The People in Rossford

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
FIVE

SOMETHING NEW CONCLUSION



IT HAD BEEN A WHILE since Paul survived a Mass.
“Don’t worry,” Kirk whispered beside him, “I’ll get you through it.”
“I can’t even sing,” Paul said as Tom Mesda announced the first hymn.
“No one else can, either. It’s a Catholic church.”
“And,” Paul continued to whisper, “is everyone in the place gay?”
“Just the choir,” Fenn said, startling him. “And the priests, and the liturgy staff. And us. Now… whisper a little softer.”
The hymn began.

The Kingdom of God is justice and joy
For Jesus restores what sin would destroy
God’s power and glory in Jesus we know;
And here and here after the kingdom shall grow

It reminded Paul of Saint Augustine’s back in East Carmel, possibly because the church was a medium size with sloping beams. The procession was a simple one, and there came Dan Malloy, transformed in green and white, followed by two other priests. One he’d seen around here often enough to know that the other one, the taller one, must have been the visiting priest. The first thought in Paul’s head was, “He’s kinda hot.” The second thought was, “That’s a couple of years in hell,” and the third one was, “He looks familiar…” But that made no sense, so Paul put that thought away.

The Kingdom of God is mercy and grace,
The captives are freed, the sinners find place,
The outcast are welcomed, Gods banquet to share,
And hope is awakened in place of despair!

In a dance that Paul remembered, the procession made its way to the altar, the boy carrying the incense doing a smoky turn about it while the important looking man in the suit carried the gilt Bible to the podium or the pulpit, and Dan Malloy came to stand in front of the congregation as the hymn ended.
“Brothers and sisters, may you be blessed in the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
And beside everyone else, Paul heard himself saying, “Amen!” before they launched into the Gloria.

“… And he told me, Father, I just don’t believe in God anymore, because I don’t see him anywhere. And that really made me sad, and that should make you sad too,” the guest priest said. “Because the place that God is seen is in you, and in me. In all of us. That’s what the Incarnation means. When God became a man through Jesus, he became Man. Forever. He is forever in the flesh in his Church, in our actions. Take a look around. Just look around. I’ll stop.”
They all realized he was utterly serious, and Fenn turned around and saw Barb Affren.
“Barb, I don’t mean this in a bad way, but you look horrible,” he whispered. “What’s going on?”
“Bob,” she whispered back. “I’ll tell you after Mass.”
“We can go and light candles at Loretto if you want.”
She nodded.
Fenn turned around.
“You get a good look at your brothers and sisters,” Father McDonald said. “And these are not only your brothers and sisters. They are also the faces of our Lord. You touch them, you touch Jesus. And guess what, family?” his face lit up. “Your hand is the hand of Jesus.”
“Scuse me. Scuse me. Sorry, I’m late,” Noah said, slipping through.
“You’re not,” Fenn said dryly, moving his knees, “Breakfast isn’t for forty five minutes.”
Noah raised an eyebrow at him, and then sat down.
“How’d you escape a hangover?” he whispered in Layla’s ear.
“I’m smart like that,” she whispered back.
“Pipe down,” Paul said beside him, “this guy’s really good.”
Noah looked up, “Really hot, too.”
“So, I want you all to remember your responsibility to your fellow Jesus in each and every person in this pew, and your responsibility to all the people outside that door who don’t believe because they haven’t seen. And your responsibility to the Jesus in you.”
“Fuck!” Noah hissed.
Paul turned to him in shock, putting a hand over his mouth, while Fenn shook his head.
Barb Affren leaned forward and whispered, “Most people just say Amen.”
Father McDonald ended his sermon, crossing himself, “In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
While the congregation responded: “Amen,” Noah whispered to Paul: “I know him.”
“No you don’t,” Paul said. “How?”
They were rising to recite the Creed.
“Because,” Noah hissed, “I’ve fucked him.”
In the middle of the line: “…Born of the Virgin Mary…” Paul’s eyes and mouth came wide open and fell on Noah.
“And you have too,” Noah went on, exasperated by Paul’s attempt at holiness. “He’s Bick Throbbing.”
Paul went from Noah to Father McDonald praying earnestly before Dan.
“What’s going on?” Kirk leaned over.
“That,” Noah whispered, pointing at Father McDonald, “is Bick Throbbing.”
Paul just looked straight ahead, making his face unavailable for comment.
“That sounds like…” Kirk began.
Noah finished, as the congregation finished, “A pornstar.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Great conclusion to the chapter! Interesting development with another porn star added to the story. I look forward to the next chapter and whatever happens next!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Tonight's portion was pretty short, but there will be more tomorrow night. I'm so glad you're reading.

 

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
SIX

FEELING OLD

When Fenn stood on the steps of Saint Barbara’s he was remembering, firstly, what Barb Affren had told him, and how he promised to meet her later, before Vespers, and go to Loretto and light candles for Bob. How could it have gotten this serious, so soon, to shake her so badly? And she was shaken, no doubt, though no one else would have known.

“Keith is going to be with us for a while,” Dan was telling Fenn. “This is Fenn. He’s one of my oldest friends. Probably,” Dan turned to him with something like pride, “my oldest.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Keith extended his hand. He was almost unbelievably good looking, and like most attractive and charismatic priest, definitely covering up something. Fenn could see it in his smile, though he shook his hand honestly enough.
“This guy,” Paul gestured to Keith McDonald, “you might say is going to be one of my newest friends. He really has a…”
“Vibe?” Fenn supplied.
Keith laughed a little too loudly.
“Vibe’s not a bad word,” Dan judged, “for what to say. The… essense of the Gospel. I have to say,” Dan turned to him, “I haven’t had such a passion for the priesthood in a long time. You make me remember why I went into it.”
“Well,” Fenn said, “I’m going to let the two of you continue this lovefest without me. You know breakfast is going on at the house. Will you make it over there.”
“I probably won’t, but I’m glad for the invite. See you Feen.”
“And go talk to Barb Affren.”
Dan cocked his head.
“Just go talk to her,” Fenn repeated, turned and left.
When he approached the Jeep and the Land Rover where everyone was hovered, Paul and Noah were staring at him.
“What?” Fenn said.
“Noah has…” Paul began. “Frankly, I think it’s a crazy idea.”
“What the hell do you mean it’s a crazy idea!” Noah exploded.
Fenn shook his head and waved a hand for silence.
“What the are you two talking about?”
“It’s that new priest,” Noah said.
Fenn turned back, and looked at the young, black haired man, shaking hands with a teenager. “What about him?”


“He’s a what?” said Fenn.
While Paul looked at Fenn forlornly, on the steps of Saint Barbara’s, Noah said, “A pornstar, Fenn. He’s Bick Throbbing.”
“Get out!” Todd said, coming out of the kitchen, batter on his apron.
“You know who Bick Throbbing is?” Fenn looked at him.
“I’ve seen his work,” Todd said without shame.
“Well,” Fenn said, following him back into the kitchen, “Apparently we have too.”
“I can’t believe that,” Paul said again. “I just can’t.”
“How can you not believe it?” Noah demanded. “You banged him at least twice. How can you not see him now?”
“It’s not possible. How can you be a priest and shoot pornos at the same time.”
“Well,” Todd nibbled on a piece of bacon as he poured more batter into the skillet and Fenn buttered the flapjacks,”you can be a priest and rape altar boys so anything is possible.”
“Thank you, Todd.”
Todd did a drumroll, and then flipped over a pancake.
“I just want to say,” Todd said. “This is reason one-thousand and seven not to go to church.”
“Well, in all fairness,” Noah said, “it was a kickass sermon.”
“Noah,” Todd said, his voice growing deeply serious. “Did you feel that when he was fucking you, you were being fucked by the penis of Jesus.”
“See, there you go,” Adele said. “There’s a place in hell for shit like that. Just keep it up.”
Todd laughed, shrugged, flipped a pancake onto the already loaded plate where Fenn buttered them and Fenn said, “Someone better get out plates and start eating.”
Just then the door flew open and Brian came in, looking, well like Brian in khakis, a white shirt and black wrap around shades, which he threw off, breathlessly.
“You guys won’t believe this.” He threw down the manila folders.
“Brian,” Fenn said, shaking his finger, “this greasy kitchen? Not a good place for anything important enough to be in manila folders.”
“Or as expensive as that outfit,” Adele eyed him up and down.
“And is it business?” Fenn demanded. “Because if it’s business, we don’t discuss that on Sunday. It’s the Lord’s Day.”
“That’s right,” Todd tore a piece of a pancake off and stuffed it in his mouth, “we eat on Sunday.”
“Todd,” Brian said, hunching his shoulders like Ed Sullivan. “Come here.”
Todd, the pancake hanging from his hand, put it down and followed Brian out into the living room.
“If I told you,” Brian whispered to him, “that this Joe Callan had three estates and was worth at least three million dollars I could find, not to mention what I don’t have access to, would that be worthy of discussion on a Sunday?”
Todd, eyes dropped from his head, turned around immediately and called, “Fenn!”
Fenn came out of the kitchen, “Brian, your plate’s getting cold.”
“I’m not hun—” Brian started, then, at the look on Fenn’s face said, “I’ll be in a minute.”
“But, Fenn,” Todd pulled him over. “Brian just said that Joe Callan’s worth three million dollars.”
“Three million dollars besides the estates and the stuff I can’t get access too,” Brian said in an earnest voice, his eyes sharp, eyebrows drawn.
“That’s good,” Fenn said, patting his cheek. “But we’ll discuss it tomorrow. Now it’s time for breakfast.”


“It was amazing,” Brian told Todd in a hushed voice as they sat in the window seat of the living room and Adele and Fenn cleaned up the kitchen. “He was just… this hot little thing, and he came up to me, he was so cute, and bold. And soft.”
“Soft?”
“You know,” Brian said, taking Todd’s hand and running it over his rough cheek, as if this proved something. “The way boys are when their young: soft, baby face, soft—”
“Soft round ass!”
“Yes,” Brian chuckled. “Yes, that too. All that firmness and softness. And there he was, just… with that heat. You know, that heat young boys have. And I thought to myself, I’m going to take him home.”
“Brian, you’ve taken guys home before. You took me home.”
“That was totally different. When we had what we had that was a little more than just meeting a stranger, and I was younger, I had just come out of that soft young boy stage myself.”
Todd shook his head. “You were never in a soft young boy stage. And neither was I.”
“We were hardened,” Brian said with mock ire, tightening his eyes. “And bitter to the world.”
“A little bit,” Todd admitted.
“I was just so uninhibited. We just went back and…”
“Fucked?”
Brian looked shocked.
“Well,” he said, at last. “Yes… I mean, eventually that’s exactly what we did. But there was just so much fun leading up to it. It was just… like…”
“One of those fun pornos where guys just fuck and actually like it.”
“Yes. The romantic ones where you go, I wish life could be like that. And then we just fell asleep.”
“Oh, that is so hot!” Todd put his chin in his fist.
“And then I woke up to do some work, and he was like, ‘Do I have to go?’” Brian grabbed Todd’s fist and rocked it.
“And I said, ‘No, you just stay right there. I’ll be back.’”
Todd nodded.
“And he had this adorable smile on his face. And his hair was tousled and… his butt was so, round and soft and… I mean, I wanted to pounce right then, but I had work to do, so I did it.”
“And then did you do him again?”
“God, Todd! He was insatiable. We basically repeated all of last night until right before I took a shower and came here. Then, as he was leaving—he had this cute little red tee shirt and these faded jeans that really fit his thighs—he hugged me and he was like, ‘Thank you’ It was like the perfect night. It was so…”
“Hot?”
“Hot,” Brian agreed. “Definitely.”
Fenn came out of the kitchen saying. “Are you two still going on about Joe Callan?”
Smirking, Brian and Todd looked up at him.
“No,” Todd said. “Not at all.”
And then they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Fenn shook his head and went back to the kitchen, “Like a pair of school girls,” he muttered. “Like a pair of school girls.”
From the kitchen, Layla shouted: “I resent that!”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Interesting development with Joe Callan's estate. I like where this story is going! Keep up the good work!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Oh, there's more to come ,and not just with Joe Callan. More on Wednesday night!

 

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
SIX

FEELING OLD CONTINUED



“A child?” Fenn took a sip of coffee.
“I know!” Lee said.
“Goddamn. Well, did he cry?”
Lee looked at his cousin blankly.
“I said, did he cry?” Fenn repeated. Then Fenn said, “He cried.”
Fenn explained, “He gets that way sometimes. It throws you off because you don’t really picture Tom as that type. I mean, that’s why I fell for him. But then every once in awhile he does a little tap dance, or sings some Broadway musical shit. Or he just starts to cry. It will fuck your shit up.”
Lee said, “I was sworn to secrecy.”
“Well, you didn’t tell it. I just knew it. What did you say when he started that crying, that, ‘Oh Lee, I’m so sad! Waaaah!’”
“Stop that,” Lee said, not entirely seriously.
“I will not. I lived with it for damn near ten years. If you count the intervening years, twenty. He just throws those tears up on you and fucks you up.”
“I told him… I told him we could try to adopt a child.”
“You told him what! Have you gone soft in the head? What happened to Old Lee? Old Lee would have said fuck no.”
“Old Lee wasn’t in love with Tom.”
Fenn shook his head.
“I never thought how lucky I was,” he said. “To no longer be in love with Tom.”
“And what would you do if Todd said he wanted a baby?”
Fenn thought about this for a moment, and then said, “Probably lie to him and tell him I wanted one too.”
“See!”
“I see,” Fenn nodded his head. “But did you tell Tom you already have a child?”
“She doesn’t count.”
“She sure in the shit does. She was your daughter last time I checked.”
“Well, I haven’t seen her. It’s not likely she’ll turn up, and what’s more, she’s not Tom’s, so I’m sure she won’t make him feel any better. He wants a little baby. Danasia is a full grown criminal.”
“Danasia,” Fenn shook his head over the name.
“I didn’t name her that shit. That’s not on me.”
“No, that’s on Lemonade. And where the fuck is Lemonade?”
“He disappeared in time to tell us about Joe Callan, and I haven’t seen him since. Tom didn’t do too well with him.”
“No,” Fenn imagined. “I wouldn’t think he would have. Still, I always wished I’d slept with him.”
Lee looked at him.
“Oh, what? You’re sleeping with my ex on a daily basis and I can’t bring up Lemonade?”
“He was a criminal.”
“He is a criminal,” Fenn amended. “Which is why I only thought about having sex with him. But… he is fine.”
“And what are you going to do if these adoption papers come through?”
“They won’t come through. I’m Black. We’re a gay couple living together for about three months. You know what that gets? Foster care for retarded, fucked up kids nobody wants. I saw it on Oprah. They won’t give you a real baby, but they’ll give you something fucked up, and then Oprah will come and talk about how big your heart is. And I told Tom that, and I told him I ain’t raising no fucked up babies.”
“You already raised Danasia.”
They were quiet a little longer, and then Fenn said, “You have to tell him about Danasia.”
“I never really saw the point.”
“But you do now,” Fenn prompted. He said, “Please tell me you do now?”
Lee said nothing. His face betrayed nothing. Then he put out his hand and tipped it. A little.


There was a thump at the door, and Paul shot up from the bed.
Kirk pulled him down.
“Don’t answer it, baby. Just fuck it.”
“Kirk!”
The thump came again.
“Someone is very rude,” Paul noted.
“Someone,” Kirk said, pulling him down and smoothing his hair, “is interrupting our time together.”
There was another rapid knocking at the door, and then Paul swore, climbed out of bed and pulled on his boxers.
“I’ll be right back,” he said.
“Good,” Kirk muttered, as Paul pulled the door closed, “Cause we both gotta be back at work in a half hour.”
Paul, pulled his hands through his hair, but did not see the need to wear actual clothes as he went to answer the blamming on the door.
“Knock it off all ready!” he shouted.
And the banging stopped.
When he answered it, a pretty, but worn out woman with dirty blond hair and a suitcase stood staring at him.
“You’re not Noah,” she said.
“No… I’m Paul.”
“His roommate?”
“Yes.”
The woman coming in with a suitcase on wheels behind her said: “I’m here to stay for a while. I’m Naomi.”
“Naomi?” Paul said.
Kirk had come out now, half dressed, shirttails hanging out of his pants.
“Yes,” she said, taking out a pack of Virginia Slims from her breast pocket and fumbling with a lighter. She tried to smile brightly, but it was stretched, and she was obviously scared.
“I’m Noah’s mama.”


“Noah!” Paul said when Noah walked into the apartment. He had that upset, stern older brother tone that, Noah noted, he never had in the old days but had all the time now. And Noah, playing his part, wailed, “Whaaaat?” like an upset teenager until he entered the kitchen and said, “Fuck!”
“Hello to you too, sweetheart,” Naomi said with a sloppy smile, her face surrounded by cigarette smoke. The kitchen was filled with gray haze, and Noah could scarcely breathe.
“What are you…? Why are you?”
“Can’t I just come and visit my son?”
“I guess so…” Noah began. Then, shaking his head and coming back to his senses, he said, “No. Ma, why the hell are you here?”
“You’re a sharp boy,” Naomi said, wagging her finger and cackling.
“I’m on the run, you see?”
She didn’t wait for Noah to see, she just continued. “Bob Hugo came after me with a knife last night, and I hit the bastard in the head with an old crowbar, then took the car and came up here. I stopped at an I-Hop in East Carmel to eat breakfast. You come from there, don’t you?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” Paul found himself saying.
“It’s a nice town,” Naomi said. “Nicer than Rummelsville. Well, I ate there, and washed a little in the bathroom. Then I gunned it all the way up here. And I can’t go back.”
“Well, you can’t stay here,” Noah said.
“Noah,” his mother reprimanded. “is that anyway to speak to the woman who wiped your ass and sucked the snot out of your nose?”
“I don’t really remember all that, Nay,” Noah shook his head. “I do remember you passed out drunk, me going hungry and you under half the men in Rummelsville, though.”
“And you under the other half!” Naomi started, indignantly, “You little faggot.”
“Get the fuck out,” Noah grabbed her wrist.
“I can’t!” Noami dug her heels in. Paul stepped away, not knowing what to do.
Noah was small, but he was strong, stronger than Naomi, and he pulled her out of the kitchen.
“You get the fuck out,” he growled. “You and your stinkin’ cigarettes, and your fucking raggedy suitcase on wheels.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“The Holliday Inn! Or better yet, do what me and Paul had to do. You go out and you find your own fucking way. You go out on the corner and turn a few tricks,” he said, grunting as he pulled her to the door. “Just like I did. Just like you always did. Only this time,” he said flinging her out, following with her bags and her cigarettes, “try FUCKING GETTING PAID!”
And he slammed the door.
“Cunt.” he muttered, and while Paul looked on, amazed, and Noah headed back to the kitchen, suddenly Naomi Riley started a wailing.
“Nooooahhhh!”
“Go away!” Noah roared.
“Noah, let me in,” she cried, banging on the door.
“I’m gonna fucking call the police,” he shouted back, “if you don’t knock that off.”
Naomi tried another tactic, crying, “Paauuul!”
Paul looked at Noah, alarmed.
“Paul, don’t you even touch that door,” Noah said. “I know you’ve gotten all high and mighty and proper since you got back here and forgot that you used to turn tricks and be a virtual slut on screen, but don’t you even think about telling me off for not letting her in.”
“She’s your mother.”
The sobbing had lessened on the other side of the door, but Naomi was still wailing.
“That’s right,” Noah said. “She’s not yours. She’s not nice Merilee who didn’t know what her son was doing. She’s the cunt you met today that I just dragged out of that door.”
“You’re right you know,” Paul said.
“Huh?”
“I have been high and mighty and… everything I wish I’d had a chance to be in the last ten years. Maybe I was more fun as Johnny Mellow. But I know how I got to be him. Maybe I didn’t have to be on the streets, but I thought I did. Maybe I didn’t have to do a lot of what I thought I had to do, what we both felt like we had to do. And you know what it was like.
“I know she probably fucked you over.”
“No you don’t,” Noah said, his voice filled with a rage Paul blinked at, because he’d never seen it.
“No,” Paul said. “You’re right. I don’t. I know she doesn’t know what she put you through. But… shit… when you know what it’s like to be scared and homeless, when you know, Noah, how can you let someone else go through that?”
Noah stared daggers at Paul and then turn around and wrenched open the door.
Naomi was on the floor, curled up and she looked up, her face red and wet.
“What if I give you money and send you to a hotel?”
Naomi didn’t say anything.
“It is more than you ever fucking did for me. Except for the one night me and Claire stayed with you.”
“No-ah,” Naomi’s sniffling staggered her voice. “I don’t want to be alone.”
“I hate you,” Noah said, simply. “I hate you so much.”
He looked down at her. He pulled in her bag, and her jacket.
“Come in,” he said.
Slowly, Naomi Riley stood up and entered the apartment, and when she had come in, full of anger but unable to turn her away, Noah closed the door.

 

[CharmedFan28]

Sounds like Lee doesn't want to have a baby with Tom. I am interested to see what happens with that situation. Noah's Mom sounds like a piece of work! I see lots of drama happening with her and Noah. Great section and I look forward to more!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Which situation are you more excited about, Tom and Lee or Noah and his mom?

 

[CharmedFan28]

Which situation are you more excited about, Tom and Lee or Noah and his mom?

Probably Noah and his mom! Naomi seems like an interesting character to say the least!

 

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
SIX

FEELING OLD CONTINUED: WEEKEND PORTION


“Layla,” Todd said when she came by the house that night. “You said something about Will being Jewish.”
“Yes, that’s right,” Layla nodded. “Surprise, surprise, all this time I thought he was Methodist. His mom’s Jewish and she’s getting religion. Which means he’s getting religion. Which means I am. At least for High Holidays.
Todd was strangely quiet, and she raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.
“When is Yom Kippur?”
“Rosh Hoshanah was yesterday,” Layla counted off her fingers. “So Yom Kippur must be next week. I think next Wednesday.”
“Are you going?”
“You’re asking a lot of questions, Todd Meradan.”
“Well, I just want to know what it’s like,” he said. “I mean, the truth is that I’ve been curious about that synagogue. And with you going and everything…”
Layla cocked her head and smiled a little. “I have never known you to be religious.”
“You’ve never known me to care about being a good Catholic is what you mean.”
“That’s right,” Layla corrected herself. “That’s what I should have said.”
“I can’t… get with it. And you know what?” Todd said, “it’s not even the whole gay thing. I could care less, the same way Fenn could. It’s the… Have you ever sat in church, on Christmas, listened to the Mass? You’re hearing how the birth of this baby, two thousand years ago, renewed things, changed the whole world, sanctified everyone. And then you look outside your door, and it’s really the same fucking world it always was. You keep on being told that Jesus is the King and now all trouble is gone, Except it’s not. Everything’s just as bad as it ever was.
“Same thing with Good Friday. They tell you that you were born evil, born in sin. Because of something Adam and Eve did in a garden. God has a son, he sent his son to the world to get offed in a bloody, painful way. Because God is so holy he can’t forgive you unless someone’s offed, and how does it go? He needs a perfect sacrifice, so he sends his son because his son is the only thing perfect enough? Or have they changed that part yet?”
“No,” Layla said. “It’s still the same.”
“All right,” Todd looked as if he was trying to remember something. He snapped his fingers quickly and said. “Yeah, and then, on Good Friday you spend all your time sad that you killed Jesus, and you are told that because he has died, now God has forgiven you. And… And that the world is now redeemed.”
“You actually did pay attention in Catholic school,” Layla said.
“Yes,” Todd said. “About a thousand years ago, before a lot changed, I really believed it. Did you know I used to want to be a priest?”
Layla shook her head.
“But,” Todd said, you look out your window and the world is not redeemed. Not at all. And things are not perfect. But then the priest tells you, no, they really are perfect, only you can’t see it. Everything is redeemed. You just can’t tell. And I wonder, damn, for all that effort, you’d think the result would have turned out better.”
Not meaning to, Layla burst out laughing.
“So, you know,” Todd said, with a gentle smile. “It is not that I don’t believe. It’s really that I need something better to believe in. And I had read up on this Yom Kippur and everything and I wondered if it would be too much like an old man tagging along if I went.”
“Todd,” Layla told him. “You are nothing like an old man. I’m sure Will’ll think the more the merrier. Plus, everyone there is really great.”
“What are they like? What is it like?”
“You’ve seen it before, the synagogue?”
“From the outside. Red brick.”
“From the inside it’s beautiful. They have a chapel and then they have the main… hall, I guess you call it. For big days. And the walls are this cream color with gold flecks, and there are all these mosaics of, you know, Old Testament stuff. Moses, David. Other things I don’t know cause I don’t read the Bible like I should. And these lanterns. Brass, I think, swinging from this high ceiling. Stainglass windows with beautiful pictures. It’s beautiful. You’ll like it. When I think of it I think of the light. I think of this beautiful, golden light.”
They were both quiet, Layla remembering, Todd picturing. And then Layla said, “If you wanted to be a priest and everything, what changed that?”
Todd said, baldly, “Right after I got confirmed, Dena’s father molested me.”
When Layla said nothing, very Fenn like, Todd explained, “It wasn’t just the, oh, poor me, I’ve been raped. It was the fact that I had been raped, and enjoyed it. That I was being abused, but a willing party. Even when I was afraid. It opened me up to new parts of me, and the more parts of me it opened up, the more parts of the world it opened up. I saw me in all the world, and I could see that… it wasn’t that there was no God—though there were times I said there wasn’t, just to piss people off—and it wasn’t even that there was no salvation, or redemption. See, I think I am saved, and saved from a horrible thing. But I just felt that all those religious things couldn’t have been like the way I was taught. So… I knew I needed to find a better teaching.”

Brian stopped playing the piano and said, “Okay, then what do you believe?”
“Well, whaddo you believe?”
“I’m the church organist,” Brian said. “I go to Mass. I’m a Catholic.”
“But what do you believe?” Todd said. “I mean, when you sit really quietly by yourself and think about stuff, do you really believe in it?”
A discordant note sounded as Brian’s long fingers rested in on the keys.
“I don’t live like it. Do I? I mean, I don’t know a lot of people who do. But I don’t really live like a Catholic. I screw up lives.”
“You screwed up lives,” Todd corrected. “Past tense.”
“I fuck around. I’ve always fucked around. I don’t know my way around a Bible, or… I’m not really a very holy person at all. But I do believe. I’ve got to. I mean it’s all how Jesus saved us, right? We were bad, and Jesus died and… if you just trust in that…” Brian shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m thirty-five. I should know. But, I just have to trust in that. I do.”
“Well, I don’t,” Todd said. “The whole thing’s botched. I don’t believe I was born in sin, and I don’t believe that I’m so… bad, that something someone else did saved me. I can’t believe anything anyone else does saves you.”
“Maybe that’s why you’re a better person than me,” Brian said. “Or maybe because you’re a better person, you can afford to believe that.”
“But do you feel saved?” Todd said. “I mean, do you feel… redeemed, or whatever?”
“I just have to believe that I am,” Brian said with a deeper insistence.
“You mean hope that you are.”
“Okay, I wasn’t an English major, Hope.”
Brian’s hands had been paused over the keys a long time, as if he were getting ready to play.
“Look, Todd, I’m taking you seriously, and you’re one of my only real friends. I don’t really ever talk about this stuff. Or think about it to tell you the truth. But, man, I do things I don’t feel good about. I do things I’m not sure about. I believe in God, I have to believe…. You don’t believe you can be… you know, saved?”
“I believe I am saved,” Todd said. “I know I am.”
“Well, then,” Brian began sounding, not clever, but off guard and more real than most people ever caught him, “how? If you just said… How? How are you saved?”
“Well, first you have to say saved from what, right?” Todd said, putting his fingers together. “You have to really be at a place where you need saving. You’ve got to see the black hole. I was saved by you. You saved me. Remember, all those years ago? You were pretending to be so cool and cold, but you opened up to me and you wanted to be touched and loved and I wanted to be touched and loved and we knew it wouldn’t be forever, but you took me home, and I saw love, and softness and goodness where… where I didn’t expected it. Like God in the Burning Bush. Or a baby in a manger. Up until then, everytime I’d been with a guy it was just a fuck. There wasn’t any respect, any kindness in it. I didn’t like him. I didn’t like myself. The only time there was feeling was with Kevin, and he abused me, so I decided I wouldn’t feel again. That saved me. My sister saved me. All of my friends saved me. Fenn saved me. Being able to love. I was so selfish, and lying, and posing, and afraid and… drowning. And I went after Fenn, and loved him, I risked shit for him, and he made me work at it, and then he gave me… us. And when I look back on what I was, on that kid who hated life and wanted to die, I know I’ve been saved.”
Brian’s hands fell gently and the piano made a gentle music.
“In that case,” Brian said. “I don’t know that I’ve begun to be saved until now.”

FENN ARRIVED AT the Meradan house long after everyone had come. The truth was he was feeling resentful, though he’d never admitted this to himself, not even at this moment. Today it seemed stupid to have a party the very day Todd was being shipped off to Germany. No, it wasn’t some far off dangerous war, but it was a far off place.
When Fenn arrived, Todd was in his fatigues, which Fenn thought looked ridiculous. He was tall and all in the camouflage, looking like America’s finest, and what Fenn wanted to do was be angry. He was betrayed by the way he felt, and by the desire the uniform put in him.
“There really is something about a man in uniform. If he were dressed like a bag boy, I’d probably feel the same way. Todd had been in the middle of talking to a little Layla, a young Dena, when he immediately looked at Fenn. Adele approached her brother.
“He’s been waiting for you,” she said reproachfully. “He hasn’t said anything, but every five minutes he’s been looking to the front door, or when we were in the backyard just all distracted, waiting for you.”
Fenn gave his sister a look that said he didn’t know what she was talking about.
“Are you with him?” she said.
“Hum?”
“I know, I know, he’s liked you for a while now. Are you with him?”
“Adele,” Fenn said, resentfully, “how can I possibly be with someone who is about to go three thousand miles away? For a year?”
Adele was about to rephrase the question. She could have rephrased it all day. She wasn’t her daughter, and she would never ask, baldly, “Are you sleeping with him.”
“Fenn,” Todd said, looking uncertain, pressing his fingertips together. He’d gone after Fenn for three years before this year making it into his bed, and though he spent whole nights there, and days, it had been only resently that he’d extracted an admission of love from him, an idea that they were something like a couple. They had never formally been any place though. Todd was nervous about what his sister and Adele would think. Fenn may have not been nervous, but since Tom he had never publicly admitted a relationship.
It’ll have to be going on for a while before I announce it to the world, he said.
“Todd,” Fenn said levelly.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
There was nothing in Fenn’s face. Even as a child he had held his own council. Now, past thirty, he wasn’t revealing anything. But Todd was twenty-three and anyone in the room could see the light in his eyes.
“I think,” Nell said, approaching them, Hoot Lawden beside her, “Todd wants to talk to you, Fenn.”
Todd seemed oblivious of his sister, Fenn’s eyes landed on her coolly. He nodded.
“The library,” Todd said. He turned back to them: “I’ve said bye to everyone, and we’ve got to leave for the airport in an hour and a half.”

“I waited and I waited and you didn’t come,” Todd said. There was no accusation in his voice, but something like worry.
“You look good in fatigues,” Fenn said. “You look strange shaved. But good.”
“I thought you weren’t coming.”
“For a while I thought I wasn’t either.”
“Why are you like this?” Todd said.
Fenn didn’t say, “Like what?” so Todd continued:
“Cool. Close mouthed? Difficult?” Todd shook his head.
“Were you always like this?”
“Probably,” Fenn said. “Mostly likely. Yes. I imagine it makes me difficult to love.”
Todd shook his head and rubbed his neck.
“No,” he said. “It just makes you difficult.”
“How could you expect me to show up and be happy, hanging off to the sides at a party filled with balloons that celebrates that you are leaving?” Fenn said. “It took me a very long time to decide to come. I thought I’d feel like a… I thought I’d regret the hell out of my life if I didn’t come. Like I would just be punishing myself.”
“You weren’t like this when I went to Fort Bragg. I’ve been gone before.”
“You weren’t in another goddamned country before,” Fenn said. “And in all fairness, I wasn’t sleeping with you then.”
“Well in all fairness, you knew I was in the Army when you started sleeping with me.”
Fenn sighed, and looked out the window.
“Are we having our first fight?” He said, coming behind Fenn and putting his chin on Fenn’s shoulder.
“It all depends on what we are?”
“We are,” Todd said, his chin still on Fenn’s shoulders. “Lovers. Intense real lovers like Eleanor of Aquitaine and King Henry.”
“Am I Eleanor?”
“Well, she was a beautiful treacherous slut who was older than Henry, so sure.”
“Thank you.”
“And I would like to think,” Todd continued, his arms around Fenn, “that you are my beautiful, treacherous slut.”
“I am,” Fenn said regally, reaching behind him, to scratch Todd’s head.
“We have over an hour,” Todd said.
Fenn parted from him to turn around.
“Are you suggesting,” Fenn said, “you want a goodbye fuck?”
Todd spread his hands out.
“Everyone else came with a present. You came emptyhanded, so…” he shrugged and blew out his cheeks. “I assumed. I assumed you had the present,” Todd hands went to Fenn’s belt buckle, “Right here.”

“Don’t be a bastard,” Todd said as Fenn inhaled his cigarette. “Share with me.”
“I wasn’t being a bastard,” Fenn passed it to Todd. “But you gotta inhale first to keep it lit.” He passed it to Todd. “This is for you.”
He rolled out of bed and rolled another cigarette. While smoke went out of Todd’s nostrils, where he lay on his back in his bed, Fenn took his cigarette and lit it to his, “This is for me.”
“So,” Todd said as the smoke rolled out of his mouth, “we are these great lovers. When I get back from Germany, what?”
Fenn turned to him, “What do you want?”
“I want us to be like you and Tom were. When I had to look on from a distance and thought you all would be forever, and you all were buying that house, like a real couple.”
“We can never be like me and Tom,” Fenn said, shaking his head and exhaling. “For starters I’m a totally different me. And… you’re much cooler than Tom. We would have to be you and me.”
“Do you want us to live together?”
Fenn put down his cigarette while Todd held his at an angle.
“In all honesty we can live together or not,” Fenn said. “But we are us, and us is completely different from what I was with Tom. Tom looked like it would last forever. We will last forever.”
A childlike happiness came over Todd’s face at this, and Fenn leaned in and kissed him.
“We are Todd and Fenn,” Fenn said. “Soon it’ll be one word. A name brand.”
Fenn lay on his back.
“And now,” he said, “I’ve been thinking.”
“Um hum.”
“The quickest way to put the breaks on us is to put up impossible rules.”
Todd waited for him to continue.
“I think that since you are young and virile, and I am… still somewhat young and virile, until you come back we shouldn’t even talk about fidelity. I mean, fidelity in the bedroom.”
“Hum?”
“Whaddo you mean ‘hum’?” Fenn said. “I mean, we’re both used to sleeping with who we want to. If you’re off in Germany then why should I ask you not to sleep with, or stand with or, whatever with anyone else? And why should I pretend to be a monk for a year? No, do what you like, and I’ll do what I like, and we just won’t tell each other.”
Fenn lay on his back but Todd said, “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“I can be faithful. I can wait.”
“Look,” Fenn said. “I don’t equate celibacy with faithfulness or sex with betrayal. Tom betrayed me when he sneaked around and lied, not when he had sex.”
“Well…” Todd folded his hands behind his back. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure,” Fenn told him, running a hand over his side. “But when you get back, you’re mine.”
.

 

[CharmedFan28]

Interesting to read Todd's thoughts on religion, I am sad at what he had to go through with Dena's father and everything. The flashbacks of him and Fenn were good too! Great writing and I look forward to the next part.

 

[ChrisGibson]

I'm pretty sure Todd's not through talking yet. I think Brian's thoughts (or lack of them) are as interesting as Todd's too. Whose thoughts do you sympathize with more?

 

[CharmedFan28]

I'm pretty sure Todd's not through talking yet. I think Brian's thoughts (or lack of them) are as interesting as Todd's too. Whose thoughts do you sympathize with more?

Probably Todd's. I feel sympathy for both but, I just find Todd more likeable.

 

[ChrisGibson]

Brian seems to think that Todd can be critical of the church because he is so good, but I wonder if Todd isn't more likeable because he's thought out his ethics and isn't relying on something he doesn't understand to save him and Brian has been so bad because he's considered to little. I hadn't thought of that until I asked you.

 

[CharmedFan28]

Brian seems to think that Todd can be critical of the church because he is so good, but I wonder if Todd isn't more likeable because he's thought out his ethics and isn't relying on something he doesn't understand to save him and Brian has been so bad because he's considered to little. I hadn't thought of that until I asked you.

Both of them have good reasons to take the positions they do if you really think about it.

 

[ChrisGibson]

I don't even think they're taking positions. After all, there is no argument. They're just dealing with the way they see things, and though I sympathize with both (I mean, I wrote it), one way of seeing things is more natural to me than the other.

 

[CharmedFan28]

I don't even think they're taking positions. After all, there is no argument. They're just dealing with the way they see things, and though I sympathize with both (I mean, I wrote it), one way of seeing things is more natural to me than the other.

Yeah I think you are right.

 

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
SIX

FEELING OLD CONCLUSION

“Where is she?” Noah said, coming into the kitchen and reaching for his keys.
“In the bathroom. Getting ready to take a shower. She’s been there for a while,” Paul said.
“Well, then I guess she’s filling it up with cigarette smoke and taking a morning shidoobie. Thanks, Nay.”
He turned around and thumped on the door.
“Hello!” Naomi said.
“We need to talk,” Noah said. “You need to finish up what you’re doing, Nay.”
She said nothing, but a few moments later the toilet flushed, and Naomi Riley came out in a pair of Paul’s shorts and one of his large tee shirts.
“I need to go for a bit,” Noah said. “Paul’s gotta go to work, and then he’s got class all afternoon.”
“Oh, all right.”
“No, not all right,” Noah said. “Paul, can she stay in the house when we’re not here?”
“Goddamnit, Noah, I’m you’re mother, not a meth addict. Whaddo you think I’ll do, sell all your fucking furniture? Not like you have any worth selling.”
Paul ignored this and said, “Of course she can stay here.”
“Well, Paul said it,” Noah said. “But stay out of my room. And don’t get too cozy here. Your time is limited.”
“I’m so sorry I came, and took up all your precious space.”
“If you were sorry,” Noah said, heading toward the door, “you wouldn’t have come.
“I’m going to Port Ridge,” he told Paul. “I’ll be back late tonight.”


“You’ve got an interesting day on your hands,” Kirk said at lunch, which was in his office at the car dealership.
“If you want to call it that, then sure,” said Paul. “How are things here?”
“Oh,” Kirk sat up, taking his feet off the desk. “Good news. We sold a car in the last two days.”
“Shit,” Paul said. “And here you are listening to me complain.”
“One car,” Kirk said. “And about seven employees. And someone’s got to be let go. Or will have to be sooner or later. And we are trying, very hard, to put a good face on it. Family dinner last night… Just everyone sitting around the table with strained faces, trying to look happy. I mean, God, Paul! We’re Hanley Autos. We’ve been that for thirty years. That name meant something around the county.”
“Well, then this is just a little bad time,” Paul said. “And you all can get past it.”
“I don’t know,” Kirk shook his head. “This is the worst little bad time anyone in our family knows. Dad was saying not even when Carter was President, with the gas crisis and all, was it this bad. I’m scared,” Kirk said. “It’s no business here. I spend half the day at Saint Agatha lighting candles. And, I’m sorry, but she’s not doing anything.”
“Noah still thinks that new priest at Saint Barbara’s is a pornstar.” Paul said, more to take Kirk’s mind off of his troubles than for any other reason.
Kirk snorted, then asked: “Did you ever work with him?”
Paul looked at him, shocked.
“What?” said Kirk. “Are we not supposed to…. Talk about that?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to,” Paul said. “And really, I don’t feel that comfortable about talking about it.”
Paul said, “Noah thinks I’m turning into a prude just because I want to put the past in the past. I think everyone knows and the past has hurt the present enough. So, I want to leave it alone.”
Kirk nodded.
“But no,” Paul said, “I haven’t gotten close enough to see him, so I don’t know. I think Noah’s nuts. I think his mom coming back has made him nuts. This priest is a good guy. I hope it’s not true.”
“You’re a good guy,” Kirk said. “And so is Noah. And anything can be true.”


“Well, there’s a house in The Keys,” Brian began, passing the manila folder to Fenn and Todd. “A house outside of San Francisco in Marin County, real nice,” he said, pushing the folder to Fenn and Lee, “and this little baby in Jamaica.” He shook it around and grinned.
The office door opened and Tara said, “Have yawl figured out how to split the money, yet?”
Fenn swiveled in his chair and told her, “That’s what we’re trying to do now.”
“You wanna sit in?” Todd said.
“Not really. As long as you give me a nice little,” she made scissoring motions with her fingers, “cut.”
“Oh,” Todd told her, “you know we will.”
“I know,” she said, and pulled out of the room.
Lee immediately said, “I think we should sell one of the houses.”
“What?”
“Yes,” he told Brian. “Three houses is money.”
“Well, not the one in Jamaica,” Brian held it close to his chest.
“Not the one in Marin County,” Tom said to Lee.
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Lee said. “That son of a bitch was worth three million. Take that, and sell one of these expensive ass houses, and you can by a home wherever you want.”
“We need to check the mortgages. We’d need to make sure the shit was paid for before we tried to move into one of them, anyway,” Fenn said, head to head with his cousin.
Lee nodded, “Make sure it’s no shit on them that comes back on us.”
“I say sell the damn things,” Fenn agreed. “Each one of those houses is yearly taxes. Well, I don’t know how it works in Jamaica. But, there are taxes here.”
“I think Tom is right,” Todd said, holding out his hand for the folder Tom had.
Tom passed it to him, and Todd opened it.
“I have always really liked the idea of a little house in Marin Country. Marin County’s so groovy.”
“Let’s come back to the houses later. We don’t own them. We don’t have to worry about them. Let’s get to the money.”
“Well, since it’s three parties here,” Brian said, “we could spilt it three ways.”
“You mean me and Tom and Fenn and Todd, and you?” Lee said.
Brian nodded.
“Um hum,” Lee shook his head. “I don’t give a goddamn how softhearted you’ve gotten,” he told his cousin, “this man is not walking off with a million dollars.”
“What about?” Todd thrust out his lip, “Half a million?”
“What about a quarter of a million and shut the fuck up,” Lee returned.
“And at this stage of the game,” Fenn announced, “that’s what everyone at this table gets, a quarter of a million. That is more than enough for any unanticipated shit.”
Brian had perked up at the idea of being a millionaire, but had to remind himself that being a quarter of one was also something he’d never been.
Tom, who also wanted a million dollars, nodded his head and, holding in his greed, drummed his fingertips on the table and said, “You’re right. That is more than enough for any… as you say, unanticipated shit.”


Like something out of a song, a Black girl in glasses with a ponytail Noah assumed was a weave was standing at the side of the road, so defiant as she smacked her gum that Noah had to stop.
She came to the car. “You going to Rossford?”
“I’m sorry,” Noah said. “I’m going in the opposite direction. I just came from Rossford.”
“Oh,” she said. She stepped away., and then, while Noah was trying to figure out what he could do for her, she came back and said, “Well, how long until you go back to Rossford?”
“I’m going to do a job,” Noah said. “I’ll be in Port Ridge for a few hours.”
“Okay,” she said. She walked around the car, opened the door and got in. “Then you can take me with you.”
And because she was there, and because Noah didn’t know what else to say he said: “Uhh… A’right.”
They began driving up the road.
“I’m going to see my daddy,” the girl said. “I’m in some fucked up shit, you know? And sometimes a papa is the only one who can help you.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You don’t know your daddy?” the girl sounded sympathetic.
Noah was about to say, “My daddy was a drunk ass Klansmen that nailed my mom in the back of a bar,” but somehow he thought this girl was the wrong audience for that much truth.
He just said, “I don’t know the man. Mama was a rolling stone.”
The girl said, compassionately, “Well, I understand. I’ve been kind of a rolling stone myself.”
“Uh, when we get to Port Ridge… my work is kind of rough. So, do you think you could entertain yourself some place while I’m doing what I’ve got to do?”
“Looking like you do? This cute little surfer white boy—who has probably never seen a beach past Lake Michigan—what you got to do that’s so tough? I did time for running drugs and dumb shit I should never have gotten into.”
And because he didn’t like to lie and because with her, for some reason, he felt very sure he didn’t have to, Noah said, “I do web porn.”
“Hum?” she looked at him, only vaguely comprehending.
“Web porn. And movies. Dirty movies. There’s a studio up there. I’m a pornstar.”
“Oh,” the girl looked at him with something that was oddly somewhere between amusement and respect.
“Well,” she said, offering her slim hand and lying back as the car rolled on past the fields, under the viaduct, past the farm fields again:
“I’m Danasia.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Great conclusion to the chapter! Hopefully Naomi hasn't caused too much trouble for Noah while he was out. This new character Danasia sounds interesting. The splitting up of the estate is interesting too and I hope it does not lead to too many fights. I look forward to more.