The Name Game

[EJMichaels]

This was written for a contest. It had to be funny, under 3000 words and include sex between men. Most of it has been taken from a novel I'm writing.


The story text has been removed at the request of the Author; see Nov 4, 2011 post for a link

 

[rocabar]

He he... Nice story ;-)

 

[DonQuixote]

EJ,
I already PM'd you from the link you gave me awhile ago.

It was a fun read, and not a little erotic, even for those of us not overly into Submissive stories.

Thanks for taking the bushel basket off your talents and shining for us a bit.

 

[EJMichaels]

Thanks rocabar and DQ! I especially appreciate such positive feedback from someone not much into the genre. I plan to get published, so I can't post more than a chapter or two, but I'm always looking for private reviewers. Among other things, I sometimes need a little "technical assistance" for the sex.

 

[EJMichaels]

IGB: Thank you for taking the time to give all this feedback - positive and negative. I think this is the longest review I've received.

You make excellent points. The other eight reviewers missed the "no whining" thing. You’re hired! It’s interesting how most people focus on commas and spelling instead of content.

Your "rough guess" about ages is exactly right. In the longer version, the ages are stated. It's good to know it helps to provide that up front.

Yes, writing a male three-way is challenging. I try not to repeat the names too often and could have left out too much. My three regular readers know my characters so well they can tell most of the time. It helps to get new reviewers. I'm amazed at the mess some people make of identifying the acting/speaking character - I mean in published work. Sometimes I have to draw diagrams or try the positions to make sure the "choreography" works. I've been known to bring a tape measure into my bedroom for certain scenes.

Pulling the story out of the middle of the novel and cutting the length in half created some new challenges. I greatly appreciate hearing that I was successful overall. [STRIKE]Most of all, I'm glad you enjoyed it.[/STRIKE] No, I need to be honest. That's second. I really crave the feedback.

I have a question for anyone reading: Is it important to provide specific physical descriptions? I mean just for the sake of doing it, when it's not important to the story. The ages are critical in this story, but I added the physical descriptions because so many stories have them. I heard that some people prefer to imagine appearances they'd like instead of being told.

Thanks!

 

[DonQuixote]

EJ,
We all develop a picture of the characters in our minds, so an "America's Most Wanted" description isn't necessary, but I like to get a feel for the author's vision, too. I did notice the No Whining, but forgot to send you a PM. I can be pretty critical, so I try to step back a bit most of the time.

 

[Autolycus]

Thanks rocabar and DQ! I especially appreciate such positive feedback from someone not much into the genre. I plan to get published, so I can't post more than a chapter or two, but I'm always looking for private reviewers. Among other things, I sometimes need a little "technical assistance" for the sex.

You say this is an extract. Apart from the age/height references that have been commented upon already, you have done little to put any real flesh on your characters. The business regarding nick names is not really funny neither does it do much to create any depth. It is possible that the rest of your novel will make your characters seem real. However, what you have produced here is little more than a vehicle to exploit what, on your own admission, is your limited knowledge of a certain form of sexual activity.

For any publisher to accept your work you need to think hard about a plot line and give greater attention to characterization.

 

[EJMichaels]

DQ: Thanks for the additional thoughts. Critical is good, IMO.

IGB: That makes sense, thanks. I like the way you explain it. Again, it's the first time getting that suggestion. It will be easier to do that without a word limit making me want to cram a lot of backstory and description into the piece. I'm wondering if you'll have the same observation with the other chapters I sent.

Autolycus: I appreciate getting your perspective. It is actually a vehicle to exploit my extensive knowledge of BDSM, not my limited knowledge of gay sex. I'd be happy to replace most of the sex with "an hour later..." My regular readers who have seen several chapters comment quite favorably on my character development, but I imagine there is more I could do. As for plot, it has less than average for the erotica genre, but, again, my regular readers seem content so far. One reason for posting here was to get a more diverse audience. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

 

[EJMichaels]

I recently learned my earlier statement about publication was misleading. I write because I enjoy it, not because I expect to get paid. I refrain from posting on the Internet because that would ensure rejection by paying publishers.

 

[Autolycus]

I recently learned my earlier statement about publication was misleading. I write because I enjoy it, not because I expect to get paid. I refrain from posting on the Internet because that would ensure rejection by paying publishers.

Famously, authors have always used pen names. Anything you publish on this site would not prejudice work you offered for publication elsewhere under another pen name or your own name unless you were to hope to publish the same work as here commercially.

Your contributions here are greatly appreciated.

What is the problem?

 

[EJMichaels]

...Anything you publish on this site would not prejudice work you offered for publication elsewhere ... unless you were to hope to publish the same work as here commercially.

Your contributions here are greatly appreciated.

What is the problem?

Thank you for the encouragement and information. The only writing I have time to do is for the two pieces I hope to get published. My understanding is that I can post up to about 10% of that material elsewhere. My ebook (text copied into this thread) is about 5% of the longer manuscript.

 

[EJMichaels]

After considering the comments posted here and elsewhere, I revised the story. The plot is the same, but the writing is better. If you're interested, open this file. (or click on the attachment below)

The "missing" punishment scene will probably be published this Spring.