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Thinking about opening relationship

You have cheated on your friend by breaking the promise and bond of monogamy that was the base of your relationship. Furthermore, you did not disclose your 'going astray' to him, making it even worse. I do not think that anyone really has any problem in saying that, and I am sure that you are not denying this obvious truth either.

Equally so, your BF has cheated on you. He has been rejecting any sex with you for a very long time, while refusing to state his grounds. Equally so, he is refusing to make a full disclosure of his actions, or as the case may be, his inactions. Just like yourself, he has broken the bond of sex that was at the base of your relationship and has declined to come out with the truth.

It is very disturbing to read some of the previous posts, calling you a cheater and blaming you for dishonesty vs. your BF, without applying the same standards of honesty and truthfulness to him as well. This is a clear example of double standards and the basic misunderstanding of morals in the whole story.

IMHO, you are not in a relationship with your friend any more. And you stopped being in that state not at the moment when you cheated on him but at the moment he refused to explain his rejections and come up with a plan to either overcome this situation or openly say, 'we are friends. We love each other. But we are not lovers anymore.'

It would be entirely unreasonable from anyone to expect you to give up on your sexuality just because your partner has inexplicably chosen to stop having sex with you.

Only you really know, what is best for you and only you can make a really qualified decision.

No matter what, your BF cannot deny you the right to know, what is wrong with him and why is he permanently rejecting you, while at the same time insisting that you respect the bonds of monogamy, you had adhered to at the beginning of your relationship.

You had promised him monogamy. But you have never promised him a continuous sexless relationship. He had promised you a sexual fulfillment and he had inexpilcably broken that promise, actually freeing you from the promise of monogamy that you gave to him in return. We all want you to stick to your promise. He on the other hand is free to do as he pleases and does not have to fulfill his part of the deal. Does that really make sense to anyone here?

If you want to open your present relationship, take the high road and tell him simply: You have been rejecting me now for a very long time, without ever stating any grounds for it. I am entitled to my sexual life and I will have it with other people, as I find fit. Obviously, the same is true for you as well.

He may not like this, but this is the only way to let him know that his inactions have caused a serious rupture in your relationship and that he should bear his responsibility for the consequences thereof.

SC
 
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and input; I really appreciate them all.
 
SC you just basically wrote this guy a blank cheque.... told him it was ok for him to have cheated on his bf....
which is essentially what he is doing since he isn't man enough to stand up to his bf and either
a) get counseling with his bf to work out their differences...
b) stand up and tell his bf that he's been cheating on him...not only physically but emotionally as well...

You have created excuses for his abhorrent behaviour....

I may not be for "open" relationships...but sometimes they work with certain people...but since his bf hasn't agreed to an "open" relationship this definitely isn't one... its cheating plain and simple...

Sure his bf may be withholding sex...but that's no excuse to cheat...theres plenty more going on here than we see... the lying, the cheating, the hiding, the excuses...

its not as simple as no sex...
 
SC you just basically wrote this guy a blank cheque.... told him it was ok for him to have cheated on his bf....
which is essentially what he is doing since he isn't man enough to stand up to his bf and either
a) get counseling with his bf to work out their differences...
b) stand up and tell his bf that he's been cheating on him...not only physically but emotionally as well...

You have created excuses for his abhorrent behaviour....

I may not be for "open" relationships...but sometimes they work with certain people...but since his bf hasn't agreed to an "open" relationship this definitely isn't one... its cheating plain and simple...

Sure his bf may be withholding sex...but that's no excuse to cheat...theres plenty more going on here than we see... the lying, the cheating, the hiding, the excuses...

its not as simple as no sex...

After all I the positive, intelligent and supportive toughts and comments I have received on this thread and the conclusions I have drawn since, I really don't care at all for your statements. I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation, although you most likely don't think this could ever happen to you. I am done with this thread.
 
After all I the positive, intelligent and supportive toughts and comments I have received on this thread and the conclusions I have drawn since, I really don't care at all for your statements. I hope you never find yourself in a similar situation, although you most likely don't think this could ever happen to you. I am done with this thread.


well of course... you finally found someone who has given you the excuse you need after bashing people for telling you straight up the truth....

second of all... I wouldn't find myself in this situation...because if I had a bf who was being that cold towards me I would either find a way to work it out with him or leave him.... I would NOT cheat.... and I wouldn't accept cheating....

As I said earlier I may not be for "open" relationships... because in my opinion its just friends with benefits... not a real relationship... but I do know people it works for... and it works because they have both agreed to it... not because one wants it and the other doesn't know...in that case its cheating...
 
Everyone has feelings and it seems many of you choose to ignore that fact.

Though I don't morally agree with some of the things Jetsonboy has done, I wont be rude to him, because I'm not in his shoes.

But back to the advice, and hopefully he still checks this thread. I really don't see any option but what I originally suggested. Honesty. Fact is, you can wonder till you die what could happen or what will happen, but until your honest with yourself and your partner you will only be fighting with your emotions and not dealing with the entire problem.

I say tell him. Going on as things are will only make things harder eventually. Have you thought of staying in contact with your partner as only a friend, since it seems your relationship is important to you. As for your other guy, it kinda is up to him to tell his partner, if he chooses to. Either way you will at least have wiped your hands clean of the lie, everybody deserves forgiveness. Though it may be hard. Hope that helps...
 
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