The most gay friendly cities

[saymyname]

ALRIGHT! I'm trying to decide where to move after my undergraduate degree is finished. By then I'll have spent 4 years in Montreal - a wonderfully cultural, gay friendly city with plenty of nightlife, youth culture and a huge arts scene.

But... then what?

The gayest cities I've heard of are: Toronto, L.A., Sydney, S.F. and NYC. They all seem pretty obvious. Toronto sounds kind of lackluster (everyone in MTL makes it sound kind of... boring) so I don't really want to move there.

L.A. just wouldn't be my thing, I don't think - I'm going into academia or writing, and when I think of L.A. I think of acting, Hollywood, etc.

Sydney is a possibility, but I've heard it suffers from urban sprawl and can be really expensive.

My main choices are between NYC, which I probably can't afford (I live with a couple thousand a year help from parents for tuition, 3k I make during the summer, scholarships and loans). I know there are parts of NYC that aren't as expensive, but out of anywhere I'll be going - it will be for grad school, so I don't think I'll be working, so money is an issue. Then there's S.F., the gay capitol. Not as expensive, but on the other side of the country, and in a state with a ban on gay marriage (unlike the policy in NY, which means my boyfriend and I could get married in Quebec and it would be recognized there).

Anyways, what are your thoughts - in regards to my situation or otherwise - on the best gay friendly cities that also offer a sexy, vibrant nightlife, cultural and arts scene, are generally trendy and hip but aren't thought of as being financially unattainable in the ways that people see NYC, London, Paris, etc.

In regards to my financial situation - the most I could ever pay for rent is probably 600 or 700 a month. The most I've paid in MTL is 400, the cheapest 250, but it's not an expensive city. 600 a month would mean I'd be taking out tons of loans, on top of loans for grad school tuition. Maybe I could work and when I told a friend of mine in NYC that I was thinking of moving there but was worried about the price, she said to me, "Do you have any idea what a guy like you could make working at a gay bar in NYC?"

 

[Lefty]

sf is a minimum of 2000.00 a mo for rent and that is a total dump.

all the places you name are equally expensive. what are you going to do for money? sell your self? rent yourself? find a sugar daddy? get in lime (and it is a long one)

find your self and and your inner self then look for a relocation, MTRL is boring? too fucking bad junior, the real world is out there and it is not only not boring but it is ready to chew up babies like you your p shows you have no grasp on REAL life...lucky you i guess...but fact is the world out here aint no jar of JIF either creamy or extra crunchy.

stay in school you have a LOT to learn

 

[USER95125]

I think when looking for gay friendly people often overlook the Midwest. There is Chicago, Illinois - Minneapolis, Minnesota and the one many seem to forget about Madison, Wisconsin. Madison is smaller so rent is more reasonable and what many don't realize is Madison is sometimes referred to as, "The San Francisco of the Midwest".

While Wisconsin also has a gay marriage ban, two days ago we became the first state in the Midwest to legislatively provide legal protections for same-sex couples (something I am surprised did not catch more national attention).

 

[Eagle653]

^^^I agree. Those are excellent choices.

There's also San Diego and Seattle, if the west coast appeals to you.

 

[hotdog1846]

Well, according to Phillyurban8, the city I live in is Homophobiaville, where Christians run gays out of town with pitchforks and torches.

Anyway -- for rent money, by 600, do you mean $600 US?

Hun, that won't even get you a closet in the cities you mentioned. You could probably get a reasonable but not luxurious apartment in Denver, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, or Minneapolis (and maybe a few others).

Where are you thinking of going to grad school? Won't that determine which city you locate in?

I would think anywhere you go will be heavily influenced by the university and therefore will be gay friendly, if perhaps not a gay Mecca (unless you're going to a conservative Christian school in a small town, like Wheaton). Iowa City, home of the University of Iowa, comes to mind.

 

[thermodynamics]

Might I suggest Minneapolis/St. Paul? Minneapolis has the most theater seats per capita outside of NYC.

 

[2pourvous]

Montreal, Montreal, Montreal

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Sounds to me like you need to clarify your career plans before deciding which city. "Academia or writing" -- well which is it? And what kind of academia or writing?

If you're going to grad school in a particular field, you need to find the best school in that field, that you can get into. 2 years of grad school will set up your career for the rest of your life. That's way more important at the moment than the "gay scene" where you'll be living.

Sorry to be a party pooper, but your approach to your future seems incredibly superficial to me. If you'd posted in the no-flame zone I might have phrased that more tactfully...

 

[USEDCAR]

Try http://www.city-data.com/ they will be able to help you

 

[NameTaken]

Fort Worth

 

[saymyname]

Okay, for you prissy queens, I didn't realize I had to post a fucking biography about myself.

sf is a minimum of 2000.00 a mo for rent and that is a total dump.

all the places you name are equally expensive. what are you going to do for money? sell your self? rent yourself? find a sugar daddy? get in lime (and it is a long one)

find your self and and your inner self then look for a relocation, MTRL is boring? too fucking bad junior, the real world is out there and it is not only not boring but it is ready to chew up babies like you your p shows you have no grasp on REAL life...lucky you i guess...but fact is the world out here aint no jar of JIF either creamy or extra crunchy.

stay in school you have a LOT to learn

SF is not a minimum of 2k a month rent. That's like saying you can't find a place in NY boroughs for 700 a month - I know people who have, and they aren't total dumps. For money I said I get grants, loans, and scholarships, learn how to read - they must not have taught you how to do that in college way back when. I never said anything about my "inner" self so your personal judgments seem totally out of line. I have no grasp on real life? Who the fuck are you, do you even live in a city? I never said "MTRL" (MTL, by the way, not MTRL) was boring. I said people in MTL give Toronto a bad name. But you wouldn't know anything about that, despite your attitude. I don't know why you're being so hostile, douchebag.

"hotdog1846" - okay, again, another person that probably doesn't live in a metropolis telling me how much rent covers. If 600 won't get me a "closet" in the cities I mentioned, why are there ads up on craigslist SF for apartments in the 600-800 range, and why do I know people living in Brooklyn, in decent apartments, with their half of the rent being 700? I'm not talking about deluxe condos, guys. I'm talking about student living. Sheesh...

2pourvous/bendover - Montreal is amazing and world class for how inexpensive it is, but after 4 years I think I'll want to try something else. And I do agree it's a gay mecca. After living in a city like this for a couple years, I think you guys can understand why I don't want to move to the fucking midwest or some third-rate place. I'll give Toronto a nicer look, but you know the kind of bias MTL people have against it. But I know it's just as gay friendly as MTL, but it lacks that arts/culture vibe, from what I've heard.

I don't drive, so living outside of a city isn't an option... and I wouldn't really want to.

SonofSlobone - again, I didn't realize I had to post my fucking memoir. Academia/writing seems an appropriate description to me, but let me spell it out for you: academic work, IE, being a professor, writing, IE, getting paid to write. Should I hand you my theory of poetics as well? I didn't harp too much on the grad school stuff because the point was to talk about these cities and their cultures - if I end up moving to one of them, it's going to BE for grad school and that's where my own, personal financial concerns come in. But apparently I have to repeat myself in saying that if I go to these cities, I'd have LOANS AND SCHOLARSHIPS so stop asking me what the fuck I'll be doing for work. Are you guys that out of touch with student culture? You don't think middle class people go to school in NYC with loans, or scholarships? Yeah, there definitely aren't any students in Toronto or S.F. that doing graduate work. Sorry I didn't attach my resume on this thread too so you guys could critique if my work experience would be applicable to NYC.

I suppose in order to get any actual decent advice about these cities I'd have to talk to people who don't live in random US cities. Next...

 

[dirtyvegasone]

hey dude --

NYC is certainly gay friendly. and you can get a small room in a shared apartment in or near Williamsburg for around 800 bucks a month. it ain't gonna be glamourous, but it'll be there. if you go to NYU, you'll only be a few subway stops away. though if you go to, say, Columbia ... well, you'll spend half your day on the subway.

Vancouver is an awesome city! it doesn't have the "culture" that Montreal has, and the people are more clique-y. but it's GORGEOUS. easily the most beautiful city in canada (as far as setting), lots of beaches, parks, easy access to hiking, biking, etc etc. very active city. not the best nightlife. as far as being gay-friendly, it's extremely so. in fact, the entire west end is pretty much all gays. "the gaybourhood". and you can find a spot for about 700-800/month if you look for it.

if you're wanting somethign totally different, i'd try somewhere in europe. go to Copenhagen or Stockholm or head to australia to Sydney or Melbourne. i know in scandinavia the urban areas are all very gay-friendly. and i imagine it's much the same in Sydney or Melbourne, though typically the straight aussie guys tend to be a bit "macho".

or try Barcelona!! I spent a month there and it was one of the most incredible cities i've ever seen. just absolutely overflowing with life and energy and beauty. VERY gay friendly. wonderful architecture. i'm sure there are a ton of great schools for you to study at.

 

[saymyname]

hey dude --

NYC is certainly gay friendly. and you can get a small room in a shared apartment in or near Williamsburg for around 800 bucks a month. it ain't gonna be glamourous, but it'll be there. if you go to NYU, you'll only be a few subway stops away. though if you go to, say, Columbia ... well, you'll spend half your day on the subway.

Vancouver is an awesome city! it doesn't have the "culture" that Montreal has, and the people are more clique-y. but it's GORGEOUS. easily the most beautiful city in canada (as far as setting), lots of beaches, parks, easy access to hiking, biking, etc etc. very active city. not the best nightlife. as far as being gay-friendly, it's extremely so. in fact, the entire west end is pretty much all gays. "the gaybourhood". and you can find a spot for about 700-800/month if you look for it.

if you're wanting somethign totally different, i'd try somewhere in europe. go to Copenhagen or Stockholm or head to australia to Sydney or Melbourne. i know in scandinavia the urban areas are all very gay-friendly. and i imagine it's much the same in Sydney or Melbourne, though typically the straight aussie guys tend to be a bit "macho".

or try Barcelona!! I spent a month there and it was one of the most incredible cities i've ever seen. just absolutely overflowing with life and energy and beauty. VERY gay friendly. wonderful architecture. i'm sure there are a ton of great schools for you to study at.

THANK YOU for such a great response. That's what I was thinking with NYC - although I've been told to avoid East Williamsburg and Bushwick. The schools I'm looking into are Pratt and Brooklyn College... maybe NYU if I got a badass scholarship.

I like the international places you mentioned but part of the problem is finding English universities in some of those cities - ironic considering I'm posting from Montreal, but this is very much a bilingual city.

I've been looking into Australia, though. I've heard the cultural divide between Melbourne and Sydney is comparable to how people view the divide between Toronto and Montreal. But it's reassuring to hear that Melbourne does have gay culture, but I wonder on what level compared to Sydney? Is there a gay village, for example?

Vancouver just doesn't seem like my kind of city - seems a bit too "chill" and I'm not that big on nature or scenery.

Also, I should say part of the reason I'm considering NYC is because I was originally born in NY state, NY state recognizes out of state/country gay marriages, and I generally want to stay in the Northeast. I'm only considering S.F. because of the culture it has but Prop 8 dismays me. After living in a country that allows gay marriage and is generally gay positive for 4 years, I'm not exactly thrilled about moving to homophobic states and paying taxes in a place where I don't get equal rights, and where my partner and I could never become a legal couple and who knows how the process of him getting a work permit or a green card would go in those states.

 

[hotdog1846]

Okay, for you prissy queens, I didn't realize I had to post a fucking biography about myself.

Oooo ... I'm a prissy queen! Now I *know* I've made it to the big time of gaydom.

It actually does help us help you if we understand a little about your background and what you want. Indeed, many of us haven't been students for a very long time, so the clarification that living in a shoebox is OK with you certainly helps.

One question I had hasn't been answered: doesn't your choice of grad school determine where you locate? Or are you doing some type of distance program so location doesn't matter, so your world really is completely open and you can locate literally anywhere in the world?

A few parameters helps us help you. Just trying to help, that's all, hun.

 

[saymyname]

Oooo ... I'm a prissy queen! Now I *know* I've made it to the big time of gaydom.

It actually does help us help you if we understand a little about your background and what you want. Indeed, many of us haven't been students for a very long time, so the clarification that living in a shoebox is OK with you certainly helps.

One question I had hasn't been answered: doesn't your choice of grad school determine where you locate? Or are you doing some type of distance program so location doesn't matter, so your world really is completely open and you can locate literally anywhere in the world?

A few parameters helps us help you. Just trying to help, that's all, hun.

I was calling the first guy to reply a prissy queen, not so much you. Anyways, of course the choice of grad school determines where I go, but it's more the reverse - where I go influences the grad school. There are grad schools in every major city, and I'll have the GPA to get in. And yes, shoeboxes are acceptable... places like Fort Worth and murder capitals like the twin cities and philly, however, are not. I don't want to live anywhere with a population less than a million. Like I said, after four years in the culture capital of Canada, my expectations have reached a certain level. If Montreal was in the US, it'd be up there with S.F. and LA in terms of culture, hipness, etc.

 

[MrWright]

I live in LI and many of my friends are in the boroughs...you'll need to have roomates but with roomates 600-900 a month can easily get you something. It'll be poor artist conditions but wtf it doesn't matter right out of college.

 

[scream4ever]

A couple more which people didn't mention:

Washington D.C. and Portland, OR

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Toronto is a great city.. not lucklustre at all.

but very cold winters. The men are hot, though.

But SF is a great city.. LA is a great city.. so is San Diego.

 

[saymyname]

I live in LI and many of my friends are in the boroughs...you'll need to have roomates but with roomates 600-900 a month can easily get you something. It'll be poor artist conditions but wtf it doesn't matter right out of college.

What's LI? Cool response. That's pretty much what I'm looking for. If I could find a place for 600 a month in a NYC borough, that's not in a dangerous ghetto and I wouldn't feel like I'm in the minority for being white (after being an English speaking person in Montreal for 4 years I'm going to be tired of feeling "othered", on top of being gay... so for example, not Bushwick) I'd be really happy. Poor artist (ie: Bohemian) conditions is something that I'm used to - I didn't pay 250 rent in MTL for a year in a condo, after all.

I know Portland is up and coming and all, but I don't think it's quite there yet, for my tastes.

What about Denver?

Tonight I've really been thinking about NY for SF. I've read that NY is more like cocaine and SF is more like LSD. And SF has a closer "joie de vivre" European culture, kind of like Montreal, where as of course NY is more business oriented and fast paced (again, like the cultural divides between mtl and Toronto or Melbourne and Sydney). In a way, I like that SF has that European coffeehouse culture thing going on, but in another way, I've had that feel for (by the time I leave) 4ish years and I kind of want the rush of an American-feeling city. Montreal is great, and I'm sure SF is great, but sometimes 'chill' cities, where the focus is more on enjoying life and maintaining our cultural sense of hipness and cool factor, well, it just feels a little boring after a while. I know I'll be bored with MTL after the next 2 years... so moving to a place LIKE Montreal doesn't sound like the best idea. Being relaxed and having that European feel is cool and all, but I am American and I do want to experience that culture too, especially after 4 years of this sort, even though my personality is probably closer to mtl/sf. I don't know, I hope that made some sense.

Also, a strange part of me likes winter. I've had them all my life.

 

[saymyname]

Toronto is a great city.. not lucklustre at all.

but very cold winters. The men are hot, though.

But SF is a great city.. LA is a great city.. so is San Diego.

The winters are colder in Montreal, and the men are hotter!

(kidding, I wouldn't know, yet to visit T.O.)

I agree SF and LA could be called "great" cities - but San Diego? Ehh... it just sounds like another average American city.

I've always thought New Orleans sounded really cool, culturally. Too small though...