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The Thin Red Line

  • Thread starter Thread starter Marvels
  • Start date Start date
M

Marvels

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I've got a not so loony question. How the hell do you tell when a guy's into you or if he's just incredibly, incredibly friendly?

Most of everyone in my course knows that I'm into dudes, but I still hang out with straight guys for the most part since I'm more comfortable with 'em. What confounds me is that some of them (well, this guy I really, really like), seem to enjoy being physically close to me (as in sit beside me so I can show you my new cellphone).

I shrug if off because at that time I was close to his girlfriend, but come on! The guy's hand lingers on yours when he gives you a high five! (Yeah, I liked it)

In my comic shop, I also met a guy who pretty much ran after me to introduce himself after we had a three way conversation with the store owner who was my friend.

So, question be asked, because my gaydar isn't worth shit.

Me is confuzzled.
 
I'm in the exact same boat as you are. I mostly hand around straight guys and some of them don't mind my hands all over them (I'm not that gropey, though). This, of course, confuses the hell out of me, too.

Now, I've never had a guy run after me or "flirt" with me (I'm very bad at picking that up, BTW), so my only advice to you is... well... I have none.

I'm as stumped as you are there. :(
 
I have no idea, because I'm just like that, too...I guess just keep hanging out with him or them and see if there's more and more evidence...
 
We should make a club.

Gay Men Annoyed Indefinitely and Ludicrously.

I seriously hate mixed signals.
 
I don't have enough info to give you an answer, but I do know that physical touch, by itself, doesn't mean anything. All humans, men included, need and enjoy physical touch, and if you're a man, a hearty hug, a pat on the back, a slap on the ass, or a half-nelson are all ways of fulfilling that need without getting into "gay" territory.
 
Nurlan2 said:
I don't have enough info to give you an answer, but I do know that physical touch, by itself, doesn't mean anything. All humans, men included, need and enjoy physical touch, and if you're a man, a hearty hug, a pat on the back, a slap on the ass, or a half-nelson are all ways of fulfilling that need without getting into "gay" territory.
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Yeah, definitely. I've kicked my friends asses enough times to figure that out. What annoys me is when they go from the usual butt-slapping to holding my hand like I was an eighteen year old girl.
 
saahilkhan17 said:
hey guys not only u.... but al of us hang out with straight guys... n v r attracted to our own sex.... so wat i see is i behave normally with straight guys n be their gud frnds n wen someone like me comes up i talk my attitude n i see if we match if we get wel i date him....

v r normal pple too... i think thr is nothing to get confused... jus be normal guys... know wat u want n who is that u want...
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Friendship with straight guys isn't the issue - - the issue is what crosses the line between friendship and a closeted persona (aside from your friend suddenly kissing you that is).
 
Marvels said:
Yeah, definitely. I've kicked my friends asses enough times to figure that out. What annoys me is when they go from the usual butt-slapping to holding my hand like I was an eighteen year old girl.
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That would be a little weird if you were in the United States. I don't know what the cultural norms are like where you're from.
 
Nurlan2 said:
That would be a little weird if you were in the United States. I don't know what the cultural norms are like where you're from.
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I'm fairly certain that it's weird in any culture. On a related note, there really aren't any major differences between your culture and ours - - seeing as how your country colonized us (not to sound bitter or anything) :)
 
Marvels said:
I'm fairly certain that it's weird in any culture. On a related note, there really aren't any major differences between your culture and ours - - seeing as how your country colonized us (not to sound bitter or anything) :)
Click to expand...
Culture in this context is basically how most others expect you to behave. That doesn't mean all people behave that way.

The guys you describe probably pick up on the fact that you're receptive to contact. It doesn't have to mean that they're gay.
 
To take advice from my dad (and me): get rid of the hints and take action. Ask him out for dinner or lunch. Ask for a way to contact them.

Ok, more back story. My stance is that reading into "hints" doesn't work. i.e. guy sitting close to you, what does it mean ? You'd like to think it means something but it may not mean anything. Maybe where he grew up personal space was almost 0, so it's okay to invade it. My dad's stance is to take action. My dad is a genious at this, I am not ... I wish I'd learn. He is blind to the hints and he unashamedly pushes for what he wants. Sometimes it's good sometimes it's not (for others), but it gets him what he wants. i.e if he was gay he'd talk to the guys and ask their number or a way to meet them again, subtly or not so subtly, but with no fear what so ever about being seen as gay or misunderstanding anything or whatever. When I confront him with the possibility of the risks, his words are "and so what ? " As in, no pain no gain. There is a risk of embarrassement or misunderstanding, but then there is a benefit of getting the guy.

So I guess this means, screw the red line ! Push your way across it and see. It takes a certain personality and attitude to do this. Not all people are able to do this all all the time though. Some people can for short periods of time when they really want to get someone. If you don't have this or can't master it , the only other way I know is to talk to the guy for an extended period of time or to meet them a few times to feel them out. This requires you to see them often though, and it sounds like with your guy friend you do. With the store guy you may have to ask him if he works there or not and what places he goes to. Say you're going to a gay bar later and invite him -- name the bar by name. Most likely straight guys will have no clue of a bar by that name, but gay guys will most likely know. That will give you a clue when gaydar is off :)
 
I'd say, Chrisdobro has got it right.

If you have a premonition that a dude might be interested, you want to cross the red line ever so subtly and test the waters. Coffees, movies at home with pizza and beer. 'Gee, dude, I have just recently made my first BI or m2m experience, whatever'.

Do not bang the Big Gay Thing on his head. Leave that bit out. Gee, you were fooling and experimenting around. Never drop any names and promise utmost and absolute discretion.

And you'll be surprised that a number of guys will give it a try, once or twice...

SC
 
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