Thinking of asking a guy out, but I'm scared!!!! What should I do?

[LonelyFace]

My only advice is to not overthink this. You're looking to gauge a guy's sexuality and/or interest, not take over a small country. You can do it in a few minutes with a few decently-placed questions/comments. Don't go overboard with a "scheme".

Lex

My "scheme" is only to create a situation where I can ask those few decently placed questions/comments in an appropriate setting. That's all I aim to do at this point. Then I'll go from there. I'm trying my best not to be a complete retard and overthink everything.

TX-Beau, don't be so mean.
You say he doesn't sound very gay to you. I agree. He probably isn't! But I don't know for sure, and I'm not gonna waste my time wondering and doing nothing. I've done that for 18 years and I'm bored of it. All I'm gonna do is find out which way the guy swings, even though I'm pretty sure I know it's not gonna be towards me.

 

[SilverWolf]

I've been there and my best advice is to get out now! I was in your situation: "Is he gay? Or isn't he?" It killed me for months (literally) and I was overanalyzing his body language and words, convincing myself that he did like me. Just like yours, my crush's FB profile said he was interested in women. Yet, part of me thought he was just kidding. What made it worse was that a few of my friends suspected he was gay. One day, he asked me to go see a movie with him. I was thrilled! During the movie, there was actress on screen. He then told me, "She's really hot..." BOOM. I was so crushed. A few weeks later, we hung out in his dorm room. We were talking and then I noticed that his computer's screen saver had pictures of female models, which further gave proof. Now, you could argue that he might be gay, but honestly, I don't want to waste my time going after someone who's not confident in their sexuality.

This.
Not only am I in the same situation but its still killing me on the inside and it happened 2 years ago

 

[trikky]

I like your idea about the interview, but I'd be careful exactly how I asked him some of those questions. So far everything about the dude looks straight and he doesn't seem to be giving any indication of anything else. If he is closeted I think you need to get to know him better and build up some trust if he is going to come out to you, although the right kind of questions might help you judge his reactions. Others may disagree but as you are still getting to know him I don't think I would ask "if he had a girlfriend or something," as it's too obvious that your really asking him if he's gay and as he doesn't know you well at the moment and there is no trust there, if he is, he may well lie anyway and you won't find anything out. I would ask something more open like Are you seeing anyone/ dating at the moment. That will give him license to be as open as he wants to be and you can judge a lot by his reactions. Try and keep your questions open so that his answers will give you more info.

If he is closeted I think that often closeted guys with unresolved issues don't want to talk about it. They may go along with flirting and whatever happens from there but don't necessarily want to analyse or talk about it because maybe they are still in denial to themselves, and aren't ready to face up to their sexuality issues.

After the interview if all goes well hopefully you will know the dude better and that is the perfect opportunity to say something casual like "we should hang out some time and grab a beer" or something like that. If he agrees then get specific about a day. Good luck man

 

[LonelyFace]

^^ You make a number of good points, and I like your ideas. I think I might just try what you're suggesting instead. That'd probably be safer and easier, and we might end up becoming really good friends that way.
I can deal with being his friend first.

Thanks for the best advice I've been given, trikky!

 

[MindBlast]

^^ You make a number of good points, and I like your ideas. I think I might just try what you're suggesting instead. That'd probably be safer and easier, and we might end up becoming really good friends that way.
I can deal with being his friend first.

Thanks for the best advice I've been given, trikky!

Use the interview, and see how he responds to one of the questions. You could ask him a question that shows YOU'RE comfortable with gay guys. ie: "Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend currently?" By asking it without forcing a gender, you can see the reaction on his face. Plus it shows you're not being heterocentric and assuming everyone is straight.

 

[LonelyFace]

^^ Lol that's true, but the interview topic is about our school's film club, not like an LGBT club or anything (although we should probably start one of those...), so I'm not sure how I could insert that question in there... I suppose it may just end up something that I find out over a LONG stretch of time. I dunno.

 

[trikky]

mindblast, I agree with your idea about letting him know that you have no issues with gay guys but I'm not sure that asking if he has a gf or bf is the way to achieve that. That is really just putting the dude on the spot and essentially confronting him with something he may not want to be confronted with. I know a lot of the guys on here have no problem telling people that they are gay, but there was a time when everyone would deny it and if this guy is closeted then that will be his frame of mind. Instead casually relate a funny story about a friend of yours who is gay (make it up if you have to) with the punch line being that he's a great friend of yours and a nice guy. Judge his reactions. That way he knows you're cool with gay guys and might get him thinking about your sexuality but without you having to out yourself if you're not ready for that yet.

 

[LonelyFace]

^^ Good advice! Thanks!

Update: I finally did it! I asked him out to a movie, and he said yes!!!!! I blogged all about it a few days ago.
So check it out if you want more details.

Long story short, I asked him if he'd like to see another movie, and he said he'd be down for another movie D !!!!!). So there's gonna be another outing soon! I just need to find a movie he'd be willing to watch. Which might be a bit difficult, but I think I'm up for that challenge.

Thanks for all your help, everyone!!!! I'm gonna take it slow, I think, so if I ever find anything out about him worth reporting, I'll post back here.