ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
Good to hear. Oddly enough, since I'm a teacher, its summer vacation, so... from lockdown to summer.
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The Skin of Things: A Sort of Love Story
- Thread starter ChrisGibson
- Start date
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
WITH ITS FAIR SHARE OF BUMPS, DONOVAN AND CADE'S NEW LIFE BEGINS
The following Sunday, Donovan saw a car driving too fast up the street, and it swung into a spot before their building, and then out hopped someone and there was a knock at the door.
“That’s Simon’s car,” Cade said, and the two of them went down to answer the door.
Simon shouted. “I just got back into town. I wanted to see you all.”
Cade looked to Donovan.
“Why….” Donovan began, while Simon was still clinging to him, “don’t you just come inside and have a cup of coffee?”
“Yeah,” Simon nodded. “Yeah… I… we need to talk.”
Over their heads, Cade looked at Donovan with a question on his face, but Donovan said. “Yes, Simon. We absolutely should.”
“I wasn’t right,” Simon said. “I wasn’t right to you, Cade. But, I want to be a right person. I want to be right.”
Whatever Cade wanted, and whatever would have been normal, Don decided Simon should stay with them. Simon slept on the couch in the three season room, and when Cade led Don away, like the lover that he was, they kissed in his room—their room now—with the door open, and then stripped in candlelight and held each other. Black and white, long and short, they tangled their limbs together, and like baby animals, lay down to sleep.
In the nighttime forest they walked together, and Don thought how much clearer his vision was in the night, like a cat’s, but how much clearer it was even now than ever before, and Cade walked beside him, marveling at how the wood was so pristine it was almost like a movie set, not entirely real. Above them, beyond the trees, the moon was high and full and white and almost so close they could touch it.
It was even as Cade said this, that Donovan said, “We’re together, you know?”
Cade blinked at him, but said nothing.
“We’re having the same dream,” Donovan said.
“How do you know?” Cade said, at last.
It was a fair question, but Donovan only said, “I know.”
As they walked in the grasses, beyond the woods, Donovan thought the land was familiar and he said, “Cade, my dear? Do you notice something? Does something look…familiar?”
“No,” Cade started, then he said, “Well… yes.”
They were on a sloping hill, and it went down to a lowland and the lowland went to the river, and Cade was looking hard at it when Donovan said, “But…. It’s out street. With no street, no hospital. That lowland… That’s the school. And there is the river, and all that wood on the other side…. That should be Roosevelt Street.”
“Yes,” Cade said “Yes, that’s it.”
That’s always it, a voice said beyond them, and Donovan did not even turn to see the woman. She met them.
“You’re no mermaid,” Cade said.
She laughed, and Cade said, “It’s only… you are like her. Like them.”
“They aren’t the only things, you know?” she said. “Just like you aren’t the only things.”
Donovan said nothing but tried to take in the whole of her, only it was not just her. Where there had been trees… or rather now they were seeing the trees, were women, all in lithe bark, their hair hanging with leaves and branches, their faces old, some sad, some amused, some smooth, some puckered like bark. The woman before them said, “All of the praying, the singing, the candle lighting, the music, the magic… You will be tempted to think it does no good.”
Neither Cade nor Donovan said anything.
“It is good,” she said. “It does good. It lights the way back home.”
Donovan woke on his back, his mouth dry, his back sore, grey light coming into the room. He pushed himself out of bed, and went to the closet to pull a sheet over Cade before pulling on a housecoat that was much too warm at this time of year.
Don went into the restroom, and then came back to bed. Cade was already half awake and Don said, “You’ve got work.”
“I’m not going,” Cade said. “I hate it, and life is too short, and…”
And then, narrowing his eyes, Cade said, “It does good.”
“What?” Don said.
“Don,” Cade said, “It does good.”
Don screwed his face up, and then he said, his eyes widening, “It lights the way back home.”
Cade only kissed him, quickly, and then he sprang up, pulled on his shorts and went to the restroom. He came back, pulling off his shorts and climbing under the sheet. Only now, as they pulled themselves together, they heard Simon shuffling around, going into the bathroom, and Don said, “I will clean that place today. It’s getting a lot of use.”
As they chuckled, the toilet flushed, water ran, and then there was a heavy silence, and the two of them turned as, tall and narrow, Simon came into their room. He pulled off his black jockeys and climbed into the bed with them, pulling the covers over himself as well.
It’s for rent you know?” Donovan says.
“What?”
“The house,” Don says. “You know, the one we saw the other day.”
“You’re really obsessed with that place.”
“A little,” Don allows. “I pass it every day. I mean, I walk past it on purpose.”
“And how much is the house a month?”
“I think seven forty… with utilities.”
“You think very precisely.”
“I might have asked.”
Cade was quiet for a moment, and then he scratched his beard.
“What is the attraction of the house?”
“Do you hate it that much?”
“I don’t hate it,” Cade said, “I just don’t get why you love it.”
“Fine,” Donovan said, crashing on the sofa. “I have always had this fantasy… about a house. And that house fits it.”
Cade jammed his hands in his pockets and looked at Donovan.
“It’s got lots of rooms. Lots of people could live there.”
Cade narrowed his eyes.
“You always liked to be alone.”
“I did,” Donovan said. “You’re right. You’re not wrong. But ever since you moved in, we haven’t been alone. And then Simon is here, and then Suzie is here, and then your friend Andrew stayed over last weekend.”
“We need to talk about that?”
“Which part of it?”
“Mainly the Simon part,” Cade said, “because we need our life. You and me, Don.”
“Well, yes,” Donovan said. “I suppose you’re right.”
“You suppose?” Cade said. “Remember when we first met? The first time I introduced you to Simon? What you said. What I said? And you suppose? After the nonsense we’ve been through?”
The very first morning, after Simon came into the bed, he slept on one side of Don and Cade on the other, and gently, Simon and Cade began to make love to him. Cade was not going into work, and in this moment after everything had happened, he shrugged off caring. In the early morning, Simon went from one to the other, riding Don and then Cade. They exchanged kisses and lovemaking and passed in and out of orgasm.
After showering they didn’t speak of it, and when Simon decided to go into work they didn’t talk about the night with each other. Simon stayed in his apartment the following night. All of Andrew’s visit nothing had happened, but after he left, Simon happened again, and there was a strange pleasure Don took in lying on his back being ridden by Simon, and then watching Simon do the same to Cade, open mouthed. Don took a surprised joy in being part of the sex life Cade and Simon had, the one Cade always hid from him. He enjoyed watching Cade fuck his ex lover and then, overcome by the shivering fire of lust, fucking Simon himself.
“I didn’t know you minded.”
“You don’t?” Cade said.
“I don’t really know,” Donovan said. “The first time… But the first times I had sex at all, I didn’t know how I felt. I was unsure. And when you would tell me things about what you and Simon did, I was unsure too, so, I don’t know how to feel, or how I actually feel, and it’s like it’s too much energy pretending to be incensed or angry or trying to stop something that… it seems like we both enjoy.”
“Don,” Cade said, “what I would enjoy is us making a life for ourselves.”
“Me too,” Donovan said. “I just don’t think that means making a life at the exclusion of other people.”
“So you’re saying you want to keep fucking Simon.”
“That,” Donovan said, “is not what I said.”
“Then we need to think about our actions a little,” Cade said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Don said nothing. Whatever he said would have sounded sarcastic.
“Do you need a ride to Harrison in the morning?” Cade asked.
“I’d like that,” Don said.
“You look hot like that,” Don says, coming behind Cade, straightening his tie.
“I need a hair cut.”
“I like it when that one bob of hair kind of falls right between your eyes.
“I hate this job.”
“Come with me to Harrison. Work with kids again. You can still wear khakis and a nice shirt.”
Cade frowned into the mirror and Donovan said, “You’re handsome when you frown, but I still prefer you happy.”
“Don.”
“Yes.”
“I want you to stop fucking Simon. I want Simon out of our bed. I don’t want him to be part of you and me.”
“Alright.”
“You’re the one I want straightening my tie and holding me when I go to sleep. Alright? I don’t want to share my boyfriend anymore.”
“That’s all you needed to say.”
Cade’s face did not change, but he squeezed Don’s hand, and then he said, “Let’s go to work.”
MORE THURSDAY
The following Sunday, Donovan saw a car driving too fast up the street, and it swung into a spot before their building, and then out hopped someone and there was a knock at the door.
“That’s Simon’s car,” Cade said, and the two of them went down to answer the door.
Simon shouted. “I just got back into town. I wanted to see you all.”
Cade looked to Donovan.
“Why….” Donovan began, while Simon was still clinging to him, “don’t you just come inside and have a cup of coffee?”
“Yeah,” Simon nodded. “Yeah… I… we need to talk.”
Over their heads, Cade looked at Donovan with a question on his face, but Donovan said. “Yes, Simon. We absolutely should.”
“I wasn’t right,” Simon said. “I wasn’t right to you, Cade. But, I want to be a right person. I want to be right.”
Whatever Cade wanted, and whatever would have been normal, Don decided Simon should stay with them. Simon slept on the couch in the three season room, and when Cade led Don away, like the lover that he was, they kissed in his room—their room now—with the door open, and then stripped in candlelight and held each other. Black and white, long and short, they tangled their limbs together, and like baby animals, lay down to sleep.
In the nighttime forest they walked together, and Don thought how much clearer his vision was in the night, like a cat’s, but how much clearer it was even now than ever before, and Cade walked beside him, marveling at how the wood was so pristine it was almost like a movie set, not entirely real. Above them, beyond the trees, the moon was high and full and white and almost so close they could touch it.
It was even as Cade said this, that Donovan said, “We’re together, you know?”
Cade blinked at him, but said nothing.
“We’re having the same dream,” Donovan said.
“How do you know?” Cade said, at last.
It was a fair question, but Donovan only said, “I know.”
As they walked in the grasses, beyond the woods, Donovan thought the land was familiar and he said, “Cade, my dear? Do you notice something? Does something look…familiar?”
“No,” Cade started, then he said, “Well… yes.”
They were on a sloping hill, and it went down to a lowland and the lowland went to the river, and Cade was looking hard at it when Donovan said, “But…. It’s out street. With no street, no hospital. That lowland… That’s the school. And there is the river, and all that wood on the other side…. That should be Roosevelt Street.”
“Yes,” Cade said “Yes, that’s it.”
That’s always it, a voice said beyond them, and Donovan did not even turn to see the woman. She met them.
“You’re no mermaid,” Cade said.
She laughed, and Cade said, “It’s only… you are like her. Like them.”
“They aren’t the only things, you know?” she said. “Just like you aren’t the only things.”
Donovan said nothing but tried to take in the whole of her, only it was not just her. Where there had been trees… or rather now they were seeing the trees, were women, all in lithe bark, their hair hanging with leaves and branches, their faces old, some sad, some amused, some smooth, some puckered like bark. The woman before them said, “All of the praying, the singing, the candle lighting, the music, the magic… You will be tempted to think it does no good.”
Neither Cade nor Donovan said anything.
“It is good,” she said. “It does good. It lights the way back home.”
Donovan woke on his back, his mouth dry, his back sore, grey light coming into the room. He pushed himself out of bed, and went to the closet to pull a sheet over Cade before pulling on a housecoat that was much too warm at this time of year.
Don went into the restroom, and then came back to bed. Cade was already half awake and Don said, “You’ve got work.”
“I’m not going,” Cade said. “I hate it, and life is too short, and…”
And then, narrowing his eyes, Cade said, “It does good.”
“What?” Don said.
“Don,” Cade said, “It does good.”
Don screwed his face up, and then he said, his eyes widening, “It lights the way back home.”
Cade only kissed him, quickly, and then he sprang up, pulled on his shorts and went to the restroom. He came back, pulling off his shorts and climbing under the sheet. Only now, as they pulled themselves together, they heard Simon shuffling around, going into the bathroom, and Don said, “I will clean that place today. It’s getting a lot of use.”
As they chuckled, the toilet flushed, water ran, and then there was a heavy silence, and the two of them turned as, tall and narrow, Simon came into their room. He pulled off his black jockeys and climbed into the bed with them, pulling the covers over himself as well.
It’s for rent you know?” Donovan says.
“What?”
“The house,” Don says. “You know, the one we saw the other day.”
“You’re really obsessed with that place.”
“A little,” Don allows. “I pass it every day. I mean, I walk past it on purpose.”
“And how much is the house a month?”
“I think seven forty… with utilities.”
“You think very precisely.”
“I might have asked.”
Cade was quiet for a moment, and then he scratched his beard.
“What is the attraction of the house?”
“Do you hate it that much?”
“I don’t hate it,” Cade said, “I just don’t get why you love it.”
“Fine,” Donovan said, crashing on the sofa. “I have always had this fantasy… about a house. And that house fits it.”
Cade jammed his hands in his pockets and looked at Donovan.
“It’s got lots of rooms. Lots of people could live there.”
Cade narrowed his eyes.
“You always liked to be alone.”
“I did,” Donovan said. “You’re right. You’re not wrong. But ever since you moved in, we haven’t been alone. And then Simon is here, and then Suzie is here, and then your friend Andrew stayed over last weekend.”
“We need to talk about that?”
“Which part of it?”
“Mainly the Simon part,” Cade said, “because we need our life. You and me, Don.”
“Well, yes,” Donovan said. “I suppose you’re right.”
“You suppose?” Cade said. “Remember when we first met? The first time I introduced you to Simon? What you said. What I said? And you suppose? After the nonsense we’ve been through?”
The very first morning, after Simon came into the bed, he slept on one side of Don and Cade on the other, and gently, Simon and Cade began to make love to him. Cade was not going into work, and in this moment after everything had happened, he shrugged off caring. In the early morning, Simon went from one to the other, riding Don and then Cade. They exchanged kisses and lovemaking and passed in and out of orgasm.
After showering they didn’t speak of it, and when Simon decided to go into work they didn’t talk about the night with each other. Simon stayed in his apartment the following night. All of Andrew’s visit nothing had happened, but after he left, Simon happened again, and there was a strange pleasure Don took in lying on his back being ridden by Simon, and then watching Simon do the same to Cade, open mouthed. Don took a surprised joy in being part of the sex life Cade and Simon had, the one Cade always hid from him. He enjoyed watching Cade fuck his ex lover and then, overcome by the shivering fire of lust, fucking Simon himself.
“I didn’t know you minded.”
“You don’t?” Cade said.
“I don’t really know,” Donovan said. “The first time… But the first times I had sex at all, I didn’t know how I felt. I was unsure. And when you would tell me things about what you and Simon did, I was unsure too, so, I don’t know how to feel, or how I actually feel, and it’s like it’s too much energy pretending to be incensed or angry or trying to stop something that… it seems like we both enjoy.”
“Don,” Cade said, “what I would enjoy is us making a life for ourselves.”
“Me too,” Donovan said. “I just don’t think that means making a life at the exclusion of other people.”
“So you’re saying you want to keep fucking Simon.”
“That,” Donovan said, “is not what I said.”
“Then we need to think about our actions a little,” Cade said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Don said nothing. Whatever he said would have sounded sarcastic.
“Do you need a ride to Harrison in the morning?” Cade asked.
“I’d like that,” Don said.
“You look hot like that,” Don says, coming behind Cade, straightening his tie.
“I need a hair cut.”
“I like it when that one bob of hair kind of falls right between your eyes.
“I hate this job.”
“Come with me to Harrison. Work with kids again. You can still wear khakis and a nice shirt.”
Cade frowned into the mirror and Donovan said, “You’re handsome when you frown, but I still prefer you happy.”
“Don.”
“Yes.”
“I want you to stop fucking Simon. I want Simon out of our bed. I don’t want him to be part of you and me.”
“Alright.”
“You’re the one I want straightening my tie and holding me when I go to sleep. Alright? I don’t want to share my boyfriend anymore.”
“That’s all you needed to say.”
Cade’s face did not change, but he squeezed Don’s hand, and then he said, “Let’s go to work.”
MORE THURSDAY
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
Well it has been a long day but I am here and commenting. I am glad Cade and Donovan can be honest about what they really want. They are starting to want to just be with each other and good for them. That was some great writing and I look forward to more in a few days!
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
Forgot to say I hope you enjoy your summer vacation!
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
I did have the feeling you were having a long day, and I always appreciate your support and comments. This vacation (which has been going on since March and in the midst of a quarantine) is certainly, certainly interesting. Luckily, it's given me a lot of time for working on writing. I thought Don are together, but they still need to make the burps and hiccups of finding out how to be together, which includes knowing what to give up and how traditional they're going to be.
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
N I N E
“We have a lifetime...”
- Donovan Shorter
“You’re too much,” Ezekiel crooned. “You’re too much.”
Don laughed lightly, but said, “You were the one who brought me back here.”
“Because you’re too much,” Ezekiel turned over in bed, and kissed him.
“I’m moving across town,” Don said, “to live with my father.”
“How is he? What’s that like?”
“It’s like more space,” Don said, as he sat up and bed and ran a finger over Ezekiel Ander’s chest, as Ezekiel reached up to kiss him. “It’ just him as that house, and I was only supposed to stay with my stepfather a while. It’s closer to the college I want to go to, and… I can come and go as I please.”
Ezekiel pulled Donovan’s face to him and kissed him.
“You can come to me.”
“Yes.”
“You can come to me,” Ezekiel repeated, pulling Don down for another kiss.
“You can come to me.”
Ezekiel leapt up so that now he knelt over Don, and as he leaned down to hiss him, Don’s hands ran down his sides, caressed his ass.
“You’ve made a criminal out of me.”
“You’re not a criminal,” Donovan said, “Unless sodomy’s still illegal in Indiana. In which case, we’re criminals no matter what.”
“I’m an outlaw,” Ezekiel said theatrically, trusting his arms out.
“If bad acting is a crime,” Don said, turning around under him, then yes.”
Ezekiel smacked his ass and Don yelped. But then Ezekiel kissed him up and down and they ran their hands across each other until Ezekiel took him in his mouth. They took each other together, thighs wrapped about shoulders, swallowing as much of each other as they could, both shuddering and sighing, stroking, stopping to kiss until they were exhausted.
“That’s it,” Ezekiel vowed. “Things are better when Kirk’s not here. I’m definitely getting my own apartment.”
-“Do you want children?” Donovan asked, and Cade said, “Well, that’s an odd question.”
“Not really,” Donovan said. “It’s considerate. I mean, you make children’s songs. You love daycares. It seems like you’d want kids.”
“I could say the same thing about you.”
“It’s not an accusation.”
“I know,” Cade said while they sat smoking in the bedroom.
“It’s just that I’m not getting any younger.”
“Stop that.”
“No. I’m forty and getting older by the day, so if you want a kid this is the time to discuss it.”
“I almost had a kid,” Cade said.
“Huh?”
“I almost had a kid.”
On the bed, Donovan folded his legs under him and ashed his cigarette, looking at Cade.
And then Cade began to talk about the pastor for the first time in a long time, and about his mother finding Jesus, and about being molested, and he went through the story quickly, eyes unfocused.
“After I burned my Bible, I started to do every rebellious thing I could. Except that I couldn’t be with guys. He had fucked me up. So I started sleeping with girls. That’s how I got Ashley pregnant.”
“Only she didn’t have it,” Donovan said. “Or she miscarried.”
“If by miscarried you mean I asked my dad to fork over the money so I could pay for an abortion, then yes, she miscarried.”
Donovan thought of saying many things, most of them about himself and why hadn’t he ever been told and what else was Cade keeping from him, and one by one they sounded selfish and stupid.
Instead, Donovan said, “But does that mean you don’t want kids now?”
“Do you?” Cade almost snapped.
“Not really,” Donovan said. “But in this life, there’s so much we think we don’t want, and then we get it and know it’s a blessing. It’s hard to measure life by what you want at the moment. If you wanted it, then I suppose I would too.”
“That’s very Catholic. Sort of.”
“Well….” Donovan didn’t know what to say.
“If you had gotten a girl pregnant…?” Cade began.
“I wouldn’t have. When I was that age I didn’t feel very gay, but I didn’t feel very straight, either,” Donovan said. “And besides, sex outside of marriage would have been a sin in the eyes of the Church, and I was all about the Church back then.”
“But if you had?”
“It’s so far from me. Ifs don’t matter.”
“Humor me,” Cade said.
“Fine,” Don said.
“If you had gotten a girl pregnant, would you have done what I did?”
“I have no idea.”
“Of course you do.”
“I really don’t know. I never had to face that.”
“But you just said that things you don’t want can be a blessing, so humor me again and take a guess.”
“That’s a lot of ifs.”
“Please stop fucking with me and please stop stalling.”
“Then no,” Donovan said. “For someone who has never been close to impregnating a woman, on just a lucky guess, no I would not have done what you did.”
They were quiet and then Donovan said, “I don’t know what the point of that was.”
“Just to know how you felt. You’re my… you’re Don.”
“Can’t I not feel any way? Can’t I just say your decision was your decision? That the past is in the past? Can’t I just not have a… judgment?”
“No,” Cade said.
“Why not?”
“Because you’re my boyfriend.”
They lay side by side in their bed, the snow blowing over the roof above them and whistling at the windows. Donovan finally stood up to close the thick curtains and then returned to bed and Cade said, “You haven’t said much.”
“I never say much at night.”
Cade moved his long body about in the bed.
“You’re still determined to not have an opinion.”
“Are we still talking about that?”
“Yes,” Cade said. “A little.”
“I feel like I gave you my opinion, and I feel like you’re punishing me,” Don said. “But for something you did. And a you that was a long time ago.”
“It wasn’t even ten years ago.”
“It wasn’t yesterday.”
They didn’t speak and then finally Donovan turned on his side and said, “Would you do it again?”
“Not the way I did it then.”
Then Donovan said, “I think you were a real asshole. I think… if you were one of my girlfriends I would understand it. But it seems like you didn’t give her a chance. It seems like you were just running away from your responsibility.”
“There!” Cade sat up. “There is the opinionated Don I know.”
“You asked,” Donovan said, tonelessly.
“I asked, and I wanted to know and I wanted you not to pretend you didn’t think anything. How could you not think anything when you’re always thinking about right and wrong? And what I did… Well, what I did was wrong.”
“It was the way you did it,” Donovan said. “Please tell me that… No… I know you wouldn’t do it that way again.”
“Everything about me was different. I know she hated me. She must hate me to this day. You know, I never offered to help. I never asked her how she felt. I had to tell you. There’re so many things about myself that… Well…”
“Cademon, I don’t know that person. I don’t know the you who would do that.”
“You do, Don,” Cade said. “That person is me.”
“I think,” Don said, almost right away, though he was silent a while after that, “that who you are is who you decide to be.”
“Do you think you’d ever want to make a baby with me.”
“I think I’m forty, and I think I don’t really want children, and I think it’s impossible for two men to make a baby.”
“It’s just,” Cade said, lying back down in the covers, touching Don, “once I did that. Once I made a baby, and here I am in love with you and we both love kids and… I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either,” Donovan said, letting Cademon Richards wrap his arms around him, leaning into the warmth of him, surrendering to sleep.
“How did it end?
“End?” Donovan said while they were eating lunch. Now that he remembers, this was three days before he met Cade Richards.
“How did we end?” Ezekiel Anders asked. There was grey in his hair which made Don wonder, if he didn’t shave his hair every few days, would there be grey in his too? After all, Ezekiel wasn’t that much older. Brian Vaughn, whom Ezekiel had never met, was older than them both.
“I don’t think it was with a bang,” Ezekiel continued. “It must have been with a whimper.”
“We didn’t end,” Don had differed while he slowly moved a fry through ketchup. “We changed. Into what we are now.”
“Then why didn’t we change into marriage?” Ezekiel said. “Permanence.”
“That’s on you,” Donovan told him. “It’s on you, and I don’t blame you. You had to have a career and to get that tenure you have to go where you have to go, to get those grants you’ve got to do the same. And I was in college, and well, if I had been a woman, or the type of man with nothing to do, I suppose I could have followed you all over the country, and then to Europe, but that wasn’t possible.”
“Or practical,” Ezekiel said with a sigh.
He placed his hand lightly over Don’s.
“Well, how’s that Brian?”
“You ask like you’re merely interested, but I feel like you think he’s competition.”
“Isn’t he?”
“He’s just like you. He’s around sometimes, and then mostly he’s gone.”
“And you?” Ezekiel had turned Don’s hand over and brushed the center of Don’s palm with his thumb.
“I’m just like me,” Don said. “So I’m fine.”
They went back to Don’s apartment.
“It’s like home,” Ezekiel said. “It always feels like coming home. Who would have known when I met a boy just turned seventeen that he’d be this wise man—?”
“Wise is a bit much—”
“With this beautiful home.”
Ezekiel’s bags were in the living room. He’d come two days ago and never put them away. They hadn’t stopped making love and didn’t stop now, in that bed, legs stretching, hands grasping, toes curling, limbs linking together. The sun was bright that day, and Ezekiel’s lovemaking was as strong as Don’s desire. He felt as if, toward the end of that afternoon, they were both disappearing into the twinkling light of the springtime sun, melting.
“Did I ever tell you,” Ezekiel said, bending down so that Don saw his hair was still bright, even though paler, “that my grandmother was a palm reader?”
“That sounds like a lot of bullshit.”
“Yes, yes, mostly likely,” Simon brushed it aside, his finger running along the lines of Don’s palm.
“But I predict for you someone coming, someone who is going to be the one. The one.”
“I don’t believe in a the one.”
Ezekiel looked at Don, his blue eyes serious.
“You should,” he said. “You were my one. Only I was too busy being Dr. Anders to know it.”
“I hate my job. I hate what my life has become. It’s gone back to being what it was. I was never so happy as when I was with those kids, playing guitar, giving them juice, dancing around being free and making them laugh.”
“That’s when I fell in love with you,” Donovan said. “When I saw you lift a kid up in your arms and laugh, I literally wanted to go to bed with you. I—”
“I love you so much,” Cade says the same time Donovan says it, and neither of them looks at each other.
“It took care of the pit,” Cade says “There was a pit in me. I…”
“Hum?”
“I don’t really want to go into it right now,” Cade said as the light turned green.
“I’m not ashamed or… anything. It’s just too long of a story to tell right now.”
Donovan said, “We have a lifetime to tell it.”
AND WHEN WE RETURN AFTER THE WEEKEND, THE CONCLUSION OF: THE SKIN OF THINGS
“We have a lifetime...”
- Donovan Shorter
“You’re too much,” Ezekiel crooned. “You’re too much.”
Don laughed lightly, but said, “You were the one who brought me back here.”
“Because you’re too much,” Ezekiel turned over in bed, and kissed him.
“I’m moving across town,” Don said, “to live with my father.”
“How is he? What’s that like?”
“It’s like more space,” Don said, as he sat up and bed and ran a finger over Ezekiel Ander’s chest, as Ezekiel reached up to kiss him. “It’ just him as that house, and I was only supposed to stay with my stepfather a while. It’s closer to the college I want to go to, and… I can come and go as I please.”
Ezekiel pulled Donovan’s face to him and kissed him.
“You can come to me.”
“Yes.”
“You can come to me,” Ezekiel repeated, pulling Don down for another kiss.
“You can come to me.”
Ezekiel leapt up so that now he knelt over Don, and as he leaned down to hiss him, Don’s hands ran down his sides, caressed his ass.
“You’ve made a criminal out of me.”
“You’re not a criminal,” Donovan said, “Unless sodomy’s still illegal in Indiana. In which case, we’re criminals no matter what.”
“I’m an outlaw,” Ezekiel said theatrically, trusting his arms out.
“If bad acting is a crime,” Don said, turning around under him, then yes.”
Ezekiel smacked his ass and Don yelped. But then Ezekiel kissed him up and down and they ran their hands across each other until Ezekiel took him in his mouth. They took each other together, thighs wrapped about shoulders, swallowing as much of each other as they could, both shuddering and sighing, stroking, stopping to kiss until they were exhausted.
“That’s it,” Ezekiel vowed. “Things are better when Kirk’s not here. I’m definitely getting my own apartment.”
-“Do you want children?” Donovan asked, and Cade said, “Well, that’s an odd question.”
“Not really,” Donovan said. “It’s considerate. I mean, you make children’s songs. You love daycares. It seems like you’d want kids.”
“I could say the same thing about you.”
“It’s not an accusation.”
“I know,” Cade said while they sat smoking in the bedroom.
“It’s just that I’m not getting any younger.”
“Stop that.”
“No. I’m forty and getting older by the day, so if you want a kid this is the time to discuss it.”
“I almost had a kid,” Cade said.
“Huh?”
“I almost had a kid.”
On the bed, Donovan folded his legs under him and ashed his cigarette, looking at Cade.
And then Cade began to talk about the pastor for the first time in a long time, and about his mother finding Jesus, and about being molested, and he went through the story quickly, eyes unfocused.
“After I burned my Bible, I started to do every rebellious thing I could. Except that I couldn’t be with guys. He had fucked me up. So I started sleeping with girls. That’s how I got Ashley pregnant.”
“Only she didn’t have it,” Donovan said. “Or she miscarried.”
“If by miscarried you mean I asked my dad to fork over the money so I could pay for an abortion, then yes, she miscarried.”
Donovan thought of saying many things, most of them about himself and why hadn’t he ever been told and what else was Cade keeping from him, and one by one they sounded selfish and stupid.
Instead, Donovan said, “But does that mean you don’t want kids now?”
“Do you?” Cade almost snapped.
“Not really,” Donovan said. “But in this life, there’s so much we think we don’t want, and then we get it and know it’s a blessing. It’s hard to measure life by what you want at the moment. If you wanted it, then I suppose I would too.”
“That’s very Catholic. Sort of.”
“Well….” Donovan didn’t know what to say.
“If you had gotten a girl pregnant…?” Cade began.
“I wouldn’t have. When I was that age I didn’t feel very gay, but I didn’t feel very straight, either,” Donovan said. “And besides, sex outside of marriage would have been a sin in the eyes of the Church, and I was all about the Church back then.”
“But if you had?”
“It’s so far from me. Ifs don’t matter.”
“Humor me,” Cade said.
“Fine,” Don said.
“If you had gotten a girl pregnant, would you have done what I did?”
“I have no idea.”
“Of course you do.”
“I really don’t know. I never had to face that.”
“But you just said that things you don’t want can be a blessing, so humor me again and take a guess.”
“That’s a lot of ifs.”
“Please stop fucking with me and please stop stalling.”
“Then no,” Donovan said. “For someone who has never been close to impregnating a woman, on just a lucky guess, no I would not have done what you did.”
They were quiet and then Donovan said, “I don’t know what the point of that was.”
“Just to know how you felt. You’re my… you’re Don.”
“Can’t I not feel any way? Can’t I just say your decision was your decision? That the past is in the past? Can’t I just not have a… judgment?”
“No,” Cade said.
“Why not?”
“Because you’re my boyfriend.”
They lay side by side in their bed, the snow blowing over the roof above them and whistling at the windows. Donovan finally stood up to close the thick curtains and then returned to bed and Cade said, “You haven’t said much.”
“I never say much at night.”
Cade moved his long body about in the bed.
“You’re still determined to not have an opinion.”
“Are we still talking about that?”
“Yes,” Cade said. “A little.”
“I feel like I gave you my opinion, and I feel like you’re punishing me,” Don said. “But for something you did. And a you that was a long time ago.”
“It wasn’t even ten years ago.”
“It wasn’t yesterday.”
They didn’t speak and then finally Donovan turned on his side and said, “Would you do it again?”
“Not the way I did it then.”
Then Donovan said, “I think you were a real asshole. I think… if you were one of my girlfriends I would understand it. But it seems like you didn’t give her a chance. It seems like you were just running away from your responsibility.”
“There!” Cade sat up. “There is the opinionated Don I know.”
“You asked,” Donovan said, tonelessly.
“I asked, and I wanted to know and I wanted you not to pretend you didn’t think anything. How could you not think anything when you’re always thinking about right and wrong? And what I did… Well, what I did was wrong.”
“It was the way you did it,” Donovan said. “Please tell me that… No… I know you wouldn’t do it that way again.”
“Everything about me was different. I know she hated me. She must hate me to this day. You know, I never offered to help. I never asked her how she felt. I had to tell you. There’re so many things about myself that… Well…”
“Cademon, I don’t know that person. I don’t know the you who would do that.”
“You do, Don,” Cade said. “That person is me.”
“I think,” Don said, almost right away, though he was silent a while after that, “that who you are is who you decide to be.”
“Do you think you’d ever want to make a baby with me.”
“I think I’m forty, and I think I don’t really want children, and I think it’s impossible for two men to make a baby.”
“It’s just,” Cade said, lying back down in the covers, touching Don, “once I did that. Once I made a baby, and here I am in love with you and we both love kids and… I don’t know.”
“I don’t know either,” Donovan said, letting Cademon Richards wrap his arms around him, leaning into the warmth of him, surrendering to sleep.
“How did it end?
“End?” Donovan said while they were eating lunch. Now that he remembers, this was three days before he met Cade Richards.
“How did we end?” Ezekiel Anders asked. There was grey in his hair which made Don wonder, if he didn’t shave his hair every few days, would there be grey in his too? After all, Ezekiel wasn’t that much older. Brian Vaughn, whom Ezekiel had never met, was older than them both.
“I don’t think it was with a bang,” Ezekiel continued. “It must have been with a whimper.”
“We didn’t end,” Don had differed while he slowly moved a fry through ketchup. “We changed. Into what we are now.”
“Then why didn’t we change into marriage?” Ezekiel said. “Permanence.”
“That’s on you,” Donovan told him. “It’s on you, and I don’t blame you. You had to have a career and to get that tenure you have to go where you have to go, to get those grants you’ve got to do the same. And I was in college, and well, if I had been a woman, or the type of man with nothing to do, I suppose I could have followed you all over the country, and then to Europe, but that wasn’t possible.”
“Or practical,” Ezekiel said with a sigh.
He placed his hand lightly over Don’s.
“Well, how’s that Brian?”
“You ask like you’re merely interested, but I feel like you think he’s competition.”
“Isn’t he?”
“He’s just like you. He’s around sometimes, and then mostly he’s gone.”
“And you?” Ezekiel had turned Don’s hand over and brushed the center of Don’s palm with his thumb.
“I’m just like me,” Don said. “So I’m fine.”
They went back to Don’s apartment.
“It’s like home,” Ezekiel said. “It always feels like coming home. Who would have known when I met a boy just turned seventeen that he’d be this wise man—?”
“Wise is a bit much—”
“With this beautiful home.”
Ezekiel’s bags were in the living room. He’d come two days ago and never put them away. They hadn’t stopped making love and didn’t stop now, in that bed, legs stretching, hands grasping, toes curling, limbs linking together. The sun was bright that day, and Ezekiel’s lovemaking was as strong as Don’s desire. He felt as if, toward the end of that afternoon, they were both disappearing into the twinkling light of the springtime sun, melting.
“Did I ever tell you,” Ezekiel said, bending down so that Don saw his hair was still bright, even though paler, “that my grandmother was a palm reader?”
“That sounds like a lot of bullshit.”
“Yes, yes, mostly likely,” Simon brushed it aside, his finger running along the lines of Don’s palm.
“But I predict for you someone coming, someone who is going to be the one. The one.”
“I don’t believe in a the one.”
Ezekiel looked at Don, his blue eyes serious.
“You should,” he said. “You were my one. Only I was too busy being Dr. Anders to know it.”
“I hate my job. I hate what my life has become. It’s gone back to being what it was. I was never so happy as when I was with those kids, playing guitar, giving them juice, dancing around being free and making them laugh.”
“That’s when I fell in love with you,” Donovan said. “When I saw you lift a kid up in your arms and laugh, I literally wanted to go to bed with you. I—”
“I love you so much,” Cade says the same time Donovan says it, and neither of them looks at each other.
“It took care of the pit,” Cade says “There was a pit in me. I…”
“Hum?”
“I don’t really want to go into it right now,” Cade said as the light turned green.
“I’m not ashamed or… anything. It’s just too long of a story to tell right now.”
Donovan said, “We have a lifetime to tell it.”
AND WHEN WE RETURN AFTER THE WEEKEND, THE CONCLUSION OF: THE SKIN OF THINGS
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
That was a great portion! I am liking where this story is ending up and the big conversations Cade and Donovan are having. Have a great weekend and I look forward to the conclusion in a few days!
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
I'm glad you've been enjoying the book, especially all of the conversations, because in a way that's what they do is have these big conversations with each other. Innfact, this is the main attraction between them and they way they express love. Yes, they are sexually attracted, but the attraction if majorly between these two people who can talk to each other and have this life of the mind.
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
DONOVAN
It is entirely too cold today. You have to take it on faith, or by the calendar, that spring is almost here. Cade drops me off in the circle before the school, and it’s nice to be back at a sane place. I kiss him quickly, and he grasps my hands.
“What are you doing for lunch?” I ask.
“Quitting,” Cade says.
I blink. I’m thinking about laughing, but he nods and says, “Seriously. Quitting.”
“I have lunch at twelve, so could you quit by eleven thirty?”
We eat soup and sandwiches in the empty classroom.
“Never underestimate the joy of hot soup in a warm room while you watch the cold world outside,” Cade says as he lifts the thermos to his lips.
He sings, “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way…”
“This is an ongoing theme, and I feel like where you are going is Harrison. If you don’t mind working with me.”
“Can I tell you something?” Cade says.
“Please.”
“That was my fantasy. You and me. A little kindergarten. You’d be the teacher, I would be your assistant. Or vice versa, or we’d be co teachers. I dunno. Something. And I would sing songs to the kids and we’d pass out cookies and juice and everyone would talk about how the two probably gay guys down the hall had the best classroom, and then at lunch we’d climb in the car and get high. Possibly fuck, and then go back and get the kids.”
“We’d be the happiest teachers in the school.”
“Exactly.”
“What the hell is that?”
I follow Cade’s gaze out to the hall where two women and a man are quickly marching out tiny children to cars and buses
“That, my dear Cademon, may be your destiny.”
“This is where someone else who liked to give me advice would tell me we should go to the office and ask about a job.”
“I don’t believe in giving advice.”
“I know you don’t.”
“But we are stopping by the main office, right?”
The halls are carpeted, quiet, and empty. I look around the corner, and then open a little door to a side bathroom, pull Cade in, and kiss him quickly, pulling his face to mine, pressing my fingers through his hair. I press Cade’s forehead to my own.
“Together?” I ask.
“Always,” says Cade.
Cade looks around the very clean bathroom. “School bathrooms are so nice and accommodating.
“Do you remember?” he says.
“A series of poor choices that led to us right now? Yes, I remember.”
Why are people like that? Cold? Unloving? Selfish?
Not all people.
No, but many.
Because people are afraid.
Let’s never be afraid again.
That is a tall order.
Of each other.
Still a tall order.
But we can try.
Oh, yes. We can always try.
Will you sing me songs?
All the time. For the rest of you life.
What kind of songs?
Oh…oh, my love, all sorts of songs.
DONOVAN
This is the first day when it has warmed up, when you do not freeze standing outside. This morning, I have been with the children, and it is time for a lunch that is going to last far too long. I wander down the steps and down the long hall past the third grades and the second grades, to the first grades and even past the kindergartens to the preschool. I am hearing his singing I see him sitting in the chair, cradling the guitar he plays and singing:
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack
All dressed in black, black, black
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back.
The first time I heard it, Ella Jenkins sang it, and I always assumed Mary Mack was Black. I still do. So assumed it, I was surprised when it came out of Cade’s mouth for the first time, and he was surprised that I knew it. We sang it together, and even now I sing it outside of the door, as he looks up at me and smiles, and they keep singing.
She asked her mother, mother, mother
For 50 cents, cents, cents
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants
Jump over the fence, fence, fence.
They jumped so high, high, high
They reached the sky, sky, sky
And they didn't come back, back, back
'Til the 4th of July, ly, ly!
“Time for lunch!” Cade stands up and sings, and the kids wail, “No. No!”
“I’m going to walk you to lunch, but if you guys aren’t quiet, you won’t hear my song. Don’t you want to hear my song?”
They do, and as Cade lines them up, he sings:
“Love each other.
Love each other
The world’ll be better
If we love each other
all the time!”
Cade walks at the head of little children, and I walk beside him, and we drop them off in the cafeteria and then turn around, heading back down the empty hall to the empty classroom.
“This,” I say, facing him, “is always exactly what I pictured.”
Cademon Richards wraps his arm about my waist, and presses his head to mine.
He whisper sings:
“We should all love each other.
Love each other
The world’ll be better
If we love each other all the time!”
He kisses me lightly.
“All the time,” I reply. “All the time.”
THIS CONCLUDES THE SKIN OF THINGS. WARM DARK STONE, THE CONTINUATION OF THE STORY OF CADE AND DONOVAN IS CURRENTLY BEING WORKED ON AND WILL BE POSTED IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE. TOMORROW WE WILL BEGIN A NEW TALE AND MEET NEW PEOPLE, BUT FOR NOW, THIS PARTICULAR TALE IS DONE.
It is entirely too cold today. You have to take it on faith, or by the calendar, that spring is almost here. Cade drops me off in the circle before the school, and it’s nice to be back at a sane place. I kiss him quickly, and he grasps my hands.
“What are you doing for lunch?” I ask.
“Quitting,” Cade says.
I blink. I’m thinking about laughing, but he nods and says, “Seriously. Quitting.”
“I have lunch at twelve, so could you quit by eleven thirty?”
We eat soup and sandwiches in the empty classroom.
“Never underestimate the joy of hot soup in a warm room while you watch the cold world outside,” Cade says as he lifts the thermos to his lips.
He sings, “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way…”
“This is an ongoing theme, and I feel like where you are going is Harrison. If you don’t mind working with me.”
“Can I tell you something?” Cade says.
“Please.”
“That was my fantasy. You and me. A little kindergarten. You’d be the teacher, I would be your assistant. Or vice versa, or we’d be co teachers. I dunno. Something. And I would sing songs to the kids and we’d pass out cookies and juice and everyone would talk about how the two probably gay guys down the hall had the best classroom, and then at lunch we’d climb in the car and get high. Possibly fuck, and then go back and get the kids.”
“We’d be the happiest teachers in the school.”
“Exactly.”
“What the hell is that?”
I follow Cade’s gaze out to the hall where two women and a man are quickly marching out tiny children to cars and buses
“That, my dear Cademon, may be your destiny.”
“This is where someone else who liked to give me advice would tell me we should go to the office and ask about a job.”
“I don’t believe in giving advice.”
“I know you don’t.”
“But we are stopping by the main office, right?”
The halls are carpeted, quiet, and empty. I look around the corner, and then open a little door to a side bathroom, pull Cade in, and kiss him quickly, pulling his face to mine, pressing my fingers through his hair. I press Cade’s forehead to my own.
“Together?” I ask.
“Always,” says Cade.
Cade looks around the very clean bathroom. “School bathrooms are so nice and accommodating.
“Do you remember?” he says.
“A series of poor choices that led to us right now? Yes, I remember.”
Why are people like that? Cold? Unloving? Selfish?
Not all people.
No, but many.
Because people are afraid.
Let’s never be afraid again.
That is a tall order.
Of each other.
Still a tall order.
But we can try.
Oh, yes. We can always try.
Will you sing me songs?
All the time. For the rest of you life.
What kind of songs?
Oh…oh, my love, all sorts of songs.
DONOVAN
This is the first day when it has warmed up, when you do not freeze standing outside. This morning, I have been with the children, and it is time for a lunch that is going to last far too long. I wander down the steps and down the long hall past the third grades and the second grades, to the first grades and even past the kindergartens to the preschool. I am hearing his singing I see him sitting in the chair, cradling the guitar he plays and singing:
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack
All dressed in black, black, black
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back.
The first time I heard it, Ella Jenkins sang it, and I always assumed Mary Mack was Black. I still do. So assumed it, I was surprised when it came out of Cade’s mouth for the first time, and he was surprised that I knew it. We sang it together, and even now I sing it outside of the door, as he looks up at me and smiles, and they keep singing.
She asked her mother, mother, mother
For 50 cents, cents, cents
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants
Jump over the fence, fence, fence.
They jumped so high, high, high
They reached the sky, sky, sky
And they didn't come back, back, back
'Til the 4th of July, ly, ly!
“Time for lunch!” Cade stands up and sings, and the kids wail, “No. No!”
“I’m going to walk you to lunch, but if you guys aren’t quiet, you won’t hear my song. Don’t you want to hear my song?”
They do, and as Cade lines them up, he sings:
“Love each other.
Love each other
The world’ll be better
If we love each other
all the time!”
Cade walks at the head of little children, and I walk beside him, and we drop them off in the cafeteria and then turn around, heading back down the empty hall to the empty classroom.
“This,” I say, facing him, “is always exactly what I pictured.”
Cademon Richards wraps his arm about my waist, and presses his head to mine.
He whisper sings:
“We should all love each other.
Love each other
The world’ll be better
If we love each other all the time!”
He kisses me lightly.
“All the time,” I reply. “All the time.”
THIS CONCLUDES THE SKIN OF THINGS. WARM DARK STONE, THE CONTINUATION OF THE STORY OF CADE AND DONOVAN IS CURRENTLY BEING WORKED ON AND WILL BE POSTED IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE. TOMORROW WE WILL BEGIN A NEW TALE AND MEET NEW PEOPLE, BUT FOR NOW, THIS PARTICULAR TALE IS DONE.
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
That was a great conclusion! I am glad that there is a continuation but this was a good ending for this part of the story. Excellent writing and I look forward to a new story tomorrow! I hope you are having a nice weekend!
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I do have a have a sort of assignment for you. See, I loved this story and a lot went into it. I've hardly gotten to discuss it, so I want you to leave me three questions about it, and I'll get back to you with the answers.
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
Will we learn more about Cade and Donovan's childhoods? Where are their parents? How long ago did you write The Skin Of Things?
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
I love all of these questions. More will be revealed about Cade's childhood and family in the new story. Donovan's childhood we won't go through so much, as his present and what's been going on with him in the last two years. There will be some surprises. We will meet Donovan's mother and his cousins and there will be some surprises there. For the first time we will meet Cade's mom, dad, brother and his sister we only saw for a moment and discover what he was running away from and the whole legacy of some of the stuff from the first book. And the two of them will come to terms with the very question of why their lives were so sort of isolated in the first story and you never saw the family. Of course Donovan's mother was briefly in the first one, but Donovan doesn't really have mommy and daddy issues. Cade does, and that's primarily what will be dealt with in the new story.
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO WRITE: It's an awfully short story that took an awfully long time to write. it didn't come together right away like some. Two years ago in May, I started writing it after a trip to the beach.I was thinking about a porn i had seen about this beach vacation and i was thinking about preschool teacher at my school and the secret lives of people who we don't really think of having secret lives. Cade looks very innocent on the outside, right? So I started working on it but got stopped and did some other things, but really felt compelled to work on it more and I became convinced that I would have to make a trip to the beach to be able to finish the book. So after a few months of being too poor to do this I traveled to Chicago, but came back with the first ideas for the Old, which I told myself to back bench until I finished The Skin of Things. It was revised, alot. I mean, a lot. The rough draft of the sequel had a quicker incubation time and was written in the first weeks of lockdown before Easter.
CharmedFan28
JUB Addict
Thanks for answering those questions! It was very interesting to hear your answers and I look forward to the next story in this series!
ChrisGibson
JUB Addict
Me too! Have a great evening, Matt.