"They deserve a pipe up their butt."

[G-Lexington]

Just thought I'd share a story with you.

Without going into detail, part of my job involves people sending me their work for me to judge. Some people send me physical mail, but these days, it's more common to receive them via e-mail. I got one such e-mail yesterday. It was a "cold call" - I didn't know the artist at all. But these were the first two sentences of the e-mail.

"(Person semi-well-regarded in the industry) said 'If Lex and those guys don't like this one, they deserve a pipe up their butt.' And I very much agree."

Only then does he introduce himself and explain what he's sending.

And yeah, that sort of offended me. There's some latent homophobia there, but the real annoying part was "if you don't like this, something's wrong with you." Is that any way to make me like your work? Am I actually going to listen to it and think "Well, I don't like it, but apparently two people think if I don't, I deserve a pipe up my butt, so I guess it IS good, really"? So I gave it some thought, and wrote back to him. This was my entire response.

"I'm gay. I dunno - I might like a pipe up my butt."

What followed was three or four straight e-mails back from him, which could be basically summed up thusly: "Uh, I don't know if he meant it as a good thing. Not that it might not be good. For you, I mean. Um, you know, whatever. Live and let live. I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry if I offended you."

To which I said (to myself) "That's right - squirm, you little weasel. Squirm."
But which I responded, "None taken."

Lex

 

[hughmc]

Lex, I think you handled that with poise and dignity and a big set of balls. Let the opinionated homophobe squirm inside that pipe he offered, Good for you, Lex

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I'll admit I can sometimes be quite naive... but I didn't necessarily read the "pipe in the butt" as directly being a GAY slur. Just a typical bravado/macho statement from an ignorant straight guy trying to act tough in general, and trying to feel like he's got a smidgeon of control in a situation he clearly does not.

I did, however find him posting that comment to you HIGHLY unprofessional.

Especially if he's relying on your judgement of his work to further his career.

To me, that's like going into an interview and telling your future employer if he didn't hire you, he needed a pipe in his butt.

'If Lex and those guys don't like this one, they deserve a pipe up their butt.' And I very much agree."

To me, him saying "Lex and those guys", and "they deserve a pipe..." isn't singling you out. Unless everyone in your office is gay????

Just my opinion, and how I read it. RUDE? Yes. Unprofessional? Very much so. A personal attack on your sexuality??? .... eh? I'm not really seeing it?

 

[fetaby]

Nice.

Few weeks ago, wedding reception for one of the few girls to make it out of the small town... Random guy telling a story drops "faggot" out of the blue. I say, " It happens like that sometimes... "

Five minutes later he's giving me that same, "I'm sorry man, I didn't know. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to offend you, blah blah blah..."

I say, " If everyone thought before they talked, we probably not have much to talk about."

 

[hotdog1846]

"Uh, I don't know if he meant it as a good thing."

Isn't it fun to watch a bozo try to recover when they've said something really stupid?

 

[undisclosed1234]

Just thought I'd share a story with you.

Without going into detail, part of my job involves people sending me their work for me to judge. Some people send me physical mail, but these days, it's more common to receive them via e-mail. I got one such e-mail yesterday. It was a "cold call" - I didn't know the artist at all. But these were the first two sentences of the e-mail.

"(Person semi-well-regarded in the industry) said 'If Lex and those guys don't like this one, they deserve a pipe up their butt.' And I very much agree."

Only then does he introduce himself and explain what he's sending.

And yeah, that sort of offended me. There's some latent homophobia there, but the real annoying part was "if you don't like this, something's wrong with you." Is that any way to make me like your work? Am I actually going to listen to it and think "Well, I don't like it, but apparently two people think if I don't, I deserve a pipe up my butt, so I guess it IS good, really"? So I gave it some thought, and wrote back to him. This was my entire response.

"I'm gay. I dunno - I might like a pipe up my butt."

What followed was three or four straight e-mails back from him, which could be basically summed up thusly: "Uh, I don't know if he meant it as a good thing. Not that it might not be good. For you, I mean. Um, you know, whatever. Live and let live. I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry if I offended you."

To which I said (to myself) "That's right - squirm, you little weasel. Squirm."
But which I responded, "None taken."

Lex

Everyone has their line i suppose but if the guy meant nothing wrong by it why enjoy making him squirm? Why is he a weasel and what does that give you, and what does that accomplish for "gay causes everywhere"?

From something I read recently and really enjoyed "not everything in the world is about you being gay".

I get being offended or pissed at the word "gay" being used as a catch-all synonym for bad things but this, I don't know. I would have read that as a form of physical pain (they can go fuck themselves/ they can gouge out their eyes) before I would have read it homophobia but again, different lines, different folks, whatever.

That's just me.

 

[fetaby]

I'll admit I can sometimes be quite naive... but I didn't necessarily read the "pipe in the butt" as directly being a GAY slur. Just a typical bravado/macho statement from an ignorant straight guy trying to act tough in general, and trying to feel like he's got a smidgeon of control in a situation he clearly does not.

I did, however find him posting that comment to you HIGHLY unprofessional.

Especially if he's relying on your judgement of his work to further his career.

To me, that's like going into an interview and telling your future employer if he didn't hire you, he needed a pipe in his butt.

'If Lex and those guys don't like this one, they deserve a pipe up their butt.' And I very much agree."

To me, him saying "Lex and those guys", and "they deserve a pipe..." isn't singling you out. Unless everyone in your office is gay????

Just my opinion, and how I read it. RUDE? Yes. Unprofessional? Very much so. A personal attack on your sexuality??? .... eh? I'm not really seeing it?

Allow me to illuminate.

 

[G-Lexington]

Actually, I'm positive it wasn't an attack on my sexuality. It was only after I wrote back and said "I'm gay" that he suddenly started backtracking and apologizing. If he had said it specifically because he DID think I was gay, I don't see why me responding in such a way would cause him to go back on that.

I consider the comment (as you said) macho bravado, with the only homophobia being the casual sort from the idea that equates "getting something up the butt" as...well, not sure. Punishment? Something undesirable? Something in there. And yes, most assuredly an exceptionally stupid thing to share.

Lex

 

[blackbeltninja]

Could it be a case of bad colloquialism?

The saying "he has a stick up his ass" means someone is a bit stiff and pompous and pretentious even. Could it be that these guys had simply and wrongly mixed a metaphor?

-d-

 

[BearBoi]

So...

Did you like his work or not? Climax the story, dammit!

Because, if you don't like his work, he will probably just say, "Dammit, I know my shit is great, that fag just got offended by my joke and decided to be a dick. Stupid fags!"

Personally, I'd have stuck with what you wrote here:

Only then does he introduce himself and explain what he's sending.

The real annoying part was "if you don't like this, something's wrong with you." Is that any way to make me like your work? Am I actually going to listen to it and think "Well, I don't like it, but apparently two people think if I don't, I deserve a pipe up my butt, so I guess it IS good, really"?

That struck me as insightful constructive criticism which might actually help him in the long run. The whole, "I'm gay, I might like that" was kind of low-brow. Sorry. I'm not trying to offend.

I was once given a very valuable piece of constructive criticism about writing, and it has stuck with me all these years. It just seems like a wasted teaching/learning experience, in favour of a kind'a lame one-liner.

 

[Sam Blum]

There is an enormous difference between the expression "he has a stick up his arse," and suggesting that someone ought to have a pipe shoved up his arse. It is patently clear and obvious that the latter expression is one of extraordinarily ingrained homophobia: The use of batons of one variety or another being forced up the arse has been used to domineer and kill men perceived as homosexual (and, of course, other men) throughout the ages. To try to normalize it is to submit to the notion that language laden with such violence is acceptable and is thus to internalize homophobia. It is beyond my belief that anyone could possibly genuinely misinterpret that expression as non-homophobic, non-violent or unintentionally threatening. The use of closure is, at the best of times, dominating, but to employ the device with such aggression (as this expression denotes) is totally unacceptable. This, men, is not about making an elephant from an ant - it is about standing up to language designed to subordinate and threaten - and specifically language that abuses queer people. God I'm sick of people denying the obvious as a means to avoid any kind of confrontation - even the theoretical kind!

I do note, too, that it is not uncommon for male visual artists to engage in such language and cannot help but wonder if it is some kind of strategy to deflect any predictable suggestions that they themselves are other than straight, as even now artistry is often seen as less than masculine in many arenas.

 

[barnbuddy]

sadly, I think among themselves, str8 people often use homophobic remarks as punch lines.

and if you object, your too "sensitive",

but they will apologize

but to the str8 folk, you're still the one with the "problem"

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Did you like his work or not? Climax the story, dammit!

It ended up being "just OK." Not bad, not great.

>>>That struck me as insightful constructive criticism which might actually help him in the long run. The whole, "I'm gay, I might like that" was kind of low-brow. Sorry. I'm not trying to offend. I was once given a very valuable piece of constructive criticism about writing, and it has stuck with me all these years. It just seems like a wasted teaching/learning experience, in favour of a kind'a lame one-liner.

I've posted over 30,000 times on this website, and you still haven't noticed my near-addiction for kinda lame one-liners?

The thing is - I think I DID teach him. Had the conversation ended with my witticism, yeah, it may have been nothing more than a quick ha-ha. But, as I said, he kept the e-mails coming, and I had to write back to critique his work. And the critique wasn't just "PASS/FAIL". I pointed out what I liked, and what I thought needed more work. I don't think I needed to explain his misstep at that point. I think the one-liner got the point across - "think about what you're saying" - without having to get polemic about it. At which point we could move on to the ostensible point of the e-mail.

>>>I do note, too, that it is not uncommon for male visual artists to engage in such language and cannot help but wonder if it is some kind of strategy to deflect any predictable suggestions that they themselves are other than straight, as even now artistry is often seen as less than masculine in many arenas.

Be that as it may, these people weren't visual artists. I think his main problem isn't having issues with his masculinity so much as just being rather green.

Lex

 

[GL]

i think you handled it well.

you put the onus on him and his back peddling proves to me he learned his lesson.

had it been me i would hope i handled it like you had.

regardless i would have instructed my tachikoma to upload a nasty virus to cripple his computer but not before taking all of his pertinent, personal information and have him set up through section 9 as a fall guy for some outrageous crime.

you know, 'cause payback's a bitch.