he wasn’t Deborah. Swann thought, “This is someone who is trying to be his best, so why can’t I?” He understood that he never really tried to be anything but what he was, that trying to be his best had never been a thought in his brain Well, hell, let it be now.



Hello. Max,

It is so good to hear from you. I trust your holiday is good as well, and you have a nice time away from Saint Anthony. Not much is going on over here, which I think at least half way meets the definition of peace. I do miss school a little and look forward to returning, and when I return the first thing I plan to do is message you back so we can get back to where we left off.



Peace,

Swann



Was “Peace” too much? No, it seemed just right. Where had they left off? Making out and feeling under each others shirts before the door of Dwenger Hall. Max, of course, was not bad looking. He just looked like a music teacher, and with Chris right here, and the memory of Sal the other night, staring at him, kissing him, Max Mueller tended to fade.

“He can fade,” Swann said to himself. “Just don’t let him fade so that you forget to return his messages when he writes back.”

And he would write back. He would write back tomorrow. Someone like Max Mueller always returned messages promptly.





Monday afternoon, in the computer lab, Max Mueller sent the message:



“Can’t wait for our date tonight. I will arrive at seven promptly.”



He had to get home after choir practice, get showered and ready, drive down here. Swann could see it all. He wrote back:

“I can’t wait, I’m sure we’ll have an amazing time.”



He didn’t tell anyone about his date with Mr. Mueller. He had talked to Sal and Joe earlier in English class and hoped he seemed normal. He didn’t know what to make of them because he didn’t know what to make of Sal, and even though he had heard them having sex before, long known they did, imagined them doing it over vacation when he was doing it with Chris, yesterday things seemed different.

Max called from his car, and Swann thought this was the first time he had considered Blackberries useful. He just couldn’t see portable phones realy catching on, but he was a bit of a Luddite, a word he’d only learned this semester. He jogged down the stairs and jumped into the car wondering if Sal or Joe saw, hoping they did. They would wonder, ‘Where is Swann going?’ and ‘Who is driving him?” Sal would wonder. He needed Sal to wonder.

“I thought it would be forward of me to knock on the door,” Max explained, and Swann agreed that it would have at least been awkward for a thirty something year old man to show up at a college dorm, but he only said, “Thank you. That was very considerate.”

“You’re going to love where were going. It’s this exquisite Italian restaurant on the Strip. It’s worth the drive.”

“Is is worth your drive?” Swann said. “I mean, I’m the thing that made you drive a long way.”

“You’re absolutely worth it,” Max smiled at him.

“I’m glad you feel that way.”

“Yes,” Max said, his hands on the right positions of the steering wheel as they came out onto the highway that passed through town. “I’ve been thinking about this all day.”



Twenty minutes into the drive, Max said, “I don’t even live in Calverton.”

“Where do you live?”

“Rapton.”

“That’s halfway between Calverton and here.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I don’t think I feel so bad about you driving to me now.”

Max laughed.

“You shouldn’t.”

“I do feel bad, though, for your commute to work everyday.”

Max laughed again and nodded.

“I do too.”

“Did you make reservations?”

“At the restaurant? No?”

“Then we don’t have to be there at any special time?”

“No,” Max said. “Why?”

“Because I’d like to see your house. If that’s alright?”

Max made a face and shrugged.

“I don’t know why it wouldn’t be. No one ever sees it. Don’t expect to much.”

Swann shrugged back.

“I expect it to be a house.”

Max smiled at him.

“I like you Swann.”

Swann was about to say, “I like being liked,” but instead replied, “I like you too.”

“Let’s go,” said Max.
 
“It’s hardly Vienna,” Max said, managing to sound both apologetic and grandiose as they approached his house.
“No place in Indiana is,” Swann said.
Max did that laugh again and said, “Right, right.”
Swann wasn’t sure if Max meant the town wasn’t Vienna or his house. Both were objectively and stylishly true. The house in whose driveway they parked was a one story weather beaten sort of ranch with old white aluminum siding and it looked like all the other wide apart houses around it. There were no sidewalks in Rapton. Swann didn’t sneer at it. It’s just the way it was. He’d learned in high school that sneering was just a middle class affectation.
The house had a large piano, not one of those school room pianos, and the living room was filled with shelves full of records. Max began pointed them out. As they had come into the house, Max took Swann’s hand in his sweaty one. A gauzy curtain was over the picture window, and Swann half listened to Max as he moved through the darkened house. Lights were on in the kitchen and in the bathroom.
“This is my room,” Max said, laughing nervously.
Swann walked into it. Max reached for the light, but Swann said, “Max, wait.”
“Oh?”
“Max?”
“Swann?”
The hallway light made it so the room wasn’t completely dark, and he could see Max very well.
Swann said, “Take off your pants.”
Max opened his mouth to say, “Wha?” but switched tactics, and quickly obeyed.
He pulled down his chinos, and he pulled down his briefs, and his penis rose. Swann began to stroke it and it hardened and Swann said, almost dreamily as veins rose up in Max’s cock, “I didn’t know it would be so big.”
Max started to speak, but only air came out of his throat.
Swann had planned this, so he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of lube, and he began to polish the knob of Max’s penis, watching it swell, and then he loosened his linen pants, which is why he’d worn them, and pulled down his underwere, and taking Max by the hand, he led him to the bed. Swann climbed on to it and knelt, grasping the back board and humble, Max climbed after him, mounting the bed and taking his hips. Swann held in his hand the little bottle of poppers he’d gotten from the shop in South Shore, and he shook it, opened it, and breathed in the dizzying fumes as Max exhaled. Swann cried out as Max pushed and, and Swann pressed back and now Max was inside of him. They moved slowly and as Swann moved back and forth, feeling Max inside him, Max moved in a steady rhythm in the dark of his bed room, fucking Swann.
On his hands and knees, face buried in the musty pillow, there was the old feeling, the feeling that he had craved even since the first time Chris had fucked him, that made him move past the pain into the something else, the intimate flesh of another man, swollen, pressed into him, engulfed by him, taken more and more. Swann always thought it was like having someone else’s heartbeat inside of you, all of their desire inside, all bullshit, at least for the moment removed in the giving and taking of something on the edge of pleasure, the fitting together, the body to body ness of the whole affair. Max’s breathing heightened and his hands grasped Swann’s hips. Swann pushed back and Max pressed forward. Small swears escaped their lips. Swann knew by now the secret of sex was to let go, to take of your clothes. Yeah, you took off your clothes, but you had to take them all off, everything that covered you up, every attempt at sophistication. He let the moan escape his lips as it escaped Max’s. When he was saying, “Fuck….. fuck….” Max panted, “You want it…. you want me to fuck you?”
“Fuck me…” Swann heard his voice rising.
In this quiet room, with the car parked outside of an ugly little house in an ugly little town where a music teacher usually dealt with the lost promises of grandeur by listening to Mahler and writing overly proper emails, Max fucked him slowly, and then faster and their voices rose and fell in their own strange music.

“Fuck me…. Fuck… fuck me…

“You want me to fuck you…”

“Fuck me. I’ll fuck you…”

“Fuck…. I’ll fuck you…”.

“Harder, harder…. oh god ohh, oh…”


The shouts in between the increased rhythm, the building shouts.

“I’m going to come….”

“Then come…”

“Do you want me to…. Let me pull out…

“No.”


Max shouted and his hands flew out, he bent low, gripping Swann’s shoulders and burrowed into him, pressing his cock deeper as he squirted inside of him. Swann panted and moaned like something wounded as Max twisted, his body leaping up, bucking, his mouth in a long sustained, dumb cry before he was silent, his balls wrung, his cock pulled, all nut drained.
They were both silent and damp on the bed, and Swann’s asshole ached, Max still throbbing, large and firm inside of him.
 
“Do you still want to go out?”

“Not really,” Swann said.

They lay naked on their stomachs, side by side. Max reclined on his side and ran a hand over Swann’s shoulder, down his spine, caressed his ass.

“We could order a pizza or something.”

“Well, something definitely,” Swann said. “I’m going to get hungry in a bit.”

“There’s a place down the road…”

“Let’s not worry about it now. Let’s not worry about anything.”

“Would I be ahead of myself if I said you could stay the night?”

“No, you would be someone who just had an orgasm and doesn’t want to drive an hour back to my dorm then an hour back home.”

Max’s laugh was more relaxed, now.

“That’s not why.”

“It’s a little bit why,” Swann told him.

He said, “I saved you money.”

“Whaddo you mean?”

“You would have spent all that money on that restaurant, thought of all these impressive things to say, maybe even spent money on a second dinner, all so we could end up right here.”

“Well, that’s awfully jaded.”

“It’s not,” Swann said, turning over.

“You wanted to fuck me, and you probably didn’t even have the words to say it. It was in the air behind every polite email, behind every conversation. And now it’s happened, so we can move onto something real.”

“You don’t think anything we did before was real?”

Swann said, “I don’t really trust any relationship until the sex has happened.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

Max shook his head.

“I can’t decide if that’s jaded or civilized. I… I actually don’t know how I feel about that.”

Swann looked solemn, but now he was rubbing Max’s penis. He was massaging lube on it so that it lengthened and glistened and its head was like a pink soldier’s helmet. When it was perfectly hard, Swann lazily slapped his own back, placed Max’s hand on his ass. He pressed himself to Max and then rose up on his hands and knees, and while Max was kneeling behind him, fitting himself inside, Swann said lazily, though his voice rose with Max’s entry:

“Well then think about it… as you fuck me.”
 
Well Swann’s love life continues to be complicated. I don’t know if this thing with Max is serious but they are enjoying themselves. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
 
Well Swann’s love life continues to be complicated. I don’t know if this thing with Max is serious but they are enjoying themselves. Great writing and I look forward to more soon!
Well, they certainly are enjoying themselves, and as to the meaning or serious???? Even I'm not sure.
 
Well, they certainly are enjoying themselves, and as to the meaning or serious???? Even I'm not sure.
Last night, Sunday night, when everyone was returning, and Salvador Goode was one of the first to return to Dwenger Hall, he’d leapt up when he saw Swann getting out of Jill’s car. Like many good looking and well liked people, Sal hadn’t much experience in self reflection. He didn’t think about his eager excitement. He didn’t see himself running down the steps like a little boy or like a puppy and catching Swann’s bags, He didn’t see himself smirking. He knew he was glad Swann was home. He knew he was always glad when Swann was here.

In the few hours when he was on his won, he’d looked across the hall, wondering about Swann’s room Room 42 with the amber lights lined along the walls, and with all of its books and all of its paintings, with the classical music that would be playing late. If he put his ear to the door he could hear it, or sometimes Swann left his door open, knowing that people would stop by. Sal wanted to go in there and sit on the bed or in a chair and…. he knew not what else. He wanted to be there with Swann and just sit in his presence. He was sure something would happen if only they could spent time together. After all, when he thought about Swann enough, he was startled and a little bit ashamed of the boner he got.

And then Swann was gone as quickly as he’d arrived, though he told Sal he had to go and that he would return. But he hadn’t return. So when Joe woke up, they went to eat. All through dinner he remembered things he wanted to tell Swann that seemed silly, like how good he smelled, the light hint of fabric softener and the little bottle of Lagerfeld his mother had bought him. Back in their room, almost bored, almost from out of habit, they began making out then had sex. Though it started out of habit it became increasingly intense. This was how it was for them a lot. They knew they might start out bored, but by the time things got to a head it was worth it, and the messed up parts of their minds were clear. They loved each other, that was a fact, and being with each other was more fulfilling than masturbation, safer, kinder, more loving than finding random people.

As Sal came off his orgasm, the thought went through his mind that what he had with Joe was not what Swann had with Chris Navarro. For some reason that thought was very clear. And then on the heels of that thought came the certainty that the kiss he’d had with Swann was nothing like the making out with Joe. It wasn’t like anything, and as they lay in bed, facing each other, Joe, always so tender, so warm, his brother, his best friend, his other self, touched his face gently and said:

“Who were you thinking about?”

“Huh?”

“When you were fucking me? Who were you thinking about?”

Joe saw the change in Sal’s face and said, “No…. don’t get defensive. I just wanna know?”

“Fine,” Sal said. “Who were you thinking about, then?”

“Not fair.”

“It’s very fair,” Sal said.

Neither one of them said anything until Joe finally said, “So is this how it’s going to be? We stonewall.”

“I kissed Swann,” Sal said.

“Oh?”

“I kissed him, and it was the nicest thing. It was just a kiss. It was just a second.”

“When?”

“At Chris Navarro’s.”

“Oh,” Joe said. And then, as if remembering something, “Oh!”

Then he said, “Be careful.”

“Huh?”

“Swann’s great. I mean…. I know you like him. I think you liked him in high school. You’re just a really shy person, and he’s already got Chris, doesnt he? So… be careful.”

“I’ll be careful with him if you’re careful with Doug.”

“What?”

“I know he’s coming next semester.”

“Okay?”

“And I know you. Alright?”

When Joe said nothing, Sal said again, “Alright.”

Joe sighed.

“Alright.”







“This is delicious!”

“Gino’s does make a decent pizza.”

“No,” Swann argued. “This is a delicious pizza. You have something great, Max, and you don’t even know it.”

“Wouldn’t it be something if that was a metaphor for life?”

“It can be. But for now, let’s just let it be about the pizza.”

They had dressed to go down and get that pizza and now they sat barefoot in the living room, eating great slices of stretchy sausage and pepperoni, and Swann said, “I think I prefer this to an Italian restaurant on the Strip.”

“Me too, actually,” Max confided, taking a slurp from his cola.

“I didn’t even know they had anything Italian except Olive Garden.”

“Ha.”

“For a moment I thought, this man is taking me to Olive Garden.”

“No, I’m not as plebeian as all that,” Max said. “Although the truth is, I am very plebeian.”

“How plebeian?”

“How?” Max mused.

“Uh, so plebeian that, you know how I make out that I am much too fine for this town, and this house?”

“Do you?”

“I do. And you know I do, and the truth is I want to be too fine for this town, and maybe I am, but the town I come from is right down the road. It’s like a half hour away.

“Like,” Max waved his hand about, “I would love to say I’m from someplace, and one of my great grandmothers was Norwegian, and I think I had an Italian great grandparent, but the Muellers are from here.”

“What, you’re an Indian?” Swann laughed.

“No, I’m not an Indian,” Max almost spat out his drink. “I’m not cool enough to be an Indian. My family lived in the Great Kankakee Marsh like all sorts of outcasts. We were swamp people. And then, when the government dried the swamp out, there we were. It’s like they sucked out the water and there was Wade, Indiana with the Millers, and that was a hundred years ago.”

“You make it sound dull, but it’s a very cool story,” Swann said.

“I just thought it made me descended from swamp people.”

“That’s because you think the story is about you, and you have an audience. You’re not quite sure who your audience is, but you’re performing for it.”

“That,” Max said, “is actually kind of insightful.”

“The Grand Kankakee Marsh was the greatest wetland in the United States, even more than the Everglades, and industrialization and Americanization destroyed it. The last carrier pigeons died out because this was their habitat. Th whole of this area was changed forever because people wanted dry land to drive their trucks across and build houses. The Kankakee stretched from South Bend to Illinois. It was amazing. It makes me a little angry every time I think about it. And now all they have is a little park, and the river to remember what once was.”

Max Mueller looked at Swann in amazement and shook his head, smiling.

“What?” Swann said.

“I have never heard anyone say so much about… the Marsh. Any marsh. I’ve never anyone say anything about… You should go into conservation of something.”

“You’re not the only person who came from swamp people. Lots of people were displaced when the Marsh was drained. I think that’s one of the reasons it was. So many people fleeing so many things and making a life for themselves on the edge of things. My great-great grandparents lived in the Marsh, and when it dried they went north and then a little more north until they settled on the south side of Chicago.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They fled Louisiana and traveled up the Mississippi, through wetland after wetland to arrive in the Kankakee. Once upon a time you could. Once you could take the Saint Lawrence River and sail through the Great Lakes till you got to Chicago. You still can. But back when Chicago was still part of a wetland, you could go through the Chicago River and the Calumet, keep sailing till you got to the Kankakee, and then hit the Mississippi and travel to New Orleans. It must have been an amazing time.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way—”

“I’m already taking it the wrong way.”

“But I don’t know that many people your age—”

“Oh, God.”

“Or any age, really, who know that much about their history.”

“But I am my history,” Swann said. “What my grandmother did, and her parents, and her parents before them, that’s me. It’s why I’m here. I am my history. This whole land is my history. It’s yours too, apparently.”
 
That was a fascinating portion for sure. It was interesting to see how close Swann and Sal came to getting together. Others seem to always get in the way or they get in their own way. Great writing and I look forward to more soon.
 
SWANN SPENDS THE NIGHT WITH A NEW FRIEND


Swann was drinking grape soda, done with pizza, when he said: “You get to work at around eight, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you need to take me home tonight.”
Max looked at him.
“It’s a two hour drive from my school to yours and a one hour drive from here to there. We’d have to get up at at five a.m. and we’re not even counting you getting dressed.”
“Or you’re being ready for class.”
“That’s really not the issue you think it is.”
“I hadn’t even thought about it.”
“Good thing I did.”
From a very early age, Swann had been the one who had to think about things. Life with Rose Portis was like that.
“Well, what should we do?” Max asked him.
“You should probably take me home in an hour. Or two. It doesn’t matter. But you might want to do it before five.”
Swann, who had dreaded locker rooms and dressed behind screens throughout high school, now took great joy in his body. Not that it was the wonderful—it wasn’t—but it was his and he knew when other men took pleasure in it. While Max watched, he undressed and returned to the bedroom. It wasn’t long before Max followed. They’d already had sex twice that night, and Swann was sure they’d finished, But they fucked again, slow, and then with an increased rapidity until, spent and draped across each other, Swann said, “If you came back with a change of clothes or something, you could leave at six. Or maybe leave at six, get dressed at your house…”
“You want me to sleep with you tonight?” Max said.
“Yes,” Swann said.


Sal was awake to hear the car park on gravel, and he lay in bed thinking of getting up but wondering if Joe would wake up and see him and guess what he was doing. He lay on his back, listening, and reminded himself it could have been any one who lived in Dwenger Hall, but there was someone walking up the carpeted steps and then across the hall and unlocking the door across the hall, and now shutting it.
Sal lay awake a little longer, and he looked at the clock. It was past two in the morning. He wondered why the hell he was in bed anyway. He was usually well up at this time. He climbed out of bed, opened the door without letting too much light spill into the room and on Joe, and closing it, pressed his ear to the door.
“So much art in here… amazing.”
“Since I was little…”
Swann was not alone. There would be no visiting him, but at least he was home and at least he was alive.
“Glad I’m here,” Sal heard the other voice.
“Glad you’re here too…”
“Mr. Mueller?” Sal wondered. Did it matter. He left off listening and went down the hall to use the bathroom. It was only at the door that he remembered this had just been an excuse for listening at Swann’s door, and he really didn’t have to do anything.


Swann Portis lay in bed beside Max Mueller and wondered, “What kind of person am I?” It wasn’t a condemnatory question or even a shamed one, but Swann was curious. When he had decided that sex was a pleasure and if it was offered he wouldn’t be afraid of it, he meant that. He was used to long stretches of sleeping alone and being alone, and he was used to not having anyone, but in the last few days he had shared night after night, a bed with Chris, and when Chris was gone, he’d had a day to think about his feelings for Sal before he’d turned to Max. And Max had been a distraction, something to make him not think about what Sal was doing with Joe. Max had been a night out, some fumbling, maybe some quick fucking. He didn’t expect to hav a good time with him, or that in sex they would fit together so well and that Max would be such an expert lover. He didn’t expect the mixture of shyness and joy he felt as, hands in his pockets, Max walked about his room, admiring his paintings. He had definitely not expected how welcome and warm Max Mueller’s body was in his bed. It was while he was thinking these things that Max’s hand lazily moved over his body, stroking him, lazily stoking desire. Max pressed his flesh against Swann’s in an expert way that really only Pete’s had ever done, and blessing him with small kisses between his breasts, down his chest, down, down his belly, drew Swann away from his thoughts and into a slow and lazy lovemaking that spooled itself out into the rest of the night and didn’t rise to a climax until it was time for Max to shower, and then for Swann, who had showered with him, to bid him goodbye and smoke a cigarette in the room and in the body that still trembled with the music teacher’s presence long after this new lover was gone.


END OF CHAPTER
 
That was a great end to the chapter! Sure Swann is enjoying his time with Max but as he said it’s mainly a distraction. I still think Sal is endgame for him and I am excited to see what happens!
 
Chapter Fifteen































Swann was different the next day, even Sal could tell that, and Sal was the first person to admit he wasn’t the most perceptive of men. He wanted to ask what was going on. God, he always wanted to ask. He wanted to say so much. He got so tongue tied, and then that car pulled up, and Swann went down and got in it and drove off with the guy in it and one, two three hours passed and Sal pretended he wasn’t watching out for Swann, and Joe did too, and then they went to bed with the TV on and Sal wondered where Swann was. He even let his mind wander, and he thought about that Matthew Shepard. In an awful dream at two in the morning he saw a red sky and a black fence and on it a body tied like a scarecrow, and woke up blinking, his chest covered in cold sweat.



The knock came when Swann had hit that good spot, the deep sleep that transformed one from waking up exhausted in the remains of an old day, to waking up in a new one. He lay naked under the blanket still remembering Max in this bed and the slow lazy lovemaking that had turned into him facedown, biting the pillow and inhaling poppers while Max Mueller deep fucked him at five thirty in the morning.

He wrapped himself in the comforter and opened the door to see Salvador Goode,

For some reason the presence of Sal was not incongruous with the throbbing in his asshole that reminded him of Max.

“It’s good to see you safe,” Sal said.

Because Swann seemed to have nothing to say, Sal expanded, “You just disappeared last night, and no one knew where you were.”

Swann was about to retort that Jill and Chuck knew where he was, but that was a lie, and why hadn’t he told them? He felt safe with Max Mueller. He didn’t think Max was the kind of person who would take him into the woods and kill him, but why hadn’t he told anyone? And, of course, no one who had been sliced up and buried under floorboards ever thought it was going to happen.

“You’re right,” Swann said.

He was used to being defensive about his choices. It felt good not to be.

“I’m sorry, Sal.”

“I was just…. I was worried about you.”

“Well, thank you,” Swann said. “I’ll remember.”

Sal nodded.

“You coming to class?”

“I may be late for class,” Swann said. He was about to say, “But I’ll be there,” but this seemed too much to promise.

He went into his closet to make a pot of coffee, and slid off the blanket he’d wrapped about himself. Sitting in the easy chair, knees up like a frog, he unwrapped a Black and Mild, lit it, and smoked, looking out the window at the near naked trees. Class was an hour in the future, and a lifetime away as he stared out the window, running his hands over his body and repeating movements Max had made. He had begun touching himself when he swore because there was another knock at the door.

This time he slipped on his old black housecoat and opened it for Joe Stanley.

“Yes, I’m home and yes I’m safe, and yes, next time I will let people know. And it’s very good to see you too, and I will see you in class, only I have to, have to wake the fuck up.”

“I’m glad about all of that,” Joe said. “And I will let you go back to what you’re doing. But I need to come in for a second.”

“Okay?” Swann said, closing the door with a free hand and going to the closet to for his first cup of coffee.

“God, I forgot how cool this place is.”

“Come by tonight, and you can remember.”

“Will do, but…”

“Yes?”

“Here’s the thing, Sal’s not a great speaker.”

“He’s not a terrible speaker.”

“He likes you.”

Swann decided not to pretend to be vacant. He nodded and added cream from the mini fridge into his coffee.

“He really likes you and he doesn’t know how to express it.”

Swann nodded and Joe continued.

“And you’re sophisticated and everything. And you have Chris and Pete and know what you want and how to speak and… But please, just be kind to Sal. Okay?”

“I confess,” Swann said, sitting at his desk chair and not the one where he’d been masturbating a moment before, “the relationship the two of you have confuses me.”

Joe shook his head, looking old and tired. “It’s not that confusing. Not really.

“Can you tell how you feel about Sal?”

“Not really,” Joe said. “I love him, you know. More than anything. But I am not in love with him, if that makes sense. I think I was. I think once we were in love, but now I want him to be in love. And I think he is in love. With you.”

Suddenly, Swann threw back his head and sang:







“Do I move you, are you willin'

Do I groove you, is it thrillin'

Do I soothe you, tell the truth now

Do I move you, are you loose now

The answer better be—Yes, yes—

That pleases me.”



“Okay,” Joe started. Well—”

Swann lifted a finger, and continued:



“Are you ready for this action

Does it give you satisfaction

Are you hip to what I'm sayin'

If you are then let's start swayin'

The answer better be –Yes, yes—

That pleases me.”



Joe stared at him, and Swann said, “But mostly, tell Sal this:



“When I touch you do you quiver

From your head down to your liver

If you like it let me know it

Don't be psychic or you'll blow it

The answer better be—Yes, yes—

That pleases me.”



Joe Stanley was blinking at Swann because this was the most amazing shit he’d ever seen, and the other young man sat his chair like a throne, wearing his bathrobe like a king’s robe, the fragrant smoke rising from his cigarillo as he said, “That is it. That is all.”
 
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