The Prayers in Rossford

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
EIGHT

THE RULES
OF SEX

The first time, Nell had been afraid. After all it had been almost fifteen years and coming in, it hurt just a little, felt a little strange.
Charlie kept saying, “I’m not hurting you, am I?” Or, “It’s okay, right? It’s nice for you, right?”
He fucked her slowly at first, and then quicker and then it seemed like it was never going to end. She lay on her back, being humped, and then Charlie suddenly cried, and whispered, “It’s happening…” and he started quicker. This time, as it grew faster and faster, he suddenly touched something and for the first time, Nell cried out.
“What’s wrong?”
“It… it feels so good.”
And then they continued, for the first time Nell feeling him, running her hands over his back, the small of his back, pulling the soft youngness of his ass into her, reaching up again, kissing him, him kissing her, her kissing him firmly. Their bodies pressed together, moved together. For the first time Charlie wasn’t funny to her, and she wasn’t too old, or too above him. And then it hit her, it shook all through her, and melted her. At the same time he shivered and looked into her eyes as his body went still.
“That was it,” Charlie said as he sighed, laying on his side and taking off the condom. “That was it, wasn’t it Nell?”
“Yes,” Nell whispered. “That was.”
“I never… I haven’t felt that way in a long time.”
“I never do,” Charlie said. “That was… I suppose you need me to go soon.”
“Not soon,” Nell said. “Family’s coming back before morning.”
“Your sister?”
“Yes,” she lied.
“Um,” Charlie said. “Could I kiss you a little?”
“Yeah.”
Charlie did and moaned, “It’s so good, isn’t it?”
Nell didn’t want to say, “Yeah” again, so she just placed the back of her head to his chest and let him touch her hair.

“Oh, Adele!” Nell held her friend’s hand as she looked at the ring shining on her finger.
“He proposed last night. After our outing.”
“When’s the wedding?”
“I have no idea,” Adele told her.
“And now here’s where you tell me about your date with Charlie?”
Nell went silent, and then her face went red and Adele said, “Did you… Did you and Charlie?”
“I can neither confirm nor deny.”
Adele picked up the phone and dialed a number.
“Fenn, guess what?”
“Adele!”
Nell said: “I’ll tell you everything.”
“Hold on, Fenn.” She turned to Nell: “Tell me what?”
“Tell you I slept with Chalie.”
“You slept with Charlie!” Adele sang.
“She slept with the weatherbaby!” Nell heard Fenn’s voice on the other end of the line.
Nell went to the phone, shouted: “Don’t tell anyone. And that means Todd,” and then she hung up the phone.
“Charlie,” Adele said, smiling like a cat at a mouse. “The weatherman… How was it?”
“Firstly,” Nell said. “I hate you. Secondly….” she whispered, “it was excellent!”

The phone rang and Nell answered it.
“Hello,” said Nell, sparing a glace for her daughter who, hair falling down her back, half asleep, was coming down the steps into the kitchen.
“Nell, it’s Charlie.”
“Good morning!” she sang and Dena raised an eyebrow as she pulled the orange juice out of the refrigerator.
“I really liked last night. It was really wonderful.”
“Yes, yes it was.”
“I was… I know that a man is supposed to keep a woman waiting and not call back right away, but I wanted to know if you wanted to get together again.”
Since Dena was looking intensely at her mother, Nell said, out loud, “I would love to get together with you.”

BRENDAN YAWNED AND PULLED Kenny closer to him.
“What’s that smell?” Kenny said.
“I swear it wasn’t me.”
“No,” Kenny pushed the pillow into his face and commanded, “Smell, dummy.”
“Wow,” Brendan said, pushing himself off of the fu-ton. “Waffles.”

Brendan and Kenny came out into the brightness of the living room yawning while Layla, in the kitchen said, “It’s almost ready.”
Radha’s legs were folded under her and Kenny said, “Mark, are you braiding her hair?”
“Used to braid my sister’s all the time.”
Coming out of the kitchen, James said, “Consider this After-After-After Prom.”
“Noah is making the hash browns and sausage. Layla’s doing the pancakes and waffles.”
James told Layla to call her mother.
“I told her I wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.” She flipped a pancake. “And I can’t call while I’m cooking.”
“Where’s Aidan?” Brendan said, and then touched his stomach, frowned and added, “I gotta go to the bathroom.”
“Aidan and Annalise had to go home. And Will is home,” Layla added. “I came here after you all went to sleep.”
As Brendan disappeared into the bathroom, Noah shouted: “Don’t forget to use air freshener.


When Fenn was off of the phone, Todd was in the living room, and he shouted, “What was that, babe?”
“Nothing,” said Fenn in a tone that deserved Todd’s response:
“Somehow I doubt that.
“Come here, babe, we need to talk.”
When Todd said ‘babe’ once in a morning, let alone twice in a few minutes, it was something a little serious, Fenn suspected.
“Yes?” he said.
“It’s about Dylan,” Todd had been tinkering with a camera, and now he sat up straight, the long lens on his lap.
“Yes,” Fenn said again.
“What you said… it tempted me.”
“It wasn’t mean to be a temptation. I really think—”
“You really think I’m more attached to Dylan than you are. And more… into babies period.”
“You are, Todd.”
“And I’m the one who wanted the baby.”
“Right. You’ve wanted one for a while. You just started talking about it now. But I always knew. I never said I wanted a baby.”
“But you do love Dylan, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Fenn said. “But… I don’t know if I do in the way a father should.”
“You love him better than his mother did. And his mother gave him to you.”
“Because I’m the one that gave her the little bit of Tom in the first place.”
“That’s right,” Todd said. “And I’ve been thinking. No matter how you feel today, or tomorrow for that matter, in the long run it does make sense for you and Tom to have a child together. It makes sense for you to be the father of Tom’s baby. There’s something between you and Tom. And you and Dylan even though you don’t feel it.”
“I don’t not feel it. I just feel it a lot less keenly than Tom. Or you. I… I think I would be a really good father to a teenager. I’d be a really good parent for stepping in later. I’m not really a baby person. And that sounds terrible, but it’s true.”
“Like one of those soaps,” Todd said, “where the kid shows up years later, fully grown.”
“That’s a child I can handle!”
“Fenn!” Todd said. “Baby, Look, that’s what I’m here for. And Tom. And Lee. Look, the burden isn’t on you, It’s hardly on you at all.”
“Then I don’t understand why you won’t be the father.”
“Because I’m not the father,” Todd said. “And that’s just the truth.”
Fenn turned away from Todd.
“I don’t really feel like a father,” he said. “And the father of Tom’s kid. I mean… I don’t know. It’s very big. I don’t know why he asked. I think he asked to get back at me.”
“No, he didn’t!” Todd said. “And you know that.”
“Maybe,” Fenn said, turning around. “I need to take a walk.”
“You probably do.”
“I need to go talk to my sister.”
“That’s a good idea, baby,” Todd said, stroking Fenn’s shoulders. And then, because Todd as wonderful counselor was growing old, Fenn said, “Oh, by the way…”
“Hum?”
“Your sister...”
“Nell?”
“Yup.”
“What about her?”
“She’s fucking the twenty-five year old weatherman on news 22.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Very interesting portion. I am glad Nell and Charlie like each other and their relationship seems to be progressing well. I hope Fenn and Todd can sort out their issues regarding the baby. I am excited that Adele got proposed to and is getting married. Kenny and Brendan are cute as usual, I am still happy they ended up together. Great writing and as usual I look forward to more soon!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Fenn never planned on having children, and I think he has a very difficult time seeing himself as a father. This is where the conflict comes from. Tom always wanted a baby, and Todd does do, and Fenn is desperate now for a solution to the whole business. Meanwhile Nell is plunging into her new life, and I just always love Brendan and Kenny together.

 

[ChrisGibson]

THE RULES
OF SEX CONTINUED

“Have you run it by Mama?”
“Are you serious?” Fenn said.
Adele considered her brother’s question, and then said, “You’ve got a point.”
“Hell, yeah, I do.”
“Things are so different for us,” Adele said. “A year ago, who pictured I’d be getting married again and you would be having a kid? With Tom.”
“Please don’t start maligning him.”
“Hey, I’m past him. Since you’re past him. The two of you are bound together. I don’t get it, but it’s kind of sweet.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Fenn said. “I know what I should do, and even what I probably will do.”
The door opened and they both looked up the hallway.
Layla came in with Noah and James.
“What happened to your date, young lady?” Adele held her arm out, and Layla came and kissed her.
“Well, After the After After Prom—” James began, then shook his head and muttered, “I’m confusing myself.”
“After the last After Prom thingy,” Noah said, “Aidan and his sister went home, but the rest of us went to my place and crashed.”
“I cooked,” Layla reported.
Adele flashed her hand and said, “I’m engaged.”
“It’s about time!” Layla declared, putting a hand to her head as she sat down and exhaled.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” her mother said.
“Congratulations, Adele,” Noah said, unconsciously wrapping an arm around James.
“And congratulations to you,” Adele said with a wink.
“Your uncle has problems,” she reported to Layla.
“That’s not news,” she said, looking archly at Fenn, who kicked her lightly from under the table.
“He isn’t sure about going through with the adoption.”
“I have no parental instincts.”
“And you’re cruel to minors,” Layla added, rubbing her leg.
Fenn frowned at her.
“I asked Todd to be the father.”
“That does make sense in a way,” Noah said. “But… I mean, Dylan doesn’t need two fathers. He’s got one father, and a bunch of other folks who will be glad to step in, Fenn. So he doesn’t need to have Todd as a dad.”
“Well, then he doesn’t need me, either,” Fenn said. “And it hardly matters, Todd said no, anyway.”
“Isn’t a kid…?” James began, “Isn’t a kid really something between the two parents, I mean a sort of symbol of something that happened between two people. Nothing ever happened between Todd and Tom.”
“I think that’s what I’m getting at,” Noah said. “Something really was between you and Tom, and you are responsible for Dylan’s existence. That’s a fact. So it just makes sense for you to be the dad.”
“I just don’t feel like a dad.”
“Oh, who the hell does?” Layla said. “I mean, look at my father. Hell—”
“Layla, that’s two hells too many,” her mother said.
“Heck,” Layla modified, “look at your father.”
“She’s got a point,” Adele said.
“The question,” Layla said, “out of the mouths of babes—that’s me—I’m the babe—is how do you feel, Fenn, when you think about you and Tom sharing a child, and that child being Dylan? Does it make you happy, or sad or…?”
“It makes me happy, Layla, but—”
She cut her uncle off with her hand.
“Then that’s all there is to it.”
Layla reached for one of the oranges on the table and said, “Now, if you all will excuse me, I need to shower. It’s almost one o’clock, and I’m still funky.”
With that she disappeared down the hall and Fenn said, “Where the hell does she get it from?”
James and Noah looked at him and both said: “She gets it from you.”


“Tom, if you don’t stop pacing, I’m going to have to get up and hurt you.”
“You’re not being very sympathetic,” Tom said.
“No,” Lee agreed. He hit save on the laptop.
“I’m working, Tom. For years I lived alone. Working. Because when you live with other people, when people are walking in and out, it’s hard to get work done. You are an example of this. Right now, Tom.”
“Am I am example of it?” Danasia said from the couch.
“You weren’t,” Lee said, archly.
“Ouch.”
Lee shrugged.
“I am just… very nervous right now,” Tom said. “I really don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Danasia told him.
Lee turned around.
“Fenn said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be a father. If he had it in him.”
“He’s not exactly the fatherly type,” Danasia noted. Lee opened his mouth, but Danasia said, “Then, again, neither are you. And yet, you did it for me. Better than Lemonade did. Or my mother.”
“Exactly,” Tom said, “that’s what I’m trying to say. I mean, he wouldn’t be the most traditional parent, you know? But, wouldn’t you feel safe with Fenn? He wouldn’t steer a kid wrong. And, it’s not that Todd would. But… I mean, just because he’s his partner doesn’t mean he’s the same as Fenn... I mean—”
“He says I mean, a lot,” Danasia noted.
Lee nodded, and turned back to his work.
“What I mean—” Tom began again.
“What you mean,” Lee anticipated him, “is that Fenn is Fenn, and he’s the only father you want for this child.”
“Why aren’t you the father?” Danasia asked Lee.
“I don’t want another kid,” he said baldly.
“That’s not it,” Tom said. “It’s just that—”
“Yes it is it,” Lee said quickly. “I’m good with being Uncle Lee. Fenn and Tom made this baby. I grant you it was in a strange way, but the two of you made it, and Tom, you gotta get off your ass and just go to Fenn and tell him, look, this is the way this shit’s gon be. You’re going to be this baby’s daddy.”
“Other daddy,” Tom corrected.
“I always thought you were more like the mother,” Danasia said.
“Um,” Lee pondered, “I always thought Fenn was. You know the way mothers are in my family.”
They looked at him.
“You’ve seen Lula.”
“Oh, yeah,” they both remembered, and nodded.
“Well, whatever you are,” Danazia said, “you better go get Fenn and tell him exactly how you feel.”
Tom looked so terrified of this, Lee said, “What?”
“What if he says no? Or… I could never make Fenn do anything.”
“You made him stay with you for ten years,” Lee said. “Now go get him.”


“Come on in,” Fenn murmured as Tom walked in through the kitchen.
“We need to talk!” Tom announced.
“We certainly do.”
“I asked you something very important.”
“I’ve made my decision—”
“I told you that I wanted you to be Dylan’s father, that I thought it should be you all along, and nobody else—”
“And I know it’s taken me a while—”
“And Fenn, I do love Todd. I mean, he’s a good man—”
“And I probably should have said yes from the start—”
“I can totally see why you would say no, and maybe it’s old resentment—”
“But really I was just afraid, and I still am. I know I won’t be alone—”
“But I’m not going to leave you alone until you agree to be the father of this child—”
“So I’ve decided to be the father of this child.”
They both stopped.
Tom looked at him.
“Did you just say…?”
“I said yes, Tom.”
“Oh, great!—”
“I don’t promise to be great or—”
“I’ll never ask you to be something you’re not—”
“I can only be me. All you have is me. That’s all I can be, and I think—”
Pleased, Tom put a hand over Fenn’s mouth and said, “I think we can do this.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Great portion! I am glad Fenn is sorting out his issues with being a father. Sounds like a good time was had by all at the prom and the after parties. Good writing and I look forward to more soon.

 

[ChrisGibson]

It's all worked out. Fenn's definitely going to be a dad. What kind remains to be seen.

 

[ChrisGibson]

THE RULES
OF SEX CONTINUED


Tom came into the living room where Fenn had placed Dylan in the crib, and set him to sleep.
“What are you thinking?” Fenn said, looking up at him.
“You me, Lee. Todd. What a perfect family we are.”
Fenn nodded, looking down at the little baby with curiosity, his brows knit.
“What an amazingly little thing he is.”
“You know? Brian said you’d make a great father.”
“Really?” Fenn’s tone showed nothing, except maybe amusement.
“I agree.”
“You all talk a lot recently.”
“We talk period, He’s a good friend.”
“The two of you look like you’re going to fall into bed again,” Fenn said. “If you ever betrayed my cousin—”
“God, Fenn!”
“I’m just saying.”
“Plus, that’s what people say about us.”
“You and me?” Fenn grinned thinking of that. “Is that a fact?”
“They say that the spark’s still there.”
“Well the spark will always be there.” Fenn yawned and sat down on the couch.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. If it had been one sided…” Tom shrugged. “I dunno. I think we should always stay a little in love with each other.”
“God, Tom, give me a cigarette.”
“Where are they?”
“Over there,” Fenn gestured to the mantle.
As Tom crossed the room, Fenn told him, “One day Dylan will ask why his two daddies don’t together. He’s going to wonder why we never lived together in his lifetime.”
Tom shook his head, and handed Fenn his cigarettes.
“When I was a kid my grandpa used to come and go to my grandma’s house. I never thought about it. When I was older I learned that he had another wife, and my grandmother had been the woman on the side.”
“You never told me that.”
“Not cause I was trying to keep it from you,” Tom said. “I just forgot. But my point is kids don’t think about that.” He kissed Fenn on his head. “They don’t think about the type of love their parents have. They just know their parents love each other. And that’s what this little one’ll know about us.”


On his way to Fenn and Todd’s, Noah Riley surprised himself by stopping at Saint Barbara’s. This was, of course, the only place God had ever spoken to him, and he was aware that God hadn’t spoken to him since, and he hadn’t been terribly troubled about it.
He parked outside of the church and went up the steps. It was so different from the desperate winter night when he was full of jealously and upset, and snow covered everything and the cold fell on the world like claustrophobia.
He entered the church and it was empty, except for a dark haired man in one of the pews toward the back. He thought it was Brian Babcock, and was coming up to say hello when he turned around and Noah gasped.
Keith McDonald got up and came to him.
“Noah!”
“Keith.”
“I’m glad to see you.”
And Noah discovered he was glad to see him too.
“Are you back for good?’
“I’m back for now,” Keith gestured for Noah to sit down in the pew, and Noah did so with an awkward sign of the cross.
“I wanted to say goodbye to you before I left. I wanted to talk to you. Like we did on Christmas.”
“Well, we can talk right now,” Noah said.
“Yeah,” Keith realized. “Yes. Why are you here? I’m not interrupting anything?”
“No,” Noah said. “I guess… I’m here for you.”


“What would you do for love?”
Fenn, who was sitting in his housecoat, holding a crying Dylan, looked up at Brian and said, “This, obviously. Todd!”
Todd’s footsteps could be heard coming down the steps and Fenn said, “Who is this brand new Brian, the one who walks into my house unannounced and asks ridiculous questions?”
“Not a ridiculous question,” Brian said, reaching back to tuck in the tail of his forest green shirt into his perfect khakis. “An absolutely essential question.”
“What’s up, Fenn? Hey Bri?”
“I need you to change this baby.”
“Can’t you change him?”
“No,” Fenn said. “He smells bad.” Fenn handed Dylan to Todd and Todd, going back up the stairs said, “One day you’ll have to learn to do this.”
“That’s what he thinks,” Fenn confided in Brian once Todd was up the stairs.
“Now what’s all this about… doing anything for love?”
“Well, it’s almost graduation time.”
“Shit! Layla’s graduation gift! Take me downtown.”
“All right,” Brian said, looking at Fenn strangely. “I have to put a coat on. A ball cap’ll cover up this hair.”
Fenn had not even thought of asking Brian if this was an imposition, but he did ask, “What does graduation have to do with love? I mean, in the specific sense?”
“I was actually referring to graduation at Loretto, Fenn,” Brian said, while Fenn pulled a coat out of the closet and shouted up, “Are you done, Todd?”
“Give me a second, please!” Todd shouted down.
“I’m going to take the baby out with me,” Fenn said. “It’ll give you some time to get work done.” He told Brian, “He’s working on something so private even I don’t know what it is. Though sometimes I think maybe it’s so private he doesn’t either.” Fenn shrugged. “But back to graduation.”
“Yes,” said Brian. “Well, Chad’s graduating.”
“That’s right. Your young man.”
Todd came down the steps with the baby, and said, “Here you go. I appreciate this.”
“And I appreciate you diapering this baby.”
“Tonight Fenn, I’m serious. We’re gonna work on this together. I’m going to show you how to do this.”
“All right, love.”
“I’m serious, Fenn.”
“I’m serious too. Now kiss me.”
Todd stooped down to kiss Fenn, and then headed back up the stairs, earnestly, stopping at the rail to wave before going back to his office.
“You’re not really serious, are you,” Brian said as they headed out the door.
“Not in the least. If you know that by now, he has to. So back to you and Chad.”
They passed the Land Rover to Brian’s car.
“Get the baby seat out of Todd’s car, would you?”
Brian nodded and said, as he lunged into the Land Rover:
“He’s going to school outside of Pittsburgh.”
“Yes,” Fenn handed Dylan to Brian while he climbed into the passenger seat.
“I was thinking of getting a job there and living with him.”
“Shit!” Fenn came up from the back seat, reached for Dylan, strapped him in and then came back and hit Brian sharply in the shoulder.
“Ouch.”
“You make it take ten years for me to like you, and then you go away.”
“It’s not done yet,” Brian said.
“And Paul’s gone now. Trying to be an actor off in Chicago,” Fenn went on.
“Look, I’m still here. I’m at Loretto for at least another year, but when I’m gone, I’d like to join Chad.”
Fenn nodded and climbed into the car.
Brian shut the door and said, “Say it.”
“Say what?”
“Whatever’s on your mind. Say it.”
“Well,” Fenn said, at last, “at the risk of sounding like one of those people that always goes, let’s be reasonable: let’s be reasonable. The year apart for you and Chad will let you know… how solid things are.”
“I know things are solid,” Brian said sharply.
“But that’s so like you,” Fenn said, unaffected, while Brian looked at him.
“You never doubt anything. You’re always sure that what you have is so necessary. I wonder sometimes if your certainty is just camouflaged doubt.”
Neither one of them said anything about Tom. Brian had been certain about that too, and nothing else mattered but his certainty back then, either.
He turned his head and came down the driveway. They went north up Versailles, toward Dorr Avenue.
“I come from Pittsburgh,” Brian said, at last.
“I know that. But there’s a reason you left. Obviously.”
“A couple, really.”
They were passing Saint Barbara’s now, the red brick church rising up to their left, now passing as they went through the last brick buildings before downtown.
“Well, Todd lives here. He always has. But would you… would you follow him to say, Pittsburgh?”
“I could have followed him to Germany,” Fenn said. “But I didn’t. I was past thirty, which you are too. By then I knew that you could wait for love and you didn’t have to rush things to death. “
Brian smiled, ruefully, as the streets widened and they entered the beginnings of downtown.
“One would think I would have figured that out by now,” he said.
“Yes,” Fenn said, looking at him meaningfully, “One would have.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Great section! I like to see how the guys are coping with the baby. Brian has sure grown up since the start of this story. Excellent writing and I look forward to more soon!

 

[ChrisGibson]

You know what? He really has grown up since we started with him. I think a lot of them have, but Brian was already and adult and almost past the point of no return, so I enjoy seeing that change in him. He's really one of my favorite characters. Thanks for reading. There'll be more tomorrow night.

 

[ChrisGibson]

THE RULES
OF SEX CONTINUED

“But why me? I don’t understand.”
“Because we share something. Because of Christmas. Because of before,” Keith said.
“Noah, you were there. You were there back then, and we’re together now in the present. You’re the only one who knows things from both sides. Don’t you feel that?”
“Yes. I guess. I mean, yes I do. I do get it.”
“At first. On Ash Wednesday, when I left, I told myself, I told God, that I would do all the things I had been tempted to do. Instead of a Lent I would have… a carnival, no restraints.”
“It got old, didn’t it?” Noah said. “You can only screw so much, snort so much, smoke so much. It’s not that many people who can make it interesting.”
“No,” Keith said, wistfully. “Everyone’s not Janis Joplin. But, no… I didn’t even get to that. I just… I didn’t know where I was going to go. All I knew was religious places or old friends or family to stay with. I… I kept thinking, now I can do all the things I feel tempted to. I actually thought I could go do a movie with Guy.”
“He would have loved it if you did.”
“Yes,” Keith said, “Probably. But I couldn’t get to it. I didn’t want to. And I thought I would at least start by watching those movies. They used to turn me on so much. More than turn me off. I’d have to literally get up and have… and do…”
When Noah saw that Keith had a hard time saying the word “sex” he said, “Would you like to get out of here?”
Keith looked around.
“It’s a friendly little church, isn’t it? Not scary at all. It’s a beautiful old place,” Keith said. Then he said, “Yeah, We could go to the little park across the street.”
Noah nodded.
“You’re really sure you don’t have something better to do?”
“No,” Noah said, rising and crossing himself in a perfunctory way. “I’m telling you, I’m sure this is exactly the reason I came here.”

“I was still… excited by them,” Keith said. “But it wasn’t like before.”
Noah nodded. He hugged himself even though the late May breeze felt good.
“I mean, maybe you don’t know what it was like for me,” Keith said. “Everyone’s not the same. But… I’ve heard junkies talk… I met junkies when I was gone—I’ve been so sheltered, Noah—and I was like them. I needed to see a dirty movie. I would start to shake and chatter and almost hurt if I didn’t see porn. And then when I saw it I had this almost violent reaction unless I had sex with someone. I literally could not not have sex.”
“I thought that sex addicts were…” Noah began, “I thought that it’s like because people don’t like sex, anyone who just likes to have sex is called an addict. But there is a difference between… liking to drink, liking to drink a lot and… just being not able to not drink.”
“Right,” Keith felt as if they were both trying to make sense of this. “It’s like that, only different. But here’s the thing, Noah. When I was free to do what I felt, I didn’t feel it like that. I mean, I still had desires, but not like that. I wasn’t self destructive. But I was still afraid. Afraid I would screw up, afraid I wouldn’t feel free anymore. That’s how I felt. I felt free for the first time in my life. But it’s hard to be free. It’s hard to stay free, Noah. And it’s scary. It’s a fight. I feel like I’m in a new place, but the same old fears come up every day.”
Noah nodded.
“You know what I mean, then?”
“Yeah,” Noah said, lightly. “And I feel like… if I’d stayed the same person, it would have been easier in some ways. Or even if I’d done like… You remember Danny Wulf?”
“Yeah.”
“He got saved. Made a three-sixty change. I never made that change. I’m still me. I still love sex. I never say I won’t make a movie again. I’m just pretty sure I won’t. The change is slow for me. Every day. And it’s hard.”
Keith was nodding the whole time.
“But what about you?” Noah said. “You’re not finished with your story, yet.”
“Right,” Keith remembered.
“I finally went to this monastery,” Keith said. “I was going from place to place, staying with cousins, and this voice was in my head telling me how I could sneak out with guys, do all of these crazy things. And I wasn’t doing them. I didn’t have the energy for it. I didn’t want to get on the Internet and search out men or… anything like that. So I went to this monastery down south a little bit.
“It was wonderful, and I think I was sort of proud of myself. And the music, Noah…”
“Once, me and Paul went to a monastery down in Florida,” said Noah. “It was incredibly cool. I acted like it wasn’t, at the time. But it was.”
“How is Paul?”
“He and his boyfriend went to Chicago.”
“Um,” Keith said. “That’s too bad.”
“But the monastery?”
“Yes,” Keith remembered.
“Anyway, I went to bed one night, and I was deep in sleep when I heard this fiddling around and someone crawling into bed.”
“What?”
“Yeah. And then he blinked at me and he said, ‘You’re not Brother So and So.’ And I said no. Brother So and So was gone. And he said, how would you like to take his place?”
“What are you saying?” Noah sat up, prickly and incensed.
“Apparently this was a brother, and one of the other brothers was his lover. But he was gone, so he asked if I’d like to have sex with him instead.”
Noah just looked at Keith, and then he said, in a brittle voice.
“Are you going to ask me if I did?” Keith said.
“I really don’t want to,” Noah said.
“Well, I did,” Keith said.
Noah felt repulsed, even though he knew he had no right.
“I did it and then I felt betrayed. I was trying to get away from this and at the safest place in the world I started fooling around with one of the monks.”
“Well, if you’re gay, a house full of men probably isn’t the safest place in the world.”
“But I never ever fooled around with another seminarian. I never did,” Keith said. “You’re the only one I’ve told this too, Noah.”
And then Noah took a breath. He understood what Keith was saying now. Noah was his confessor. How many nights in the dark had Noah spilled out things to James, things James didn’t want to hear? But Noah had needed someone to hear them, and James had been there.
“The whole time I was there I was sleeping with this man,” Keith said. “I cut my stay short because… I didn’t like him. He was living a lie. And that meant I was living a lie too. I really started to despise myself. We slept together a couple of times, but… I wasn’t addicted to it. For once in my life. It wasn’t like when I made the movies and did the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, turning from Keith McDonald to…”
“Bick Throbbing.”
“Yes,” Keith turned an embarrassed smile. “I was me, with all of my shame and embarrassment. I was ashamed of myself. But at least I wasn’t disassociating.”
“So what did you do?”
“That,” said Keith, “is what I’m about to tell you.”


Nell sat on the edge of the bed, pushing her hair out of her face.
“I’ve never done anything like this before!” Charlie announced, pulling back on his pants and reaching for his shirt.
“Me neither,” Nell said, her hand searching for her panties.
Charlie handed her the bra.
“You’ve got to believe that,” said Nell. “I’m not just trying to sound… Chaste. I… I can’t remember the last time.”
Charlie beamed down, excited, almost looking foolish. He held her face in his hands. His hair was a mess, not the well combed thatch it would be on the news tonight.
“Me neither,” he said. “Isn’t it awesome? I…. My relationships are always failures. I just came out of one that lasted three years where the girl I thought was going to marry me, I’m pretty sure was cheating on me.”
“Oh, dear,” Nell said as she buttoned her blouse and searched for her skirt.
“And I know you don’t like to talk about it, about your past,” Charlie said. He was adjusting his shirt and his tie hung around his neck, undone, “so I suppose that you have some pretty unhappy stuff too.”
He sat on the edge of the bed looking much too young and incredibly cute to her. She couldn’t believe they were having sex. And then her mind flashed back to the heat, the wetness of it all, the way he was in bed. Yes, they were having sex.
Charlie said:
“Look Nell, I’m not stupid. We’re not exactly a serious match. But we are fun,” he said. “We’re a lot of fun, and if you would like to keep on having fun, then so would I.”
He took her hand in his now, and put on a silly face.
“Now, Nell Reardon, would you like to keep on having fun?”
She turned away from him, embarrassed, wanting to laugh. But he turned her face with the edge of his finger, to look at her.
“Yes,” she said.
He kissed her quickly, and then, just as quickly, knotted his tie and winked at her.
“Great.”

“It doesn’t matter what the hell you wear for graduation,” Layla was saying. “It’s going be covered up by those ugly gowns.”
“I know!” Dena made a face. “Aren’t they hideous? It’s not like this in the movies at all—”
Dena heard the door open down below, and held up her hand, running out of the room.
“Mom! I was thinking,” she said, coming down the steps, “I don’t really need you to take me to get a new dress for graduation. I figure, I’m seventeen, and I’ve always got what I asked for and sometimes you just give me a little too much. I can wear what I have on right now because no one’s going see me through that—”
And then she stopped, mouth wide open, and there was Nell, mouth wide open, and beside her there was Charlie, mouth wide open.
“I mean… Nell… Not mom,” Dena began, “because… there’s no way you could be my… well, when… Mom gets in, Nell, NELL, you tell her that your old friend Dena wants… uh….” Dena faltered and then said in a rush, “I’m going upstairs now,” and ran back up the steps.
Charlie just stood there looking at her.
“That’s…” Nell began. “Oh, hell, I cannot disown Dena, she’s the one who made me online date, anyway.”
“Your… daughter?” Charlie said.
“Yeah.”
“Who is… seventeen?”
“Yeah. Sort of. I mean. Yes.”
“That would make you….”
“Old enough to have a seventeen year old,” Nell said with forced cheer.
“Not thirty.”
“I am thirty…. Plus some.”
After a while, licking his lower lip and frowning to come up with his next thought, Charlie said, “Um.”
“Yeah,” said Nell.
“Ummmm.”


“But what did you do?” Noah said. “After you left the monastery? Where did you go?”
“I went back to my seminary,” Keith said. “Where I had studied. I didn’t tell anyone about the bishop releasing me. I just said I was on break for a bit. I didn’t tell anyone anything about…. Anything.
“But for the first time I thought to myself, ‘I am gay’. Which I know sounds silly, but I thought, for the first time, of myself as gay. And I started looking for books. I wanted to be with someone, but I wasn’t an addict like before. Suddenly there was more to it than just getting nailed, or nailing someone.
“So I got this book out. It’s enormous, Noah, and I’ll loan it to you. Give it to you, whatever. But toward the back there was this huge part about gays and religion.”
“It had that?”
“It had everything. It had stuff about safe sex, good sex, civil unions, boyfriends, threesomes, everything.”
“I gotta see this book.”
“Yeah,” Keith said. “And the article on religion said something about how ancient shamans were queer, and queer people were the religious people who went to the edge and came back with all of this vision, that they were all priests in ancient societies. And I remembered all those jokes people said about priests, about what we were really up to. And I thought… how I had always felt on the edge, different, away from everything.”
“Stop,” Noah interrupted.
“What?”
“I always felt that way. Weird, strange. Different. Like I was missing out on something everyone else was going through. Something that… I didn’t necessarily think was that great, but that everyone else had. And… But I always thought it made me bad. Made me less.”
“I always felt the same way. I thought that me being the way I was… was a hindrance to being a good priest. I never thought that it helped.”
“But maybe that’s why everyone here likes you. Maybe that’s why everyone thinks you’re such a good priest.”
Keith said nothing to this. It embarrassed him a little, actually.
“Noah, I read this one part about a retreat this guy went on, maybe your age. He was real religious. A Lutheran. It was for gay religious people and I remember what he wrote, he wrote: “we fucked and prayed and fucked and prayed. It was terrific.” And that was like the biggest weight off my shoulders ever. That you could… fuck and still pray, and not be guilty or ashamed. It was like a revelation. And then I knew that’s the kind of life I wanted. I didn’t want to not be sexual. I didn’t want to be celibate anymore. I wanted to find a way to keep being religious, to be a minister, and to pursue a love life. Or even a lovemaking life.”
“But you’re right here.” Noah said. “You’re here at Saint Barbara’s now.”
The swaying branches above them made a shimmering shadow on them and Keith shrugged.
“I’ve got no one to love right now. Or make love to. I can still be a priest for now. But… now you know where I’m headed. Now you know I’m not going to be ashamed anymore.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

That was a great talk between Keith and Noah. I am glad Keith is becoming more comfortable with himself. I hope Charlie is ok with Nell's real age now that he has met Dena. I guess I will have to wait and see how that situation progresses. Great writing and I look forward to more!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Thanks a lot. It's funny how Noah and Keith have been professionals before, literally been inside of each other, been almost enemies, but now are sitting down to both talk, and funny how Keith is learning more about himself. And they aren't the only ones having learning experiences.

 

[ChrisGibson]

THE RULES
OF SEX CONTINUED


“You know… I’m sure Father Dan knows this,” Keith McDonald folded his hands together, under his robe and nodded toward the other priest, who was sitting down to the left of the altar. “When I first decided to go into the priesthood, it was just like that. I decided. Notice that. All about me. All about my decision. And I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be a priest. And I had a lot of ideas about what that meant. And I probably still do.
“We know it’s wrong to do wrong things. That kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? We know what wrong desires are. We have so many plans. We tell God, if we tell him anything, I want to be this lawyer, this professor, this musician… this priest, for you, and here’s all I’m going to do with that. Here’s what I’m going to give back to you. And we pray… I pray, you pray, we all pray, spending so much time mouthing words, telling God things, telling him… and here’s the bad part, not what we need, which is what we should tell him, without fear, but all that we think, and all that we’re going to do. And we… in this world, where maybe we don’t talk to ourselves enough when we ought to, we spend our prayer times doing just that, making inner noise, talking to ourselves, running our fears and our ambitions over in our heads and cutting deals with our Father in heaven who loves us, who would speak to us if we knew how to listen.
“He knows it’s hard to listen. It’s not something we’re used to doing. Is it? I think all my life I knew I wanted this, knew I wanted to be a priest, and I thought I took God seriously. But I took myself, my vocation, my idea of who I was seriously. I am just learning, finally, halfway to forty, to begin to listen to God. If you pray, if you try to listen to God, you know what I mean.
“You’re scared at first. Aren’t you? Scared that if you shut up, if you stop the show, then nothing will happen. You’re exhausted because you’ve been running the show. You don’t believe in God as much as you say you do. You’ve been supplying both ends of the conversation. You’ve been living a life that seems like faith, but that really requires no risk, no one to meet you on the other side. You haven’t done anything you can’t undo. You haven’t started anything you know you can’t finish. You haven’t put yourself in God’s hands. And when I say you… I mean me.
“Do not be afraid to be quiet. Do not be afraid to hear God for the first time in your life, or hear him again. He will be there. And don’t be afraid of not getting it right. We won’t get it right. Not right away. Maybe not in this life. But that’s okay. Because God gets it right. And God loves us, guys—I mean—family.
“Fair can mean a bunch of things. Nowadays we stomp our foot and say, ‘It’s not fair. It’s not fair’, and we mean that it’s not just. Things aren’t measure for measure. Things happen that shouldn’t. Or we even mean that we’re looking at how much someone has and how little we have.
“But fair used to mean beautiful. It used to mean sweet, and good. And God is Fair. He is the Lord of Life. We see ourselves. We see our plans. We see what we want to. But God wants to show us so much more. If we let him.
“In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
The congregation said: “Amen,” and it was a small one for eight o’clock mass with the May morning sun coming through the stain glass, and out of the round window over the choir loft. Brian yawned at the organ, and began to play while the congregation sang:

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

“That was a wonderful sermon, Father,” Barb said.
“I’m surprised to see you, Barb. This early in the morning.”
“The older you get, the less sleep you need,” she shrugged. “And I thought… what the hell, might as well go to Mass.”
“And you brought Dena with you?”
“Milo brought me,” Dena said. “Welcome back.”
“Thank you, Dena.”
“I want to talk to Father a minute,” Dena said. “I’ll be with you guys.”
Milo and Barb nodded, Barb saying, “You come by the house later, Father.”
Keith nodded and Dena said: “It really was a good sermon. And I could take or leave church, usually. I mean it.”
“Thank you, Dena,” Keith said. “It means a lot for you to say that. Really.”
“I… I guess this is all something you’ve learned since you left.”
“Yes,” said Keith. “Most of it. Yes.”
“Well, I just wanted to say that I hope you found what you were looking for. And everything’s okay right now? It’s none of my business, really but…”
“No,” said Keith. “No I appreciate it. And, thank you, Dena. It’s good to have friends.
“We are friends, aren’t we?”
“Yes, Father,” Dena said, “of course we are.”


Nell almost hung up the phone when she heard the door open, and then she reminded herself: I’m a grown woman. I don’t have to hide a phone conversation from my daughter.
“I’m back from Mass, Ma!” Dena shouted unnecessarily. “Milo’s here. I’m just going to change into something before we go.”
That, Nell reflected, was also unnecessary because Milo was coming down the hall way and Nell shouted, “I’m on the phone, Deen.” Then, “Milo, get what you want from the fridge.”
“I’m cool, Mrs. R,” Milo murmured, seeing she was on the phone, and Nell said, “All right, I’m back.”
“Look, Nell what I was gonna say is,” Charlie was saying, “I was surprised. I was real surprised. But… I don’t care if you’re… four hundred years old—”
“I’m certainly not four hundred.”
“I like what we’re doing. And I’m willing to keep it up. If you are.”
“Yes,” Nell found herself saying. “Yes I am.”
There was a space of quiet and then Charlie said, “So… you free this afternoon?”
Nell went hot, and she felt a shivering between her legs that she wasn’t used to. She looked across the kitchen to see if, somehow, Milo had picked up on something in her, and then she said, “No. I mean yes. I mean I am free today.”
“Oh, good. We could have a little fun, then. If you’re up for it?”
This new, strange Nell who ran around with a twenty-something having a fling, she didn’t know who she was, but Nell decided she didn’t care, and she’d better not. All this being good had done nothing for her.
“I am definitely up for it,” Nell said.
Dena came down the back stair in a summer dress and her mother said, “Dena!”
“Wow!” was all Milo said.
Dena spun around in a circle: “I know! Well, spring has sprung and summer’s coming and I’m tired of jeans and dark clothes and looking pale. I want to be awake all the time. I want to run out and just join the world. What’s up for you, today, Ma?”
“A date,” she said.
“Ohhhh.”
“I forbid you to Ohhh or Oooohhh or make any such noises,” Nell told her daughter.
“Well, Milo, shall we go?” Dena held out her hand.
Milo looked at Nell for a second, blushed, and then bent and kissed Dena’s hand.
“Your chariot awaits. Where shall we go, my lady.”
“Frankly, my dear,” Dena said, leading him down the hall, “I don’t give a damn.”


“You don’t have to come,”
“Of course I gotta come. Put Layla on the phone.”
Fenn put the phone against his chest and said, “Layla! It’s Paul.”
Layla raised an eyebrow and came to the phone.
“Hey, Chicago, what’s up?”
“Your graduation’s this Saturday.”
“That is true.”
“Well, it’s still at one, right? With the graduation party over at Fenn’s?”
“What?” Layla said. “You’re not coming.”
“Yeah. Me and Kirk. We’ll be there. Every time Claire calls me I think how much is going on there.”
“There is nothing going on in Rossford.”
“Uh, let’s see,” said Paul. “Your mom’s getting married. Nell Reardon’s having an affair with a weatherman—”
“How did you know that?”
“C’mon now! And no, it’s not big news. Fenn told me. That’s all.”
“Cause everyone’s not supposed to know. I don’t even know how much Dena knows.”
“And back to you. You’ve got this new guy.”
“Aidan.”
“Aidan!” Paul said, dreamily.
“Oh, shut up.”
“And. AND, Fenn is a daddy.”
“Yes, well, I guess there is more going on than I thought.”
“Yes,” said Paul. “And I’ll be there to see you graduate on Saturday.”
“I’m gonna give you back to my uncle,” Layla said. “I just want to know what kind of present I’m getting.”
“Present! Who says you’re getting a present?”
“Humph.”
“How about my old Dildo? I only used it once? Every young, budding girl and gay needs one.”
“Well,” Layla made to consider it, “as long as you bring batteries, sir.”


On the Saturday that her daughter was graduating high school, Nell Reardon climbed out of bed kissing Charlie over and over again on the mouth and he said, “Climb in the shower and I’ll drop you off.”
“I told you I didn’t need you to.”
“And I told you I would. Now go shower.”
So Nell did. She used the hotel shampoos and thought about stealing the conditioner. She thought about how good it was to be this wicked woman who was having an affair with a sexy twenty something. Well, okay, a cute twenty-something, but certainly a something better than she’d ever had before. And then she came out of the shower and dressed. And Charlie told her how good she looked. The sun was high outside and the weather was that perfect early June weather, not too hot at all, still with some spring in it. The sky was so blue and the sun was so yellow it was easy to think nothing bad, not even bad weather, could ever happen again.
“You still want me to drop you off at the house?” Charlie said as they turned off of Dorr and came down Bridge Street to the large old houses built up on their little hills.
“Yes,” Nell said, as they rolled up to her house with three cars in front of it. “Fenn and Todd are going to come. And then me and Dena’ll go off with them. Thank you Charlie. This was wonderful, Charlie.”
She leaned into the car to kiss him, and he was so perfect and cute, and smiling, so good, such a great gift. God isn’t nearly the prude Catholic school made him out to be.
“What?” Charlie said.
“Nothing,” she kissed him quickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, Nell. I’ll call you.” He made the little phone gesture with his hand, shaking his thumb.
She ran up the red brick steps to the white house. As far as Dena knew, Mom had gone out for breakfast with Charlie.
She came in through the large glass door and shouted, “I’m here, guys,” heading to the kitchen, hating walking on heels, and when she entered the kitchen she stopped, surprised, put off guard.
There was Dena, but there was Milo. But there was his uncle, Bill Affren, and beside Billy was some vague woman that Dena supposed must have been his wife.
“Nell,” said Bill, with a hopeful smile on his face. “It’s so good to see you.”

“He’s what?”
“He’s, right here with his wife,” Nell whispered into the phone,
“What the fuck for—Fenn, listen to this!”
Nell was upstairs, in her room, and Adele was at Fenn’s house.
“He… uh, came with Milo. He wanted to introduce me to his wife.”
“Wait a minute,” said Adele. “He came into your house, with his wife.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, then that brings me back to: what the fuck for?”
“Oh, Adele!”
“No, no ‘Oh, Adele!’ You are a strong woman, Nell. You don’t have to say oh well, or take anyone’s shit.”
“Well, I don’t know what to do.”
“You throw his ass out. That’s what you do.”
Nell was quiet for a moment, then Adele said, again, “Throw his ass out.”
Dena had just come into the room.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go tell Milo to get his uncle out of here.”
“It doesn’t matter—” Nell began.
On the phone, Adele shouted, “What the fuck do you mean it doesn’t matter? It matters. If you don’t throw his ass out, I’ll come over right now and throw his ass out—”
“I,” Dena said, stepping away from her mother, and the telephone, “I’m gonna throw him out.”
“Dena,” Nell said.
“Hum?”
“Be nice about it.”
Her daughter smiled at her, tilting her lovely head and said, “Of course.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

Poor Nell! It must be rough seeing Bill again. I am glad things are going well with her and Charlie though. It seems like Keith is going to continue to be a priest and if that makes him happy I think that is a good thing. Great section and I look forward to more soon! Once again thanks for posting so often, its nice to be able to read this and your other stories most days!

 

[ChrisGibson]

I do try to post everyday so something's up there, except for days when I try to say ahead of time, nothing's going to be up. I've been working on some new stories, and there will be one in addition to Rossford tomorrow. If I ever don't post, go down and check out The Skin of Things. I put it up earlier this year. Thank you so much for being a faithful reader and letting me know you're there. Every writer needs that.

 

[ChrisGibson]

THE RULES
OF SEX CONCLUSION

“Look at you,” her mother said.
“I had to argue with the woman at the robe store just to get a decent one.”
Adele smiled.
“My daughter. My girl, grown up.” She touched her daughter’s hair.
“Are you ready?”
“For graduation, or for life?”
Adele touched Layla under the chin.
“I think you’ve been ready for life,” she said, reaching for Layla’s mortarboard. She placed it on her daughter’s head and readjusted the tassel.
“Let’s just get through this afternoon.”


JESUS SEND ME! Jesus send me
Thuma Mina somandia!
Jesus lead me, Jesus lead me
Thuma Mina, somandia,
Jesus lead me!

“I really hate this song,” Dan said, beside Keith. “You know that Brian didn’t choose it.”
They stood in the vestibule of Saint Barbara’s, waiting for the commencement mass to begin.
“We should have had Brian. Or Tom. A real organist. A real mass. This piano playing and Glory and Praise singing is so…”
“Eighth grade graduation,” Keith supplied.
“Yeah!”
Then Dan said, “You all right? You look preoccupied.”
“Oh, I just… It seems like I saw someone.”
“Well, then go say, hi,” Dan nudged him away.
Smoothing his robes, Keith crossed the vestibule. Standing at the door, a little uncertain looking, was Kevin Reardon.
“Hello.”
“Hello,” Kevin Reardon put on a smile. Or was it real? It seemed real, and relieved. He shook his hand.
“Nerves,” Kevin said. “You know? Coming to your estranged daughter’s graduation.”
“Well, she’s a wonderful girl,” Keith said. “In every way.”
They looked through the doors, to the class. From the back it was hard to tell Dena from everyone else, but Kevin swore he knew which one was her.
“Yes, she is,” he said.
“Don’t be afraid to go to her.”
Kevin nodded, and then he said, in a low voice, “I didn’t know you were a priest. Before.”
Keith shrugged, and preparing to depart said, “I may not be for long.”
“Oh.”
Kevin touched the hem of his robe.
“Yes?”
Kevin approached him.
“I’m in town tonight. Later on. If?”
Kevin let it hang. Keith felt himself rising. Felt himself pleasantly hot. And then there was a blast of organ music, and the fact that Tom had arrived to make everything right for some reason made him feel good and loose and longing for this and he said, in a happy whisper, “Yes. Yes.”


AFTER A MOMENT OF comparative silence, James finally said, “Out with it Noah.”
“Out with what?” said Noah. “Out with nothing. If you can be private, I can be private too.”
“Noah.”
“Don’t!” Noah said suddenly. “I don’t want to be Noahed. I don’t want… You really get on my nerves sometimes, you know that?”

“MY DAUGHTER USED TO love me,” Kevin said. “Until she found out too much.”
“She didn’t know about this?” Keith and Kevin were stretched out together in the bed.
“She knew, but she didn’t know everything,” Kevin told him. “She found out too much.”
“Do you have a lover?” Keith said. “You should.”
“I don’t. I have this. Every once in a while. When I can. That’s why I’m so hungry when I get it.”
“You should have a lover,” Keith said. “You’re so solid. And real.”
Kevin looked at him.
“Maybe it’s your Irishness. I don’t know. Irishmen are so solid.”
Keith was looking up at the ceiling, but his hand was going up and down Kevin’s chest, the hair along his thigh, back up again.
“McDonald.” Kevin said.
“It’s Scottish.”
“That’s the same thing only Protestant. And you’re a priest, so it makes you the same thing.”
Keith turned on his side and the bed moved with the weight of his body.
“I tried to give up men, you know? I tried to give up men and sex and found out I couldn’t and I didn’t want to.”
Kevin just looked at him, not knowing what to say.
“Say something,” Keith said. “What’s on your mind?”
Disappointingly, Kevin shrugged. “Just… I was thinking how bad it will be for you if you get caught. If you get caught by someone else beside Dena.”
“The getting caught doesn’t seem to matter. It doesn’t seem to stop anything.”
“No,” Kevin sat up again.
Kevin appeared to be thinking. He was frowning. Keith paid attention to the cleft in his chin.
“Do you want to do it again? I’d like to do it as much as possible before we have to go.”
“Yes,” Keith said. Then he said, “You’re not the one, are you?”
Kevin looked at him.
“I like it,” Keith said. “I like sex. Though it’s taken me a long time just to be able to say the word. When I was staying at the monastery, and this one monk, yes a monk, about my age, maybe a little older, came in, and he took off his clothes and his body was heavenly, no pun intended, from what I could see in the dark. I opened for him, there in the visitor’s bed. My legs were all around him and I was… open. And as he was fucking me I was looking up at his face. It was… stupid. So brutal sort of. And I knew it then. That maybe every time I’ve gone to bed with a man, no matter how much a part of me needed sex, another part of me hoped he was it. That he was the one. That’s why I knew I couldn’t be celibate, because I wanted the One. And as he shuddered, and his face changed, and I could feel him coming inside of me, I wondered if I had ever risked my life just in searching of the One.”
Kevin Reardon was looking at him the whole time becoming more and more visibly something like terrified.
He said, quickly, “No. I’m not the one.”
And then he added: “Do you still want me to fuck you?”
And Keith, having no time for resentment, said, “Yes.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

I don't know if Dena will ever forgive Kevin but at least he showed up at her graduation. I wonder what Noah's secret is? (Or is James the one with the secret? I am a bit confused.) Hopefully Keith is just having fun with Kevin and not going down a dark path. Great conclusion to the chapter and I look forward to more!

 

[ChrisGibson]

I heard a phrase the other day about someone, that they "turned over a new life.. sort of, well, part of a leaf." This is a good description of Keith. I would have loved to have made him different, but it just real that someone like him would change very much, very quickly. I would say he's as dark as ever, but he is a little less dark, like if you turned an almost dead flashlight on in a basement. As for Kevin, I think it's okay to assert that he is an endless pit of darkness who is terrified of love and unable to really give it or receive it. As for Dena, she is learning a very hard lesson, that people and parents are who they are, and you can't always forgive them, sometimes you have to forget them. It's almost impossible to do both.

 

[ChrisGibson]

CHAPTER
NINE

RULES OF LOVE AND SEX


Dan Malloy came into the house, collapsed at the kitchen table, and elbows splayed out on it, looked up, waiting for Fenn to come out of the living room.
“Welcome,” said Fenn.
Dan’s hair was uncut and shaggy, but he was in the usual black and his Roman collar. The last time Fenn had seen Dan out of these, they had been lovers.
“Coffee?”
“Get it yourself.”
“Fenn!”
“You come into my house, collapse across my table and… why do you look horrible?”
“End of the year.”
“The year’s over. The kids are graduated.”
“Yeah, but that just happened, and then there’s all the baptisms and there’s Pentecost coming up. And there’s Keith.”
“What about him, now?”
“Nothing about him now.” Then Dan said, “How much do you know about Keith?”
“He and Paul and Noah fucked each other in a porno.”
Paul blinked at him, startled.
“Or did you not know that?”
“I…” Dan began. “I knew that Keith had done that. But… To put it that way.”
“There isn’t any other way to put it,” Fenn said. “He’s not doing it again, is he?”
“No,” Dan said. “But he is thinking about leaving the Church.”
“You mean…” And then Fenn, who had poured the coffee stopped, because he didn’t know what Dan meant.
“He’s been going to the Episcopal church down the street.”
“Oh? I like Saint James.”
Dan looked at him, wounded.
“What? And you can get the cream and sugar yourself—” There was crying in the next room. “I have a child to attend to.”
Dan frowned and poured his sugar and cream into the cup, and when Fenn came back with Dylan, Dan said, “He’s a Catholic priest, thinking about leaving the Church.”
“He’s a man looking for a place where he can be himself. It makes sense.”
“But…”
“Don’t be a fool,” Fenn said, frowning.
“He didn’t say he wants to be an Episcopal priest. He just says he wants to be in the ministry for the rest of his life. He wants to be himself. And he keeps talking about the Lutheran retreat he read about.”
“Well,” Fenn said, paying more attention to the baby, “I don’t see what the problem is. Looks like he’s taking care of it. He wants to be himself. Wants to be with other men, maybe even have another man. The Episcopal Church has its problems, sure enough. Especially around here. But it makes sense. Isn’t that right?” he said to Dylan. “Isn’t that right?”
Dan said nothing for a while, and then Fenn looked up at him and said:
“Just because you decided that to serve God you had to be a celibate priest and never have love again, doesn’t mean everyone else does too.”
Neither one of them said anything for a stretch, and when Dan realized that Fenn was not going to make any move toward an apology, he tried to sooth him by saying: “You look real natural with that baby.”
“No,” Fenn said, rocking Dylan, “I doubt that.”


A few days ago Noah had said, “Some visitors are coming.” And then he added, “Is it all right?”
James had said that, of course, it was. Wasn’t this apartment really Noah’s anyway?
Then had come the whole, “No it’s ours, and you pay rent” and such and such, and Noah had been so strange about the visitor that James told Danasia: “I think it’s a pornstar.”
“I didn’t know they paid visits to each other,” Danny said.
James shrugged.
“It must be an interesting world,” Danasia commented. “Have you asked him anything about this person?”
“No, I doubt he’d want to talk about him.”
“I would ask,” said Danny. “You should ask.”
James looked at her. “Why don’t you?”
That shut her up.

So two Saturdays after graduation at Saint Barbara’s, the same Saturday that Dan Malloy had gone, frazzled, to Fenn Houghton’s house and received very little comfort, there was a knock at the door, and Noah said, “Casey’s here! I’ll get it.”
He was overly bright and overly happy and James simply nodded.
The door opened on a sort of all American guy, a little taller than Noah; blond, pale eyed, okay looking more than beautiful, who was wearing track pants and tee shirt with a bag over his shoulder. They embraced and crowed over each other, and then, ushering Casey into the house, Noah said:
“And this is my boyfriend—”
And Casey cried: “James!”
“Casey!”
Noah looked at James. James did not look embarrassed, or perplexed, but he looked surprised.
Noah looked from one to the other.
“You…. Know each other?”
“Aw, yeah,” Casey said, stepping forward to give James the closest thing his wiry arms could approximate to a bear hug. “Everyone knows Jamie!”

“Man! I’m bushed. Fucking bushed. I’ve been driving all night. Where can a guy get a shower?”
“In the bathroom,” James said archly. “You can even shit in it.”
“I just might have to do that,” Casey said. He shook his head. “Jamie, Good ole, Jamie! Can I go, Noah?”
Noah shook himself and said, “Eh… Yeah. Let me… I’ll get you towels, and you can go right in.”
“You can have Paul’s old room,” James said. “Noah was talking about us getting a smaller apartment when the lease runs out. But I say where would all the guests stay?”

The shower water was running, and over it Noah could hear Casey singing a little off key:

With the birds I’ll share the lonely view!
With the birds I’ll share this lonely viewwwww!

James, who was pacifically cooking breakfast, looked over to Noah who leaned against the entryway with his arms folded over his chest.
“You and Casey with your backward baseball caps,” James commented. “Looking like Americana. I wonder, is it only gay guys who do that? Do straight white folks do that anymore?”
“I don’t know,” Noah said, sounding a little surly.
“You,” James said, flipping an egg, “would like to know how I know Casey.”
“Well, yeah!”
James scooped the first egg onto a plate, cracked the second one asking: “Well, how do you?”
Eyes flashing, Noah said, “You know exactly how!”
Unaffected, salting the egg and then turning it over, James said, “Oh.”
Noah thought of stamping his foot, chose against it, walked out into the living room, and then came back again.
“You know, I tell you everything. I don’t have any secrets from you!”
“Yes,” James said. “Well, you have a natural need for confession that I don’t.” He smiled. “That’s what I like about you. Now set up plates for breakfast.”

 

[CharmedFan28]

A great to this new chapter! Hopefully Keith can find what makes him happy in life. I am glad that Noah and James can be so open with each other and still get on. Excellent writing and I look forward to more!