The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    To register, turn off your VPN; you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • Hi Guest - Did you know?
    Hot Topics is a Safe for Work (SFW) forum.

the sack cloth club

Andreus

Andreus

JUB 10k Club
In Loving Memory
Joined
Sep 17, 2004
Posts
20,444
Reaction score
19
Points
0
when do people change enough for you to think differently about them?

when does it matter?

is it right to hold a grudge?

for how long?

if someone wrongs you, do you think you need to hold them accountable forever?
 
Do not let the sun go down, on your anger.

Chronic anger merely poisons our own well being, and often leads to serious mental and physical illness.

If we are annoyed sufficiently by someone to become very angry, then best let time heal the division or accept that it is time to move ahead with other relationships.

The vendetta syndrome is best left to those whose self focus will so often doom them to self destruction.
 
When do people change enough for you to think differently about them? When they've taken care of their wreckage, made amends for their past mistakes, and accepted their responsibility for their own lives.

When does it matter? When it's someone who wants to be reincluded in your life; strangers and excised friends/family don't really matter.

Is it right to hold a grudge? No, it only hurts you and doesn't mean anything at all to the other person.

For how long? See above. Seriously, if you hold on to grudges and resentments, you only make yourself unhappy. How long do you want to be unhappy?

If someone wrongs you, do you think you need to hold them accountable forever? No. If he or she repents (in the Biblical sense... turns around completely... see answer 1) and at least tries to make amends, I might let him or her back in my life; but in general, toxic people are simply removed from my life and I don't deal with them anymore (see answer 2).

No one is accountable to me except me.
 
Robert~Marlénè said:
When do people change enough for you to think differently about them? When they've taken care of their wreckage, made amends for their past mistakes, and accepted their responsibility for their own lives.

When does it matter? When it's someone who wants to be reincluded in your life; strangers and excised friends/family don't really matter.

Is it right to hold a grudge? No, it only hurts you and doesn't mean anything at all to the other person.

For how long? See above. Seriously, if you hold on to grudges and resentments, you only make yourself unhappy. How long do you want to be unhappy?

If someone wrongs you, do you think you need to hold them accountable forever? No. If he or she repents (in the Biblical sense... turns around completely... see answer 1) and at least tries to make amends, I might let him or her back in my life; but in general, toxic people are simply removed from my life and I don't deal with them anymore (see answer 2).

No one is accountable to me except me.
Click to expand...

carrie fischer said that resentment is one of the only emotions that is meant to hurt others but, in the end, only hurts yourself and is entirely toxic for that reason

ehh

i made my list... its the "except when to do so" part that is hard to figure sometimes
 
I tend to hold onto a lot of resentment I have for people who have wronged me. I try hard to forgive and forget but I really don't think it's in my nature to. The best thing I can do is forget the person ever existed and get on with my life. Can be quite tricky when I run into them on the street but I have trained myself to see right through them, as if they were a ghost.
 
I think it's unhealthy not to hold people accountable for their actions. I'd rather be resentful than pretend as though everything is fine when it isn't.
 
I forgive and forget... if they have made an effort to change. I'm not one to hold grudges either.
 
I'm at a loss to explain it, but the further I distance myself from anything presenting itself as "Christian", the more forgiveness I find in my heart. I don't hold grudges anymore. I've learned to let things go -at least more than I used to.

(But I still think Mike Nifong should be hung up by his thumbs...)
 
I have the opposite problem. When I have a contretemps with another individual, I tend to blame myself. It's sometimes a long time before I recognize that it was the other person's fault.

I only have 3 people on my Lifetime Hate List. One of them is dead and one has moved out of town. The other one, unfortunately, I see at least a couple of times a week, and it doesn't take much for me to start hating him again.

But hey, it keeps the blood circulating.
 
I tend to 'forgive and forget' with those who've wronged me at one time or another.

Except for Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. I closed the door on them years ago when they fired Tom Landry.

You just don't fire Tom Landry. No sir.

Well... there is also Joe Quesada. What he's doing to Marvel Comics is beginning to border on unforgivable.
 
Andreus said:
when do people change enough for you to think differently about them?

when does it matter?

is it right to hold a grudge?

for how long?

if someone wrongs you, do you think you need to hold them accountable forever?
Click to expand...

#1
Whenever such change is substantial enough for me to warrant my thinking differently about them.

A formerly 'good friend' of mine, who used to be an all around nice dude and a pleasure to hang out with, started being completely self-centered and almost pathologically selfish.

He gets an E-mail from me, if he sends me one, too. Other than that nothing. Zilch. Nada. And we used to be close buddies. He is welcome back anytime he changes his present shitty attitude.

#2
It matters only if my interests are potentially being hurt. If not, this a free world, do as you please, but do not step on my toes.

#3
I never hold a grudge. If someone tried to wrong me, I always show him the way how to make up for his fault. It is up to him to do it or not do it. I simply move on. Sooner or later some of these guys somehow need something from one of my informal networks... guess what happens?

#4
I am very prone to forgiving, if proper action was taken on the part of the wrongdoer. I will however, never forget. Forgetfulness is not in my nature. And it really gives a fully new meaning to the term 'repeated offenders'.

#5
I do not have any statute of limitations that would expire at some point of time. So, waiting alone is fully useless. You are always accountable for your deeds and you must always take the corrective action to right the wrong. If you don't, you'll have to live with that. I am fine, anyway.

SC
 
well my last relationship ended over a year ago, it lasted 7 years and was with a woman. I knew she was fairly selfish, but I thought I loved her and itdidn't really bother me too much as we had fun together. She always told me that she loved me and she would always be there for me. We lived in the south of england and I am from scotland so all my family are there. Anyway while we were still together my father suddenly took ill and I had to rush to scotland to be at his death bed, he died soon after I arrived. Well she "my girlfriend" at the time refused to give me her support and didn't come to scotland to comfort me, or attend the funeral, even when I told her that I wanted her there. I felt betrayed after all she said to me " I'lll always be there for you" well she wasn't , the only time I suppose I really needed her support.
We weren't the same after that and split up soon after. I will never forgive her. Am I wrong to be angry and to never forgive her?

Your comment will be valued and appreciated.
 
I hated and resented my (abusive) father for about the last 30 years . He had a stroke a couple of years ago; I forgave him on his deathbed. It was a very powerful experience and was the right thing to do even though he was still a dirt bag and had not changed nor was he repentant. There are 2 things to note about forgiveness. Firstly, it's something you do for yourself. Secondly, you do it on your time schedule (kind of like coming out).
 
thanks for all the honest answers guys

hugs
 
I hold a grudge, and hold someone accountable, until I get even. Then I have no problems with the person. I don't just forget about anything.
 
My grandfather was an alcoholic and abusive father who was never there for his children, either emotionally or economically...

When his liver started giving out, he moved in with us and me and my mother took care of him during that summer, until I went back to college. He went to the hospital after that and died soon after.

The funny thing was that I did not learn about all of my grandfather's "adventures" until much later, when I was older. I did not even think it was strange that we would visit him at the bar, and he always smelled of cheap beer...
I thought he was funny and his friends were funny.

My mother kept all the drama from us until we were older. And still took care of him...

That is forgiving someone, and in my mind, to this day the measure of a true Christian...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top