This guy I'm starting to talk to...

[deelong]

Hello everyone. So, I'm having a little bit of trouble and I need help really badly.

Around mid December, I started talking to this guy online (He's 33, I'm 18). He is smoking hot. And he was really nice, respectful, and cool guy. Plus he interests me. I already asked him, "What are you looking for?" and he told me he was, "Looking for friends, and we'll see where things go". I was and still am looking for the same thing.

We are suppose to hangout tomorrow. And when I texted him today, he asked me, "Would you like to spend the night?". I immediately got really nervous and I didn't know what to say. Eventually I told him that I had to work the next day, and I couldn't spend the night (I wasn't lying). I don't know if he wants to have sex or not (I'm not really good with this stuff, as you could tell). And he replied, "I just want to spend time with you". He's such a sweetheart.

Here's the problem. I've never spent the night over a guy's house before, I don't know what he'll try to do (sexually), and I don't want him to think that I'm a slut, if I do spend the night over and have sex with him. And plus I'm not very sexually experienced either, I've never done anal. I've only given a blowjob.

What should I tell him?
How should I tell him that I don't want to sleep with him on the first night, if I do stay the night over?
When a guy wants you to spend the night, does that automatically mean sex?

Thanks JUB Community!

 

[looseliam]

I'm inclined to thing "do you want to spend the night" means sex.

You could simply be up-front and tell him you're not quite comfortable spending the night at this point.

As things progress, and you feel comfortable, you can also reveal you may be a bit timid because of less experience.

 

[medic1]

Hey there buddy and welcome to JUB .

How about printing off your very well written and explanatory post and
showing the guy what you have said ?

From what you have posted he sound`s like a great bloke , the only advice i
would be comfortable given you is that , plus you will be able to tell by how he
react`s , where you think he might be coming from , just a thought .

Good-Luck m8 please keep us up-dated , just an afterthought but for a guy who
is just 18yrs old you come across as a very mature and responsible bloke .
Take care and i hope it work`s out for you .

 

[sixthson]

If you are not comfortable talking to him about sex then you are not ready to have sex. Simple as that.

Tell him no, you are not ready for that. If he is unhappy about it, then most likely it is just sex he is after.

 

[kcboi]

I agree... tell him where you are and what you are thinking... if you go over and feel comfortable enough to stay over do so... cuddle and kiss and see where it leads... if you don't tell him what you are thinking how will he know... and everyone starts out not experienced... and the only way to get more experience is by letting the experiences happen as they do... keep us posted.

 

[altlover85]

deelong, what are your plans for the date? Is it just to go over to his place?

Personally, I'd suggest meeting in public, perhaps for coffee or something and then going from there. It should give you some idea of whether or not there is any attraction there and hopefully some idea of what he's after. Then if you like him and feel comfortable, you can decide to spend the night with him.

It also would be a good idea to tell a friend where you are going and to check in with him or her at some point during the
Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[deelong]

Oh Lord. Sorry it took me so long to reply. So last night around seven, I drove to his house. I was super nervous for some reason. So he came downstairs to let me in. And when I saw him, he was fucking gorgeous. Probably one of the hottest guys I've ever seen (We had only planned on hanging out, nothing special). So, we went upstairs, and he has a great little loft. I was pretty impressed that he kept himself up so well.

We talked for a while, and got to know each other a little better. Then, we sat down his couch, and watched Pirates of the Caribbean for a little while. We were a little less than a foot apart. He asked, "Are you okay?". And I said, "Yes". Then, he grabbed my leg, and pulled me closer to him, and we started to cuddle. My head was on his shoulder. After cuddling for about thirty minutes, he looked at me and started to kiss me.. After a couple of minutes of kissing we stopped for a moment and went back to the movie. Now, this is all fine and dandy. But, I think I shouldn't have let him get any farther that kissing and cuddling.

After that, we started kissing again. And this time we got a little carried away. I don't want to bore you all. But, long story short. We had sex.

After we had sex, we got all cleaned up. Then we started to talk again for a while. About relationship and stuff. We sat back down on the coach, and started watching television again. And we both were tired, so we gave each other a kiss and a hug, and I left and went back home.

I have to ask you guys, because there's no one else I can talk to. But do you guys see as a slut? Honestly, because when I was driving home, that's exactly how I felt. I do like him, he's smart, funny, etc. I don't want him to see me as a piece of ass. Right now, I do just want to be friends, nothing more. Please let me know what you guys think.

 

[Rolyo85]

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE - HAVING SEX WITH A GUY DOESN'T MAKE YOU A SLUT, REGARDLESS OF WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

If you're not mature enough to understand that, you should not be having sex in the first place. If he sees you as a piece of ass, you withholding said ass would not have changed that. He is either on the level or not, and if his assessment of you is based on how many dates it takes to have sex with you, then he too is not mature enough to be having it. That said, the cynic in me says he was planning for this to happen just the way it did. If that was the case, he might cut communication now. I hope he doesn't and that he is legit. But in case that happens, just be aware that he is the one who is trash, not you for having put out. You were just naive

 

[Seasoned]

You seem to be saying this all was too fast for you. If so, learn from the experience. It's ok to have sex so if you're feeling negatively about the experience you can change your attitude about what happened or not repeat what happened in the future.

There's no set time when sex ought or ought not be in the picture. That's up to you and what you're comfortable with. It can be assumed that there's an expectation of sex when both parties call it a date and it takes place at one of their homes with no one else present.

Welcome to JUB. It's time to have a friend or two with whom to talk things over. Be careful when meeting up with people.