The trials of a Long term relation

[NYClover54]

So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year and a half. He's starting again to go through this stage where hes questioning himself whether or not he wants a relationship. He said that he's putting into this relationship more then I have and that he was talking about going on break to speak to other people, have a 3 some, etc. I REALLY want this relationship to continue because in all honesty, I really think he's the one. He just makes me happy in ways no other human being has made me happy before. He says that I take him for granted but I don't I really don't. I could see myself living with him for the rest of my life if things continue. He really is "it". Any advice

 

[Clozer]

Well, from what limited information you gave, here's what I can come up with:

You need to have a conversation with him.

This conversation will discuss how he feels he puts in more work and you "don't".

You may think you don't take him for granted, but you just might be. He thinks it, so you have to find a solution to that problem.

And to do that, it requires conversation about what you can do to meet him halfway. Every relationship is a two-way street, or at least should be.

Sometimes we don't see ourselves what others may see. So our opinions of ourselves can be skewed.

I noticed you said he's going through this stage again. This MAY be proof of his statement that he feels he puts in more work, because perhaps he feels you aren't meeting him halfway, which could be discouraging him.

Like I said, you need to have a talk with him and sort out the issues and find resolutions.

The only person that can help you with this is yourself.

I hope my opinion can lead you to the door!

:]

 

[NYClover54]

Some more info. He says I get made at him when he has fun, that i'm a buzz kill, I'm rude, immature, and other things among that. I've already changed a lot but I guess he wants more.

 

[Seasoned]

^Wow! He has a lot of complaints and has told you he wants a break. He thinks you're a buzz kill. Two questions comes to mind. What's his drinking like and does his behavior change when he's drinking?

The bottom line, no matter what the issue or who's the problem, people do walk away from relationships no matter how much the partners wants them to stay. He has to want to stay. If he gets to that point I'd push for couple's counseling.

Best wishes.

 

[cynicus]

Reminds me of the old saw about marriage: "I love you just the way you are. Now change!"

 

[NYClover54]

I saw him the other day and he said that even if we aren't together we are taking my sister out for drinks when she turns 21. He said we most likely won't be together by then which is 4 years from now. What should I think ?

 

[Just_Believe18]

Your boyfriend is making bizarre statements of the finality of this relationship. There's a lot of information we don't know here. You are not commenting about yourself other than that "you've changed." What were you like before? What things have you done in your relationship that makes your boyfriend feel he has given 100% to you with little in return? Have you spoken to him how much you appreciate him? When was the last time you surprised him and did something genuinely good for him? Sometimes you have to show a person how much you love them, not just tell them. There is clearly a disconnect in communication for him to be acting like the relationship is over and you feel like he is "the one."

 

[hylas]

i dont know whos "at fault" here or what the hell is going on, but this sounds like its not working at all.

 

[TX-Beau]

Your BF who "makes you happier than anyone else" is calling you names while telling you he's going to go out and have a threesome without you?

What's the other side of this - something is missing.

 

[Rolyo85]

Yeah, I'm also confused. What's the part that makes you happy?