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Think I messed up and I don't know why??

D

didgee

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I'm a 25 year old closet male with a 4 year old child, I have never told anyone that i am gay and never felt the need to. I met a guy a while ago who is two years younger than me, on a web site for gay men, we chatted on line for a while and we really got on, it turned out that we worked at the same place, but in different area's. I really liked this guy but I got too nervous and told him that I left and moved onto another company, when infact I was still in the same job. Recently i saw him on the bus into work and avoided getting noticed, but I realised what I was missing out on, he is a really good looking guy and I contacted him online and told him the truth about everything, he was fine about it and we added each other on a well known networking website, he told me to talk to him next time I saw him, I promised I would. Now he doesn't want to talk to me, I contacted him on the networking web-site and sent him instant messages and he does not reply, I really don't know what i have done, I sent him an email tonight just saying that i don't know what I have done but I am sorry whatever it is, he give me a kick up the ass to apply for a job that I wanted to apply for that I didn't think I would even get an interview for, and I did apply for it and I have an interview soon. I don't want to come across as stalking him so I am going to leave him alone now but i was hoping to meet for a coffee in work and have chat, I have even told a really close friend that I like this guy so I must have it bad for him. what do I do guys??? please help
 
Will you be working in the same department, if you get the job?

I'm no expert here, I think you should give him sometime to himself, I mean you really don't know what you did to upset him or stop talking to you.
 
Hi didgee,

I'm no expert in the ways of love, but...

He asked you to talk to him next time you see him. You seem to be doing a lot of email stuff. Just make it a point to bump into him. If he says get out of here or if it seems uncomfortable... wish him all the best. But, he may say lets go get some coffee.

I'm not sure how helpful this is... good luck!(*8*)
 
pocono said:
He asked you to talk to him next time you see him. You seem to be doing a lot of email stuff. Just make it a point to bump into him. If he says get out of here or if it seems uncomfortable... wish him all the best. But, he may say lets go get some coffee.
Click to expand...
Great advice. Let us know what happens!

(*8*)
 
Next time you see him, call out to him by name, give him a big honest smile and say I'm ........ glad to finally meet you in person. Then let the pieces fall into place as they will.

Gosh sakes people, why can't we all just be honest and open with each other, what's the very worst thing that could happen......a little rejection. Most times it wouldn't happen because we are all kind of polite by nature.....but if it does, take it and move on.
 
You need to talk him in real life if there's any chance of rescuing this.

However, you can't make somebody like you and he may not feel the same way. I know I would be suspicious of associating with somebody who lied about quitting their job in order to escape talking to me, then went on to send an apologetic email (when nothing all that serious even happened). From my perspective, it seems a bit psycho and obsessive. The guy is probably just not that into you and is worried that you're acting obsessive.
 
Maybe word has gotten around the plant that you two guys are gay and maybe somebody has been talking behind your back to other co-workers or friends. Word of mouth travels fast and gossip is the worse

Ask this friend that you told...see if he's your leak?! The guy could be scared. Is he out and proud?
 
yeah he's out, and we work in completly different area's so their is hardly a chance of bumping into him. while we are at work we work about a mile apart because the company we work for is huge, if i get this new job our paths may cross more often, but i agree i don't want to come across as a stalker, thats why i am leaving it now to run its course.
 
*sigh*

When will you closeted boys ever learn? ;)

Internet relationships, internet flakes, and internet stalking are all big turn offs to using the net.

The net and email is a good way of initially getting you in contact with others. It's not a great way to foster a relationship at all. "Old fashioned" ways of dates, phone conversations, and the simple idea of spending time with someone else is what builds the chemistry to see if there is common interest, sexual compatibility, etc. Once you've started building a relationship in 3D, then the net is a good way to share recent pics, drop quick notes, etc.

Roughly 40% of e-communications are not properly understood by the receiving party. This is when the two parties know each other within the realm of the subject of the e-communication. So work mates talking about work. Friends talking about whatever friends talk about. 40%!!! So much is lost when only using the net. The net is also a crutch. Screw up the courage and ask him out for a date..... live, in the flesh, in 3D.

Only then will you find out what's going on. And if anything this should teach you, is don't lie about things like that. You may meet a great guy that blows you off for lying about something so unimportant. For any of us that have dated closeted men, it's not the ideal situation either, since it usually involves a certain amount of "sneaking around", not holding hands in public, etc.

Just a few tips. Good luck!
 
^ I agree. What is the problem that the net has become a substitute for human contact.

For the love of Pete, stop networking on-line and get out there and do things.

Then you'll know where it is going.
 
i thought that maybe he was, thats why i have left it alone now, like it was said earlier i don't want to be a stalker. i have to go into the area where he works today so i may see him around.
 
im not sure what to say but goodluck mate.... i hope that it all works out well for you both!!

its great you were honest with him about it all.. im sure he respects that in you.. give it time... take it easy mate!
 
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