The Oh So Familiar Places.(long)

[beatleshead]

So I guess I'm officially a Jubber now cos this situation is so fucking typical and annoying that if were from the outside looking in, id ignore this post...

So theres this guy...from high school...thats like fucking two years ago now...time passed by pretty fast. So anyways in high school I was pretty close to him. I'll call em Ron. So I started developing feelings for Ron and i always felt like we had something weird between us...i always felt like safe with him or something like that...i dont know how to explain it.

We would make googly eyes at each other and he would always play punch me and make me pay attention to him and stuff like that. So flash to junior year and senior...he kinda got popular and grew out of our circle of friends. though we talked from time to time during this period, we werent as close as we used to be.

SO FLASH FOWARD TWO YEARS.

I hadnt seen him since we graduated two years ago...until last sunday. We talked on myspace and decided to hang out. so we went to santa monica and we didnt really talk...it was weird it was like we were both to nervous to say anything to each other...so finally we decided to see a movie. we went and got some ice cream and he kept asking me "so wats up with you" over and over...so i took him home and went home really dissapointed that i mustve bored him to death.

So a couple of days later he wanted to hang out again which i was totally suprised. we pretty much did the same thing...but we spent ALOT more time together....it was that same weird ackwardness and we ended up seeing another movie and then that was it.

SO heres the deal...Im out, i mean ive posted it EVERYWHERE, ive told EVERYONE, I told EVERYONE to tell EVERYONE and to let them know that I want them to know (thats that kill bill comin out in me lol) so it would be extrordinary if he doesnt know im gay.

he even gave me some hints that he knows i think: we went to visit some of my excoworkers in santa monica and one of the coworkers hadnt seen me since i lost a lot of weight so she was like, "oh you have a girlfriend dont you, i bet!" and i just nervously said yeah. so wen he and I went outside he asked me "you have a girlfriend?" and i said no and he said "yeah cos i was gonna say..."

I dont know if he wants me to bring it up or what but beyond the feelings i have for him i love him as a friend too...hes the greatest guy in the world. and i kinda dont know why he wants to hang with me alone...i mean i assume hes straight (and of course, at this point, not homophobic), but i just dont know anymore...

So yeah. after writing this i just realised this is much ado about nothing. Just needed to vent.

 

[beatleshead]

He might not be str8, he seems to be very interested in you. just tell him that you are Gay, after all everyone already knows.

I know that i should just say it, but for some reason i cant bring myself to bring it up with him...and i know the more i wait (of course this is assuming the incredibly outragous probability that he doesnt know already) then it'll be weird between us.

I dunno...after coming out and everything, i hate to be reminded with things like this that im a regular old coward

 

[KaraBulut]

I know that i should just say it, but for some reason i cant bring myself to bring it up with him...and i know the more i wait (of course this is assuming the incredibly outragous probability that he doesnt know already) then it'll be weird between us.

Aren't things a little weird between you already?

Maybe if you'd drop your guard and talk about the elephant in the room, the chatting about other stuff would get easier for both of you?

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, why not kill that elephant once and for all? You don't have to talk directly about being gay, necessarily, but bring it up in a more natural way. Have you dated a guy? Have you had your eye on a guy that turned out to be unavailable? Talk about that. Then ask HIM. "How about you? Who have you had your eye on?"

Lex

 

[LoveIsNow]

Alright already, enough playing Pick-Up-Sticks with your buttcheeks around each other.

Personally I'd drop the whole "normalcy charade" you are trying to pull off around him. The dude knows, but he isn't going to bring it up first. He figures you will if you want to.

I see three options for you.

#1 and my recommendation: Within 15 minutes of your next "date" say to him casually, "Ya know, back in high school I had the biggest crush on you". (See, it's short, simple, to the point and covers everything you wanna say in 5 seconds. In case for some bizarre reason he didn't know you were out, it outs you. It tells him you liked him. And it leaves the door open for more interest from him.)

Distant #2 option: Take a walk on the beach, find a hottie and casually say "Damn, that dude is hawt!"

Option #3: Greet him at the door for you next date with a Cher song blaring, while dressed in your favorite flamingo pink Powerpuff Girls t-shirt (sized small), your well worn daisy dukes denim shorts, and grossly oversized D&G sunglasses with the price tag still attached, to head out on your date. This tells him what you want to tell him without you having to say a thing.

I would go with #2, although the beach isn't necessary; there are hot guys everywhere.

#1 sounds intriguing, too, though.

 

[backpacker]

You said you guys used MySpace to get back in touch. Since you have told everyone that you are gay, does your MySpace profile say you are gay? If so, you can be confident that he already knows and that may be the reason he contacted you. In any case, it's best that you stop avoiding the subject. Once you get it out, then you will probably be able to have more normal conversations. Also, if you guys keep not talking, one of you is going to grow bored with the situation and move on. Good luck!

 

[beatleshead]

yeah that third option had me on the floor dying....lmao

Yeah backpacker, not only does it say gay on the orientation thing...but its all over the blog, all of my comments from when i first came out are still up... i mean you would have to be blind not to have seen at least one thing.

So yeah after tonight im gonna bring it up and just say "hey i know ur straight (lie) and im not trying to hit on you or anything but i feel like theres this weirdness between us and i want to hang out like old times so yeah, im gay."

That is if he doesnt bring it up first tonight, cos were going to a party tonight. I know hes gonna get blasted, so maybe he'll ask me in a drunken stupor lol

Im not drinking cos somehow i feel compelled to make sure he makes it home alive. lol

 

[backpacker]

He obviously knows you are gay. If I were you, I would leave out the "hey I know ur straight" part". I know where you were going with it, but it may actually make it harder for him to come out if he thinks that you expect him to be straight. From what you have written, I assume you probably sought you out because you are gay. He may be curious, doesn't know how to come out or is interested in you. He could also be straight and just wanted to reconnect with you as a friend. My point being, I wouldn't assume anything about his orientation.

I would probably go with something like "Can I talk to your about something? I feel like there's this weirdness between us and I want to hang out like old times. I assume you know that I'm gay and maybe you're afraid of saying something to offend me. It's not that big of a deal and I'm not the sensitive. Just be yourself, you never offended me in the past." That doesn't sound like you are hitting on him and it also doesn't assume anything about his sexuality. Good luck talking to him!

 

[beatleshead]

FUCK FUCK FUCK...im so fuckin mad man...i got drunk anyway and the fuckin girl who invited us was all over him...he was acting like he didnt ant to but i know he did he was kissin her and shit adn he kept going in the fucking room...fick him i dont need him he can got to hell FUk him

 

[backpacker]

FUCK FUCK FUCK...im so fuckin mad man...i got drunk anyway and the fuckin girl who invited us was all over him...he was acting like he didnt ant to but i know he did he was kissin her and shit adn he kept going in the fucking room...fick him i dont need him he can got to hell FUk him

Hopefully now that you have slept you have a new perspective. As frustrating as it was to watch what went on, it might not be what it seems. Yes, he may be straight, but he may also just be in the closet or still in denial. Guys who are in denial will often try to hook up with girls to convince themselves that they are not gay. Guys who are just in the closet will often hook up with girls to convince others that they are not gay. He may have even been trying to make you jealous. These actions often come out when drinking is involved. I'm not saying that it makes his actions acceptable to you and I certainly understand your heartache. In all fairness, it's not like he is actually your boyfriend at this point. You should definitely talk to him. You can keep it as simple as "what was up with you and "X" last night?" His reaction to that should give you a good idea of what's up. Even if you find out he is straight, you can still be friends with him.

 

[beatleshead]

yeah i feel stupid for drinking last night...i dont feel like being confused anymore so im moving on....im glad i saw that yesterday cos it stops from waisting anymore time with him....so yeah there you go.

he kept trying to talk to me on AIM asking me stupid questions that he already knew the answers too, i think he was just trying to talk to me....and its like just leave me alone....everybody just leave me alone...im so fucking tired

 

[trawler69]

Just because he may be straight is no reason to spurn his friendship. The fact that he knows you are Gay and that he is cool with that and still wants to be your friend speaks volumes about him. The fact that you are rejecting him because he might be straight might also be said to speak volumes.

Please think about how your behaviour might be perceived. Good friends are beyond price.

 

[beatleshead]

Yeah im a dueche bag...i was still a little drunk wen i wrote the last post cos i was at another party lol....so yeah I know if hes straight its no excuse for me to stop being his friend, but i think what i was trying to convey (rather drunkedly) was that i need to take a break to regroup and try to put my feelings aside so that we can be friends...after all its not his fault im enamoured with him lol

But yeah now that i have a bit more clarity running through my system..the night went like this.....

I picked him and his friends up and he introduced me to everybody. i was so scared cos i thought we were going to a rave I AM ABSOLUTELY terrified of those things lmao i even threw up lmao im such a square. so anyways we got there and it was pretty cool just like five of us and we were all from the same high school. so i just drank a bit of beer at first but they immediately brought out the hard stuff....like an hour later they were incredibly drunk.

he kept checking on me and making sure i was having fun and stuff...so they started playing vodka pong and then he kept looking over to me cos he thought i wasnt having fun but i truely was, i was having fun watching them....so he asked me to join and even said were gonna do water pong now and everybody was like naww thats gay and he insisted...so we played and thats when that bitch (i know its not fair but i hate her lmao) started to fondle all over him...he didnt seem very receptive to it and as she got more aggresive he seemed like he just sort of followed her lead...he kept looking over at me and then would tell her to stop.

So thats when i got pissed off and started drinking ALOT i got sleepy and layed down and when the other people went to the other room i could hear her messing with him, and then he was telling her to stop but thats when i heard it....that fucking sound of kissing, its so heartbreaking to hear that shit...so as we all got more drunk she kept it up and he kept checking on me and i think he could tell i was pissed.

So then she kept taking him in the room and that really threw me off my rocker....thats wen i know i was acting like an asshole and i demanded we go home.

So i took em home and on the ride he kept trying talk to me and i just was mumbling very disinterestedly. wen we got to his house he asked me wen we were gonna hang out again and i didnt say anthing...so the next day he AIM'd me and asked me how i was doing and i just gave him funky one word answers....tthen he asked me something that pissed me the fuck off i dont know why he asked me this lmao...he asked me for my ex"girlfriends" number..she left me the day before prom day for a big muscley guy...lol

But yeah im an asshole...CRUCIFY ME!!!!

 

[backpacker]

I'm sorry the night turned out so bad for you. We have all done similar stuff in the past and it doesn't make you a bad person, just human. The thing that sounds really messed up is that you were totally wasted and drove home. Not a good idea.

Some guys who are in the closet feel the need to prove they are straight by hooking up with girls. It normally happens when they are drunk and plenty of people around to show that they are straight. It could also be that he is actually straight. Whatever the case, it sounds like you have become too emotionally involved and need a little space. That doesn't mean you need to cut him off as a friend, but just keep things within normal boundaries. The other option is to tell him how you feel and see what he says. Good luck!

 

[Ringfinger]

Reading all of your posts, it seems as though this guy really likes you way more than just as a friend. That's just what I got out of it though, especially with your last post.