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Thinking of asking a guy out, but I'm scared!!!! What should I do?

L

LonelyFace

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In my last blog entry, I wrote about this guy in one of my classes that I think I might be falling in love with. Only, I don't really know what it's like to be in love, but I do know that I want him really badly. I think he and I are on a mild friendship level, if that makes any sense, but I don't really know that much about him. For example, I don't really know how old he is (but I'm hoping he's around 18 like me), and I don't know what his orientation is (it's just never come up). But I really want to get to know him better, or at the very least, be his friend. I'm hoping for some kind of relationship, but I'm afraid I might be deluding myself there...

Now, I've read a shitload of threads in this section, and I know that most people's advice is to say, "just ask him out for coffee sometime," so I'm actually planning on doing that tomorrow when we're in class. Either that, or before or after. My goal is to do so by the end of the week (we share a monday, wednesday, friday class). But I think I'm really scared to do it!!! D:

I don't really know what my deal is, but for some reason I'm terrified that he'll say no and that things will get awkward or something! I'm afraid maybe this is just me hoping too much and that I might be actually losing my mind or something, but I dunno. I'm feeling really stressed out and confused!!! Is this normal?! D: :help:

Basically, I just want some help here; am I just being stupid? I think that for some reason, maybe if I see people posting those "get out there and ask him out for coffee" comments maybe I'll feel better or something and actually do it. I dunno! Argh! This is so confusing!!! DX :help:
If someone could provide some insight into my retardation, I'd be most appreciative. :)
 
It's really that easy. Make sure he doesn't look overly busy or pissed. Then just ask after class. "Hey, you wanna go grab a coffee?" If he says he's busy - which is likely - say "That's cool. Maybe some other time?" Take a cue from how he answers that. If he seems interested or friendly, then that's a good sign.

Of course, if he says "yes" to coffee, then go get coffee. :) If you're a regular reader of this forum, you know my techniques for getting a conversation going, and for keeping it going. Follow them. :)

Lex
 
New Development:

So I'm on the phone with my gay friend right now and he convinced me to send the guy I'm interested in a facebook friend request. So I did, and then a minute later, he accepted my request!!! :O
So I looked at the info thing on his profile. And it says he's interested in women.

Part of me refuses to believe it, the other part of me is incredibly disappointed already and is shocked that the other half refuses to believe it. I feel so stupid right now, and now I'm even more afraid to ask him out (even though I think by the end of class, I'll grow a pair and ask him out already)!!!! ARGH!!!! DX
 
You have feelings because it is human nature to be attracted to others. Don't confuse infatuation with love. Proceed as advised above. In addition find ways to connect and meet other gay guys. Good luck.
 
soreknees said:
You have feelings because it is human nature to be attracted to others. Don't confuse infatuation with love. Proceed as advised above. In addition find ways to connect and meet other gay guys. Good luck.
Click to expand...

There's a difference between infatuation and love?! :confused:

And are you saying I'm not really in love? I just keep getting more and more confused.... :(
 
>>>And are you saying I'm not really in love? I just keep getting more and more confused...

Let me put it this way. If you don't even know if the guy's on your team, you're not in love. :) You're infatuated. That's the "what little I know about you is very appealing, and I'm very eager to find out more". If you ever start playing the game where you "fill in the blanks" - you picture him liking the same things you like, for instance - you're almost certainly infatuated.

Love is a whole 'nother ball game.

Lex
 
I have the same problem. I love this guy but he showed interest in girls too. But he has showen ME interest too so before it gets too late and I never see him again, I'm deciding to invite him to do something. I'm nervous as hell so Im hoping I wont chicken out. You gotta do the same. Don't chicken out -- just try it and see where it goes. It's always up til the minute that you make a move you feel so scared -- than you feel like you got 1000 pound of weight out from your chest.

If you guys go for a coffee, just observe him around girls and see what his reactions are.

Let us know what happens. We are basically in the same situation. Good luck man! :)
 
Also, people don't put their life stories on facebook. I know I don't! So even though it says he's interested in women, he may also be interested in men. Maybe he's curious but isn't out about his curiosity?

I don't know the guy as well as you do, so it's your call. I'd say, go for it, but expect more of a friendship out of it than a relationship. Don't push him into it.
 
Thanks, friendlyboy90! And you're right; we ARE in the same situation. I'm definitely gonna do that before the quarter ends.

Alex55, you're right. I totally didn't even think about that one. My own facebook profile says i'm married to one of my best friends, but she and I aren't actually married. People do kinda fib on FB all the time.

When I called my alleged wife, she basically told me the same things, which made me feel A LOT better. :)
Then, she helped me set up a plan, and I'm gonna try and execute it tomorrow. I'm hoping that if he doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me, that I can at least be friends with him.

Sure, I'll be scared to death when the time comes, but after that, I think things will be okay. :)
I'll be sure to provide updates. Thanks for all your help and advice, everybody! :)
 
LonelyFace said:
Update: I couldn't do it. I was too scared. As a result, I had a really bad depression episode (I haven't had those in a few weeks up until earlier today) that lasted a good couple hours. :(

Now I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. Or what I should do. Or anything. Blah.
Click to expand...

Aww I feel you man. Guess what? Couldn't do it either. I was supposed to send a text msg but I'm even afraid of doing that. Sorry that I'm not a helper here, maybe I made you feel worse...god someone help us! :)
Don't be depressed. It makes things w:D (!)
 
Update:

I have a new plan. Since the object of my infatuation and I are in the same Journalism class, and we both have an article due this coming Friday, I plan on asking him for an interview when I get back from my vacation (I'm in AK right now) on Monday.

I plan on making it an interview where we are sitting face to face, as phone/email/facebook chat interviews are not as good as in-person ones. :P

From there, I believe I'll be able to figure out which way he swings and whether or not I'm wasting my time obsessing over him. I think by now, I have the confidence to ask him questions like "so, you got a gf or something?" up-front, so as of now, I'm not too worried. I think I'm gonna do it this time!!! Especially since I've decided that I have to, if I want to make my last J101 article as good as possible. :)

Please wish me luck if you want to. :P

I can't wait until Monday!!! :D
 
Hey, just dropped in after seeing this thread on the home page. Read through it and definitely agree: use your Journalism interview assignment to your advantage! Before I graduated college I had many opportunities to "use" class assignments to find out more about others and try to get closer to them. Interviewing him should get you two comfortable with talking with each other, and may make casual conversation, like if he has a girlfriend or not, much easier between you two.

Definitely keep us updated on what happens! Good luck!
 
I've been there and my best advice is to get out now! I was in your situation: "Is he gay? Or isn't he?" It killed me for months (literally) and I was overanalyzing his body language and words, convincing myself that he did like me. Just like yours, my crush's FB profile said he was interested in women. Yet, part of me thought he was just kidding. What made it worse was that a few of my friends suspected he was gay. One day, he asked me to go see a movie with him. I was thrilled! During the movie, there was actress on screen. He then told me, "She's really hot..." BOOM. I was so crushed. A few weeks later, we hung out in his dorm room. We were talking and then I noticed that his computer's screen saver had pictures of female models, which further gave proof. Now, you could argue that he might be gay, but honestly, I don't want to waste my time going after someone who's not confident in their sexuality.
 
lostnfound said:
I've been there and my best advice is to get out now! I was in your situation: "Is he gay? Or isn't he?" It killed me for months (literally) and I was overanalyzing his body language and words, convincing myself that he did like me. Just like yours, my crush's FB profile said he was interested in women. Yet, part of me thought he was just kidding. What made it worse was that a few of my friends suspected he was gay. One day, he asked me to go see a movie with him. I was thrilled! During the movie, there was actress on screen. He then told me, "She's really hot..." BOOM. I was so crushed. A few weeks later, we hung out in his dorm room. We were talking and then I noticed that his computer's screen saver had pictures of female models, which further gave proof. Now, you could argue that he might be gay, but honestly, I don't want to waste my time going after someone who's not confident in their sexuality.
Click to expand...

Are you saying I should just forget about all this? I tried that already, and I realized I couldn't do it. I appreciate your concern, but I have to see this through. Even if I'm completely off, I'd rather be friends with the guy. I can have some really good conversations about movies with him. :)

I do appreciate your concern, though. Thank you, even though I'm pretty much gonna ignore you (and probably come back crying about how I should've listened to you-- but I'm prepared for that.). :)
 
Get him alone and ask him out. Period. I've done it twice in my last two years at school. First time my rejection was terrible, the second time I felt nothing when he said "I don't think so."
 
My only advice is to not overthink this. You're looking to gauge a guy's sexuality and/or interest, not take over a small country. You can do it in a few minutes with a few decently-placed questions/comments. Don't go overboard with a "scheme".

Lex
 
You'll never get anywhere if you keep acting like a 14 year old girl with a movie star crush.

If I was there, I'd smack you upside the head and tell you to stop with the dithering already.

That said, this guy doesn't sound very gay to me.
 
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