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The post something funny thread

Re: The post something funny thread.

Cute lion cub, though.

The man out in the Savannah with the three lions/lionesses was amazing, too.
 
Re: The post something funny thread.

And now, the very best of, "You Had One Job!" Fails...

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You-had-one-job-meme-handrail.jpg


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Re: The post something funny thread.

I just made this one up on my own, just before parking yesterday to shop at the supermarket. I LIKE IT!!

Some magazine (The New Yorker?), years ago, had a contest where readers would take an existing word, CHANGE ONE LETTER, and come up with a new word and a good definition for it. One of the best examples was IGNORANUS (changed from ignoramus), which is a person who is both stupid and is an asshole.

I had a dentist appointment just before this yesterday, and I was reading the current issue of TIME Magazine; the cover story was about "MANOPAUSE" (one letter changed from menopause), an article about men seeking testosterone therapy, etc.

I came up with: **MENUPAUSE** - the indecision you have when a menu (perhaps Asian or Mexican food?) has too many good items to choose from. LOL.
 
Re: The post something funny thread.


A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on
Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/
Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee"..
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all
talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in
bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to
make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know
it, it's time for lunch.

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we
don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.

We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by
3:45 because we're late eaters.

The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.

At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides
a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.

Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and
they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see
the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as
we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.
There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most
seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the
parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference --
they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can
be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in
Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach.

MEANING OF LIFE IN 13 WORDS – INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER
PERSON WONDERING WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!
 
Re: The post something funny thread.

Gotta love Betty White. She's one feisty lady.
 
Re: The post something funny thread.

@ the Betty White pic - OMFG yes! 92 years young, and still got it! Long live Betty White! :lol:

Just found this on my facebook feed, took a screenshot, and posted it to Failblog...

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Re: The post something funny thread.

Want a toke, Ociffer?

Great!
 
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