Thinking about asking my straight friend

[bw92116]

It all depends on the guy and his attitude. Only Sultan knows this guy and whether it's a "safe" risk to suggest it or not. If the guy is homophobic or insecure, yes, then it probably would end badly. Sultan should know him well enough by now to know if he is homophobic. If he is or has ever said anything homophobic, that's a red flag and he should just drop this completely. Only Sultan knows this guy and can judge what the guy's attitudes are.

I would just advise Sultan to be prepared with what to say and how to say it, if the situation presents itself. It might not present itself at all, it might be a totally different mood or situation on their last meeting, and the opportunity may not present itself. In that case I think its inappropriate to try to turn it in that direction. But, in case it does end up in that sort of mood or setting, and it feels right, Sultan should be prepared for that, know how to handle it, and not freeze up or be paralyzed by fear at that moment. If he froze up and did not say it, he could live for years later kicking himself for not bringing up the suggestion.

I think for Sultan's sake, if he identifies that the situation, mood and timing are right, that he is better taking the small risk and bringing up the suggestion. If the answer is no, of course he stops at the first "no" and changes the subject completely and it's over. But at least he made the effort and got the answer. That's what a man does. That's more important than agonizing over whether to or not to say it, and then spend a lot of time later on regretting that you didn't.

Timing is crucial, the setting has to be right and the guy has to be horny. You have to identify the signs of horniness. For many men it's a hard look in the eyes, the eyes don't move much and they stop talking or talk only quietly with a word or two. But Sultan knows the guy and will be able to better identify his horny mood. But when the setting, mood and timing feel right, he should make the suggestion, clearly and explicitly so it's not misunderstood. And just accept whatever the answer is. I don't think that's going to ruin a friendship, whether the answer is yes or no.

 

[prudyprudestein]

You never know unless you ask. It might be that he might want it to happen also. Sometimes it is hard for a guy to ask another guy if you could blow him. Most guys now would be hell yes and enjoy it.

 

[Rgncajun]

This thread takes me back to my most miss opportune time. About 7 years ago, I had a straight friend that went into the Navy. Just about a couple days before he headed off into boot camp, we hung out the whole day. He drove me everywhere I wanted to go and half way through the end of the day, I asked him what I could do to show him how much I'd miss him. He straigh out said, "you could give me a handyjob". I was completely thrown off and just laughed it off like he was kidding. We joke about things like this, but somehow that day I truly believe he wanted it. What I would do to go back in time to satisfy him that day, because he came out of the Navy a macho, take no bullshit homophobe dating sluts left and right.

 

[Telstra]

Every man is different and a little mutual j/o or sex play does not necessarily "ruin a good friendship." It's possible, depending on the guy's attitude towards gay sex. But I think in general it's less likely to ruin a friendship than it would have been 30 years ago. In some cases, I think it can actually make a friendship deeper and more honest. Any act of intimacy, even just shared nudity, can be a bonding experience or at least make the 2 guys feel a little closer. It all depends on the guy's attitude towards these things. I just don't believe that sex automatically ruins a friendship. Lying, using, disrespecting, hurting, distrust - there are many ways to ruin a friendship, but having a little pleasure together is not necessarily going to ruin it.

If the guy is hung up about sex, or has homophobia, is deeply religious, or is deeply closeted, then yes, it could have the potential to ruin a friendship. But I think you'd be surprised at how casual and open-minded a lot of men are these days. The key factors for this to work, besides the guy's general attitude, are that he has to be in a horny mood, which you can tell if you know him, and he has to have no current woman available to him, and it has to be a totally secret situation, with him believing that nobody else will ever find out. I think all of these factors must be in place for it to be successful.

I don't think beer or other alcohol is even necessary. If you are in the custom of drinking beer together than maybe it's appropriate, but otherwise I wouldn't. You will have to observe and gauge his behavior carefully to determine his mood and decide if he is in a horny mood. If you think all of the factors are in place, especially the horny mood, I don't think it is too risky or harmful to just suggest it. If he says no, then of course you stop right there and change the subject. If he says no and you keep trying, then yes that would ruin the friendship because you didn't respect his decision. But just suggesting it isn't going to ruin a friendship. And if he says yes, then you can proceed without ruining the friendship.

Another high quality 2nd post.

 

[Telstra]

This thread takes me back to my most miss opportune time. About 7 years ago, I had a straight friend that went into the Navy. Just about a couple days before he headed off into boot camp, we hung out the whole day. He drove me everywhere I wanted to go and half way through the end of the day, I asked him what I could do to show him how much I'd miss him. He straigh out said, "you could give me a handyjob". I was completely thrown off and just laughed it off like he was kidding. We joke about things like this, but somehow that day I truly believe he wanted it. What I would do to go back in time to satisfy him that day, because he came out of the Navy a macho, take no bullshit homophobe dating sluts left and right.

Some one said, there is a truth behind every joke.
Of course he wanted it.

Example:
if i said, wow your hot and i want to make you cum with a laugh.
Of course i wanna make you cum.

 

[Rex]

I found out he has been sleeping with a girl at work that I was interested in. After that I kind of found them both a bit less attractive. I'm not sure why lol...

Meh... fuck it.

Lots of really good advice in this thread though.

 

[Telstra]

I found out he has been sleeping with a girl at work that I was interested in. After that I kind of found them both a bit less attractive. I'm not sure why lol...

Meh... fuck it.

Lots of really good advice in this thread though.

Because you are only into one on one and for you only.
You are not a sharer. That is a good dream to have.

 

[bw92116]

Because now you would smell her on him, and smell him on her. If not literally, at least figuratively. The combination would be yucky. Sorry that it's fallen apart for you. That would, however, have been a good way to start up a sexy conversation with him, pretending you do not know they were together... "You know who I kinda like? (Girl's name)... yeah she's pretty hot..." That would have been a good conversation starter. Maybe you can still use this whole situation as "practice" just in case a similar situation arises in the future with someone else...

 

[thumbs]

i have sorta the same situation. a good friend of mine just moved back from the east coast where he was based for a while. he knows i'm curious, knows i'm a virgin with both guys and girls. i soo badly wanna ask him if i can blow him to see if i truly like guys or if its a phase.
i think he'll bite, b/c the last time he was in town, b4 he moved back, we were at the bar and he asked me out right "so, are you still bi/gay?" so i hope he is secretly bi.....idk, but i really think he'll let me blow him just for me to experiment.

what do you guys think?

 

[Rex]

i have sorta the same situation. a good friend of mine just moved back from the east coast where he was based for a while. he knows i'm curious, knows i'm a virgin with both guys and girls. i soo badly wanna ask him if i can blow him to see if i truly like guys or if its a phase.
i think he'll bite, b/c the last time he was in town, b4 he moved back, we were at the bar and he asked me out right "so, are you still bi/gay?" so i hope he is secretly bi.....idk, but i really think he'll let me blow him just for me to experiment.

what do you guys think?

That question really doesn't strike me as him being curious about gay sex. It's probably just taking him a long time to absorb the fact that you're gay/bi.

 

[thumbs]

That question really doesn't strike me as him being curious about gay sex. It's probably just taking him a long time to absorb the fact that you're gay/bi.

maybe so, but if he didn't wanna be friends w/a gay/bi dude, he wouldn't still be talking with me. i really wanna see him naked, we've been friends since about 5th grade. i mean, if i can't suck him off, even just to jerk off with him next to me would be hot.

 

[Jerry]

That question really doesn't strike me as him being curious about gay sex. It's probably just taking him a long time to absorb the fact that you're gay/bi.

I agree.

 

[Rex]

maybe so, but if he didn't wanna be friends w/a gay/bi dude, he wouldn't still be talking with me. i really wanna see him naked, we've been friends since about 5th grade. i mean, if i can't suck him off, even just to jerk off with him next to me would be hot.

I mean, the choice is up to you but I'd look for more signs first before making a move. I didn't say he doesn't want to be friends with you, but if you try doing something sexual with him just based on that question, you might lose him as a friend. Look for more clues before going that route.

Most people don't have a close friend who is gay/bi and they have a very narrow view of what they think being gay/bi is. Most of them are very ignorant on that regard. He's just in a little disbelief that you're gay/bi.


My friend who I told I was bi is still my good friend, but he is like almost in denial about it. I can tell it makes him a little uneasy and he never brings the topic up.

 

[Rex]

Just an update.

I've been hanging around with my friend these past couple days. Something I noticed is he likes to make a lot of gay jokes, which a lot of guys do. For example, I walk out of the room and tell him I'll be right back in a few minutes. He'll say "come back with something cute on". One time I told him "there is something on your face" because he had some lint or some fluff on his eye brow and he says "it's probably cum".

I also noticed he brings up people from work who he thinks are gay a bit.

Yesterday we were watching tv in his room and he randomly pulls out his balls and says "look" and then I look and he punches me in a joking way on the arm.

That same day I told him I was bi when we were talking about the topic of a bi girl or how he would feel if his girlfriend was bisexual. I asked him "what would you think if I was bisexual"... and his response was "....I'd probably ask you to leave"

He was a bit uncomfortable about it at first because of all the gay jokes and the fact that he pulled out his balls but after a minute he was cool and said "do your thing". I think he was just shocked about it but after a few minutes we were back to normal.


I think though that he would have been willing to do something if I had not told him I was bi. I think people are so hung up on labels, but with all the pulling the balls out and stuff, I could see it leading that way, but since I told him I was bi I think that would lead to him questioning his own sexuality.


So my advice to anyone who wants to mess around with a straight friend, I think it's probably best if they were under the impression that you were straight also. I think that makes them more comfortable.

 

[Singularity]

I find it quite curious that a straight man would make gay jokes towards his male friends but the minute one of them reveals they're bi or gay it all get awkward and messy.

It's a pity things didn't go your way but then it may be for the best. You'd rather have a fun time with a stranger who's genuinely into it than a weird time with a friend who's uncomfortable.

 

[Telstra]

You should say "lets check your balls if there are anything different ..."

 

[Rex]

You should say "lets check your balls if there are anything different ..."

That would just make him uncomfortable. I think he would have been open to experimenting if I wouldn't have told him I was bi. I think that labels will make the other guy question his own sexuality.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I find it quite curious that a straight man would make gay jokes towards his male friends but the minute one of them reveals they're bi or gay it all get awkward and messy.

Well, when I told one of my friends who is quite fond of cracking gay jokes his first response was embarrassment at how many times he probably offended me over the years with them without knowing I was a bi guy - perhaps this is part of it?

-d-

 

[Jerry]

Well, when I told one of my friends who is quite fond of cracking gay jokes his first response was embarrassment at how many times he probably offended me over the years with them without knowing I was a bi guy - perhaps this is part of it?

-d-

Just about all of my friends (civilian and military) at some time after I came out, apologized for all the homophobic stuff they used to say.

 

[Rex]

My friend asked me if gay jokes offend me and I told him no, because they're not blatantly offensive. He is homophobic but he is a very friendly guy and I think he's probably never had a friend who is bi or gay. He comes from a small town in upstate New York but he took it pretty well, minus the initial shock due to all the gay jokes he'd made and pulling his balls out in front of me lol.